Why Can't I Say..?

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Harvest Moon series.

-

I think I love you…

Nami groaned, rolling over to bury her face in her pillow. In the week since that thought had entered her mind, she'd been unable to think about anything else. She'd spent most of her time hiding away in her room, packing her things and trying to pretend that she was not bothered by it.

She should have been happy. Today was the festival to celebrate the harvest, which she had promised Ruby she would stay for. Once it was over, she could leave the valley and never look back. But why didn't that relieve the sinking feeling in her chest?

The redhead sighed. Somehow, not matter what she tried to tell herself, she knew that it was because of Gustafa. It had all started back in spring, when he'd given her that stupid apple and had expressed concern for her health. Since that day, nothing had been the same. She'd been tormented by conflicting thoughts and feelings, and she had found herself unable to stop thinking about the older man.

And then there had been that brief encounter after it suddenly started raining last week. It hadn't even lasted more than a minute or two, and nothing really profound had happened. Few words had been verbally exchanged. Yet, that meeting had made her mind suddenly blurt out that she might love him.

It shouldn't have been such a big deal. She was just confused. It wasn't as if it were true. And it wasn't like she had said it out loud, to his face.

So, why did a part of her kind of wish that she had?

-

The festival that night was nothing special. It was usually just a few people, gathered together in the small bar run by Griffin and Muffy. This year, however, everyone had heard that she was leaving, and they'd all stopped by to wish her the best, making it more crowded that ever. Even though she wasn't close with any of them, they all seemed genuinely sad about her departure. It was overwhelming and a little uncomfortable for a loner like her.

As it got later, more and more people left, until the number left was much closer to how it was every other year. With a much smaller crowd, Nami was able to state what she'd been secretly thinking all along.

"Gustafa didn't show up."

"It must be hard for him." Ruby answered from behind the girl, causing her to turn around and look at her with confusion. "You leaving, I mean? Gustafa's a friendly, good-hearted guy, but you're the first person he's really gotten close to."

We're…close?

"R-really?" Nami's voice caught a little, and she crossed her arms, trying to keep herself from looking as affected as she was.

Ruby nodded. "By the way, before I forget…" She fished around in her apron and pulled out a bunch of photos. "I'd mean to put these in an album, but with all the work for the festival and around the inn, I just didn't have any time. Since you're going to be leaving, I thought you might like to have these photos to remember us by."

Nami accepted the pictures and started looking through them. She couldn't help smiling a little as she saw the happy faces of the people of Forget-Me-Not Valley. There was Rock, hitting on a disinterested Muffy while an irritated Lumina watched…Sara working on her farm with a cheery smile…Ruby cooking one of her infamous dishes that Nami had come to love...and so many more.

But it was the last picture in the bunch that made Nami stop. It was Gustafa, playing his instrument by the river. Seeing his face lately had always made her feel weird, but this time, it was the unfamiliar girl beside him that was making her feel that way.

The girl was very young, with brown pigtails, bright blue eyes, and a happy smile. From the way she was looking at him, it was clear they got along well. But who was she? And why had Nami never seen her before?

Ruby noticed her change in expression and looked over her shoulder. Her face grew uncharacteristically solemn as she saw the photo Nami was gazing at. "Florina…"

"Florina?" Nami looked up and was instantly taken aback by Ruby's expression.

The woman sighed. "She was Gustafa's little sister, and she came here with him during his travels. Though he doesn't say it, I think she's why he stays in this place."

"But…I've never seen her."

Ruby looked away. "They'd been traveling ever since their parents' died, and their stay here was only meant to be brief. They had decided to leave as winter started, before it got too cold. But the day they planned to leave, the weather was pretty bad. Gustafa had turned down our offer to stay at the inn and leave another time, since there was a festival in Rose Bud Village that Florina was really looking forward to. They were headed for the hill that would take them out of Forget-Me-Not Valley, when the weather worsened considerably. From her farm, Vesta witnessed the bridge getting washed out soon after they'd crossed it. There was no way they could travel in such conditions, so she planned to tell them they could stay at her place until the storm passed."

Nami listened silently, afraid of where the story was going.

"But no sooner had she left her farm, than the wind caused Florina to fall into the river, which was raging because of the terrible weather. Gustafa immediately jumped in after her, while Vesta ran to help, yelling for Celia to get Marlin. They were able to grab on to Gustafa, who had managed to catch little Florina by the hand. The pieces of the broken bridge had kept them from being swept down the river, and the remains washed away seconds later. They tried to pull the pair out, but Florina ultimately slipped from her brother's grasp and plunged back into the water. He tried to go after her again, but they had to hold him back, lest he get swept down the river too. We'd tried to hope for the best, but when we found her washed up onto the beach the next day, it was too late."

Nami's blood ran cold. Gustafa's words and tears by the river…They all made sense now. He had been thinking about his deceased sister. And she had given him a hard time for crying. She truly was a horrible person. How had he ever managed to forgive her?

"For the longest time," Ruby continued. "Gustafa stayed locked away in his yurt. The only times he would come out were to play sad songs by the river. As the months went by, he eventually started to heal, but he was never able to get close to anyone…until you came along." She smiled then, looking a bit apologetic. "I'm sorry. I swear I'm really not trying to make you feel obligated to stay. It's fine if you want to leave, as long as you're not leaving for the wrong reasons."

"The wrong reasons?"

"I get the feeling that you don't really want to leave. Forgive me, but I overheard Sara and Rock talking earlier. They seem to think that you might have feelings for Gustafa."

Nami stiffened, mentally making a note to kill both of them. "Th-that's not it…I just…" She sighed. "I just don't know what I feel."

"So you want to leave before you find out? Because it's easier to run away than face your feelings."

Nami's eyes went wide at this. Running away? Scared? Her?!

Ruby smiled gently. "I think you believe that, if you leave now, you won't have to deal with these feelings and you can just forget about them. But that's not how it works. The only way you can move on, I think, is to deal with them. Otherwise, no matter where you go, you'll wonder what could have been."

The woman gave her one last smile, before hurrying off to help Griffin in tidying up. It was getting late, and everyone else had already left. Suddenly, Nami felt more exhausted than she had in ages. Stifling a yawn, she stepped out into the cool night air and slowly headed towards the inn.

She had planned to use that time to think, but her mind felt oddly blank at that moment. Maybe it was just because she was so tired. All she wanted to do was get to her room and collapse into bed.

"Nami?"

So much for that plan… The redhead turned, coming face-to-face with Gustafa. After hearing that story from Ruby, she didn't know what to say to him. Somehow, it was hard to just act like she used to around him. So she just stayed quiet, waiting for him to say whatever he wanted to.

"So…Did you enjoy the festival?" It was clear this wasn't what he really wanted to talk to her about, and there was an awkward silence before she answered.

"Um…It was okay. Everyone seemed really sad about me leaving." She didn't look at him.

"You're still planning on going, then?"

"M-maybe…" Nami suddenly wasn't so sure what she wanted to do anymore.

Gustafa coughed, looking away, suddenly seeming bashful. "I hope you'll stay. It won't be the same around here without you."

Feeling her cheeks flush, Nami was grateful for the darkness surrounding them. "You think so?"

"I could think of plenty more reasons for you to stay, but I don't want to make you feel obligated to." Gustafa laughed nervously. "I'd thought it might be better if I didn't see you tonight, since I didn't want to influence your decision. But I…wanted to see you, even if it might be the last time."

He sounds so sad… "M-maybe I still for a little while longer-until winter is over."

His face brightened a little. "Really? I'm glad to hear that, Nami."

Seeing his smile, Nami was again glad the sky was dark. She was certain her face was red as a tomato.

Or an apple…

Commenting that it was getting late, Gustafa bid Nami farewell. She watched him go, her mind swimming once again.

Nami would stay, at least until spring. But why? If there were wrong reasons to leave, were there also wrong reasons to stay? And were those reasons behind her decision?

She just didn't know anymore.