Disclaimer: I do not own Animorphs. All characters, settings etc that are mentioned in the books belong to KA Applegate. I borrow them here without permission and I make no profit from this. All characters you do not recognise are mine and I would be grateful if fellow fanfiction authors would not use them without my permission. Thank you.
Author note: Visser One will most likely seem slightly OOC in this fic. This is intentional as this is sort of a character AU: ie if Visser One had behaved slightly differently, what might have resulted? I hope you can still enjoy the fic and can refrain from flaming me about this.
Please could you review if you're reading this. I like to know what you think. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Especially any suggestions for the title!
A final note before you can get onto the story: a thank you to Sinister Shadow for beta-reading this and for the encouragement.
Hope you all like it!
My name is Edriss Five-Six-Two. But do not call me that. Call me Visser One.
For amazingly, despite all Visser Three's attempts to take that rank for himself, despite a trial which uncovered the truth about two years I had tried ever since to keep hidden, I still am Visser One. I still am alive.
I am travelling to a system called the Anati system. On the Council's orders, I am to take over the subjugation of the sentient races there, and prepare to resist an Andalite attack.
It is a new planet, a new race. No more troubling humans. Save, of course, the one whose body I inhabited. Eva.
We are very similar, her and I. Although, until my trial she did not know the things we shared. We both had children. Children we cared for. We both worried that they would die if a full-scale war were launched on Earth.
Those of you who know anything about Yeerk biology will wonder at this news, for Yeerk parents do not live to see their children. We die in the act of reproducing.
I will explain. I had children through a previous human host. Allison Kim.
Allison was clever. She manipulated me, made me sympathise with her race. Challenged me to know them.
Another Yeerk, Essam, had taken a host named Hildy Gervais. We were the only two Yeerks on Earth. Isolated.
The results of these events were two human lives. Twins. A girl, Madra, whom we named after one of the moons of the Yeerk home world. And a boy, Darwin.
Visser Three had made Darwin a Controller. I had almost had to make a choice between my life, and the life of my child. But I was saved when a guerrilla group, commonly known as the Andalite bandits, attacked. That is another story.
I do not know what I would have chosen. I do not think I ever will know.
I felt a sudden wave of emotion wash over me, and a lump of tears formed in the throat of my host body, for the emotions of the Yeerk are directly connected to those areas in a host which express emotion. The tears began to trickle down my face.
(Edriss?)
Eva's voice showed her concern. Since she had found out about my children, there was less of a divide between us. She still strongly disliked me, but she would feel compassion and pity at times.
I did not want to speak to her, however. (There is nothing you can do, Eva,) I said softly. (Please, ignore me.) I did not normally speak quite so gently to my host, but her compassion did not deserve a cold rebuking.
Eva did not obey.
(Your children will be OK, Edriss,) she said. She did not believe her words, and neither did I. But she wanted to comfort me. She was offering to mend the rift between us.
I was silent, deep in my thoughts. Often before, I had taunted Eva about the threats to her family. It was partly to keep control of her resistant mind, partly to prevent her from discovering that I was sympathetic to her affections. That I had children of my own.
What I was to say next could either begin to ease her resentment of me, or it could remove her pity and strengthen her hatred. I could choose to do one or the other.
I did not want her pity, and had the events of the trial not transpired as they had, I would have had no regrets at hurting her. But her kindness had re-awoken my sympathy of humans. And although I would not allow myself to be led away from my own people, why should I force myself to live having constant arguments with my host. I did not enjoy her pain.
I made my decision. I would work with Eva. It would be far easier for us both if we could share a mind in harmony.
(So will your son,) I replied. (I give you my assurance, Eva, that I shall not betray his identity.)
Eva was shocked by my reply, but she quickly composed herself.
(Do you say that because you do not want Visser Three to take the credit of wiping out the Andalite bandits, or because… because you sympathise with me.)
(You know as well as I that the first is an influencing factor, but… even if Visser Three were not involved, I still believe I would not reveal your son.)
Eva was silent for a while.
(Thank you,) she replied, unsure of what else to say.
We fell silent, both caught up in our separate thoughts. Both of us worrying about the same event; the war on Earth. Eva worried for her husband and even more for her son. I was worried for Darwin, a host to Emperor-knows-who, and Madra, my sweet little girl.
Why was I so caught up in these thoughts? I was becoming 'human' again, I realised with a jolt. But was it really a danger when we were heading for a world where Eva would be the only human within thousands of light-years?
I sighed and turned my attention back to the computer before me. It was showing a digital picture of the Anati system.
I zoomed in on one planet and its moons. The planet's moons were large enough to place a lot of Dracon cannon. The surface of several of the moons had deep craters and ridges that could aid in camouflaging the cannon.
"Good," I muttered to myself. "We could place enough cannon to be able to aim at any angle outwards from this planet, and have it concealed."
(What about the creatures?) Eva's voice interrupted me.
(Class 3 is the report,) I replied curtly.
(You know what I mean.)
I groaned, my concentration totally broken.
(Eva! I am in the middle of making a plan that could be my life insurance or my death warrant. I don't have time for this!)
Eva fell silent. I tried to get back to my work.
(It's late,) Eva pointed out.
I looked at the ship's clock. It was past midnight ship's time.
(Point taken. We both must rest, especially you with your injuries. I will continue in the morning.)
I crossed the room to the bed fixed to the wall of the ship, and lay down. Eva, tired as her body was, was asleep almost instantly. I detached myself partially from her brain, and tried to sleep. It was impossible. Far too many thoughts were rushing around in my mind.
(Are you still awake, Eva?) I whispered.
She wasn't. She was dreaming of her family, of her son. I watched, my feelings of guilt and pain growing stronger every minute I did so.
(Visser One,) I said to myself. (You are Yeerk. You are not human. You must not; you cannot afford to fall into that trap again.)
I considered my emotions. My self-lecture had not helped.
I remembered the cold look on Darwin's face, the look being formed by a Yeerk. I remembered my children's sweet, innocent faces when they lay in my arms as newborns.
I realised that I had allowed my thoughts to flow into Eva's brain in my lack of concentration. I was influencing her dreams. Now, instead of dreaming of her family, she was dreaming of mine as thoughts and emotions flowed between us.
Such an event can only occur when the host is asleep but the Yeerk still remains awake and fully attached to the brain, and the Yeerk is not concentrating. The dream could not last long, of course, after I had realised what I was doing. It would not have lasted long anyway, because it did not stem from the person who was dreaming it. Eva woke with a jolt, the memory of the dream still fresh in her mind.
(Edriss?) She questioned.
(I am fine,) I returned, a little coldly. I did not feel like speaking of my emotions then. To speak them was to admit to them, and I did not want to become 'human' again. My life depended on remaining indifferent to my host, to humans and to all subject species. Remaining Visser One of the Yeerk Empire. A leader, cold and unemotional, at least on the outside.
(You don't seem to be.)
(Be silent and go to sleep,) I ordered. (Your injuries will never heal if you will not rest.)
She thought that was unfair. (You woke me,) She pointed out.
(Not deliberately, I assure you. Try and go back to sleep. I also must rest.)
(If I can,) I added quietly.
Eva was concerned for me. I could sense her emotions, and I could also see that she couldn't comprehend why she felt worried about me, when I had treated her so abominably before. I was just as puzzled as she was.
I sighed. (Sleep,) I said, quite kindly compared to my normal way of addressing her. (You cannot bring me any relief.)
(I cannot,) she replied simply. (Your pain doubles mine. I do not want to dream like that again.)
(I know. But you are weak and must rest.) I closed Eva's eyes and made her body still, but her mind was still active. I could not make her sleep.
She did eventually sleep, of course. I partially detached myself from her brain, keeping movement and voice functions under my control. I slept half my brain at a time, as a Yeerk does when in a host. If Eva should awake, I would know it instantly and be fully awake and back in full control in matter of seconds.
She awoke several times during the 'night'. Of course, off-planet with no sun her body could not form its own sleep pattern using light and dark, so it was difficult to make sure she had enough sleep.
I awoke and got up early in the morning. Eva's mind was still sleeping, but the movement of her body awoke her.
I vowed to myself that I would not think about my children today. I would keep myself busy and forget about them. There was certainly plenty to do. I needed to have a plan ready today to put into practice as soon as we reached the Anati system first thing the next morning. We were to stop off at a small, almost irrelevant planet to collect another Yeerk, sub-Visser 20. He had particular expertise on weapons tactics. The instant he was on the ship, I would need to confer with him. I had very little time to prepare for the coming Andalite attack. I needed to draw on all my knowledge and experience in order to buy my life with the Anati system.
(Succeed, and you will live.) Garoff's voice echoed loud in my mind.
Why had I not just shot Darwin? I would be free, with no death sentence. Visser Three may have been executed. I may have been back in charge of my planet. MY planet, not some useless system that had no connections to me.
(Fail us, Visser One, and the sentence of death will be carried out. That is the decision of the Council.)
I almost wished he had just killed me. I would welcome it, as bad as I felt now. I could have just killed my son. He had been my ticket to life. Suddenly, I knew I would fail. Knew it, and could do nothing about it.
(You won't fail.)
Eva! Had I shown her my thoughts, again? Was I becoming so careless? I was ashamed of myself. I was so emotional; anger, pain, guilt… Guilt? For what?
For Eva, I argued with myself.
For thinking of killing your own son to buy your life.
"Oh God," I whispered, not realising I was speaking out loud. "Is this what it feels like to go mad?" I pressed my face into my hands, trying to stem the flow of tears.
(You're not alone, Edriss,) Eva said.
How could she be so kind to me, after all the pain I had given her? How could she be so calm, more concerned for my troubles than her own?
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and sat up.
(I'm sorry, Eva,) I whispered.
(You don't need to apologise. I forgave you when I saw the love you feel for your family.)
(Why am I so weak, now? After all these years?)
(You aren't weak. This pain is part of living, Edriss. If you didn't feel, you'd be no better than a rock. Than an earthworm.) She paused. (Before, Edriss, I thought that you were devoid of every proper feeling. And I generalized. I made the wilful presumption that all Yeerks were unfeeling. No Yeerk cared.)
(I did not show you compassion,) I pointed out.
(True. But I have learned now that all sentient creatures have the same feelings and weaknesses as humans. How strange that we should be fighting when we are all so similar. Yet humans, as you have pointed out many times, are greatly experienced in pointless battles.)
(You forgive me?) I asked, amazed.
(I forgive you,) she replied. (I want to help you. And I hope you can help me.)
"Yes," I said.
There was a knock on the door to my cabin.
I sighed. "Enter," I said coldly, unemotionally. Like the Visser I am.
A subordinate, Sub-Visser 50, entered the room.
"Sub-Visser 20, tactical officer, is on board, Visser."
I had not even noticed the ship land, stop and take off again; I had been so engrossed in my thoughts.
I nodded. "Send him in," I ordered, standing.
No matter what I felt inside, I would need to keep up the act. My life depended on it.
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