Title: Drugs or Me

Disclaimer: Okay, so Christmas is coming up and I'm thinking that as a present I need someone to get me Mr. Lafferty :) that would be nice. Anywho, I don't own any of these characters or this song.

Summary: Just before Christmas Lucas discovers Peyton's drug addiction that she's kept hidden. He tries to help her, but he can't give her help until she admits she wants it.

Author's Note: So, I know I just keep starting stories and even though it's taking me a while to update them, I do intend to finish every story I start. This one's going to be fairly dark and emotional I think, and it's also a first person point of view, but I still hope you'll are read. I hope you all like this.

Chapter 1: Weakness, Hugs, & Stale Tears…

- 'Stay with me, you're the one I need. You make the hardest things, seem easy…' –

It's late when I decide to take a walk, and the clock's blinking, and I finally take the time to notice that it's past midnight. It does take me a few minutes of hesitation, I wonder what my mom will say when she notices I've gone missing…but I know that I need to go, I need to find Peyton, I need to know if what I've been told is true.

It was only a few days ago that I talked to Jake on the phone, and he told me of how Peyton was feeling, and he also told me what he found in her drawer the day he left.

"Luke, I don't think she's handling all of this as well as we thought…and it's killing me to ask you to do this, but I need you to watch out for her. I need you to take care of her, because I don't know when or if I'm coming back…" it sounded like there was a catch in his throat as he pushed the words out over the line. And I'd felt a pang of sympathy for the guy who had been so welcoming to me in those first few days I began playing varsity.

"Yea…I'll go by there in a few days and see how she's doing –"

"I don't know if this can wait a few days…the day I left I found something. Well, the day I came back she was making a drug deal with some guy and I was disappointed, but she promised me she was done. And I accepted that, but the day I left I found another vile in her drawer. I guess I've been thinking about how I told her I trusted her, but I can't risk this. I love her too much to risk this. I'd give anything to be there to do this myself, but I can't, and I know she trusts you, or at least she did. And I'm asking you, you've been a really good friend to both of us…"

I hadn't known what to say, it sounded so unlike Peyton to go that far, to be that depressed that she had to turn to drugs. I mean, I'd always known how detached she seemed, but never in my wildest dreams had I expected to hear that, and it was then that I knew I had to do something because there had been a time when I had loved her, and I owed it to her to take care of her.

The walk I began to clear my head was now bringing me to the house I'd been trying so desperately to avoid since I got the call from Jake. I knew I had to go eventually, that was a given, but I didn't know what to expect when I finally did make it there.

And here I am.

The windows are all dark, and the only light I can see now is very dim coming from a second story window, the window I assume to be hers. I know she doesn't lock her door, but now, with us still not really on the best of terms anymore, I felt it would be awkward if I just showed up at her bedroom door wanting to talk about the issues she was dealing with.

So instead I decide to pull my cell phone from my pocket, and I search through my phone book, this task seems to take an eternity when it was really only the five seconds It took to scroll down to her name.

I hear the ringing in my ear, but I still see no movement in the window. I guess I'm taking it upon myself to say she's not going to answer so I go to close the phone when I hear a weak voice on the other line. It catches me off guard, and it doesn't sound at all like the girl I spent so much time with only a few months ago.

"Peyton?" I hear my own voice shake as I question the identity of the voice.

"…Lucas…" I can't tell if she's surprised, angry, or happy. And when she doesn't say anything else it gives me no indication.

"Do you mind if I come up?" she clears her throat after I ask and the voice I had just questioned grows back to the voice I'm used to hearing.

"No, c'mon up," my heart races as I pad up the stairs, making a left when I reach the top. I wonder what I'm going to say to her about this whole ordeal and what her reaction will be. And then I have to wonder how blind I must have been to miss all of her signals, because there had to have been a point when she was reaching out for the help. And I curse myself for having been so oblivious to her, and I guess that it was all the time I spent going after Brooke, a girl I was beginning to re-think my feelings for anyway.

Her door's open slightly, and the light looks just as dim from where I'm standing now as it did when I was on the street. I knock gently, pushing the door slightly to reveal her, she's sitting with her legs dangling over the side of her bed, her eyes cast downward towards her red rug.

"Hey," I think I scared her, because she seems to shake when my voice slices through the silence.

Her reply seems just as weak as when she first answered the phone and it's now that I'm truly curious as to what she's going through, and why she seems so determined to do it alone, "Hey, Luke."

It's my guess that she doesn't know what else to say, and I'm feeling the same way. I think I expected it though, considering it had been a long while since we'd spent time alone…and as I drift into memories I realize our last real time alone had to be when we went to Haley's part together, the same party that pulled us apart.

I can feel her eyes on me, I shake myself out of the daze I got caught up in and look over to finally meet her green eyes. She averts her eyes quickly, not wanting to get caught in the staring match we so often seem to do.

"How are you?" I say as I finally manage to speak. I give her space to collect her thoughts and give me a reply, so I let my eyes wander over the drawings that are plastered all over her walls, and I see some are directly painted on the walls, such as a sketch of Jake and Jenny that she had once had on paper. I can feel my heart ache ever so slightly at the notion of Jake having meant so much, but us, whatever we were at the time, seems to longer be anything more than a fling she tried to erase from her past. I'm shaken from my thoughts when I hear a stifled sob on my left, and I twist my head to look over at the blonde before me.

She sniffles again, not intending to answer me, but I know better than to let her sit and bottle all of her emotions up, I learned that a long time ago. Very gently I sit on the bed next to her and for a few seconds I'm stunned. I didn't know she was so broken and fragile, and it kills me as I think about it, as I think about how I wasn't there for her when Jake left, how nobody was.

I exhale, finally thinking of something other than the lame 'how are you?' crap she's received from everyone else. "I'm sorry…" and it's then that I hear another sob, and I watch a single tear fall to her sweat pants. She doesn't reach to wipe at her eyes like I'm expecting, like she always had done in attempts to hide her tears.

And it's now that I realize how different she is, and how much Jake truly hurt her when he left. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I wasn't the man she loved, he was.

And that realization hurts…a hell of a lot more than I thought it would.

She still doesn't say anything to my words, and I don't know if she even wants to. I don't remember making the conscious decision to touch her, but it's when I look up I can feel my hand against her back, moving in circles in some small attempt to soothe her because she's hurting, and I can't stand to see her this way.

"Please, say something," my plea comes out a lot more desperate than I thought it would, but I don't want her to hold it in. I want her to open up, I want her to talk to me the way she used to…but I don't think we'll ever get that back now. I think I hurt her too much with the whole Nikki fiasco that she won't ever be able to trust me with her heart again. And I'm not asking for her heart, or love at all, I'm just asking for her to let me know she's alright, that she's not hurting the way I think she is.

But that's just wishful thinking on my part.

"I can't," she whispers, my heart breaking as the words fall from her tongue. She shudders involuntarily and with that I pull her closer to me. I can feel her tense under my touch, but it's only seconds later she relaxes, but not totally accepting my attempts to comfort just yet.

"I'm hurt, Luke," I can hear the shakiness in her voice, and I can hear the tears behind her words. Listening to her, I can feel the lump in my throat forming, but I'm forced to push it back, I know she needs someone to be strong for her.

"I know," the emotions running through me right now are unlike anything I've ever felt. I can't recall ever wanting to help someone as much as I want to help her, and I've never wanted to see someone smile so badly, but I know that's naïve of me to think seeing her smile would be in the near future. "Can I ask you a question?"

I feel her nod next to me, her head moving back and forth. My breathing is shallow now, I'm afraid to hear her answer, it makes this whole thing all too real. But I promised Jake that I would do this, and I have to follow though.

"Are you…have you been doing drugs, Peyt?" I can feel her breath catch in her chest for a minute, and I feel her move away from me. My eyes drift over to where she's sitting, curled up with her knees against her chest. I can just barely see her eyes, but I notice how swollen they look, like the tears falling now aren't exactly fresh and new to her today.

I know she probably won't respond to my question, and I can see her thinking of what she needs to do to take control of the situation. So instead of watching her think I stand, brushing at my jeans and swallowing hard. I don't say anything, I think she knows I'm leaving, and it's right as I hit the door that I hear her weakly, desperately ask me to stay.

"Please…please, don't leave me," her voice is so soft that I strain to hear it, but I do. And I turn to see her looking at me with eyes that are threatening to crumble my heart to pieces if I was to try to walk out the door.

I turn, walking back to her and as I sit on the bed this time she moves back to me. I can see the red rims around her eyes, and they make me feel even worse about all that she's gone through. I watch as she stares at me, her eyes filling with tears again, and they fall faster this time.

It takes a few minutes before I finally decide what I want to do, and I think I surprise both of us when I take her in my arms, holding her tightly and letting her cry. Her breath grows a little more ragged and I feel the tears soaking through my shirt. She wraps her arms around my neck, bracing herself for the crash. I continue to rub my hand in circles on her back, something my mom had always done when I was upset, and I hope it might help her too.

Finally, I find the courage to say something to her, my breath against her ear I manage to whisper something I hope will make her feel a little better.

"I'm not going anywhere."

I dunno how that turned out, but I hope you liked it. I know it's kind of putting Peyton in a dark spot, but I like it so far. I don't think this is gonna be quite as long as my usuals, maybe 10 or 12 chapters. I hope you'll tell me what you thought though, and if my first person was any good.