-We Are The Weird
"You..you're..?"
Nodoka was taking the shock remarkably
well, all things considered. Her hairdo
was only slightly frazzled and the twitching
of her eyes was barely noticable.
Soun had promptly fainted.
"Nabiki Saotome. And yes, the ears *are* real."
Something heavy could be heard crashing around outside.
That clamor was soon joined by the sound of various
objects being broken, smashed, shattered, and otherwise
having their physical structures rearranged without
their consent.
The Dark Elf swore under her breath.
"Damn. They're at it again."
So much for a good first impression.
~~~~~~~~
"Yes, We're Crazy And Darn Proud Of It!!!"
Fanfic Productions presents:
Private Bet #13: This Is Just Not Your Lucky Day
by Shade
Disclaimer: "Disclaimachu, I choose you!"
"Copyright attack!!" "Takahashi Beam!!"
"Pioneer Knuckle!!" "ADV Bomber!!"
"EVERYTHING-ELSE-SHOCK!!"
KABLOOIE!!!
"Looks like Team Crossover is blasting off again!"
~~~~~~~
-This Is Your Life
He shivered again. Why did he feel like the
jaws of inescapable doom were closing in on him?
Admittedly, there were already problems like the Kunos,
the school's Horde-o-Morons, the occasional Dojo Destroyer,
and the fact that his parents were a couple of complete perverts.
But he had successfully resisted and triumphed
over (or at least brought to a stalemate) all of
those threats to his peace of mind so far.
This was a whole *new* dimension of headaches.
"Fiancees! Why did it have to be fiancees?! The old man
just *had* to pull this rabbit out of his hat. Is a little
peace and quiet for once really too much to ask for?!"
Ranma sighed in frustration. All that he had ever wanted was
a normal life. But instead what he got was chaos, weirdness,
and a bunch of kooky eccentric relatives that threatened to
drive him completely crazy.
And then there was this "manliness" shtick his mother insisted on.
"What's the big deal with kissing and stuff anyway? Mom
keeps encouraging me to do that kind of thing, but it
just seems so strange and *messy*. It doesn't help any
that Mom and Dad make out like crazed weasels all the
time either. *Shudder* Parents aren't supposed to do
that kind of stuff in front of their kids! And they
*wonder* why I don't bring my friends over more often."
As he sank deeper into the bath and tried to forget
his worries for a few precious moments Ranma had
one comforting thought. It would turn out to be the
last one he'd have for a *very* long time.
{Well, at least things can't get any worse.}
~~~~~~~
-Wanna Bet?
Outside, as if the Universe had decided to answer
that blatant challenge, two battling figures
appeared in front of the stunned Nodoka and
the groaning Nabiki.
"I can't believe I'm related to them.
The doctors *must* have made a mistake,
my real family can't be anything like this!"
There are stranger sights then a angry gorilla
fighting with an equally miffed Panda using
"literally anything they can get their hands on"
as instruments of pain and suffering.
But not many.
Even in Japan, the country voted
"Most likely to spontaneously combust due to
Random Monster Attacks", this was considered
more then just simply "out of the ordinary".
It was also embarrassing the hell out of Nabiki.
She clenched one hand into a fist
as a vein on her forehead threatened
to explode in frustration.
"That's enough you two! MONO VOLT!!"
**ZZZZAAAPP**
One well roasted Panda with a side order
of crispy charred Primate was served.
"Ahhh. I feel better now."
She blew a tiny wisp of smoke off
of her index finger.
"Soun..."
Nodoka managed a small strained smile,
only the small twitching of her left eye
disturbed an otherwise serene picture of
recovered composure.
"Yes, dear?"
He looked up at her hopefully.
Did this mean he was off the hook?
"You're sleeping on the couch tonight."
A 100 ton anvil of misery dropped down
on his head, leaving the ultimate
expression of suffering in its wake.
"WAAAAAAA!!"
While she waited for their other guests to recover
Nodoka decided to question the girl (elf?) as she
seemed to be the only one who knew what was going
on at the moment.
"Now I hope there's a good explanation for all of this."
The drow put on her best poker face.
"That would depend."
Nodoka wasn't buying it. She never played poker anyway.
"Out with it, young lady."
Nabiki tried to resist, struggling heroically for
several minutes before she finally withered beneath
the "Confess! Confess! You're Guilty!!" Stare,
a legendary special technique from the Underhanded
Fighting Below the Belt School of Household Ruling.
"Well...for starters, ever hear of a place called Jusenkyo?"
As the terribly tragic story of the
Saotome family was related to the
Tendos they failed to notice that
the one of the unconscious figures
was beginning to move...
~~~~~~
-Curiouser and Curiouser
Upstairs a small creature tentatively
explored its new surroundings. The room
was rather spartan in appearence, save for
a scattered assortment of various electronic
gadgets and gizmos, a wall mount housing a
small but respectable collection of old weapons,
and a few shelves crammed to overflowing with
an impressive assortment of books.
Unable to see the titles from her current position
on the bed, U-chan decided to ignore them for the
moment in favor of other exploration.
A short hop took the rabbit from the chair to
the floor. However to her dismay she found the
door securely closed and both windows latched
and locked. Oddly enough both seemed as if they
had been designed heavily towards keeping unwanted
people from entering. The door was reinforced by
a thick metal-blue titanium steel frame on this side
and had no less then three different locks, while
the window stills came complete with a sliding armored
grill that looked solid enough to stop a tactical nuke.
{It appears I'm going to be stuck here for awhile.}
For some reason that thought wasn't
nearly as depressing as it should
have been.
~~~~~~
-Deja Vu x2
Floating in a state of blissful relaxation,
the young Tendo was unaware that his brief
respite from the world at large was about
to come to a horrible, terrifying end.
Having already hung up the "Occupied" sign
on the door outside Ranma was secure in the
knowledge that nobody would disturb him.
Both parents respected his right to privacy
here, a fact he was *extremely* thankful for
since they sure as heck didn't anyplace else!
{I guess I've soaked long enough.
Guess it's time to go and get ready.}
Reluctantly he started to step
out of the soothing hot water and
reached for one of the hanging towels.
*Slide*
Surprised by this sudden invasion,
Ranma turned towards the door ready
to berate whoever had intruded into
his sanctuary.
"Oogh?"
It turned out to be a big hulking MALE gorilla.
The poor Tendo did what was natural upon being
confronted by a large hairy primate in the nude.
"AUUUUGGHHH!! It's a monster!!"
He screamed bloody murder.
"OOooggAAA!!!"
The gorilla screamed back at him.
It seemed to be just as surprised
as he was.
Then it got angry.
*Real* angry.
*WHAM**WHAM**WHAM*
"Oro..."
*thump*
Down Ranma went.
He never knew what hit him.
Not that he'd have believed it anyway,
since when did gorillas go around
carrying big-ass wooden mallets that
had kanji on the head reading
"If you can see this, you're screwed"?
~~~~~~~
-Sledgehammer On A Detonater
A scream in the Tendo house
could mean only one thing.
"Ranma!!"
"Son!!"
Nodoka and Soun reacted exactly
like the (*cough*, *cough*) slightly
unusual parents that they were.
They dashed up the stairs.
Meanwhile Nabiki noticed that her
family was now short one unconscious
body.
"Uh oh..."
She sprinted after the
Tendos with all due haste.
{This is NOT good.}
~~~~~
-Prepare to...
"Auuoogaa! Ooo! Ooo!"
The steaming primate prepared
to deliver the finishing blow.
*Crash*
The door to the bathroom gave way
to the power of maternal instinct
as Nodoka reached the scene.
"My son!!"
A deadly blue glow sprang up
around the unoffical ruler
of the Tendo house.
Soun stopped in his tracks
the moment he saw his wife's
battle aura kick in and
immediately started looking
for cover.
Somebody was in *BIG* trouble.
"Oog?"
Deer.
Headlights.
M1 Tank.
*MEGA-CRUSH*
"Aoou-*SPLATTER*"
Instant gorilla pancake.
Nodoka reluctantly put away her 100-ton iron mallet.
Her husband tended to cringe in abject fear whenever
she brought it out. While that was nice when she
wanted him to do the dishes, it was embarrassing when
they had company present. But NOBODY hurt her manly son
and got away with it!
"There, there. Mommy's here."
If Ranma had been conscious he would
have cringed at being fussed over like
a little baby.
"Watch out for...oh. Never mind.
Looks like you already found her."
Nabiki took it all in at a glance.
She looked thoughtful for a moment,
but then just shrugged her slender
shoulders.
"Well, she did have that one coming."
~~~~
-The More Things Change
Ranma awoke to find that he'd been
placed on a futon in the living room.
A cold compress had been placed on his
head to keep the swelling down.
"Oww, what happened?"
He frowned, confused for a moment before
finally remembering the tramatic incident.
"Gorilla!!"
His head shot up.
"Oro!!"
And promptly fell back down.
A tentative exploration of his
face revealed that the area around
his left eye was swollen and painful
to the touch. There were other bumps
scattered around his head but that
one seemed to be the worst. The martial
artist dreaded to think what he was
going to look like come tomorrow morning.
{Oh great, My ribs finally healed from
Mom's last training session and now
this.}
An unfamilar voice broke Ranma's train of thought.
"So you're finally awake."
He made the mistake of turning his head
before being reminded that his cranium wasn't
up to any sudden moments.
"Atcha..."
{That...was very painful.}
He stared up into the face of a strange girl
that looked around his age. Chestnut brown
hair cut unevenly short except for a single
braided ponytail that stretched down past
her shoulders, big brown eyes that seemed
to hint at mischief, crowning a face that
was so composed that Ranma could not make
out her current feelings one way or another.
But what caught his eye was a crooked bump
on her nose, it had been broken and reset
some time ago but apparently hadn't healed
completely straight.
Nobody would call her a raving beauty,
but there was a vitality to her features
that caught and held a person's attention.
An intangible presence she possessed
which seemed to make her stand out no
matter where she might be.
{She's pretty good, I didn't even begin
to sense her presence until she actually
spoke.}
The girl waved down at him.
"Hi there."
He blinked and waved back with
a puzzled expression on his face.
"Uh...hi. Who are you?"
Her guarded expression broke
into a self assured smile.
"I'm Nabiki Saotome."
{Saotome?}
That sounded familar. But
he couldn't recall where he'd
heard that family name before.
She gave him a sympathic look.
"As for your injuries, I'm afraid that would
be the fault of my violent little sister."
"Your sister? You mean she
owns that ugly monster?"
Nabiki found herself fighting back
the laughter that threatened to burst
out after hearing that.
"*Snort* *Snicker* Not exactly."
An excited shout came from behind Nabiki.
"Son! You're awake!"
This time Ranma remembered
to turn his head *slowly*.
"Father."
*GLOMP*
"Waaahh! I was so worried!!"
Ranma suffered through the Tendo
"Hugging and Crying like a Baby"
ritual as long as he could stand
before finally trying to pry his
overemotional parent's arms off
of himself.
"Please stop that. It's embarrassing.
I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad."
Nodoka appeared like magic from the
kitchen, bearing with her a covered
tray from which came a familar odor.
Ranma's nose twitched.
His stomach growled as it
identified the heavenly
aroma of egg sake hot off
the stove.
Nodoka placed the tray down
beside him and took a moment
to observe his condition. Her eyes
narrowed dangerously when they
spotted his blackening eye,
but the look vanished so quickly
that it might have been nothing more
then a trick of the light.
"I thought you might be hungry
when you woke up."
Ranma nodded slowly as his mouth
watered in anticipation.
"Hurry up and finish it before it gets cold."
*Snarf**Gobble**Gulp*
4.7 seconds later the bowl was empty.
Nabiki blinked in surprise. She thought
only *her* family was capable of that
kind of speed eating.
Nodoka nodded in approval
of her son's manly appetite.
"Now then, some explanations are in order..."
~~~~~~
-Not a Sleeping Beauty
Akane Saotome groaned as she regained consciousness.
"Ohhh, my aching head..."
A part of her mind idly noted that
sometime during her brief nap she'd
been changed back to her human form.
Several voices could be heard nearby.
"So let me get this straight,
that gorilla trying to kill me
was actually your younger sister?"
"That's correct."
"And she changes to a girl when splashed with
hot water and back to a gorilla with cold water?"
"Yes."
"And the rest of your family
has this 'Jusenkyo' curse too?"
"I'm afraid so."
{Nabiki?}
Upon opening her eyes so that just
a crack of light got through, the
youngest Saotome could see the back
of her older sister's head.
"I see. Well in that case..."
(Who is she talking to?}
"...It's not that big a deal. I'm not too thrilled
about getting whacked in the bath but it's just a
black eye, it'll heal. You are our guests after all."
Akane could have sworn she heard her sister's jaw drop.
"You-you're not going to make a fuss about all this?"
"This is Nerima. Compared to the usual weirdness
going on around here a couple of magical curses
isn't exactly too much to accept. You and your family
will might actually be a bit more normal then most
of the residents here."
"..."
And that was when the Genma formly
known as Mr. Panda decided to wake up.
~~~~~~~
-Somebody's In Trouble
"Can you fix any of this?"
Rowan looked up from the snowballing effects
of the currently highly unstable dimension and
gave the Bard a weary look.
"Do I look like a quantum flux mechanic?"
The Half-elf winced and dropped back onto his seat.
He watched as an apologetic Mihoshi tried to explain
to Shadow and the Guardian how she'd gotten from Washu's
lab with all of its shiny buttons and interesting gizmos
to what was *supposed* have been a totally secure and
undetectable sub-plane of existance.
Both of them looked like they were developing headaches
trying to follow the detective's exhaustive attention to
even the most minute details.
And then the Bard made a mistake.
"Well, at least things can't..."
Rowan's eyes widened.
"NO! Wait! Don't say it!! It's bad-"
His words were to no avail.
"...get any worse."
*THOOM**CRASH**BOOM*
"-luck."
It didn't take a genius to
sense disaster in the making.
~~~~~~~~~~~
-Panda Must Die! (Or At Least Get Beaten Up)
Nodoka Tendo was normally a calm and reasonable woman.
"SA-O-TO-ME."
But there were certain things that triggered a
legendary temper that was greatly feared by all
the residents of Nerima.
Harming her son was at the top of that list.
But bad parenting ranked a close second.
"I can explain..."
Genma tried to inch back as Nodoka's sheathed sword
pressed uncomfortably against his bobbing adam's apple.
But his efforts were in vain as she maintained a
steady threatening pressure against his throat.
He silently prayed that Nodoka still maintained
her family's traditional "No killing in the house" policy.
Nabiki blinked as she tried to figure out where
the heck the Tendo matriarch had pulled her sword
from. And why did her father look so terrified?
Mrs. Tendo hadn't even drawn the blade out yet.
She didn't *look* that dangerous. Did the old
man know something that Nabiki didn't?
Soun winced in sympathy for his old friend's predicament.
But he was already in the doghouse (figurately speaking)
as far as his wife was concerned. Saotome was on his own
this time. With any luck No-chan would settle for merely
beating Genma black and blue and they wouldn't have worry
about getting blood out of the carpet...again.
Ranma wished once again that his family was just
a little more normal. But from what he'd heard so
far, this Genma character might actually *deserve*
the treatment his mother was giving him.
"Well? I'm waiting."
Genma managed to squeak out his standard excuse.
"It was for the good of the schools!"
Wrong answer.
"Aaaaaaggghh!!"
Genma go up.
*Sploosh*
Panda fall down.
"Growf!"
To his credit, the overweight animal hit
the pond running and didn't stop. In fact
he actually managed to pick up a decent
head of steam once he dashed out into the
streets.
Not that it was going to do him much good
in the end, but at least he was trying.
"Dinner will be a little late tonight, Ranma.
Why don't you get better acquainted with Nabiki
in the meantime?"
Nodoka started to stretch in preparation.
It was only fair to give her target a decent
head start.
"Oh...uh, sure."
He turned toward their guest.
"Would you like to see the Dojo?"
Nabiki had a certain gleam in her eyes.
"Of course. Lead the way."
Ranma's mother shook her head in dismay
as her son missed the not-too-subtle
undertones in the young woman's voice.
{He *still* hasn't learned to recognize the
signs that a girl is interested in him.
Whatever is a poor mother to do? I've tried
almost everything I can think of to get him
to be 'manly' with at least one of them,
but he still doesn't seem to get it yet.}
But her maternal concerns about her son's
love life (or lack of one) would have to
wait for the moment. There was a more
important task at hand.
"The vengence of the heavens is swift and sure, Genma! PREPARE TO BE PUNISHED!!"
And the chase was on!
-To be continued
"You..you're..?"
Nodoka was taking the shock remarkably
well, all things considered. Her hairdo
was only slightly frazzled and the twitching
of her eyes was barely noticable.
Soun had promptly fainted.
"Nabiki Saotome. And yes, the ears *are* real."
Something heavy could be heard crashing around outside.
That clamor was soon joined by the sound of various
objects being broken, smashed, shattered, and otherwise
having their physical structures rearranged without
their consent.
The Dark Elf swore under her breath.
"Damn. They're at it again."
So much for a good first impression.
~~~~~~~~
"Yes, We're Crazy And Darn Proud Of It!!!"
Fanfic Productions presents:
Private Bet #13: This Is Just Not Your Lucky Day
by Shade
Disclaimer: "Disclaimachu, I choose you!"
"Copyright attack!!" "Takahashi Beam!!"
"Pioneer Knuckle!!" "ADV Bomber!!"
"EVERYTHING-ELSE-SHOCK!!"
KABLOOIE!!!
"Looks like Team Crossover is blasting off again!"
~~~~~~~
-This Is Your Life
He shivered again. Why did he feel like the
jaws of inescapable doom were closing in on him?
Admittedly, there were already problems like the Kunos,
the school's Horde-o-Morons, the occasional Dojo Destroyer,
and the fact that his parents were a couple of complete perverts.
But he had successfully resisted and triumphed
over (or at least brought to a stalemate) all of
those threats to his peace of mind so far.
This was a whole *new* dimension of headaches.
"Fiancees! Why did it have to be fiancees?! The old man
just *had* to pull this rabbit out of his hat. Is a little
peace and quiet for once really too much to ask for?!"
Ranma sighed in frustration. All that he had ever wanted was
a normal life. But instead what he got was chaos, weirdness,
and a bunch of kooky eccentric relatives that threatened to
drive him completely crazy.
And then there was this "manliness" shtick his mother insisted on.
"What's the big deal with kissing and stuff anyway? Mom
keeps encouraging me to do that kind of thing, but it
just seems so strange and *messy*. It doesn't help any
that Mom and Dad make out like crazed weasels all the
time either. *Shudder* Parents aren't supposed to do
that kind of stuff in front of their kids! And they
*wonder* why I don't bring my friends over more often."
As he sank deeper into the bath and tried to forget
his worries for a few precious moments Ranma had
one comforting thought. It would turn out to be the
last one he'd have for a *very* long time.
{Well, at least things can't get any worse.}
~~~~~~~
-Wanna Bet?
Outside, as if the Universe had decided to answer
that blatant challenge, two battling figures
appeared in front of the stunned Nodoka and
the groaning Nabiki.
"I can't believe I'm related to them.
The doctors *must* have made a mistake,
my real family can't be anything like this!"
There are stranger sights then a angry gorilla
fighting with an equally miffed Panda using
"literally anything they can get their hands on"
as instruments of pain and suffering.
But not many.
Even in Japan, the country voted
"Most likely to spontaneously combust due to
Random Monster Attacks", this was considered
more then just simply "out of the ordinary".
It was also embarrassing the hell out of Nabiki.
She clenched one hand into a fist
as a vein on her forehead threatened
to explode in frustration.
"That's enough you two! MONO VOLT!!"
**ZZZZAAAPP**
One well roasted Panda with a side order
of crispy charred Primate was served.
"Ahhh. I feel better now."
She blew a tiny wisp of smoke off
of her index finger.
"Soun..."
Nodoka managed a small strained smile,
only the small twitching of her left eye
disturbed an otherwise serene picture of
recovered composure.
"Yes, dear?"
He looked up at her hopefully.
Did this mean he was off the hook?
"You're sleeping on the couch tonight."
A 100 ton anvil of misery dropped down
on his head, leaving the ultimate
expression of suffering in its wake.
"WAAAAAAA!!"
While she waited for their other guests to recover
Nodoka decided to question the girl (elf?) as she
seemed to be the only one who knew what was going
on at the moment.
"Now I hope there's a good explanation for all of this."
The drow put on her best poker face.
"That would depend."
Nodoka wasn't buying it. She never played poker anyway.
"Out with it, young lady."
Nabiki tried to resist, struggling heroically for
several minutes before she finally withered beneath
the "Confess! Confess! You're Guilty!!" Stare,
a legendary special technique from the Underhanded
Fighting Below the Belt School of Household Ruling.
"Well...for starters, ever hear of a place called Jusenkyo?"
As the terribly tragic story of the
Saotome family was related to the
Tendos they failed to notice that
the one of the unconscious figures
was beginning to move...
~~~~~~
-Curiouser and Curiouser
Upstairs a small creature tentatively
explored its new surroundings. The room
was rather spartan in appearence, save for
a scattered assortment of various electronic
gadgets and gizmos, a wall mount housing a
small but respectable collection of old weapons,
and a few shelves crammed to overflowing with
an impressive assortment of books.
Unable to see the titles from her current position
on the bed, U-chan decided to ignore them for the
moment in favor of other exploration.
A short hop took the rabbit from the chair to
the floor. However to her dismay she found the
door securely closed and both windows latched
and locked. Oddly enough both seemed as if they
had been designed heavily towards keeping unwanted
people from entering. The door was reinforced by
a thick metal-blue titanium steel frame on this side
and had no less then three different locks, while
the window stills came complete with a sliding armored
grill that looked solid enough to stop a tactical nuke.
{It appears I'm going to be stuck here for awhile.}
For some reason that thought wasn't
nearly as depressing as it should
have been.
~~~~~~
-Deja Vu x2
Floating in a state of blissful relaxation,
the young Tendo was unaware that his brief
respite from the world at large was about
to come to a horrible, terrifying end.
Having already hung up the "Occupied" sign
on the door outside Ranma was secure in the
knowledge that nobody would disturb him.
Both parents respected his right to privacy
here, a fact he was *extremely* thankful for
since they sure as heck didn't anyplace else!
{I guess I've soaked long enough.
Guess it's time to go and get ready.}
Reluctantly he started to step
out of the soothing hot water and
reached for one of the hanging towels.
*Slide*
Surprised by this sudden invasion,
Ranma turned towards the door ready
to berate whoever had intruded into
his sanctuary.
"Oogh?"
It turned out to be a big hulking MALE gorilla.
The poor Tendo did what was natural upon being
confronted by a large hairy primate in the nude.
"AUUUUGGHHH!! It's a monster!!"
He screamed bloody murder.
"OOooggAAA!!!"
The gorilla screamed back at him.
It seemed to be just as surprised
as he was.
Then it got angry.
*Real* angry.
*WHAM**WHAM**WHAM*
"Oro..."
*thump*
Down Ranma went.
He never knew what hit him.
Not that he'd have believed it anyway,
since when did gorillas go around
carrying big-ass wooden mallets that
had kanji on the head reading
"If you can see this, you're screwed"?
~~~~~~~
-Sledgehammer On A Detonater
A scream in the Tendo house
could mean only one thing.
"Ranma!!"
"Son!!"
Nodoka and Soun reacted exactly
like the (*cough*, *cough*) slightly
unusual parents that they were.
They dashed up the stairs.
Meanwhile Nabiki noticed that her
family was now short one unconscious
body.
"Uh oh..."
She sprinted after the
Tendos with all due haste.
{This is NOT good.}
~~~~~
-Prepare to...
"Auuoogaa! Ooo! Ooo!"
The steaming primate prepared
to deliver the finishing blow.
*Crash*
The door to the bathroom gave way
to the power of maternal instinct
as Nodoka reached the scene.
"My son!!"
A deadly blue glow sprang up
around the unoffical ruler
of the Tendo house.
Soun stopped in his tracks
the moment he saw his wife's
battle aura kick in and
immediately started looking
for cover.
Somebody was in *BIG* trouble.
"Oog?"
Deer.
Headlights.
M1 Tank.
*MEGA-CRUSH*
"Aoou-*SPLATTER*"
Instant gorilla pancake.
Nodoka reluctantly put away her 100-ton iron mallet.
Her husband tended to cringe in abject fear whenever
she brought it out. While that was nice when she
wanted him to do the dishes, it was embarrassing when
they had company present. But NOBODY hurt her manly son
and got away with it!
"There, there. Mommy's here."
If Ranma had been conscious he would
have cringed at being fussed over like
a little baby.
"Watch out for...oh. Never mind.
Looks like you already found her."
Nabiki took it all in at a glance.
She looked thoughtful for a moment,
but then just shrugged her slender
shoulders.
"Well, she did have that one coming."
~~~~
-The More Things Change
Ranma awoke to find that he'd been
placed on a futon in the living room.
A cold compress had been placed on his
head to keep the swelling down.
"Oww, what happened?"
He frowned, confused for a moment before
finally remembering the tramatic incident.
"Gorilla!!"
His head shot up.
"Oro!!"
And promptly fell back down.
A tentative exploration of his
face revealed that the area around
his left eye was swollen and painful
to the touch. There were other bumps
scattered around his head but that
one seemed to be the worst. The martial
artist dreaded to think what he was
going to look like come tomorrow morning.
{Oh great, My ribs finally healed from
Mom's last training session and now
this.}
An unfamilar voice broke Ranma's train of thought.
"So you're finally awake."
He made the mistake of turning his head
before being reminded that his cranium wasn't
up to any sudden moments.
"Atcha..."
{That...was very painful.}
He stared up into the face of a strange girl
that looked around his age. Chestnut brown
hair cut unevenly short except for a single
braided ponytail that stretched down past
her shoulders, big brown eyes that seemed
to hint at mischief, crowning a face that
was so composed that Ranma could not make
out her current feelings one way or another.
But what caught his eye was a crooked bump
on her nose, it had been broken and reset
some time ago but apparently hadn't healed
completely straight.
Nobody would call her a raving beauty,
but there was a vitality to her features
that caught and held a person's attention.
An intangible presence she possessed
which seemed to make her stand out no
matter where she might be.
{She's pretty good, I didn't even begin
to sense her presence until she actually
spoke.}
The girl waved down at him.
"Hi there."
He blinked and waved back with
a puzzled expression on his face.
"Uh...hi. Who are you?"
Her guarded expression broke
into a self assured smile.
"I'm Nabiki Saotome."
{Saotome?}
That sounded familar. But
he couldn't recall where he'd
heard that family name before.
She gave him a sympathic look.
"As for your injuries, I'm afraid that would
be the fault of my violent little sister."
"Your sister? You mean she
owns that ugly monster?"
Nabiki found herself fighting back
the laughter that threatened to burst
out after hearing that.
"*Snort* *Snicker* Not exactly."
An excited shout came from behind Nabiki.
"Son! You're awake!"
This time Ranma remembered
to turn his head *slowly*.
"Father."
*GLOMP*
"Waaahh! I was so worried!!"
Ranma suffered through the Tendo
"Hugging and Crying like a Baby"
ritual as long as he could stand
before finally trying to pry his
overemotional parent's arms off
of himself.
"Please stop that. It's embarrassing.
I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad."
Nodoka appeared like magic from the
kitchen, bearing with her a covered
tray from which came a familar odor.
Ranma's nose twitched.
His stomach growled as it
identified the heavenly
aroma of egg sake hot off
the stove.
Nodoka placed the tray down
beside him and took a moment
to observe his condition. Her eyes
narrowed dangerously when they
spotted his blackening eye,
but the look vanished so quickly
that it might have been nothing more
then a trick of the light.
"I thought you might be hungry
when you woke up."
Ranma nodded slowly as his mouth
watered in anticipation.
"Hurry up and finish it before it gets cold."
*Snarf**Gobble**Gulp*
4.7 seconds later the bowl was empty.
Nabiki blinked in surprise. She thought
only *her* family was capable of that
kind of speed eating.
Nodoka nodded in approval
of her son's manly appetite.
"Now then, some explanations are in order..."
~~~~~~
-Not a Sleeping Beauty
Akane Saotome groaned as she regained consciousness.
"Ohhh, my aching head..."
A part of her mind idly noted that
sometime during her brief nap she'd
been changed back to her human form.
Several voices could be heard nearby.
"So let me get this straight,
that gorilla trying to kill me
was actually your younger sister?"
"That's correct."
"And she changes to a girl when splashed with
hot water and back to a gorilla with cold water?"
"Yes."
"And the rest of your family
has this 'Jusenkyo' curse too?"
"I'm afraid so."
{Nabiki?}
Upon opening her eyes so that just
a crack of light got through, the
youngest Saotome could see the back
of her older sister's head.
"I see. Well in that case..."
(Who is she talking to?}
"...It's not that big a deal. I'm not too thrilled
about getting whacked in the bath but it's just a
black eye, it'll heal. You are our guests after all."
Akane could have sworn she heard her sister's jaw drop.
"You-you're not going to make a fuss about all this?"
"This is Nerima. Compared to the usual weirdness
going on around here a couple of magical curses
isn't exactly too much to accept. You and your family
will might actually be a bit more normal then most
of the residents here."
"..."
And that was when the Genma formly
known as Mr. Panda decided to wake up.
~~~~~~~
-Somebody's In Trouble
"Can you fix any of this?"
Rowan looked up from the snowballing effects
of the currently highly unstable dimension and
gave the Bard a weary look.
"Do I look like a quantum flux mechanic?"
The Half-elf winced and dropped back onto his seat.
He watched as an apologetic Mihoshi tried to explain
to Shadow and the Guardian how she'd gotten from Washu's
lab with all of its shiny buttons and interesting gizmos
to what was *supposed* have been a totally secure and
undetectable sub-plane of existance.
Both of them looked like they were developing headaches
trying to follow the detective's exhaustive attention to
even the most minute details.
And then the Bard made a mistake.
"Well, at least things can't..."
Rowan's eyes widened.
"NO! Wait! Don't say it!! It's bad-"
His words were to no avail.
"...get any worse."
*THOOM**CRASH**BOOM*
"-luck."
It didn't take a genius to
sense disaster in the making.
~~~~~~~~~~~
-Panda Must Die! (Or At Least Get Beaten Up)
Nodoka Tendo was normally a calm and reasonable woman.
"SA-O-TO-ME."
But there were certain things that triggered a
legendary temper that was greatly feared by all
the residents of Nerima.
Harming her son was at the top of that list.
But bad parenting ranked a close second.
"I can explain..."
Genma tried to inch back as Nodoka's sheathed sword
pressed uncomfortably against his bobbing adam's apple.
But his efforts were in vain as she maintained a
steady threatening pressure against his throat.
He silently prayed that Nodoka still maintained
her family's traditional "No killing in the house" policy.
Nabiki blinked as she tried to figure out where
the heck the Tendo matriarch had pulled her sword
from. And why did her father look so terrified?
Mrs. Tendo hadn't even drawn the blade out yet.
She didn't *look* that dangerous. Did the old
man know something that Nabiki didn't?
Soun winced in sympathy for his old friend's predicament.
But he was already in the doghouse (figurately speaking)
as far as his wife was concerned. Saotome was on his own
this time. With any luck No-chan would settle for merely
beating Genma black and blue and they wouldn't have worry
about getting blood out of the carpet...again.
Ranma wished once again that his family was just
a little more normal. But from what he'd heard so
far, this Genma character might actually *deserve*
the treatment his mother was giving him.
"Well? I'm waiting."
Genma managed to squeak out his standard excuse.
"It was for the good of the schools!"
Wrong answer.
"Aaaaaaggghh!!"
Genma go up.
*Sploosh*
Panda fall down.
"Growf!"
To his credit, the overweight animal hit
the pond running and didn't stop. In fact
he actually managed to pick up a decent
head of steam once he dashed out into the
streets.
Not that it was going to do him much good
in the end, but at least he was trying.
"Dinner will be a little late tonight, Ranma.
Why don't you get better acquainted with Nabiki
in the meantime?"
Nodoka started to stretch in preparation.
It was only fair to give her target a decent
head start.
"Oh...uh, sure."
He turned toward their guest.
"Would you like to see the Dojo?"
Nabiki had a certain gleam in her eyes.
"Of course. Lead the way."
Ranma's mother shook her head in dismay
as her son missed the not-too-subtle
undertones in the young woman's voice.
{He *still* hasn't learned to recognize the
signs that a girl is interested in him.
Whatever is a poor mother to do? I've tried
almost everything I can think of to get him
to be 'manly' with at least one of them,
but he still doesn't seem to get it yet.}
But her maternal concerns about her son's
love life (or lack of one) would have to
wait for the moment. There was a more
important task at hand.
"The vengence of the heavens is swift and sure, Genma! PREPARE TO BE PUNISHED!!"
And the chase was on!
-To be continued