If I Were a Herald
Chapter 50
The Music of the Night
A/N (1/28/06): I'm now re-reading my much-loved (and slightly abused) copy of The Thief. It needs to be book-taped.
A/N (1/29/06): My friend, Lizzie Connor, used to tell me—and anyone else who would listen—that the best way to find the slut scenes in a used romance book was to open it to a random page. Like as not, it would fall open to a scene of girlie porn—because those are the pages that people like to read. Well, I tried it—and it worked. I've also noticed that the first sex scene is usually about halfway through the book, unless the author is Connie Mason, in which case it's about a quarter of the way through the book. Now go and conquer the world with that newfound bit of wisdom.
Fireblade K'Chona: Bluffing is wonderful. That's what the Nightside series is all about. Sometimes a good—or, more properly, bad—reputation can be a better weapon than any amount of magic.
Mad-4-Manga: Please, give me the lyrics! And did I mention that I love the way you review? You have my permission to quote me on the Eleventh Commandment—but remember, it's my commandment! Vandir's problem is he needs a girl. Maybe we should set Lyrna on the case, huh?
Rachel: I'm redoing "Daughter of a Pirate," if you're interested in re-reading it. So far I've got the first chapter posted. Unfortunately I left PotC at a friend's house, so I can't watch it….
Dark Angel Lytha: Sorry to hear you're in pain. I'd advise a long hot bath with Epsom salt. That always makes me feel better. Can you believe I didn't get into the creative writing class? I think it's because I write too well….Anyways, I applied for the position of Teacher's Aide. I think finishing a 50-chapter novel constitutes enough experience, right? Whenever I tell people how much I've written in the past four months, they look at me like I'm crazy.
Jelon didn't last all the way back to Haven; his wounds were too severe. I suppose I must have known that, in some dark, hidden corner of my mind. When we buried him, I couldn't dredge up enough emotion to care. He'd tried to kill me—and no one tries to kill Herald Death and lives to tell the tale. If I made even one exception, my reputation would be in tatters. It was like the Dread Pirate Roberts, in "The Princess Bride"—it was the name that mattered, and what people believed of you, not what you really were. If they believed that you'd kill all who resisted, they'd surrender without a fight, and you wouldn't have to kill any of them.
Roald accepted my explanation without question. He hadn't yet received a message of apology from the Confederation, but it was only a matter of time. Hell, they might even send someone to mollify me as well. After all, there was no telling what Herald Death might do if they pissed her off.
My duty discharged, I wasted no time finding Jorjie and asking about the kids. She executed a very put-upon sigh. Her Whites had been modified to accommodate her expanding belly. She looked off-balance, like a strong breeze could topple her. "Well, Marky's currently playing with Jaym out by the river because he tried to burn down his room. How did you manage to find a kid with Firestarting gift? And so young, too. He should be locked up. In a stone tower. Because otherwise he'd burn it down."
I smiled indulgently. "Yes, he's a little monster. What about the others?"
"Oh, Jimmy's off by himself, for once. I guess Jaym decided he didn't really need protection after he kicked another boy in the balls."
"What about Melissa?" I asked. "How's she getting on with Jimmy?"
"They're adorable, but you might have something to say about that. I keep hearing Jimmy say things like, 'Herald Kali isn't here now, let's go sneak off somewhere.'"
"Jacoby, I think I'm going to have to kill your son," I remarked in a conversational tone. The ex-pirate hadn't left my side since he rescued me from Jelon, not even when I reported to King Roald. I couldn't say I minded. Besides offering comfort, his presence made me feel more alive.
Jacoby changed the subject at lightspeed. "Maybe we'd better make sure your son doesn't evaporate the river. Firestarting strikes me as an altogether dangerous Gift."
Too true.
When we got to the river Terilee, Marky was contentedly lighting fires on various bits of flotsam, and Jaym was watching him from a safe distance, hand-in-hand with petite, beautiful Jenny, her red hair catching the light just so. I smiled my Herald Death smile at the two teenagers, to serve as a warning. Jaym blanched. Jenny smiled back, unphased. Brave girl.
When Marky saw Jacoby, he left off burning things and launched himself into the man's arms. Cute kid. At least he listened to me. Most of the time. "Captain Jacoby! Captain Jacoby! You're back!"
Jacoby smiled indulgently. "That I am."
"Are you going to take me to your ship?"
"Perhaps," Jacoby hedged.
"If it's in port," I added. "We're going to take a little vacation."
"Vacation?" Jaym asked. "Where?"
"Vertin," I replied. "Jacoby's hometown. Come, let's collect the other kids."
Once they were all gathered together in my quarters, I spoke. "Jacoby and I have an announcement to make. We're going to get married."
Jaym nodded wisely. Jimmy whooped and hollered, running around the room like a madman and dragging Melissa with him. Gloria took the information with a serenity I could only envy. Marky just looked puzzled. "Does this mean you're going to be my daddy?"
"Aye."
The little meister brightened considerably. "Good." He wrapped himself around Jacoby's leg. For a moment, I felt abandoned, then realized how absurd that was. Jacoby was just good with kids—just like me. Although he certainly didn't seem as comfortable as I was. He patted Marky awkwardly on the head.
In the end, our entourage consisted of me, Jacoby, Jaym, Gloria, Melissa, Marky, Jimmy, Jorjie, Corwin, Rachel, and Stefany. I invited King Roald, just to be friendly, but he claimed he'd already more than paid off his debt to me. I smiled, nodded, and pretended I didn't care. It wasn't like he had nothing better to do.
All in all, there were far too many "J" names. Probably a sign, if I only knew what it meant. Reminded me of that one time on the soccer team, with me, Cassie, Kacie, and Kaylee—although Kaylee may not have been how the fourth girl's name was spelt. I knew I'd gotten the other two right, because they'd both been in my graduating class in high school. We'd been on a soccer team together over a decade before that, and every time the coach called to one of us, four heads turned. It was altogether quite confusing.
I rode Lyrna, Jorjie rode Kylie, Jimmy rode Zyra, Melissa rode Tomar, and Corwin rode his Companion, who was named Adan. At least none of the Companions' names started with "J." That may have been a bit too much.
Come to think of it, John Taylor started with a "J" as well. Though why I was thinking of the Nightside at a time like this, I didn't know. Maybe because I didn't trust how things were going. Lady Luck seemed to be smiling at me, for once. In the Nightside, there was a saying: "When Lady Luck comes calling…run." Sounded like good advice to me. The Lady Luck has Irish eyes: when she smiles, she's up to something.
Long ago, we'd decided that my Nightside identity would be the Lady Luck. She only appeared in the one scene, and it wasn't really her after all—but from the descriptions Taylor let drop, my friend and I had decided that she was the character who I was most like. I'm sure that said something about me, and not necessarily anything good, either—but if it got out, it could only help my reputation.
The non-Heralds rode regular horses. The Companions slowed their normal pace to accommodate the equines, and we headed west at a sedate walk. Surprisingly, Jacoby didn't try to seduce me along the way. Maybe it was the presence of the kids. Of course, he was on horseback—his first time on a real horse, since this journey didn't involve anything that couldn't wait an extra couple days. So that might have had something to do with it. He kept clutching at the reins and making frightened noises in the back of his throat. After a while Jimmy told him to stop being such a wimp; it wasn't nearly as hard as he was making out.
"Aye, well, your horse actually has a brain," Jacoby retorted.
"She's not a horse, she's a Companion," Jimmy said automatically. I hid a grin. New Trainees were wonderful things. He was training up quite nicely.
When the repetitive beat of hooves began to bore us, Stefany, Gloria, and I took turns entertaining the company with songs. For shits and giggles, we decided to come up with songs that represented us. Stefany's song was light, airy, and more than a little mischievous. Gloria's song was beautiful and haunting, like "Snow Magic," only more so. As for mine…
Mine was "I'm a Bitch."
"I hate the world today." It didn't take much doing to dredge up some anger to put behind the words. No matter how happy I was, there was always anger lurking right beneath the surface. That was how I liked it. It made me feel more alive. "You're so good to me, I know, but I can't change." I smiled at Jacoby. "I tried to tell you, but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath, innocent and sweet."
Jacoby stifled his laughter on his closed fist.
"Yesterday I cried. Must have been relieved to see the softer side. I can understand how you'd be so confused. I don't envy you. I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one." I took a deep breath and belted the chorus, putting everything I had behind each and every word. "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint; I do not feel ashamed. I'm your help, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between. You know you wouldn't want it any other way.
"So take me as I am. This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man. Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and I'm going to extremes, tomorrow I will change, and today won't mean a thing." It was frightening, almost, how much the song applied to me. It was almost as if I'd written it—except I'd never been that good at writing tunes. They always turned out sad and haunting, due to my gothic depths. "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint; I do not feel ashamed. I'm your help, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between. You know you wouldn't want it any other way.
"Just when you think you've got me figured out, the season's already changing. I think it's cool you do what you do, and don't try to save me. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint; I do not feel ashamed. I'm your help, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between. You know you wouldn't want it any other way. I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees. When you're hurt, when you suffer, I'm your angel undercover. I've been numb, I'm revived, can't say I'm not alive. You know I wouldn't want it any other way."
Jacoby and Jorjie passed the time away by chatting about old times. They'd found an easy camaraderie that would have made me jealous if not for the lifebond. Jacoby couldn't stray; that was what the lifebond was all about. The ultimate romance novel.
Poor Corwin had no such considerations. I could tell by the way he looked at Jorjie that he was sick with love for my former roommate, and ready to kill Jacoby if the former pirate didn't stop flirting with his love. I placed a restraining hand on his arm.
"Calm, Corwin. Don't be hasty. They were friends, remember, long before we met them. They're just catching up."
Corwin glowered darkly. "Your fiancé is not behaving himself like a gentlemen."
"He's never claimed the distinction," I retorted. "Listen to me, Corwin. Nothing is going to happen. Jacoby is lifebonded to me. That means he doesn't want anyone else. In fact, he'd probably be impotent. At least, that's how it works in romance novels."
The other Herald considered that for a moment, and seemed to find the idea to his liking.
The hotel where we stopped for the night was nice enough. There were only a few others in the dining room downstairs, and none of them rented rooms for the night. Fortunate for us, because there weren't that many rooms to begin with. The kids got two rooms, Jorjie and Corwin got a room, Stefany and Rachel got a room, and everyone glared at me until I agreed to share a room with Jacoby.
"Love, I promise to behave," he said, and I could see sincerity blazing from his eyes. "It's alright, aye?"
I nodded shakily. It wasn't fun, not being in control of the situation. Not being in control of myself. I'd made it my business to be strong, beginning when I was in elementary. No one would defend me, so I had to defend myself. That was surely part of the reason writing had appealed to me so much. When I wrote, I controlled everything. The characters obeyed my every whim and command. Except…even then, sometimes they didn't. Sometimes, when I wrote, my characters took on lives of their own, and refused to cooperate. Usually I laughed and joked about it. But even then, I was in control. Their freedom could be curtailed by a stroke of my pen. So it was safe to indulge them.
Jacoby's arm held me to his chest the entire night, warm, comforting, and solid. "Relax, darling," he whispered in my ear. This was a side of him of which I'd only caught glimpses in the past. The softer, kinder side, long hidden under the rough edges necessary to survive in the Darwinian world on the other side of the law. "I love you, remember? I'd never do anything to hurt you."
Those words sent little tingles of warmth shooting all throughout my body. I smiled contentedly, telling my underlying anger to go take a hike. I didn't need it anymore. Come next week, I would no longer be alone. Ever. For as long as we both lived.
Eventually I relaxed enough to fall asleep. The presence of the lifebond helped immensely. It was…reassuring, to know we were connected at such a basic level. And for once, I wasn't lonely.
When I woke in the morning, Jacoby's arm was still draped over me, but now there was a tenseness in it. As if he expected me to bolt. Now why would I do that?
:Maybe because it's what you did the last time you woke up in his arms: Lyrna suggested.
:But that was different: I replied sleepily. I'd never been very good at waking all at once. Survival had necessitated I be able to react quickly when woken from a dead sleep, but that didn't mean I actually had to be truly awake. :I was drunk the night before, and I couldn't remember what had happened.: I snuggled closer to his comforting warmth. There was no reason to get up yet, was there?
:If you want to be married anytime in the next month, you'd better get your lazy bones out of that bed: Lyrna admonished.
Grumbling, I opened my eyes. They tried to flutter closed, but I resisted the impulse. Instead, I turned around and kissed Jacoby. He smiled against my lips. The tenseness I'd sensed earlier left him.
"We could always be late for breakfast," Jacoby suggested.
I smiled, but shook my head. "You promised to behave yourself."
Together we went down for breakfast. The others were already there. Jorjie looked at us expectantly. I glared back.
A candlemark later, we were mounted and off. That night was rather a repetition of the last, with the exception that I set my mind to being comfortable sleeping in the same bed as Jacoby. I trusted him, damnit! He wouldn't hurt me. Ever. And I loved him. Damn my virgin sensibilities. Well, I'd just have to get rid of them by sheer force of will, same as I'd done for my shyness, all those years ago.
Even so, it wasn't enough.
A few days later we arrived in Vertin. Jorjie and Jacoby were both in their element; they'd grown up here. Jorjie wanted to visit all the old shops, and Jacoby and I had to steer her forcibly toward the small temple of Vkandis that squatted between a warehouse and a tavern, only a few streets away from the docks.
As we rode through the streets, the dregs of society magically cleared away, afraid of what so many Heralds might mean. I was only in uniform because it was the only white outfit I owned, and I was damn well going to be married in white. Formal Whites, no less—all my everyday uniforms had some sort of personal touch. Very colorful, but I didn't particularly want my wedding wear (I couldn't exactly call it a dress) to be decorated with gold bells, or scarlet lace.
Jorjie was another anomaly: a pregnant Herald out riding. She'd insisted upon coming despite her condition, saying she'd really rather birth her babe in her hometown, anyway.
Other people pressed close, eager to be able to say they'd seen not one, but three full Heralds, and two Trainees besides, all riding their wondrous Companions. Such a tale could keep them in drink for a week.
The temple itself was enough to send a shiver down my spine. I'd seen that design before, in Karse. This one, mercifully, was minus the stained-glass windows that had been so prominent in the Karsite building. Impressive, yes, but I'd had nightmares about them later—I, who was rarely prone to such flights of fancy.
Inside, there was a Sun-Priest in the standard hooded robes of his order. I froze in the doorway. It was a shock to see those robes again, although I should have been prepared. All the old pain came coursing back. I reeled under the impact.
Jacoby noticed how pale my face had grown. Wordlessly, he gathered me to his chest, offering comfort. Slowly, I grasped at my former strength and poise. I would not let that damn Sun-Priest do this to me. He had no control over my life. Perhaps, if I ever returned to Karse, I should hunt him down and kill him.
No. It wouldn't be worth the effort. He was simply one among many. But if he ever dared challenge me again, he would feel my wrath. Now I was Herald Death, not some random girl just out of training whom they'd sent to Karse because they had no one else.
Sternly, I reminded myself that the Sun-Priest before me now was different. He was not of Karse, nor was he an enemy of Valdemar. Although that last point was debatable, if he made it a habit to befriend criminals.
My shock and subsequent recovery passed without his notice; he was too busy frowning at Jacoby. "My good man, what brings you here?" he asked finally. "And in such company." I noted that he hadn't used Jacoby's name, nor said anything else to indicate that he was a pirate—but I think all of us present caught the hidden meaning beneath his innocent words.
"I've been pardoned, Father Hadley." Jacoby replied with a rakish grin.
"I heard you'd been hanged." The priest's eyebrows inched upward.
"The tale of my demise was much exaggerated. I am as you see me now—whole, hearty, and very impatient to be married."
"Married?" Now Father Hadley's eyebrows were well on their way toward his hairline, hidden beneath the hood of his robes. "What jest is this?"
"No jest," Jacoby assured him. "Allow me to introduce my fiancé, Herald Kali." He took my hand in both of his, warming the skin, which was still cold from my earlier shock.
The priest looked from me back to Jacoby, and his gaze grew censorious. "Jacoby, you are a friend of mine—sometimes—but I know you far too well. I demand to know what kind of trick you're pulling."
I decided that I rather liked the priest, after all. "From what Jacoby tells me, you owe him a couple of favors. I won't ask what for, although I'm dying to know. As for the trick, well, a grand joke it will be. The great Herald Kali to be married by a Sun-Priest to a common—or, more properly, incommon—pirate. The bards will love me, but then, they already do. Much to my everlasting dismay. I saved his life, you know. And he saved mine. In the plural."
Father Hadley nodded in acknowledgement and spoke directly to me. "Jacoby is a good man, but I do not always trust him."
My fingers gave Jacoby's hand an affectionate squeeze. "I trust him. With my life, and much more besides. We're lifebonded. Now, if we can get on with the wedding ceremony?"
Father Hadley turned quite bossy, ordering us all where to go, while he gathered up the required texts. It seemed that he didn't do things by half-measures; once he decided upon a course of action, he didn't look back. Now that he'd decided Jacoby wasn't a threat to my honor, he took charge with brutal efficiency.
My three friends were bridesmaids, while Corwin got suckered into being best man. He and Jacoby looked at each other warily when us girls sprung that one on them. Jorjie and I glared at them until they decided they'd been best buddies all along.
The ceremony itself wasn't much; Jacoby and I repeated a few vows, to love, honor, and cherish each other through the end of eternity, and the kids strewed flowers everywhere because I thought it was cute. Father Hadley rolled his eyes and muttered about how hard it would be to clean up, and that after this, Jacoby had better consider them even. Finally he got to the end, and pronounced us man and wife.
I was married.
Almost, I let out a whoop of joy, but Jacoby swallowed it on a kiss. Then he scooped me into his arms and carried me out of the temple.
Our small but enthusiastic celebration somehow managed to attract some of the rabble from the streets. Neither Jacoby nor I had the heart to turn them away. Once upon a time, Jacoby had been one of them—and my own kids had grown up on streets just like these. At first, they gave me and the other Heralds plenty of room, preferring to gather around Jacoby. That just wouldn't do.
With as much exaggeration as possible, I slipped into acting mode. I picked a victim at random. Standing behind him so he couldn't see me, I motioned for everyone else to watch. Carefully, I snuck up behind him. When Jacoby saw what was happening, he engaged my victim in conversation. The poor man didn't even feel it as I slipped a hand into his pocket and lifted out his purse. The purse was empty, but that wasn't the point. Still, I should reward him for the embarrassment he was about to suffer. So I took a few copper coins out of my own purse and placed them in his.
"Excuse me, sir," I said, in my best polite voice. "I believe you dropped this." Humor danced in my eyes, just beneath the surface. When he spun around, I held out the purse. He looked from my face to the purse and back again. I shrugged. "I missed my calling, mate. Stupid horse had to drag me off for Herald training when I'd much rather have been a thief." That got a good laugh. "Come on, y'all. This is a party! Mingle. Have fun. And remember—this one time, we're not here to arrest you." I dropped my victim's purse into his hand.
After that, the people were much less wary of us Heralds. I even caught a couple of them trying to pick my pockets.
The party was still in full swing when the sun touched its reflection on the water of Lake Evendim. "Let's go somewhere private," Jacoby whispered in my ear, and for once, I nodded. We slipped away, me feeling very conspicuous in my Formal Whites, and headed for the inn where we'd reserved ourselves a room for the night.
As we went, Lyrna sang in my head. I rolled my eyes. Trust a Companion to have stolen a song from my own head. :Can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's a love for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far. And can you feel the love tonight? I was laid to rest. It's enough to make kings and vagabonds leave the very best.:
:Well, at least you can keep a tune: I said generously.
"What's Lyrna singing?" Jacoby asked me.
"Oh, so you're hearing it, too? It's a song from 'The Lion King,' which is a movie. Like 'Pirates of the Caribbean.'"
:You two are so adorable.: She sounded far too pleased with herself.
:Bloody self-satisfied matchmaking horse. You knew we were lifebonded from the beginning: I accused. She didn't bother to deny it.
Then we were alone in the room. Jacoby closed and locked the door, and blew out all but one candle. The flickering light lent him a dangerous air. I tensed like a coiled spring. This was it. The moment I'd been waiting for. And suddenly, I found that I was far more nervous than I'd imagined.
Jacoby must have sensed my doubts. "Relax, songbird," he whispered. "It's alright. I won't hurt you."
I didn't move.
Gently, he kissed my neck. "Sing for me, songbird."
A shiver ran down my spine. "Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation. Darkness stirs and wakes imagination." His clever hands ran over my arms, down my back, up under my shirt. I let him do what he willed and tried to relax. "Silently the senses abandon their defenses." A sigh escaped my lips, transmuted into a moan when his fingers passed over my stomach. "Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor. Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender."
Jacoby hummed along with my song. His deep, rumbling voice touched a point deep inside me. My heart melted, as it had the first time I'd heard that song, sung by the Phantom of the Opera. Occasionally he joined in the song. Somehow he knew the lyrics. Lyrna? Perhaps. I wouldn't put it past her to interfere. She'd certainly done it enough in the past.
"Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation." Mmm, yeah. That felt good. What was I supposed to be doing? Oh, yeah, relaxing. I had to be very relaxed by now. My bones felt like mush. There was a fire in my blood that could not be quenched. Still Jacoby touched me, sending me toward the edge. Afire with need, I abandoned the song and sought out his mouth.
"Honey, you're a miracle," he moaned. "A demon succubus who'd tempt any man to sin."
I liked the sound of that. "There's only one man I want to tempt. Let's work on doing all the wrong things right."
"Not nervous anymore?"
"Lack of nerve comes from an overabundance of thought," I replied. "Methinks thou hast made the issue null." Indeed he had managed to drive anything resembling rational thought from my fevered mind.
"Then let's get rid of these clothes. They're getting in the way."
After that, I lost all sense of time. It wasn't a dream, and it was a damn sight better in reality than when I was asleep. Better than I'd ever imagined. There was pain, yes—but not so bad. Besides, by that point I was too far gone to feel anything but the pleasure he brought me.
From this moment, life has begun. From this moment, you are the one. Right beside you is where I belong from this moment on.
Um, did I mention that I suck at endings? Like, really. So there it is. The entirety of one really really long fanfic that grew all out of proportion to what I planned for it. It even managed to acquire itself a plot somewhere along the way, which wasn't in the original plan. I love every single one of my readers, even those who didn't review (although I love my reviewers more). Have some cyber rum for sticking with me through the whole story. Party at my IP address. You're all invited.