Star Floors: Revenge of the Smith

Chapter 1. The Rescue (yeah right)

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the Main Title, followed by a rollup, which crawls into infinity.

"Aaaand...ACTION!"

War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count KooKoo. There are dumbos on both sides. Evil is nowhere.

In a stunning move, (not) the fiendish droid leader, General Sleezious, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Ovaltine, leader of the Galactic Senate.

As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a stupid mission to rescue the captive Chancellor and end up destroying any hopes for peace. . . .

"ACK!" wheezed Anaking hitting himself in the chest. It was a fine day on Floorescant and Anaking Smoopywhopper and Mopy Khan Kleenobi were lifting weights at the local gym. Ani had recently dropped the dumbbell on himself while attempting the bench-press. As usual, Mopy-Khan lifted the measly weight off his young apprentice, saving him from suffocating.

Mopy sighed. "Listen my young padawan," he said resting his meaty hand on Ani's shoulder, "Use the Source, USE THE SOURCE! You can LEVITATE the weight!" he shrieked, very exasperated.

Anaking chuckled and then wheezed. "But Mopy," he said condescendingly, "that would take EFFORT! Ack!" he hit himself again, falling backwards, and smashing Mopy's sunglasses.

Mopy rolled his eyes. "In the name of..." he helped Anaking to his feet. Ani sheepishly rose, and without a single word of gratitude, slung his towel over his shoulder and stomped to the shower. He began singing horribly.

Mopy snatched his broken sunglasses, and trudged home.

Later that day at the Jedi temple, Mace Pepperspray, Foda, and the other Jedi masters were seated in their merry circle discussing nothing in particular.

"What plan for the war do we have?" asked Foda majestically.

Mace shook his head. "I do not know what should be decide..."

At that moment, Anaking and Mopy Khan burst into the room. Mopy had soapsuds in his hair and a pink towel around his naked form. Anaking was chasing him holding gardening shears. Both skidded to a stop in front of the shocked council.

"Meaning of this what is?" screamed Foda turning a shade of purple.

"Um...um...um...um...um...um...um..."stammered Mopy glaring at Anaking who was slowly inching towards the door.

"REPEAT DO I!" shrieked Foda.

Mace glared.

"He...I...he...um..."stuttered Mopy.

"He was trying to kill me!" volunteered Anaking cowering behind Mace's seat with false fear. Everyone stared at him with contempt. He then remembered the shears he was holding. He hastily hid them behind his back and plastered a fake smile on his impish face. "Heh heh heh!" he chuckled uncomfortably.

"JUST FOR THIS outrage!" yelled Foda.

Anaking was puzzled along with the rest. "Just for this outrage...what?" asked Ani.

Foda continued. "You and Mopy shall have to go rescue Chancellor Ovaltine!"

"Oh no! Not the dreaded Ovaltine!" squealed Ani in mock fear.

The two fools were booted out onto the temple steps with speeder keys and a couple bottles of Inter-Galactic Scum Rum.

"Well, my young padawan, you have surely done it THIS time." Mopy sighed. "What?" pouted Ani.

"NOW WE HAVE TO RISK OUR STUPID LIVES TO GO RESCUE SOME OLD FART WHO REALLY SHOULDN'T BE RESCUED!" screamed Mopy.

Anaking was taken aback. "Oh. Sorry." And with that amazing apology, he hopped into a speeder and zoomed off with Mopy Khan on his tail.

While all this was going on, General Sleezious was pacing back and forth and smacking every droid in his path. "HRRRMMMM, HACK, HACK!" he coughed. "Shoulda quit smoking twenty years ago," he mumbled to himself. "ACKAKAKAKAK!" he wheezed lighting up a cigarette.

Ani and Mopy were speeding towards the battle with determination. Anaking was determined to do this rescue the right way. He pictured himself crowned in glory with a wreath of leaves on his head. As these images floated around in his brain, he and his ship were heading for a large battle ship. He broke from his fantasy in time to swerve, but he lost the tip of his wing in the process. He spun crazily around and crashed into Mopy Khan. He was thrown across his dashboard and landed on the control panel. His ship began firing at Mopy's ship. PING! PING! PING! K-BAMB! Mopy's droid was gone.

"Uh..oops!" cried Ani who was hopelessly tangled in his seatbelt. Mopy gained control and moved to bump Ani's speeder with his wing. Ani felt the crash and was infuriated. "YOU CHEATED!" he screamed. Mopy grinned.

As they sped past a large black station, sparrow droids leaped off and zoomed at the two of them. "Peculiar Sphere, do you copy?" said Mopy attempting to control his guffaws.

"I'm on your tail, General Kleenobi." The cone commander replied.

"You're on my what? I'm calling the cops." He muttered. "Geez-a-lou, ya can't drive these days without SOME IDIOT tailgating you!" he cried picking up his inter-telecom.

"No, no! I'm not tailgating! 'I'm on your tail' means that I'm following you as backup!" hollered the annoyed cone.

"Oh!" said Mopy happily. He easily veered to the right to dodge one of the oncoming sparrow droids. He fired his blasters and shot up a few and Peculiar Sphere shot some more. Anaking was having lots of fun waving to them as they passed. Then one fired at him. He giggled loud and annoyingly as he hit his tactical maneuver button and zipped out of the way. The shot was still coming directly at Mopy Khan who was rather oblivious. "Watch out Mopy!" cried Anaking.

Mopy looked up from his crossword puzzle and hooted as the missile shot directly at him. He took up his controls and swerved sharply to the left and then up and then to the left some more. The missile was still coming. Anaking didn't realize it, but there was another missile heading for him as well. Arfoo beeped out a warning and Anaking woke from his nice doze and put the pedal to the metal. He went into a wild spin in hopes that the missile would crash. Instead, he was the one who almost crashed but the missiles blew up instead. "Hee hee hee!" he cackled insanely, longish deer colored hair flying. He tossed his head flippantly, and pushed one of the locks out of his eyes.

Mopy was still having trouble with his missile, but eventually escaped. He grinned. His smile fell when he realized the shields were still up. Anaking saw his chance for redemption and fired his blasters at Sleezious' ship. The shield fell, but the doors began closing with tremendous speed. "SPEED!" cried Anaking, "YOU ARE IN EXTREME DANGER!" he giggled. Mopy replied, "It's okay TRIXIE! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!" he laughed. Anaking and Mopy kept spinning and shooting until they had crashed their way into Count KooKoo's ship. Ani's speeder landed upside down so he could not get the hatch open. He lit his lightsaber and carved a hole in the floor, which was now the roof. The chunk fell and hit him on the head. He leaped out and promptly began attacking Mopy.

Mopy shook him off and Ani clung to his master's ankle. "OW!" screamed Mopy, for Ani bit him. Fortunately for Anaking, a bunch of battle droids came out and began firing on them. Mopy started shooting at them, forgetting about Ani. Anaking ran for dear life and began hitting the elevator button with all his strength. "OPEN, DOOR! Open your heart to me! I can't live without your looooove!" sang Ani tapping his foot impatiently. He slipped and fell into the elevator which just opened. Mopy was being attacked severely by the droids and he turned and fled. He leaped into the elevator just as the doors were shutting. Pictures of Count KooKoo were hanging around the elevator. KooKoo had an infatuation with dress up costumes. In every picture he was dressed as something different. Anaking pointed at one picture. "Can you tell what he is in this one?' he asked Mopy.

"He's a Jedi in that one."

"They make Jedi costumes? I'm getting one," confirmed Ani.

"What in the name of Saint Nick would you want one for? You ARE a Jedi for crying out loud!" hooted Mopy.

Ani was disappointed. "Ok, well how about this one?" he gestured at a large photo of KooKoo in an Ariel costume.

Mopy passed out.

Ani liked the idea of dressing like Ariel. He browsed around looking at the other costumes. He saw one which he thought looked like a cowboy costume. He smacked Mopy Khan. "Hey is he a cowboy in this one?" Ani asked in a loud hushed voice.

Mopy glanced blearily up at the photo. "No, he's a pirate." Then he rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "Hey Ani, isn't this ride up taking a little long?"

Anaking, who had been studying the photo intently, jumped three feet. "WHAT? Oh. Yeah. Maybe a little long." He continued looking at the picture. He whipped out a pad. "Where was that picture again, "he scanned the elevator for the cowboy photo. " I see it. Oh, this is going to be easy!" he quickly scribbled out a rough drawing so he could remember it when he got back to Floorescant.

He and Mopy weren't going anywhere. Anaking shouted into his comlink. "Arfoo, get this sorry 'vator going!" he hollered waving his arms around. He accidentally hit Mopy who had just begun to rise. "Oh for the love of," yelled Mopy.

The elevator suddenly shot up at a bazillion miles an hour. Anaking who loved speed, yelled, "This is where the fun begins!"

Mopy promptly kicked him.

Ani hardly seemed to notice it.

The elevator screeched to a grinding halt and Anaking and Mopy Khan leaped (or tried to leap, Ani slipped and fell into Mopy a few times) and ran down the corridor.

General Sleezious was continuing his monotonous pacing and was smoking his twenty-seventh cigarette. He glared over at the Separatist leader who was quietly wringing his hands. "What's the situation captain?" he rasped pounding on his chest and doubling over.

The poor fellow was watching the security cameras and saw Anaking and Mopy stumbling and sliding down the halls.

"HA! We've got them!" choked the Droid.

Anaking and Mopy were quite unaware that anyone was watching them. Mopy kept grabbing his Padawan's cloak to keep the young Jedi from falling. "Jeez Ani, can't you just walk normally?" gasped Mopy who was rather worn out.

"Yes," replied Ani indignantly, "I just need a quick slug of somethin'..."

"HERE!" hollered Mopy, dragging the bewildered apprentice by his ear. He thrust him into a small kitchenette. There was a large bottle of water and some little cups next to it. Anaking grabbed one and held it under the spout. He pressed the green Start button. The water went off after three seconds.

"Did you press the stop button?" Ani asked quizzically.

"No, did you?" retorted Mopy who was still a bit angry with Ani at the moment.

"No!" cried Anaking.

"Then our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the Jedi Order is to survive," said Mopy sarcastically.

Ani pouted.