Well. It's been forever. No apologies; let's just begin.

And if it's crap… well. It might've just gotten rid of some writer's block, and that's what it was created for.

Chapter 14

Ed, Al, and Havoc were in the Vortex. And by vortex, I mean, 'a whirling mass of air, esp. one in the form of a visible column or spiral, as a tornado.' Because, as Havoc pointed out after referencing his Handi-Dandi notebook (with dictionary accessory), there were several definitions to the word. After flying around haphazardly in the dark for approximately eight minutes, and after seeing a random Gaara get knocked out by a flying buffalo, Havoc decided to point out to Ed that it would be wise to transmute them onto something, you know, less vortex-like.

And so Ed transmuted the vortex into a pony.

An enraged Chemistry teacher popped up and shouted something along the lines of 'No! You can't do that! A transmutation requires a change in the nucleus, and nuclear reaction! You cannot!' and got all snarly, so Ed transmuted the anti-transmutation teacher into a kitten, which Alphonse commenced in strangling with love.

Havoc: I feel immensely lacking in masculinity. Couldn't you have done a rhinoceros or something, at least?

Ed: -grumbly- Nope.

Havoc: You're just mad because you wanted Taco Bell.

Ed: Damn that Saint Dane.

Because, while Ed, Al, and Havoc had no clue who or what Saint Dane was, they had the troubling suspicion that he was behind the vortex, and the mysterious disappearances of the Taco Bells. I mean, why anybody would want to steal the world's Taco Bells, and how they could just, you know, summon a vortex didn't seem to make any sense, but neither did calling an asshat a Saint, did it?

And Al shouted,: We are on a Vendetta!

Mainly because he thought it sounded cool.

Havoc: 'any prolonged and bitter feud, rivalry, contention, or the like'?

Ed: I'm going to turn that dictionary into a platypus if you don't shut the hells up with the defining.

-Havoc gets all whiny and tucks his Handi-Dandi notebook away-

Havoc: Well, well, you're just mean. –cries on Al's shoulder, and is ignored by Ed-

Ed: Hey, look! In the distance! –points-

Al: Woah. That's a creepy looking place, Ed.

Havoc: -stops crying, rubs eyes- -breaks into song- There's a light…

-a chorus pops up, mainly composed of dead homunculi-: Over at the Frankenstein place…

Havoc: There's a liii-ii-iggght…

Homonculi Choral Group: Burning in the fireplace…

-Ed slaps them all with a raw lobster- Shut up, would you? Jeebus.

Al: Maybe they have a phone we can use. You know, since our car broke down.

Ed: WTF?

Suddenly the pony neighs, and collapses.

Pony: What can I say? I popped a shoe.

Ed: Screw you, Pony, you know that?

Al: Ed, don't insult the Pony. –grabs by the little Edpoint of hair and drags him away to the spooky castle-

-after knocking on door, a hunched-over, drooly, obviously-slightly-zombified Kadaj answers-

Kadaj: Blahblahblah… You've arrived on a rather special night, it's one of the Master's affairs, blahblah… Get the hell in here, we're gonna do the Time Warp.

And suddenly the doors closed behind them, and they were thrust into a room… full of pelvic thrusting! Al went into a corner and cried.

Crowd of Failed Sephiroth Clones: Let's do the Time Warp again!

And, with the help of the off-screen instructor, Ed and Havoc found themselves time warping as Alphonse whimpered and petted his in-shock Chemistry Kitty.

And then a Very-In-Drag Sephiroth appeared, followed by a flock of Clouds, each with various defects, such as smoking ears, in French maid dresses. And all three agreed in simultaneous unity that it was time to get out. Now. The Cloud flock shouted in several languages, in which it was hard to tell if they were sad, demanding, or some other emotion entirely. But since C.V. doesn't actually know how to say 'Come back!' in any language other than English, it didn't quite work to type that in this script.

However, by that time, Ed, Al, and Havoc were already gone away. Ed had transmuted a zeppelin, but it must've been a lead zeppelin, because it started for the ground pretty damn quick.

After being angry for approximately thirty-six minutes and three-point-five seconds, Havoc had the bright idea of staying at an inn for the night. Everyone agreed with the idea.

Havoc: It kind of sucks, though, because we're off the main highway.

Ed: Yeah… and I could've sworn the highway used to run here, too. They must've moved it.

So they stumbled upon a motel, the name of which just happened to start with a 'B' and end in 'ates Motel'. But none of them had seen the movie, so they didn't get the reference. They didn't even find the creepy stuffed birds or immense eating of candy corn suspicious.

And, I mean, it was kind of creepy when a guy in a wig tried to stab Alphonse while he was taking a shower, and the chocolate syrup next to the shampoo was kind of odd, too, but other than that, it was a restful night's sleep, and so the crew awoke the next morning, relaxed, and refreshed.

Ed: Hey… what were we doing again?

Havoc: -le yawn- We were doing something?

Ed: Yeah! Yeah, we were!

Havoc: Oh. Well, crap, then. Let's think! –pulls out Handi-Dandi notebook- Now, you think. I'm going to draw pictures of cups and stuff.

-To Be continued.

Review, because it's been a while.