AN
Disclaimers
: Digimon is the property of Toei, Saban, Fox Kids, and all other respective owners. The lyrics to The Art of Letting Go is written by: A. Goldmark/J.D. Martin and performed by Mikaila. All I own is the plot, nothing more.~
When Angels Cry
Put away the pictures
Put away the memories
I've poured over and over through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
I watch the rain fall through the large windows in the small cafe. I never like the taste of coffee. It was the smell I loved. That why I came here as often as I did. To take in the rich aroma of coffee beans and chocolate lingering in the air. I always sit in the same booth. Third booth on the right side of the cafe. The booth where the table scratched and the leather fade a bit. The seat worn in just right and the light from the sun shines right where I wanted it to through the window.
Although today there is no sunshine. Didn't matter though. I welcomed the rain. Once I believed that rain was tears from the angels above. So I figured if the angels were crying, I wouldn't have to right then.
They kept my hope alive
That somehow that might keep you here
Once you believed in a love for ever more
How do you leave it in a drawer
I was a fool. Simple as that. I waited far too long. And now she's gone. I let her slip right through my finger tips and in to his arms. I'm suppose to have the crest of courage and yet I could tell her three simple words.
I've known her since I was eight years old. She's been my best friend for six years. And over those six years I feel in love with her. I hated myself for that too. I hated myself for being her best friend. Because after so long that wasn't enough for me. I want something more from her then just friendship. I wanted love.
I wonder if I could had it. If I hadn't wait so long to finally get the courage to tell her. Right when it was too late. I wonder if over those six years she waited for me to tell her that I loved her. And if she did , does that mean she really doesn't love him. Or maybe she's always loved him instead of me. Maybe for the three years she known him, she's been in love with him. Which is more then likely. My lucky like that.
I had always hope that some how she just knew. Knew what I felt wasn't just friendship. I still hope that she knows even if she is with him. Because I still love her and I guess I always will. And I want her to know it. Love strange like that. Or maybe it just like that for me.
I mean how many guys out there can say there in love with their best friend's girl friend who happens to be your female best friend. Not many , I hope.
I know he loves her. She's safe with him. Some people might have doubts in his feelings towards her. But I know he won't hurt her and I guess that all that really matters.
Now here it comes
The hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's hold on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go
I've seen it in both of their eyes. Especially her. He can make her happy when I can't. No matter how much I want to deny it all he's the one she wants. I wondering if this is how Daisuke feels. I hope he doesn't. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I am. I don't think anyone deserves to be hurting like me.
I'll never want her to know how much it hurts to even see her face. I never thought I'd say it but maybe it be better if I just stayed away from her. Maybe then the pain could fade. But I doubt it.
Because even without her I be hurting. If I pushed her away and kept her out of my life I'd only miss her. I'd miss everything about her. The sound of her voice. The way her eyes glow when she's happy. Everything about her. What I would really be missing is loving her. Strange, hun?
Try to say it's over
Say the word good bye
But each time it catches in my throat
I hate what she does to me. I hate the fact when she's near my hope get up again and come crashing right back down when she goes to him.
I suppose I was the first to find out about them. I guess it was for the best. Because I don't know if I could stand the thought of it after hearing it from some one else other then her. Some how no matter how bad the news was it didn't seem that bad coming from her.
I know I'm holding on to her. What we could of had. It might have been there. That whole episode with the hair clip makes me wonder if she use to love me as well. But we all grow up and as we do we all change. That's what happened. She grew up and fell in love with him. But then again she probably only felt friendship towards me in the first place. But a guy can hope, can't he? Even if it's wrong too.
Try to say it's over
Say the word good bye
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still hearing me
That's really not a good thing. Because denial is one of the step of grieving. And I shouldn't be grieving over something that didn't even happen. I should be happy for her. Am I happy for her? I'm really not sure at the moment.
I've tried everything to erase all these thoughts. Of us together. Getting rid of my love for her. I've tried all those twelve step programs for getting over your heart break. Hiding picture in a closet doesn't help matter at all. Especially when you share a room with your nosy younger sister but means well and just wants to know where they all went to.
That's why I'm here today. Thinking. I wanna say good bye. But some how it just doesn't seem right and it makes me want to cry.
And I can't sit you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Baby, some day we'll be friends for ever more
Wish I could open up that door
Maybe one of these days I'll get back those just friendly feelings about her. But the way I figure it, they'll be married and have two kids by then. Them being together just makes it worse. Because no matter what they do I'm getting drug into the middle of it. It's never going to change either. I'm always going to be part of their lives. Even when there together. Because like I said, I'm both their best friend.
Can I live with just being her friend? I'm still here, aren't I? Sometimes I wish I weren't but I'm still here. And I'm not going any where.
Now here it comes
The hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's hold on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go
Eventually I'm going to get over her. Or at least I hope so. Because like they say there's plenty of fish in the sea. I just don't feel like going fishing at the moment. Maybe I like feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I want the pity looks from the people that know.
Pity? No. I don't want pity. Sympathy nice. Pity just bad. Because at the moment I'm going to need allot of sympathy to help me get through this. So much for not wanting to be weak.
Watching us fade
What can I do
But try to make it through the pain of one more day without you
There's nothing I can do about her loving him. Truly I'm happy for her. I know that now. And I'm actually happy for him. I just hope he knows what he got.
You'd think I hate them, would you? Seems logical. But I don't. I believe they could break my heart a thousand times and put me through this pain over and over again; and I still wouldn't hate them. I can't. Believe me, I've tried. But you just can't hate people you care too much about. Their my friends and they always be. I can't hate them because I love my friends too much.
Doesn't mean I don't feel like killing him every once in awhile. Or screaming when I see him holding her. But I don't hate him. So in reality I guess I've come to terms that they belong together and I want them to be together. I'm still hurting inside but even I know love when I see. I've come to face the music. Sora loves Yamato and not me. And I can live with that. So why do I still feel like crying?
Where do I start
To live my life alone
I guess I my learning
Only learning
Learning the art of letting go
"Here Taichi-san."
I look across the table at my companion who hands me a tissue from her purse. Tachikawa Mimi looks at me with her amber eyes full of sympathy. She was visiting Odaiba for the week end , ran into me in the rain, and we ended up here at this coffee shop.
We hadn't spoken a word since we gotten here. She stared at the table, not making any eye contact, just drinking her iced mocha or what ever it was she ordered. Up until now that is. I just stare at her for a brief moment, then at the tissue.
"What do I need with a tissue?" I asked her.
"Thank you." I mumble and turn back to watching the rain fall. Not wanting her or anyone else to see me crying.
"We can talk about it, that is if you want to?" Mimi asked innocently, wanting to help.
"No, not really." I answer as the rain drops roll down the outside of the window.
Because while I sat there crying and she went back to sipping her mocha , I knew it was alright for me to cry. Because the angels were crying up above and when the angels cry it's alright for you to join them.
~
Need Your Help! Please Read!
Yamora other wise known as Sorato is official. Sorry for the spoilers but it's true. Episode 50 goes a proves it all. Not to mention all the other hints during rest of 02. We can deny it all we like but it's true. If you read this story don't think I've converted over. Because Sorato has lead to my problem with P.P.A. (Poromon Plushie Abuse). I still, even though it's just a fan's dream want Mimato and Taiora. And I haven't the slightest clue why. And I'm pretty sure that Mimi goning to end up with Michael. Or maybe it just looks that way to me. As for Taichi, his wife is name less as far as I know. If you have the time could you please answer my questions below. And please be kind.
1. Should I go the fanfiction way and just keep writing my non-cannon couple stories even though there's no hope? Or just stop writing them all together?
2. If I was to write a story about Miyako (Yolei) who would you rather see her with : Koushiro (Izzy) or Ken? I'll go by the most votes. I would add Daisuke to the list because I'm a closet lover of Daiyako too but I have other plans for my Daisuke. Yes, I love the little guy now. ^^;;
3. Should I try my hand at triangles and if so who should it be about? Note that all my stories will all be boyxgirl. No offense to any one.
Thanks for all your time. I hope if you read the fic you enjoyed it and fount that the moral to the story is Toei evil for what they did to my poor Taichi and it's alright to cry. And that wasn't a hint towards Michi in the story, but if you want it like that be my guest. ^^;; I was going for a friend type thing. By the way I have no idea about coffee and stuff so if there's no such thing as an iced mocha just go with the flow.