Merry Christmas!
(We open with the song "Double Summer" by the Chills)
And now…
…patiently awaited for by all…
…in dedication to Bill Watterson…
…and thanks to Fan Fiction for hosting it…
…Nickelodeon Movies presents a Warner Brothers Family Entertainment…
…the thrilling conclusion to both of our trilogies…
…starring Pamela Segal, Ryan Stiles, Tom Hanks, Bill Murray, Andrew Lawrence, Colin Mochrie, Eric Roberts, Kurtwood Smith, Tom Kenny & French Stewart…
…you're all hating me for stalling, aren't you…
Calvin & Hobbes
4 / IV
Retro Chill
Directed by Garfieldodie
Produced by Swing123
Written by the previous two guys
Random unimportant people's names go across the screen.
Summer vacation was drawing to a close. Calvin was moping around his room, not doing anything about it. Hobbes was reading a comic book in the corner, not really caring.
However, there was a difference on the wall near the bed. There now hung a third newspaper article. One that Calvin was actually proud of.
Six-Year-Old Saves the Planet!
Calvin, 6, was kidnapped from his home just six days ago, and it started a bad chain of events. While he was kidnapped, his parents say that Rupert Chill attacked them in their home, only for it to turn out that Calvin had been telling the truth about Rupert being an alien. Rupert and his sidekick, Earl, along with a band of aliens, took over the planet and took Calvin on board their ship. Calvin says that he had sent his alter-egos, Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man and Tracer Bullet to Earth to defeat Rupert, only to for them to fall victim. After an amazing space adventure, Calvin returned to Earth and used a weather-making machine to free everyone and then sent the aliens back to where they came from.
We feel that this town owes Calvin a huge apology as he's finally proven to us all that just because we can't see it doesn't mean we shouldn't believe it.
After pinning that one on the wall, Calvin and Hobbes had exchanged a high-five and a day with the press, and Calvin had shouted into the microphone, "I TOLD YOU SO, YOU IDIOTS! FOR ONCE IN YOUR DUMB LIVES, CAN'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME?"
However, after all the excitement had died down, things went back to normal.
"It's just not fair," Calvin whined.
"What's not fair?" Hobbes asked, not looking up.
"The fact that I have to school and you don't."
"Oh, how's it so hard to believe?"
"Because you need the knowledge of second graders too! How will you do my homework? I doubt you can handle the acute didactic level that I'll be facing."
"Did you just insult me?"
"Yes."
"Well, you're just lucky I'm too tired to pounce you right now."
"Whatever."
Hobbes managed to sit up. "Well, let's at least try to go out with a bang, huh?"
"What are you suggesting?"
Hobbes motioned towards the water balloons sitting in the corner of the room.
"Nah," said Calvin. "If we fill them, we'll throw them at someone, and that someone will tell Mom, and then I'll get grounded while you skip away, tra, la, la, la, la."
Hobbes immediately got into pounce mode. "What have you done with the real Calvin?" he demanded.
"What are you talking about?"
"The real Calvin would absolutely never consider the consequences of something stupid!"
"Well, maybe I'm just not up to it. If we have fun, we'll just speed things up and run out of summer. If we have as little activity as possible, maybe we'll slow down time and we won't have to lose summer so quickly."
Hobbes groaned. This was starting to bug him.
"Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice."
He turned around and grabbed a cylinder shaped object that was yellow and had a red button on top.
"Here, you can have your Time Pauser. You can stop time and have hours of fun in a millisecond."
Calvin looked up. "I thought we made that whole agreement thing."
"We are. You still can't use it to avoid my pouncing, and you can't use it to terrorize the town."
Calvin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, all right. Just hand it over."
Hobbes handed him the shiny device. Calvin got a devious look on his face, but before he pushed the button, Hobbes placed his tail on Calvin's head, and they both felt time stop.
BOOM!
"Nice touch," commented Hobbes.
"You always have to ruin everything," Calvin muttered.
"Hey, just out of curiosity, what happens when you touch the button again, but I'm not touching you? Do I stay here in the point where time doesn't exist?"
"I'd guess so, but we're wasting precious non-moving time. Let's go."
They ran out the door and into the street. Everything had been paused into place.
"Man, we should have thought of this years ago," Calvin said. "Summer ain't gonna end this time."
"Strange, because I've been trying to forget this summer since it started."
"What for?"
"Well, first we went on the adventure to rescue the neighborhood kids, and then we got attacked by aliens at Camp Pine, got stuck on a ship in the Atlantic, got attacked by a mutant teacher, kidnapped and held for ransom, and saved the world from imagination. We've been busy."
"Yeah, busy becoming heroes! Everyone respects us now! Now that they know about Retro and Rupert, we're the most popular guys around. Still, I don't get why they won't let me skip the school year. We saved the world so many times, and we don't get any special treatment."
"Comparing things now to how they were before, I'd say we are getting special treatment," Hobbes said.
"Whatever. I'll get the wagon. Imagine how much safer it'll be with the Time Pauser!"
Calvin ran to the backyard while Hobbes looked at the frozen people standing in midstep.
"I wonder what would happen if I drew mustaches on everyone," he thought. He pulled out his magic marker. "Only one way to find out."
Meanwhile, several galaxies away, Rupert and Earl were slithering across their planet's surface, followed by the alien crew.
"I don't get what we're doing wrong!" Rupert growled. "We've made several attempts to destroy the Earth Potentate, and all have failed!"
"Well, we almost got him last time," said Earl, trying to be encouraging.
"Next time, we don't just go bursting into people's homes like we did. We freaked everyone out."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"Normally, yes, but it's not when they throw their furniture at us and yell 'GET OUT, GET OUT'."
"Maybe if we had help at this, we'd finally crush him and his tiger."
Rupert rolled his eyes. "Bah. There's no hope in that. Everytime we form an alliance with another being, they always wind up being a bunch of mutineers."
"Like who?"
Rupert held up a picture of Galaxoid and Nebular.
"Oh, right."
"Let's face it. That Earth Potentate is just too powerful, even though he's just a kid. He's got a two tigers, two aliens and three superheroes on his side!"
"Well, maybe it's pointless," Earl suggested. "Maybe we can just find another planet to take over."
"Hold that thought," Rupert said, holding up a tentacle. He scurried behind a rock and burst out laughing. "AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HO, HEE, HA! WHOO! HA, HA, HA, Ha, ha, ha… Whoo-hoo." He hurried back to the others. "Now then, you were saying?"
Earl scowled. "Never mind."
Just then, they heard a crash nearby, just over a cliff.
"What was that?" asked Earl.
They hurried over the cliff, and just near a lake of lava, they saw a strange-looking box. It was bouncing up and down, and it had a helmet attached to it.
"Quick, let's inspect it!" Rupert ordered.
"But it's just a box!" objected an alien.
Earl smacked him.
"I mean, let's look at the box!" the alien said quickly.
They hurried down the slop and looked it over.
"What is it?" asked Rupert.
Earl took a strange device. "This will tell us what it is and where it's from," he said. He scanned it carefully. "It's a one-of-a-kind device from Earth," he finally announced. "It's called an Imaginator."
"One-of-a-kind, eh?" asked Rupert. "It must be very important to be that rare. Maybe we could use it for something."
Just then, the Imaginator jumped up and down. There were noises coming from inside.
"What's it doing?" asked Rupert, jumping back.
"I'm not sure," Earl replied. "Maybe it's broken."
"Ooh! Ooh!" shouted an alien, rushing forward. "I'll bet I could fix it!"
The alien started pressing random buttons.
"Careful," warned Earl. "You might set something—"
The alien suddenly hit a yellow button, and blast of red came out of a hidden compartment. It hit Earl and sent him flying through the air into a rock.
"…off," Earl finished.
Rupert yanked the dumb alien away from the Imaginator.
"You idiot, you're going to kill someone."
"So?"
Rupert smacked him upside the head and shoved him back into the crowd.
Just then, the Imaginator jumped five feet into the air, and it landed on Rupert's chrome-shaped head.
"Ow!" he cried. "That does it. This thing must be destroyed."
He pulled out a ray gun and prepared to destroy it. With a KERPOW, it was blasted into pieces.
"Phew!" said Rupert and Earl together.
"Aw, I wanted to use it for a vibrating bed," whined an alien.
Earl smacked him.
When the smoke cleared, however, Earl noticed that there was something on the ground.
"What's that?" he asked.
Rupert looked down. There was a little box that was jumping up and down. The noises could be heard a more clearly. Just to be sure, Rupert picked it up and listened closely, with Earl at his side.
"I hear voices," commented Earl.
"Me too," said Rupert.
The voices were very loud now.
"Boss, your shoe is in my ear," said a squeaky, fearful voice.
"Complain, complain," said another voice, which was a bit more forceful, but also had some age to it. "That's all you've done since that spiky-haired brat got us stuck in here."
Rupert and Earl looked at each other.
"You don't think…?" Earl asked quietly.
"Shh!" hissed Rupert.
"Well, it's hard not to complain when your body odor is seriously starting to get gamey."
"Did you just insult me?"
"Er, no?"
"Good. I swear, if we ever get out of here, I'm going to teach Calvin such a lesson not to point guns at people. I'll demonstrate by giving a life presentation to his head."
"What about the tiger?"
"Well, I imagine I could use him as a coat or a rug. Maybe even book covers."
"But how do we get out of here?"
Rupert and Earl grinned evilly.
"They're talking about the Earth Potentate!" Rupert crowed.
There was a jump from inside the container.
"What was that?" asked the squeaky voice.
"Quick, we need to meet these people," said Earl. "How do we open it?"
"I'LL DO IT!" screamed the dumb alien, hurrying forward.
"NO!" cried some others and they jumped him.
Rupert looked a little closely at the top of the container. "Ah, there's a knob on the end."
He gave the key-like object a twist, a tug and a yank. It opened.
A bright light suddenly went off that nearly blinded the aliens.
"AAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed the troop.
Rupert and Earl covered their compound eyes.
Finally, the light stopped shining and died down.
Everyone looked.
There in front of them, they saw two humans. One was pretty tall, but he had terrible posture. He had on dark yellow goggles, a white lab coat, grey pants, black shoes, a big nose and a shiny bald head with two sticks of hair sticking out just above his ears. His hands were on his hips, and he had a serious look on his face.
By his side, there was a man who was shorter than him. He looked a lot younger, and his head was full of hair. He also had on a white lab coat, grey pants, black shoes, but he didn't have goggles on. He was standing there, looking around nervously.
That's right. Retro and Bob were back, and somewhat better than ever.
They took one look at who'd freed them and yelled out.
"AAAAAAAHHHH! ALIENS!"
Rupert immediately grabbed Retro. "Easy, easy. We don't want to hurt you. We want to help you!"
Retro gave him an uneasy look. "What are you talking about? Who are you?"
"I am the Alien King of this planet. I am Rupert. This is my right-hand alien, Earl."
Earl snarled.
"Well, I am Retro, the soon-to-be sovereign of planet Earth. Or at least I would be if it weren't that punk kid and his dumb tiger. This is my right-hand wimp, Bob."
Bob gulped and waved nervously.
"Ignore him, he's an idiot," Retro whispered. "Now then, what is it you plan on helping us with?"
"Well, based on that little conversation you two had earlier, I understand you two have a beef with the Earth Potentate."
Retro and Bob looked at one another in confusion.
"What's a potentate?" asked Retro.
"You know; the ruler of the planet. Calvin."
Retro rolled his eyes. "Ah, brother." But he decided to play along. "Sure, we're after Calvin."
"More him than me," said Bob.
"Really," said Rupert. "Well, we've been after him for a full summer!"
"So have we!" said Retro.
"Technically, you have," said Bob. "I entered the scene when you returned to Earth."
Retro glared at him. "Will you just shut up?"
"Shutting up."
"Now then," said Rupert, "how would you like to help us destroy Calvin once and for all?"
Retro wasn't too sure at first, but when he looked at the army of aliens, he grinned evilly, and Bob knew that meant trouble.
"I think we could make an arrangement," he said slyly.
Rupert and Earl grinned.
"Excellent!" they said.
"Good, now put me down."
Retro landed on the ground with a SPLAT. He leaned over and whispered to Bob. "This is perfect, Bob. With my brains and his army and my brains, we could rule the world side-by-side."
"When you say side-by-side…?" Bob asked.
"I mean me and Rupert! You and Earl could be our advisors. The aliens would do out bidding. We'll be unstoppable!"
Retro laughed diabolically. Rupert and Earl joined in. The entire alien nation laughed.
Bob looked around, trying to figure out what was so funny.
Calvin and Hobbes were in trouble.