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Hey, everyone! It's Jiia! I'm not dead! I'm so incredibly sorry for this absurdly long hiatus. Mostly because I said flat out that I would keep updating regularly and then totally didn't. I've got some explaining to do, and some unfortunate news that I must regretfully inform you of.
I'm just going to get right down to it. I'm going to take a break from fanfiction. Yes, you heard me right. Er... Read me right. I've already stopped writing and updating, and plan to maintain this until I work some stuff out. Therefore, this is going to be the last chapter you see for a while. Depending on how well my masterful plan works, this might be the last chapter I ever post. I'll undoubtedly continue to write it for as long as I live, but I need to get to a point in my life where I'm confident enough in my own abilities that I don't need the approval of every single person on earth. That's really what fanfiction is for me, a way to validate my own existence, sad as that is. I need to change that.
In any case, I'm sorry to leave you all hanging like this. I hope to eventually finish all my stories, one of these days. Thank you all for sticking with me through all this, and I hope to talk with you all again someday.
And thus we end where we began... Sort of funny how that works out.
With eternal love, Jiia
Dr. H: Thursday, May 31, 1993. 8:05 am. Dr. Sohma Hatori attending. Subject 492084, Sohma Ayame. Session number eight.
Dr. H: Good morning, Ayame.
Subject: Good morning, Hatori. Are you going to try to shrink my head again? It would be wonderful if you did, because then all my hats would fit.
Dr. H: No, Ayame.
Dr. H: Ayame, you're bleeding. Did you cut yourself again, Ayame?
Subject: … Yes.
Subject: Don't look at me like that, Hatori. I hate it, you know that. And stop saying my name like I'm slow. It annoys me.
Dr. H: All right. How did you cut yourself?
Subject: A nail bit me. You know how the compound is falling apart. Akito really should get that place repaired more often.
Dr. H: Tell me the truth, Ayame. Did you cut yourself on purpose?
Subject: … Yes.
Dr. H: Why?
Subject: It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dr. H: Ayame, You've got to tell someone about this. You can't keep hiding it forever. If you don't tell someone, I will.
Subject: You don't have to get so grouchy about it, Tori-san. Gure-san found out yesterday. Now he won't let me alone. He calls me day and night and stops in for tea when I'm not expecting it. The attention is nice, but it's already beginning to get old.
Dr. H: How did Shigure find out? You told him?
Subject: No…
Dr. H: Then how?
Subject: … He walked in on me the night before last.
Dr. H: You were cutting yourself?
Subject: Yes…
Dr. H: Why, Ayame?
Subject: I don't know. To see the blood, I guess. I didn't really think about it. I just wanted to, so I did.
Dr. H: Did something happen yesterday, Ayame?
Subject: Not that I can recall. It was just a normal, hum-drum day at the shop.
Dr. H: Then why did you cut yourself, Ayame?
Subject: You're doing it again, Hatori.
Dr. H: Answer the question, Ayame.
Subject: Stop it! I hate it when you do that! I'm not stupid! I'm not mentally impaired! You don't have to talk to me like I'm some sort of basket case!
Dr. H: All right, Ayame, don't get upset.
Subject: I'm not upset! And stop doing that! Stop looking at me like that!
Dr. H: Calm down, Ayame. How am I looking at you?
Subject: I am calm.
Subject: You're looking at me like everyone else looks at me. Only you and Shigure never looked at me like that. And now you do. All because of my dirty little secret.
Laughter
Dr. H: And how is that?
Subject: Like I'm a freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm a freak. People on the street, people at the store, people at restaurants… Even Kyonkitchikun and my own brother. And now you two, my best friends. My lovers. How do you like that, Tori-san? You're fucking a freak.
Laughter
Dr. H: … You're not a freak, Ayame. No one thinks you're a freak.
Subject: Yes I am. I know I am. I look in the mirror and I know I am. I mean, it's not normal to be this attractive.
Laughter
Dr. H: ….. Ayame...
Subject: Turn that thing off, Tori-san. I'm tired. I want to go home.
Dr. H: Please, Ayame, don't go home. Go to Shigure's, or the shop, anywhere. Just don't go home and sit in the dark all alone. Don't say you won't, I know you will…
Subject: Aww, is Tori-san worried about me? How 'bout I come home with you, Tori-san? We could have some fun together.
Dr. H: You know I can't do that, Ayame.
Subject: Right. Conflict of interest. Can't sleep with a patient, but sleeping with them before their found to be insane is perfectly all right. What a system.
Dr. H: Ayame, please….
Subject: Oh, don't worry, Hatori. I'm not going to go home and kill myself. I'm too much of a coward for that. Now turn that blasted tape recorder off, I want to go home.
Sigh
Dr. H: All right, Ayame. Make sure to come back next week, o.k.?
Subject: Fine. If you want to see me so badly, I'll come.
Dr. H: Good.
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