Author's notes: I try not to confuse you all since this is an AU based on a no longer existant RP that I was not the creator of. Here is some info you may find useful: The setting is Amonha State College, Olympia, Washington. Sasuke is a Theater major. (Itachi is currently a rather sucessful actor). Naruto and Sasuke room together in one dorm. Sasuke works at a botanical garden.
This was not written as a multichapter story, but I thought it might be better to break it up a little for easier reading. Enjoy!

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Showdown in room 417! All the neighbors we're probably invited, but none of them wanted to go. The RA of floor seven tiptoed cautiously past the door marked with '417' (or from his perspective 'TROUBLE'). The neighbors were almost horrified to the point of curiosity. Just what kind of terrible things were happening behind the sick silence blanketing the dorm?

A staring match of the most confusing fashion was occurring across the Uchiha/Uzumaki breakfast table. The Uchiha stared at the Uzumaki, while he stared at some seemingly interesting particles floating in his left over cereal milk.

This annoyed the Uchiha beyond all reason. One of his dark eyebrows twitched slightly. "You'll be late for class, moron." He proceeded to clean up after himself.

"Whats the point?" Naruto sighed melodramatically. "I won't need a job or an education after tonight." 'Woe is me, for I am forlorn,' seemed to be the blonde's underlying message.

Sasuke simply rolled his eyes. "Its your own fault. What kind of idiot can't even solve functions?" Obviously, a stupid one. Though Sasuke didn't necessarily walk around gloating about his 'two years calculus experience', he was pretty sure Naruto didn't know that 'function' was just another word for 'equation.'

"I do them just fine! One half and one half is two halves! Obviously."

Sasuke almost dropped his plate. It shouldn't shock him how retarded Naruto was by now, but Naruto seemed to be finding newer, more stupider levels to reach.

"I said functions, not fractions." Good grief.

Naruto's sudden weary sigh made Sasuke's eyebrow twitch once more. He briefly touched his face. Maybe he had a chronic twitch disease? Sasuke vaguely wondered if there were specialists for that sort of thing.

The two were back to square one. Eerie, disgusting silence. Sasuke's sanity was quickly dashing out the window and off to Maryland.

It felt like the sun wasn't shining.

In fact, to Naruto it felt a little like the only cloud in the universe was hanging right over his head and dumping gallons of unforgiving rain upon him.

"I know!" Naruto exclaimed suddenly. "I'll kill myself!"

Good thing Sasuke had such impeccable balance. Otherwise, several dishes would've crashed to the floor in the last few seconds that his heart had stopped.

The dark haired boy quickly remembered one of the essential laws of Naruto. Never believe anything he ever says. So, he simply dismissed the idea.

"Like hell you will, and leave me to chuck all your crap in a dumpster." he was out the door for Physics before another word could be said.

Apparently, complex science is best understood when one is only half conscious.

Work was also best managed with lack of nighttime hours. Sasuke dozed at the front desk that afternoon, turning his cellphone over in his hand. Moments earlier, it had been pressed to his ear at the call of one pink haired classmate. The conversation was brief and ultimately pointless.

"Sasuke! What's wrong with your dork roommate? He's been so much dumber than usual today."

Sasuke really hoped that Sakura could hear him roll his eyes. "He's always like that. I'm pretty sure it's a progressive problem with him." Sasuke assured her before attempting to hang up. Somehow, she remained speaking.

"First he asks me what the tallest building in the city is! Then he asks if I'd miss him if he left the country forever." she sighed huffily at this point. "I told him he should hurry up and leave already. What in the world is he talking about?"

Sasuke's eyebrows narrowed slightly. Maybe it was an all around eyebrow condition he had? "Good. You're very encouraging." he finished the call by quickly hanging up on her complete nonsense.

The dark haired boy spent the next few moments trying to push thoughts of remotely caring if Naruto was actually up to something out of his head. Just when he had seemed to focus on the lecture he had heard earlier that day, the eyesore of the hour cheerily entered the store.

Sasuke tried to ignore. No complete stranger would think the two had even met or breathed the same air, let along lived together.

"Hey!"

"What do you want?" Sasuke hadn't entirely meant to basically bite the kid's head off. Naruto simply put some flowers on the desk. "These please." he said politely.

STARE. What…..was this fool doing?

"Are these for your girlfriend?" When pigs flew.

"Why, are you jealous?" Naruto said without thinking. That familiar, doofus smile crept up onto his face.

"You don't have a girlfriend, moron." Sasuke began to ring up the purchase, really thinking he needed to get that eyebrow looked at. He briefly looked up.

Ugh. That smile.

"These are for my grave!"

What the hell? Sasuke looked at him blankly. "The girlfriend bit was slightly more believable." he said, nonchalantly. "Only an idiot would buy flowers for their own grave."

Naruto sighed. "I just don't want the rest of the graveyard to laugh at me." he dug out a fifty dollar bill to use for a seven dollar purchase. "Keep the change." he said, practically skipping out the door.

Only moments later did the Uchiha become painfully aware that his mouth was hanging open awkwardly as he stared after his roommate.

Sasuke sure had the mind to completely tell off his roomate when he arrived home that evening. He desired to storm into the halfwit's room and positively yell "Damnit, Naruto! When you act abnormal it makes me spend all day wondering what the hell is wrong with you, and thinking about you pisses me off!"

Of course, that's what he wanted. However, Sasuke remained calm and collected. He placed himself at the kitchen table with his homework. Usually a very safe activity.

Most students enjoyed quiet atmospheres when studying. Then again, most students didn't live with Naruto. Sasuke was used to having an argument about why the blonde was doing something stupid like using the microwave, yelling at the TV screen, hogging the table, and generally being loud an obnoxious.

Enter the roomate. Sasuke's eyes followed him to the table, where he produced a notebook, a pencil, and a black and yellow book.

Suicide for dummies.

'You have got to be joking me.' Sasuke thought, making a fist around his pencil. He watched Naruto begin to write in the notebook in silence.

The defenseless object ended its life with a sharp "snap!" as his frustration exploded into the simple act of breaking a pencil.

Naruto looked up. He gazed from Sasuke, to the halved pencil lying on his book. He looked up at Sasuke once again, and handed him his own pencil.

"You broke yours."

He pulled out a new one and calmly continued to write.

Sasuke never wanted to stab someone with a pencil so badly in his entire life.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the tense Uchiha held in any kind of emotion that threatened to escape.

"I'm writing my suicide note!" Naruto exclaimed. "Isn't that what you do when you kill yourself?"

"Most people hurry up and kill themselves." Sasuke said plainly.

Way to be a jerk, Uchiha. He tried to focus on his homework. He desperately grasped at his usual calm, cold, uncaring self.

"But people always do it in the movies!"

"Obviously you've been watching too much TV. You should try getting some hobbies." Back to the studying. Graphs are your friend.

"Whatever, like you have hobbies." Naruto retorted. "And no, angsting is not a hobby." Naruto thought he was quite clever for thinking that one up. "You're such a drama queen."

If Sasuke carried a sword, he was pretty sure he would go all ninja on his roommate right about now. There would be a lot of blood and less heads attached to bodies.

"You'd probably call the police and everything just to come watch you jump off the roof. 'I'm Sasuke, everyone look at me and realize how important I am!'." Naruto closed his book.

"I'm Naruto, look at me and realize what a freaking annoying as hell stupid reject I am." Sasuke muttered back.

Naruto used a strawberry magnet to attach his note to the fridge door. "They already do." he said quietly.

Sasuke stopped writing. Naruto turned to leave the kitchen.

"Naruto, you-" Sasuke blurted out to his retreating back. Naruto stopped, but did not turn.

"You piss me off!" he shouted. Fractions of the long sentence he had previously wished to express.

The corners of Naruto's mouth turned up in a faint smile. "I know."

Sasuke forced himself to stare at the math book. The note was screaming "Read me!" from the fridge door. Five minutes passed and Sasuke found the note clutched in his fist. He prepared for the toss in the wastebasket.

Freaking hell.

He opened and prepared for the idiocy that was soon to follow.

'Dear Investigator to my death' was crossed out.

'To whom it may concern' was also canned.

'Dear Sasuke' was vigorously erased, re-written, and scribbled out into almost ineligibility.

Dear World,

Its obvious that you don't like me, or care that I exist. I'm pretty tired of taking your crap. It would've been nice to go one day without being called an idiot or pushed in a puddle of mud. I was a person too, and I guess what's the point of living all alone.

And Sasuke, I'd just like to let you know that even though it seemed like I failed at everything, at least I'm not a huge jerk like you.

Seeya,

Naruto

Hours passed. Long, annoying hours. Sasuke gave up on the calculus homework, deciding to finish it in the morning. He passed the TV in the living room. Usually, it was never available to him, so he'd gotten used to not using it. Naruto was always watching a show, a movie, or playing video games. Not to mention the risk of seeing that brother of his in one of his stupid shows was enough to make him stay ten feet away. He didn't even bother looking for the remote. Sasuke was pretty sure it was jammed down in one of the couch cushions or something.

Now, coldhearted Sasuke would never recognize a carebear if he saw one. He squatted down and turned the television on, only to be suddenly confronted by dancing, singing, happy bears.

"Colorful bears…." he muttered in disbelief. He watched for just a second longer. "I don't get it." What was this kid? Five? He quickly jabbed at the controls to change the channel. Politics, food channel. He stopped at the news. And old man in a suit and a toupee stared intently at the camera.

"A student took their own life at one of the state's colleges tonight. We are at the scene now."

The boy had toppled over onto the floor ungracefully in a matter of seconds. His heart started beating and breathing began again once he realized they were talking about a girl dying from overdose at WSU. If he was holding the remote he would have thrown it pretty violently at the screen right now.

OFF. Sasuke moodily slammed the door to his bedroom. He was flipping out for nothing. That idiot would be back in a few hours.

Right?