The Proud Father

By Nobdyptclr

Disclaimer: Wish they were mine

A/N: Takes place at the end of "Home" from Missouri's POV. Initial dialogue is from the ep.

As I walked into my house, I wanted to shout; to slap some sense into the man, but I knew he wouldn't hear what I had to say. Instead I schooled my face into a calm expression and tried to keep my voice reasonable and not make accusations.

"That boy, he has such powerful abilities. Why he couldn't sense his own father, I have no idea." John was sitting on the sofa, studying his hands. I watched him, trying not to let his pain touch me.

"Mary's spirit. Do you think she really saved the boys?"

I paused, thrown for a minute by the unexpected question. "I do." I tried to meet his eyes, to implore him to ask about the boys, to ask where they were going, to get up and go after them. He stared at his hands, his wedding band, and I felt my anger boil over. "John Winchester, I could just slap you. Why don't you go talk to your children?" I saw Sam again, sitting on the steps of their old home, confused and afraid of his own power; a power that he didn't ask for and didn't know what to do with. I saw Dean, wanting nothing more than to get away from the place before he fell apart; before he lost the ability to be the strong one, the protector. I thought of his secret fear. Even to the end he had expected his father to come through for them, and the fact that it had been their mother who saved them had rattled him badly. He wouldn't speak of it to Sam, not now, but he was afraid that their father was dead.

I realized that John was speaking, "… I can't. Not yet," he looked to me, pleading for understanding, "Not until I know the truth."

I had known this man for twenty years, and understood his demons probably better than anyone. We had covered similar ground in the past, and I knew the role that he expected me to play as his supporter and confidante. I felt exhaustion and sadness weighing down on me. For years I had played the part but, after meeting the boys and putting faces to them, feelings to them, I couldn't stomach it this time. "Jesus John! Is your truth more important than your boys?"

He stared at me for a moment then returned his attention to his ring, twisting it around his finger. "The boys will be fine. I taught them all they need to know to survive without me."

"You don't think those boys need more from you than knowledge? Sam is dealing with power that he can't even begin to understand, and Dean is terrified that you're never coming back and that he's going to make the wrong decision and get his brother hurt or killed. How can you say they have all they need from you?"

John sighed and rose from the couch, moving away from me. "There's nothing that I can do for Sam that Dean couldn't do. He'll take care of his brother – he always has."

I stared at his back, amazed at his stubborn refusal to acknowledge what he was doing to his children. I had always known John to be stubborn, but his love for his boys was unquestionable which made me try one more time to reach him. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to your son?"

Still he refused to look at me, "Missouri, I know that Sam's scared of this power, but there's nothing that I can do to help him. He'd never come to me for help anyway. He's always gone to Dean, since they were small."

I shook my head emphatically, not that the fool was looking, "I'm not talking about Sam. You're right about one thing – Sam has his brother to look out for him. And he'll still accept comforting." I felt momentary hope as he turned to meet my eyes, listening to what I was saying. "I'm talking about Dean. That boy is afraid that you're dead, and every time that you ignore his calls the fear gets worse. He'll try to push it away, to be strong and shield his brother, but he won't let anyone in. John, who's going to be strong for him?"

As I spoke I watched John's face lighten up and his despair lift. He walked over to me and patted my shoulder with a smile on his face and pride in his eyes. "Don't you worry about Dean. He'll be fine. He's always been the strong one."

I closed my eyes and bowed my head, breaking eye contact. "Oh, John, don't you see? He shouldn't have to be." Shaking my head, I gave up and walked out of the room.