Mailing List Madness!
A Rurouni Kenshin Fan-fictionBy the Dragon's Daughter
Chapter One: You've Got Mail!
To: AmBerHitokiri
From: Tanukitty
Subject: Opening Volley
Just so you know, I was rail-roaded into this stupid game. I have neither intention nor desire to find 'my perfect mate' or whatever the tag line for this faux pas was. An irritating, if well-meaning friend signed me up without my consent.
Just so you know.
If you want to request another match, go right ahead.
-Kaoru
To: Tanukitty
From: AmBerHitokiri
Subject: Return Fire
Dear Kaoru,
I find that fascinating… and familiar.
Friends with good intent and unfortunate resources seem to abound these days, or in my situation: employers with something vaguely resembling paternal instincts and a sick sense of humor. Be that as it may, I'm still up for a good game. Call it a personal failing, but I can't resist a challenge.
So let's play.
By the way, my name is Kenshin.
To: AmBerHitokiri
From: Tanukitty
Subject: Cocky, Aren't we?
I'll consider the gauntlet thrown then. All right. Two can play that game.
The logical point at which to start it 'getting to know you' however considering the rules state that no personal information can be directly given I'll have to hint. Hmmm… how to start?
It's very unfair of you to put the ball in my court. Men should be more courteous. I'll let it slide this time in the light of feminine superiority. After all, if you want something done right…
We'll start with occupations.
You could say I'm still in training, but I work more or less under my own supervision. I mold young minds or rather, attempt to stop them from growing mold. I'm not sure from day to day. I work in the high school system, if that wasn't a dead giveaway.
-K
To: Tanukitty
From: AmBerHitokiri
Subject: You have NO idea…
That's fascinating.
I'm guessing a teacher… no, you said 'in training'; a student teacher then, perhaps just shy of completing her time? It's nearing the end of the school year so I assume you'll either be returning to grad school in the fall or job-hunting for next year?
My career is more difficult to pin down. Let's just say I'm a general contractor. I track things down and send them back where they belong. For good. I have done some work in the High school system, but it's not my favorite arena. I rarely get to see teenagers at their… ah… best. I imagine you get to see their better halves.
Not to change the subject, but I must know: how long is your hair?
Do you wear it short or long? Does it curl or lay straight? I've never considered myself picky when it comes to hair color. I just like to feel it between my fingers when I kiss a woman.
-K
P.S. Here's a guess, but you speak like a woman who wears her hair long and tied back; you have an innate femininity, but there's a practical streak in you that likes to dominate. That's all right though.
I like dominant women.
To: AmBerHitokiri
From: Tanukitty
Subject: Make this Kitty Purrrrrr
Could you BE more vague?
My hair: is short, blonde, and kind of curly. There's plenty for you to dig you fingers into, but what I want to know is what YOU look like? Are you tall? Fit? I like a man with muscles, but not to the point where it's gross. EWW…
Actually, let's cut to the chase. Tell me about your fantasies.
Waiting…
Kaoru
To: Tanukitty
From: AmBerHitokiri
Subject: Nice try
I don't know who you are, but I am not stupid.
-Kenshin
To: BattousaiLead
From: TanukiSensei
Subject: Weasels are now officially an endangered species…
Remember that irritating, if well-meaning friend I mentioned?
Yes, well she managed to get into my in-box. Sorry about that. Thankfully the administrators were kind enough to send me your alternate address. I noticed it's a government account. You must be pretty good at what you do if it merited space on the national servers.
My hair is long and straight. I wear it in a ponytail. It's black. There isn't really much to say. To tell the truth, I don't think much about my hair. I have too many friends who do it for me. They also think enough about my clothing, make-up, underwear, and sex-life that I see no reason to be underfoot. However, The Terror Weasel brought up a good point. How tall are you?
I'm rather short myself, just 5'6". However it's frustrating to try and talk to someone who has to keep looking down at you. I'm pretty sure we'll never meet. The administrators warned us it was going to be a crapshoot location-wise. Still… just chalk this one up to curiosity.
-Kaoru
P.S. You strike me as the one who is more likely to dominate in a couple, although I do have my moments… when properly motivated.
To: TanukiSensei
From: BattousaiLead
Subject: She reminds me of someone I know, oddly enough
I am very good at what I do.
However, tall I am not. It's rather embarrassing in my line of work, but I'm only 5'7". My co-workers are trained to ignore it, but usually I'm out of the offices. I'm something of a mobile professional. I go where the work is. Perhaps I may pass through your area? Time enough to take you out to dinner, maybe have a few drinks, and talk in person for a change?
I now know what your friend likes in a man, but I want to know what you're looking for.
-Kenshin
P.S. Tell me what it takes to motivate you. Detail is always encouraged.
To: BattousaiLead
From: TanukiSensei
Subject: Oh, really now?
I'm less choosy than my friend (who is neither blonde nor has curly hair) in some ways and more so in others. As the Weasel would say, I value mind-sex over all. I've been with handsome men before. Oh, how did MC Paul Barnum put it? "Men who are too beautiful are too dutiful to their cuticles, plus it's like conversation with a carpeted cubicle." This is not to say that I totally value substance over style. Call me shallow, but appearance does factor in just a bit.
All right, I've told you I'm not attracted to tall men. Aside from conversational abilities, I like a man who remembers how to dream. It's silly, but a man with no higher purpose just seems lost and alone. I have enough trouble finding my own truths. Honesty is always appreciated, but I'm not a fanatic. I realize the truth isn't always convenient, just don't abuse my trust.
-K
P.S. Yes, I know you were asking about physical features. I'll save that for another e-mail.
P.P.S. As for motivating me… well, you'll just have to find out now won't you?
To: TanukiSensei
From: BattousaiLead
Subject: I understand.
I don't think you understand how much I do…
Mind-sex is important. However, I am pleased to see that in my own humble opinion I qualify for just about everything you've mentions. I am not too tall or too proud of my face (although I am accredited as fairly good looking). My conversational abilities will have to speak for themselves. I am truthful when at all possible and as for my higher purpose… well, I am fortunate in that I can fulfill that every moment of everyday.
You don't need to fear that I will abuse your trust. When something is given into my keeping then I take very good care of it.
-Kenshin
P.S. In case you were wondering, I have red hair that is long enough to pull back into a tail. My eyes are an odd sort of blue-violet. I have no idea where they came from. My father's eyes were green and my mother had brown. My build is slight, but I do credit myself with some modest muscle, enough for my purposes.
P.P.S. I will indeed have to find out.
To: BattousaiLead
From: TanukiSensei
Subject: Sounds like you have a wee bit o'Irish in you…
They do say that Irish men have a wild side.
Tell me, Kenshin. Do you have a wild side?
-Kaoru
To: TanukiSensei
From: BattousaiLead
Subject: To quote a weasel: Let's cut to the chase
Kitten, you have no idea.
If you're interested to see how wild I can get, then I set up an instant messenger account under my other email address. It's with AOL, but hey? They're free.
My screen name is: Battousai .
-Kenshin
To: BattousaiLead
From: TanukiSensei
Subject: Moving fast, aren't we?
Hell, I see you bet and raise you one. If you have a head-set then I know an on-line service that let's you make calls through your cable modem. Here is the link.
If not, then my screen name is: Komachi .
-Kaoru
----
End Chapter One: You've Got Mail!
----
Coming up next…Chapter Two: Instant Connection
Battousai: Oh my, a republican!
Komachi: No. I'm a knee-jerk liberal.
Battousai: Oh good, for a moment there I was afraid that I'd be forced to seduce you over to the side of Democracy. Can I settle for just seducing you?
----
Seiyuu: No, I don't know where the hell this came from either. It's something I work on when straight prose starts to annoy me. It's pure WAFF with a citrus scent here and there. No higher thought required! Let me know how you like it!