Fanfic by blueroseulan

November 5, 2005

Standard Disclaimers Apply and the song 'Collide' sung by Howie Day does not belong to me. I repeat it doesn't belong to me… so please don't sue a poor writer like me!

AN: This was sort of a spur of a moment type fic (just like almost all of my fics). Please be reminded though that this is a semi AU fic. Set on the Bakumatsu era, somebody complained that Kenshin, in my fic 'Hold me For Tonight' was far too soft, being Battousai and all. So I made him a bit colder here… But he's still sweet… Whatever… Do the judging and don't forget to review okay? (I recommend imagining and singing along with the song if you know it. It does the fic so much justice, I think you'd enjoy reading it more )

K

N

K

The dawn is breaking…

A light shining through…

The soft gentle rays of the early morning sun slowly made its way towards their room, thin glittering shafts of light filtering to rest on the well polished wooden floors. Everything was calm, peaceful, so much unlike the night which carried a venomous sting, seemingly like a snake that would strike you at your heel in any time of the dark. One would have to be closer pressed to realize that the gentle serenity of the morning was somehow miraculous... strange… for one did not expect gentle serenity amidst the time of war.

You're barely waking…

And I'm tangled up in you…

In the middle of the room lay two lovers on a futon, both naked with only the thin sheet of their blanket concealing the flesh they had daringly exposed. Even in sleep, they looked striking. The man with the red hair—a color deeper than any hue of blood or of dying ember supported a cross shaped scar on his left cheek. Yet it only served to fuel his strong image, serving to perfect his features rather than to flaw it. His well chiseled chest rising in a fast up and down motion indicting how a light sleeper he was.

If the red head was beautiful, the woman he held in his arms was just as stunning. Her ebon locks, darker than the shade of midnight glowed with the first touches of the morning sun. Long curly lashes that contrasted on the milky white of her skin protected her gentle orbs and the form of her perfectly sculpted body molded into the blanket and right into her lover's arms.

It was he who woke up first. Eyes slowly opening to reveal a pair of soft glowing amber orbs with tiny flecks of amethyst. His eyes, as she had said that night, were one of his best qualities, for it could hold such contrasting emotions of anger, victory, death and yes, even passion.

Slowly, as not to wake her, he shifted his arms to allow her head to pillow on his shoulder. His body felt slightly stiff, though he couldn't tell whether it was because of their tryst that night or the fact that she had leaned onto his arm for well over the night.

It didn't bother him the slightest though. He would do anything for this woman.

When I'm open, you're closed…

Where I follow you go…

He frowned, his lips pressing to form a thin line. Recalling the earlier fight they had, he knew well enough that her words were right, no matter how much it stung him.

"I told you not to go out! It's far too dangerous for you!" he growled, eyes flashing dark amber.

Tears of righteous anger were forming in her sapphire orbs, slipping past her cheeks. "How could you say that Kenshin? Why are you demanding that I put out my life? Don't you trust me enough? Don't you trust me enough not to even allow me to leave this house? I could very well protect myself Kenshin." she cried, lapis lazuli eyes clashing against his amber ones, allowing him to feel the anger and betrayal she felt.

"That's not my point and you for one, know that." he declared, crossing the room and grabbing his katana. He spared her one last glance before exiting the room.

"Matte!" she called out, palms balling into closed fist. "Kenshin no baka! I'm not through explaining my part!"

Her voice held a tone of despondency, despair… that he had to swerve and retrace his steps. Nearing her, their faces impossibly close, he questioned what her reasons were for scaring half of his life away when he found out that she had gone to town that morning without his permission.

"Kenshin… you just cant demand that from me… cooping me here in your house… not even trusting me enough to let me go to the market to buy supplies… I can take care of myself…" she sobbed.

"I told you life would be hard when you come with me."

She nodded her head. "I know that. I'm very much aware of that Kenshin. And I chose you over that fear. Because I love you… But you cant coop me here for the rest of my life Kenshin… you shouldn't let your paranoia affect the way you think about me… about my capability of protecting myself…" she sobbed, burying her face in her palms, making his heart inwardly clench with the thought that he had once again, made her cry.

"I'll be back." he declared before leaving the room, stunning the woman with his reaction. Inwardly though, he wanted to clear that head of his, maybe to let off steam. Whatever his reasons were, only one thing stood clear in his mind: they would have to settle that matter tonight. He wouldn't want any growing gap between him and his salvation.

I worry I won't see your face…

Light up again…

He came home late that night. An ebon eyebrow rose to find that all the lights were out. Had she gone away again? He doubted that. Perhaps she was fast asleep, or was trying to go to sleep. Entering the house with silence, he quickly proceeded to their bedroom, not even bothering to get something to eat—he wasn't hungry anyway.

He finally found what his eyes sought for; a thin form huddled in the middle of the room, wrapped in thick blankets and slightly shivering in the wind. Frowning, he first exchanged his hakama for a yukata before nearing her and gently adjusting the covers of her blanket. It may seem that Battousai was a ruthless killer—a shadow assassin who promised death to anyone who crossed his path, but when he was with her, he was gentle, tender even still, but only with her. She was the only who could understand the temperamental man he had become.

The glow of the moon touched her face and he could see the light paths of her tears. Mentally cursing himself, he allowed his fingers to skim past her smooth face, marveling how soft and gentle it was.

She stirred and deliberately, sapphire orbs met amber ones. She did not speak at first, merely because she was once again drawn to his gaze which carried so much powerful emotions. Love, tenderness, even passion.

"I'm sorry…" she murmured, her voice soft and breath-like.

He shook his head. "I'm the one who's at fault. I shouldn't have done that to you… You deserve the freedom you've been wanting." he declared, punctuating his sentence with a kiss.

She gasped, surprise momentarily filling her face before transpiring to joy. Conveying her gratitude by capturing his lips with a kiss, she felt his hands roam her body but nevertheless she permitted his touch…

Even the best fall down sometime…

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme…

"Kenshin…"

Her voice broke the trail of thoughts in his mind, jolting him out of his reverie.

"Nani?"

A hand gingerly crept up to touch his cheek. "Is something wrong?" she asked, sapphire eyes filling with worry.

Inwardly he marveled the way she could easily sense his distress and his anxiety yet somehow he knew it wouldn't be a rightful thing to do if he admitted to her that he was pondering over their last fight. No, it wouldn't do for it would only stir much trouble and questions than he certainly wanted.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

Her frown seemed to linger for a few moments before completely ebbing away to be replaced by a soft smile. If she had been someone else, she would have thought that this man—Battousai was rude, brash and disrespectful. A man of few words as Kaoru had intelligently quipped. And yet even if he spoke no more than 5 long sentences the maximum, his actions proved louder and clearer than any verbal anyone could every utter. He had made mistakes from his past—but so had she. Her disobedience and insolence yesterday was more than proof for that. Though they lived comfortably together, both would have had to admit that they had gotten their fair share of rotten days.

Out of the doubt that fills my mind…

I somehow find that you and I collide…

Yet no matter how hard life was for both of them, she still dearly loved him and knew she was dearly loved in return.

His contemplative silence was infecting and it gave her the chance to ponder over the span of 6 short months that they had known one another. She was an orphan back then, wandering aimlessly in the outskirts of Tokyo for almost a month, with no money, no food and not even shelter. Finally, in the heavy rain slamming on the streets, her body finally surrendered and she fell unconscious in the dark.

There was a figure slumped dejectedly on the alleyway. Though he had just come back from his mission, his curiosity got the best of him. Nearing the body, he was almost taken aback when he saw the form of a shapely woman, hair matted and pasted on her cheeks, clearly having lost her consciousness amidst the blinding rain. He was just about to turn his back against her when he stopped, suddenly as if a force had slammed hard against him. There was something in her troubled face that made him turn around and carry her back to his dwelling. She certainly had high fever and though it was definitely out of character for him to tend to someone, he just did.

It was truly unlikely for the great Hitokiri Battousai to just go about rescuing damsels in distress and carrying them back to his own place and it all the more made Kaoru grateful to the gods that he had decided to pick her up and tend to her fever—she would have died if he hadn't and the mere thought of just not meeting the assassin and having the opportunity to spend her days with him was far too awful than the thought of dying itself.

I'm quiet you know…

You make a first impression…

The Hitokiri Battousai was definitely not an easy man to live with. That was Kaoru's first impression towards the red head that carelessly went on with his life, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was indeed housing a woman under his roof. He was quiet, silent, and scary even with those creepy amber eyes that seemed to bore down her soul. She would have ran away had it not it been for that fateful night when she saw his true emotions he so tried hard to conceal under a plain mask of his.

He was restless, Kaoru knew that. She could feel his movements as she contemplatively lay on the floor. Finally, when she couldn't take his whimpers and soft cries anymore, she rose up and silently made her way towards his room.

The man was a great mess; with pillows strewn everywhere and blankets flung on the floor. He was shivering, though Kaoru was unsure if it was because of the cold or the nightmare that was plaguing him.

For a moment she was hesitant to go near him, was her presence wanted? Was she even welcome in his room? Kaoru didn't know, but it was too much for her to just stand without doing anything and so, steeling her breath, she approached the quivering shadow assassin and reached out to touch his face.

The moment her fingers met his skin, she was immediately tackled on the hard wooden floor and he was suddenly hovering above her, his katana pressing hard against her neck.

She gasped, closing her eyes and praying that recognition would settle in his rattled nerves.

For a while a dead silence hung inside the room for neither had the strength to talk. It was only when Kaoru noticed their compromising position and reddened when the man took this as a cue and drew himself away from her.

"You shouldn't come around barging into other people's room like that." He declared, resheathing his katana. Inwardly, he had wanted to utter a few more words but then… what was there left to say?

His words surprised her. Barging! And she was the one at fault here!

"I was only trying to help you… you were restless and all that… I think you were having a nightmare so I decided to check on you. I'm sorry if you did not appreciate that." she said bravely, having composed herself. Her last sentence seemed to be a mutter of sarcasm as she swiftly stood up, fully intending to walk out of his room.

His arm shot out to firmly grip hers, fully stopping her from leaving his room. Surprise and astonishment flickered on her face as his hands came to grasp her arms.

"What are you doing! Why are you doing this? All of this!" he questioned, slightly shaking her and scaring her with the sudden catch in his voice.

"Wha-what are you saying?" she asked, clearly confused and scared at the same time. 'He could kill me… He could kill me if he wants to…'

He growled, pushing her against the far wall and entrapping her form between his body and the wooden barrier. "Why are you being so kind! Do you not know who I am? Why! Naze! Naze!"

I found I'm scared to know…

I'm always on your mind…

"Because I want to help you… there something in you… the Hitokiri Battousai that's telling me there's more in your heart than just being that of a killer… And I want to know that… I want to know you more… You rescued me… And I will be eternally grateful for that… I just want to reach out." she softly declared, bowing her head and hiding her tears.

"But I'm a killer." his tone was impassive and yet there was a flicker of emotion in his amber eyes… confusion… fear… and even hope?

"I don't care if you're a killer or not."

Her words struck him—hard. "No one has ever talked to me that way before…" he trailed off, before tilting her chin and finally descending his lips against hers. She stilled for a moment before she finally responded and kissed him back. She allowed his hand to touch the base of her back and she slightly whimpered when she felt him push her lithe body onto his futon…

Everything changed since then. Everything…

Even the best fall down sometimes…

Even the stars refuse to shine…

Her face was painted with worry and fear, form seated in the front porch, seemingly waiting for someone. Earlier that day, a messenger had been sent to summon the help of the infamous shadow assassin to aide in winning and in the process—ending the war that had waged on for the longest time.

She knew she had no reason to worry, knew that with his skill and strength he is far the most unbeatable in the lot. But still… She tried to rest herself, for the doctor had fairly warned her that any strenuous activity might harm and affect the development of the little one that was nestled in her womb. But she could barely keep herself in bed and so, she decided to just stay up in the porch and wait up for him.

Shivering slightly as the wind nipped gently at her skin, Kaoru pulled her michiyuki tighter and allowed her mind to drift over the sea of memories.

Ridiculous as it may sound, he was the first one to sense that she was child. Defensive as she was, she knew his calculations were correct being aware that the man knew how to read chi.

But still, she wished she had been the one to break the news to him. Wished that she had been the one to watch the growing amazement and surprise in his face and not he who had watched her under his intensive gaze. When he spoke, his voice was shaking, tender… far different with the usual cold tone.

"You are with child… love…"

She gasped, body stilling and mind ceasing to work. She continued to gaze at him, trying to decipher his emotions in order to know hers. It was evident that he was tensed, nervous and yet, thrilled?

"Kenshin…" she whispered, eyes as wide as large saucer cups.

He nodded slowly, once, twice until finally, his lips broke into a wide grin and he had grabbed her still form and pressed her body against his, folding his arms around her back.

"I can't believe it… we're going to have a baby…" she murmured, still in shock. He could only nod as he felt the surges of euphoria bursting in his chest. For a moment, all the guilt, the inhibitions and insecurities that had been eating him suddenly vanished, replaced by a warm feeling that bade to make him exultant.

A lone figure trudged wearily towards the path home. Tired. He was so damned tired of everything… the war, the fighting, and the scent of blood… everything… Even after the war has been won and stopped, the shadow assassin couldn't help but still contain the foreboding feeling in his chest. It was mostly out of habit—probably—a habit that served to make him a bit paranoid and less optimistic. No matter what happens…I should still keep my guards up… I couldn't… wouldn't risk the lives of the ones I love by being too much complacent…

Their house came into view and the red haired swordsman gave a long sigh of relief. Home… I'm finally home… Entering the silent compounds, he frowned when he saw her form, seated and leaning on the wooden beams of the front porch.

"Kaoru?"

When she gave no answer, his first instinct was to heighten his senses up and try to feel her chi. When he sensed no unwanted visitors, he neared her stilled form, heart beating a thunderous pace.

"Kao—"

He was cut off however, when he saw her sapphire orbs were fluttered to a close and that she was dozing slightly.

She's asleep… he realized, his gaze trailing over her form and settling on her hands that were resting atop her belly.

Inwardly, he smiled, knowing that she had probably fallen asleep waiting up for him and the thoughts of their child finally putting her to sleep. His fingers lightly skimming across her cheeks, silently, he watched with awe and wonderment as lapis lazuli eyes slowly opened, revealing her very own soul.

"Kenshin…" a relieved smile spread across her lips and she had flung her arms around his neck. "Kami-sama… I was so worried…" she whispered. "Are you hurt? Are you okay? Do you have any wounds?" she asked, hands and fingers flying everywhere to check if he was bleeding or with wound.

His fingers came to grasp her own, stilling their movements. "I'm fine. Just tired. That's all." he reassured, seating himself beside her.

Tired? Demo… "Did something wrong happen? Has the war ended?" she knew he did not appreciate her inquisitiveness at the moment, for he himself had admitted that he was far too beaten to even talk. But still, she couldn't help but be plagued by questions.

The man groaned. "Kaoru, I prefer not to talk about it…" his voice was fairly gruff—a slight warning with the emotions he felt inside. Kaoru saw the flash of it in his eyes so she decided to wisely keep her mouth shut. Sighing softly, she allowed herself to lean against the muscular form of his shoulder, choosing to enjoy his presence instead.

For a while neither of them spoke, both unwanting to intrude with the silence that had slowly begun to settle. He could still sense her worry and apprehension and finally, he spoke up, surprising her in the process.

"I don't know Kaoru… I don't know if what I'm doing is right. My life has been fucked and messed up long enough to make me feel at ease in whatever I do... it seems that all I could do is kill, hunt and then kill again. The scent of blood follows me wherever I go and I can't seem to do anything right…People whisper that I'm just an animal… and that I cannot feel at all…" He bowed his head, hiding his eyes in the fall of his blood red bangs. The confusion he felt was fast clouding his mind, hurtling all his thoughts in point Blanc oblivion.

Trembling soft hands gently sought to encompass each of his cheek as she gingerly tilted his head to make him face her. Taken aback as she was with the depth of his words, she knew long before that such fears and insecurities were not as unfamiliar to this man as everybody had overly thought so.

"Look at me."

At first he hesitated, unsure if it was rightful to share his pain with her. She doesn't deserve this burden… But her soft touch proved him otherwise and so, deliberately, he allowed himself to gaze directly at indigo colored irises making her see how much turmoil and chaos were raging in his own self.

A slight gasp escaped her lips before she suddenly turned to hug him, her slender arms coming up to grasp his form as she hid her face in the crook of his shoulder.

"Don't say that… don't ever ever say that!" her voice was shaking, almost fierce? Surprised as he was, he couldn't help but feel relieved that in one way or another, he had someone by his side.

"Don't think of what other people may have to say… if it's true that you cannot feel at all… if you're just an animal, then I wouldn't be here standing next to you… I wouldn't be with child love… You became an assassin not just because you enjoyed killing… rather, you believed that this would be the start of a better era… so how come could you accuse yourself that you've done nothing rightful after all the sacrifices you've been through!"

She was trembling and he could tell that she was crying, for he could feel the soft wet plop of her salty tears. Shaken as he was with her words, all he could do was cling to her as tightly as she clung to him. Grateful—he was grateful to whoever sent this woman hurtling in his way. She was his salvation, his light amidst the darkness that threatened to blanket his bloody world.

Out of the doubt that fills my mind…

You somehow find that you and I collide…

"I'm sorry…" he trailed off, nuzzling her hair and pressing her closer to him.

"Just don't believe in what other people think … they have no right to judge you. All they see is that you're a shadow assassin and that all you do is kill—well I don't. I see in you a man who knows how to love and is fathering my child." she softly declared, punctuating her words by planting a firm kiss on his forehead. "Now come inside and let me check if you have any wounds that may need treating." leading him inside, had she been facing him, she would have seen a light smile grace his lips and his sigh of welcomed relief would not have gone unnoticed.

Even the best falls down sometimes…

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme…

That night, his boss Katsura sent him an urgent message warning him to leave Kyoto immediately. The enemies were hunting him down and his master had alerted him that they might do something ugly to his family as well.

He left for Tokyo at once, almost half dragging a still-sleepy Kaoru by the hand, clutching only 2 large sacks where he had stuffed their winter clothes and other essential provisions.

But though she was dead tired, Kaoru still had the energy to make the trip a bit lighter for both of them, engaging him in simple conversations and making him occasionally smile at her antics. Kenshin was truly grateful that she had somehow managed to ebb away the lingering traces of worry in his mind. Wrapping his free arm around her waist and allowing himself to feel the chi of his unborn child, the touch only served to remind him that he wasn't only protecting her… he had the little one to protect as well.

She was exhausted with the long trip—that came as his conclusion upon watching her silently under his ever vigilant gaze. How her shoulders sagged and how her sapphire eyes fluttered to a close after nestling comfortably between his shoulder and the train seat were mere proof enough. He was both glad and relieved when they reached the train station, for that only meant that they were nearing their destination—Tokyo. Katsura had seen to it that his most prized assassin would have a hidden but well furnished dwelling in the outskirts of the town and the swordsman was grateful for that.

Kaoru seemed relieved to find a carriage waiting for them just outside the station. Though she wouldn't admit it in front of him, truthfully, she was more than tired—what with the weight of their child slowly bearing her down.

But when they arrived to their destination, all her tension seemed to fade away replaced by awe and amazement.

. Nestled in the deep foliage of the forest, one would have to look closely to realize that there was indeed an abode hidden under the teeming growth of plants and blossoms. The house, though not really very colossal in size, was bigger than the one they had in Tokyo and Kaoru felt thrilled upon seeing it.

"Kenshin… it's beautiful…" she gasped, eyes still staying affixed on the simple and yet elegant structure.

"Indeed. Shall we come inside?" he asked, watching her nod and reaching out his hand to escort her inside.

AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS…

"Kenshin, won't you come inside? It's getting awfully cold."

Startled from his thoughts, he turned around just in time to see her waddling outside the porch, her midsection bulging and making her seem a bit wobbly.

"I'll be going inside koi. Just a moment." he aid silently, assisting her in her steps. "Careful. You look as if you might collapse and tumble on your steps anytime." he observed, managing to elicit a small put in her lips with his words.

"Very funny. And what may I ask are you doing out here in the cold?"

The man shrugged, wrapping an arm around her slim shoulders as he did so.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking about things… mostly about you and me."

Out of the doubts that fill your mind…

You somehow find that you and I collide…

She blushed, but nevertheless buried her face in his chest, a light smile gracing at her lips.

--Which was echoed and reflected on his own. For a while, nobody spoke, both contemplating on all the problems, trials and triumphs they had faced. Finally, he dropped an unsuspecting kiss on her forehead before ushering her quietly inside, thoughts fileld with hopeful thoughts and wishful thinking.

"Whoever I am, killer or not, I know I will always have her. She will always be beside me and wherever we are… in Kyoto, In Tokyo or even at the ends of the world… just as long as we're together..., everything would be fine…everything would be bearable… she would be content… and I would be too…because all I want is to make her happy…because I love her…"

You finally find that you and I collide…

You and I collide…

OWARI

What do you think? Click the review button and let me find out (I have to admit though, I got all mushy with KnK and all… .)