A/N: Hello again, I'm very sorry for the long wait. This is because of anumber of reasons ... but I won't go into them. Anyway, thank you for your helpful, wonderful, inspiring reviews :) I will try to update quicker in the future.Now, in case you forgot what happened last chapter (which I'm sure you have), Rinoa got angry at Squall forthefight with Ashleigh. I hope I haven't lost you guys yet.
Flying with Broken Wings
Chapter 9 – Broken Heart
Squall continued on home, trying to keep his mind clear of Rinoa's outburst. Somehow, the task was much more difficult than Squall would expect. The tone in her voice and that sour look she was wearing clung to his thoughts, and he really couldn't help but wonder why she was so feisty all of a sudden. He knew he was over-analysing, but even after trying to look at it from so many points of view, he still couldn't find an answer. And just not being able to think about anything else was frustrating enough.
Wait, why should I care that she's angry? a voice in his head suddenly realised. I didn't do anything wrong.
Even having thought that, the ponderingssomehow managed to creep back into his head and bother him. A sudden feeling of unease wondered into his system – worrying about what a girl thought of him was certainly unlike him, and he was sure that he didn't want that feeling to stay. Perhaps this was all a part of the 'friendship' deal. He was slightly beginning to regret ever having made any promises of friendship and protection in the first place. It certainly was 'cramping his style', and he somehow preferred 'his style' over this strange feeling of distress over what one person saw in him.
Squall turned a corner and walked into his driveway. He took his house keys out and was about to open the front door, until he realised that it was already unlocked. Strange as it was, he made nothing of it and entered his dazzling house without thinkingtoo much. As he walked in, he threw his backpack by the stairway and made his way into the kitchen in search of something to eat. As he entered his designated room, he was surprised to see Laguna standing in there with his hands behind his back, gazing out the window absentmindedly. The older man did not seem to sense Squall's presence yet.
"Uh … aren't you supposed to be at work?" asked Squall.
When Laguna turned around, Squall expected to see that cheerful face that always seemed to be there no matter what, and was somewhat startled to see that that gleeful and boyish expression was nowhere to be found. Instead, Laguna was wearing a thin grimace, and as thin as it was, it definitely did not suit him.
"Ah," said Laguna, in what sounded like a rather downbeat voice. "You're home."
"That's right," murmured Squall, rolling his eyes, but was still wary of the dull atmosphere of the room.
"Sit down, Squall," said Laguna gently.
What's going on? thought Squall, and took a seat at the dining table.
Laguna pulled out a chair beside Squall and sat down. He was silent for a couple of moments, and Squall wondered if the conversation was going to get anywhere. He stared at his hands in the couple of moments that Laguna chose to remain silent, his patience running thin.
"Is there a reason as to why you're here?" asked Squall finally.
Laguna sighed. "There's something I need to tell you."
"Well, tell me then," said Squall.
"You see, Squall…" Laguna began, but his sentence ended up drifting away.
"Just be straightforward, I don't need you to linger on how I'd feel about this news," said Squall flatly.
"It's not as simple as that," said Laguna uneasily.
"Spit it out," said Squall impatiently, slightly raising his voice.
"All right, all right," said Laguna, putting his hands up in surrender. "I'll be straightforward with you, Squall. I won't sugarcoat it and I'll tell you everything. I'll—"
"Come on," interjected Squall edgily.
Laguna sighed. "Squall … something happened back in Winhill."
Squall nodded slowly, wondering what this could have meant.
"It was Ellone," continued Laguna. "She was in a motorcycle accident."
Squall's heart began to take a rapid change of pace. He started to wish that Laguna wasn't so straightforward with this anymore.
"But … she's all right, isn't she?" asked Squall slowly, almost afraid of the answer.
Laguna avoided Squall's eyes, the unnatural look on his face become even more unnatural as his eyes were clouded with sorrow.
"I'm sorry, Squall. She didn't make it."
Quistis sat at her desk, rubbing her temples stressfully. It was four o'clock in the morning and she had files and records and other loose items sprawled across her desk in order to finish her task. She yawned and stretched, grabbing another file from her desktop. As she flipped through the pages of the manila folder, she couldn't help but let another yawn escape from her mouth. As she went through Squall Leonhart's student file, she groaned when she did not find what she was looking for. She put the folder aside and grabbed for another student file on the desk, not really paying attention to what she was picking up. As she opened it, she was about to put it back because it wasn't what she was intending to grab. But she stopped herself when the surname of the student caught her eye.
Name: Rinoa Caraway-Heartilly
"Heartilly," said Quistis softly. The name sounded familiar, and then it struck her. "Daughter of Galbadian singer Julia Heartilly…?" The beaming ID photo of Rinoa on the file definitely had a striking resemblance to Julia…
Father: Fury Caraway, subordinate of national military forces
Mother: Deceased
"Subordinate of national military, huh?" mumbled Quistis, as she took another sip of her coffee to try and keep herself awake. She continued flipping through the file with interest. By the end of the record, she decided that she would keep a close eye on Rinoa as she did with Squall. "You'd better be grateful…"
Quistis' cell phone began to ring. Frustrated, she leaned over and picked it up, rubbing her eyes wearily. She hated getting early morning calls, even if she was awake.
"Trepe speaking," said Quistis, trying to hide the tiredness in her voice.
"Ice Queen," said the voice on the other end, and Quistis knew who it was straight away. She was about to give him a lecture about calling so early in the morning, but was silenced when she heard him continue on in a somewhat urgent tone. "I've got breaking news."
"What is it?" asked Quistis with a yawn.
"Informant Ellone Loire has been assassinated."
Quistis' pulse suddenly began to speed up, and she suddenly wasn't as lethargic as she was before anymore. It was as if somebody poured ice down the back of her shirt, because she certainly felt a freezing sensation running down her spine. Her hand gripped at the phone so tightly that it was surely to break at any moment if she kept it up. "Those bastards," she spat.
"Indeed."
"And what of the president?" inquired Quistis.
"Someone told him that she was killed in a motorcycle accident. That guy is so clueless that it makes me sick. But I'm sure he's beginning to catch on, at least."
Quistis sighed and slumped lower in her chair. "I don't get it. Why don't we just make an alliance with him? Essentially, we're on the same side."
"You're getting too ahead of yourself there, Quistis. Anyway, how goes your leads on Leonhart?"
Quistis sighed again, this time in aggravation. "This is pointless. We really aren't going to benefit from investigating the president's son."
"Sure we are. He'll make an important asset to the syndicate in the future. You're pretty oblivious to all this, aren't you?"
Quistis laughed it off weakly. "Oblivious? No, I'm just wondering when it'll all end."
"Oh, you're in for one hell of a ride then. It hasn't even begun yet."
Rinoa sat on the edge of her seat, tapping her fingers on the desk in front of her impatiently. Another day of school, another day of monotony. She sat in silence as the teacher continued to ramble on, paying no attention to the lecture and instead wondering where on earth Squall was. It had been days since school started, but Rinoa hadn't seen him on even one occasion since her outburst whilst speaking with him the other day. She was anxious to see him, wanting no more than to apologise for her vulgarity because she was left with a monstrous feeling of guilt on her conscience.
The bell rang for the end of school and Rinoa was out of the classroom in a millisecond. She whirled through the flurry of students and just wanted to get home. She wished she knew how to contact Squall and ask whether he was all right or not. She was beginning to worry that he wanted to move schools again just because she was acting so horrible to him about what happened the other day with him and Ashleigh, but the idea itself was absurd – of course Squall wouldn't move away just because of her.
"Rinoa?"
As she was about to leave, Rinoa looked up at the voice that called her name and found Quistis at her flashy car, packing some things in the trunk. Rinoa felt uneasy almost instantly and walked up to the instructor, wondering what the blonde wanted from her.
"Yes, Instructor?" asked Rinoa politely. She hoped that she hadn't done anything wrong.
"Are you on your way home?" asked Quistis.
Rinoa nodded in response.
"All right then," said the instructor, looking like she wasn't particularly interested in the first place. "You're friends with Squall Leonhart, aren't you?"
"Yes," said Rinoa slowly.
"I see," said Quistis. "Do you know why he hasn't been attending school as of late?"
"I honestly don't know, Instructor," replied Rinoa.
Quistis took her reply into accord with a nod. "You should go into town and see if you can find him."
"What makes you say that?" inquired Rinoa.
"I just had a hunch that he would be there," said Quistis. "I do hope he's all right, that's all."
"Oh, okay," said Rinoa, but she had a feeling that Squall couldn't have been in town because she knew he hated being seen. "I don't know, he usually doesn't hang around town. He likes going to Obel Lake, though. I'll try looking for him if he doesn't show up to school tomorrow."
Quistis nodded with a mysterious smile. "Very well. Have a good evening, Rinoa."
Rinoa couldn't help but smile back. "You too, Instructor."
Quistis watched as Rinoa turned to leave. As soon as she saw that the student was out of sight, the instructor dove into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She dialled her comrade's number hurriedly.
"Yo," said the deep voice on the other end.
"Go to Obel Lake," prompted Quistis. "He might be there."
"Got it."
'I know we'll both have hard lives, Squall.'
'It won't be hard if we have each other, sis.'
'Yeah. But if we ever do lose each other, promise me you'll find a replacement to make your life less hard.'
'We won't lose each other.'
'...Please Squall, I don't want you to suffer.'
The memory faded away into nothingness, as Squall forced it out of his mind. He was only a child back then. He didn't understand what she was talking about. He thought he had 'lost her' when he moved away from Winhill, but he didn't want to admit that Ellone was right. Now that she was gone forever, he had to admit that she was right. But what did this mean? Could she really tell the future?
Of course not, that's ridiculous, thought Squall. He threw a pebble into the lake before him and watched it skip across the water, until it finally sunk. He felt like that pebble. It was only a few steps into his life, and already he fell beneath the surface he was walking on. He felt so weak, so useless – all he could do was sit and think back painfully to the only happy memories he had left in his redundant life. He never knew that such jovial times could bring back so much pain – because now he knew there was definitely no turning back to the days where he could smile and laugh.
Find a replacement, she said. How could he ever replace Ellone? It was impossible. He wouldn't dream of it. There was nobody on the planet that knew Squall the way Ellone did. Nobody knew really what was behind his piercing eyes of blue. Nobody could possibly understand the road that he had walked until now.
But … perhaps it was time to walk a new road. Ellone's death shouldn't be the end of his road. He had so much to live for … but when would he realise what it was? He didn't know what he wanted out of life. He had no real dreams. He didn't want to dream, because he was sure that dreams never came true. Every time he dared to dream, it would only result in failure…
A warm breeze blew across Squall's shoulder, giving him the smallest amount of comfort. He sat with his arms folded in a protective stance, just staring off into the afternoon blue sky with a touch of pink on the horizon, giving way for a sunset that was yet to come. The blue lake shimmered under the slowly setting sun, the colour giving Squall a twinge of calm sadness. The lake reminded him so much of his childhood, a time that was so far away that it was like it never happened…
Squall's stomach let out an audible grumble, and that feeling of hunger came back to plague him. He hadn't eaten for almost two days, as he had left home again in search for some isolation and some time to wallow in his own self-pity before getting on his feet again, and living that story of a life he owned as if nothing ever happened. This also meant he stopped attending school for a while. The reason itself for not attending school was dumb and cowardly, but he had no will to see other human beings in his life yet. He just wanted to be alone, where no one could see him looking so pathetic…
He stood up and stretched, deciding that it was time to get some food before he starved. With one last glance at the serene lake, he turned on his heel and walked into the direction of town to get something to eat. Even if it meant seeing some people for a while, it didn't necessarily mean that he had to appreciate their presence. Besides, he couldn't just sit here and starve himself to death.
As Squall was growing closer to Timber, he could have sworn that he saw a figure in the distance. However, it was moving too quickly for him to catch a proper glimpse, so he assumed it to be an animal or something. He kept on moving, but he saw the figure dash into the shadows of a nearby tree. He couldn't help but feel an inkling of curiosity get to his head, and moved onwards, slightly more aware of the mysterious form.
His eyes fixed on the tree of which the figure hid into the shadows of. However, as he got closer, he found that there was nothing there. Feeling at ease, he kept on moving, getting closer to town and feeding his hungry stomach.
Letting his guard down was a mistake. Squall suddenly heard a crackling of leaves on the ground behind him and was about to turn around and defend, but he was too late. A muscular arm wrapped around his neck from behind and held him fiercely still. He mentally wished that he had his gunblade with him at this moment, and tried to devise a plan in his head to break free from his attacker.
"Don't resist, Leonhart," murmured a low, male voice.
That voice! It struck Squall like a paralysing lightning bolt. It was eerily familiar … but who was it?
Without giving Squall a chance to rack his brains for a name or fight back, the attacker injected the contents of a syringe into the skin of Squall's bare neck. Squall swore aloud at the sudden pain and lapsed onto the ground as soon as his attacker let him go and fled the scene. Squall was on his hands and knees; his body feeling like it was going into meltdown mode. He could feel the blood throbbing within his veins, pumping violently in his body. His vision became indistinct with a stinging blur caught in his eyes.
He clenched his fists with a loud groan and tried to stand up, but balance seemed to be a problem. Using his specially trained muscles, he forced his leg to take a step forward, and was close to collapsing onto the ground again if it hadn't been for the fact that he used all his might to remain coordinated. He took another step with great difficulty. He tried to walk on, but his steps were extremely non-linear, and it looked a lot like he was drunk and having trouble walking.
His head suddenly seared with an excruciating pain. It felt like his brain was swelling inside of his skull, threatening to break at any second. Squall tried to fight the feeling of just collapsing in pain and tried to carry on into Timber to find some help.
Squall let out a loud grunt, grasping his head as if it would stop the pain from driving him insane. Closer and closer he got, but as he got closer, his mind just felt like exploding. In attempt to withstand screaming, he squeezed his eyes shut and blindly made his way up towards town. His eyes were closed so hard that tears of pain leaked from the corners of his closed eyes…
Hyne … what the hell is happening?
Rinoa turned a corner and was close to reaching her house, which sat close to the outskirts of town. She crossed the road and saw the little house within view and made her way toward her home. She contemplated whether or not to turn left and head to Obel Lake, just to see if Squall was there. She knew she said that she would look for Squall the next day if he didn't come to school, but after her talk with Quistis, she felt curious and concerned at the same time about Squall.
It wouldn't hurt just to check, she thought finally.
She lived on the fringe of Timber, so it wasn't a long way to get to Obel. She turned left and headed for out of town, thinking about how Squall would react if they met up. As she reached the edge of town, she saw a lanky figure in the distance, slurring in steps. At first, she thought it was a drunk person and thought about turning back to avoid them. But as the lanky person came closer, she spotted straight away that it was Squall.
Eyebrows raised in surprise, she abandoned the thought of turning back and ran towards the strange-behaving Squall with concern. As she got closer, she found that he did not recognise her presence and she found this quite odd.
"Squall!" she called out, and ran straight towards him. As she was within reach, she gasped when she realised the state he was in. His eyes were tightly squeezed shut, tears staining the corners of his eyes. He was in a sweat, panting as if he had just run a marathon when in reality he was only walking at a miserably slow pace.
"R-Rin…?" It appeared that he had trouble stringing words together.
"What's wrong?" gasped Rinoa.
Squall opened his eyes, and Rinoa saw that his eyes were a pale blue, as if he was in a dream-like state. Yet, he was walking and talking as if he were awake. Was he somehow stuck in between?
Rinoa kept her cool, trying not to panic or show any signs of fear. "Come on, let's get you into town." She took Squall's arm and wrapped it around her shoulder. With one hand, she held onto the arm that was around her shoulder, and with the other, she supported Squall's body by holding him around the waist. Supporting his weight was hard at first, seeing as how she was smaller and weaker than he was, but she managed eventually. They walked on together, Rinoa leading calmly.
"Don't worry, it's going to be fine," said Rinoa gently. This would be so much easier if somebody else was here to help me… "Do you know what happened?"
At first, Squall very much wanted to reject Rinoa's help and get back to town on his own, but this was certainly not a time to be worrying about his pride. He accepted the fact that Rinoa was helping him, and was somewhat glad that she was the one who had found him…
"I … Lake … some guy … drugged…" The very act of speaking took up so much strength that could have been used to walk, so Squall stopped speaking. His head was agonising him now more than ever, and he let a groan of pain escape his lips.
"Okay, never mind," said Rinoa. She was now afraid for Squall, but didn't show it. She looked away from Squall's hanging head and looked up, seeing that they were in town again. Taking him to the hospital would take too long at this rate…
"We're in town now," said Rinoa quietly. "It'll take forever to get to the hospital…" She pursed her lips together nervously. "I'll take you to my house, okay? It's just over there…"
Squall gave no response and let Rinoa take him to wherever she wanted. He was too busy fighting the urge to just fall down and die to care where the hell he was going.
Rinoa led Squall to her small house. She tried to move quickly, but Squall couldn't keep up. So they went at a slow pace, until they finally reached Rinoa's house. She released Squall's waist and fumbled into her pocket for the house keys. With one hand, she unlocked the door and threw the keys on the table from the door carelessly. She supported Squall again and they made their way to Rinoa's bedroom, where she would let him rest.
She tried to ignore Squall's occasional gasps of agony. She had to put up with it the whole trip, and she honestly hated hearing him like this. His pain made her feel like bursting into tears … she didn't want to see him in such a terrifying state. She could almost feel the torture he was in … it must have been horrible. She knew that if she were ever in a state like this, she would have just given up and let herself fall. But Squall … he was such a fighter. She admired his strength to go through this…
"Almost there, Squall," said Rinoa soothingly.
She pushed her bedroom door open and it only took them a couple of paces to reach Rinoa's queen-sized bed. Squall collapsed onto it immediately, welcoming the sign that he could relax for just a second. Rinoa straightened up, her shoulders and legs aching. She watched as Squall shifted in the bed, his eyes closed tightly again, his breathing loud. A feeling of worry overcame her. He was still in pain … what was going on?
"Sleep a while," said Rinoa. "Just let yourself go…"
Rinoa's voice was muffled in Squall's ears, but he could just make out what she had said. Let go. The person who drugged him told him not to resist. Perhaps it would help if he didn't. After all, he was trying to fight the urge to collapse for what felt like a decade, when really it was only half an hour or a little more. For that whole time, it felt like his brain was screaming at him to just fall … but his body was telling him to keep going…
Squall opened his eyes, just to see if he could absorb his surroundings, but he failed. Everything was simply a blur to him. Though, he could just see the outline of Rinoa's body, watching over him like a guardian angel watching over the person she was supposed to protect. But even if her face was a blur, he could still faintly see the serene smile she gave him, which gave him a feeling of reassurance…
And then he let go … he stopped resisting, and it was like all the pain was melting away the way the world was.
Rinoa sighed in relief when Squall's eyes drooped shut. As soon as he was out, it was like everything he was fighting was gone. His breathing was back to normal, and the colour was returning to his face. However, he did seem quite flustered and it looked like he was sweltering with heat…
She sat on the edge of her bed and stared at Squall's still face, which held placid sleeping eyes and the familiar neutral expression he always had. She smiled sadly to herself, sensing the different things within Squall. It wasn't just physical pain … it was something else too. As neutral as his face might have seemed, she just had a feeling that there was something behind it all. And she was genuinely worried for him. She wondered what he was going through at this moment…
Rinoa stroked Squall's cheek gently, feeling that his skin was really warm. Feeling this warmth, she wanted nothing more than to have somebody so tender to hold her … even if it was just for a while. She was much too used to the cold that was biting at her for so many years, with the death of her mother and the coming of her illness … all she wanted was a warm embrace filled with the love and care she had been missing for so long.
She tried to picture Squall's arms around her in the depth of her mind. The image brought a sweet smile to her face. Just the thought of it made her feel happy … but she wondered if it would ever happen in reality. Probably not … not soon, anyway…
Rinoa sighed and stood up, stretching. She was so caught up in thinking about herself that she forgot that Squall could be in real danger. She went to the phone and dialled Doctor Odine's number. She knew that he was her specialist, but he was also a friend of hers in a sense. She feared that no other doctor would come on such short notice, and was sure that Odine would come if she asked him to.
"Doctor Odine," said Rinoa, "It's Rinoa."
"Rinoa? Are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm fine," answered Rinoa. "Doctor, it's my friend. The one who saved me before. There's something wrong with him, and I wanted to ask for your help..."
"I understand," said Odine. "What is ze matter?"
"He says he was drugged, I think," said Rinoa. "When I found him, he couldn't walk properly. He couldn't speak properly either. I think his head was hurting. And his eyes … they were different, as if he were asleep and dreaming."
"Dreaming?" repeated Odine. "Ah … I think I know. He has been injected with an antiseptic-like drug zat will induce a dream-like state upon him. I believe he was fighting ze drug, which is actually quite hard. He is sleeping now?"
"Yes, he's asleep now."
"Ah, well there is nothing to worry about. He will see things in his sleep zat was programmed into ze drug."
"Programmed!" exclaimed Rinoa. "What kind of a drug is this?"
"It is complicated," replied Odine. "But when he awakens, he will be fine. There is nothing to worry about."
Rinoa was convinced that Squall was going to be fine, but she still couldn't ward off that nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Thank you, doctor." She hung up on him and looked over her shoulder to find Squall sleeping soundly. She tried to be optimistic, but no matter how hard she tried, still worried for him.
Oh Squall, I hope you're all right. I wonder what kinds of things you're seeing in your dream now…
She walked over to her bed and sat on the edge again, watching Squall's sleeping face intently. Now it was her turn to watch over him. It was her turn to do the saving, to do the waiting. And just like Squall had done for her when she was in a coma … she wasn't ever going to leave his side.