Author: Got bored, got inspired, needed to vent…what ever the reason, this was the result. The song is "Don't Stop Dancing," by Creed. Obviously I don't own anything here.
The lights flickered lazily over the sidewalks, a pale orange glow turning the world into a macabre of shadows. Rain fell in weary torrents, running in thin streams down the streets and into the eager abyss of nearby drains. The whole world seemed sleepy with corruption and despair- a run down sensation of emptiness.
In the midst of it, Danny walked mindlessly.
At times life is wicked and I just can't see the lightA silver lining sometimes isn't enough
To make some wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And I know I'm on my knees again
He felt cold with loneliness as he watched the normally busy streets of downtown Amity Park sparkle in the dreary rainfall. It was silent, save for the occasional car hissing by. Despite the radiance of streetlights and the silvery moon up above, everything felt dark and colorless.
He had had a destination in mind to begin with, but had long since forgotten. He didn't know how long or how far he'd wandered, and for once- he didn't care. The world behind him seemed to disappear- the school, his friends, his family- none of it mattered. It was a vague, shimmering shadow left to rot in the passing caress of time. He couldn't bring himself to care.
He stopped under a street lamp, listening to the sounds around him. They were subtle- the gentle heartbeat of a sleeping city. There was the whispered cheer from the football game on a TV somewhere above him, and over there, a baby cried. The constant rumble of cars, never stopping, never parked, no matter how far apart they passed. A neon sign whined with a steady, buzzing sound, advertising "Joe's Appliance Store" across the street. Beside it, a window display garishly marketed its collection of liquors.
But I know I must go onAlthough I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way
He felt old. The heavy touch of responsibility had fallen on his shoulders, and his spine was bending under the weight. His shoulders sagged so much that he feared the development of a hump by his mid-thirties. Hell, he might even be getting gray hairs- not counting the white ones he sported when battling his enemies.
Enemies. He had enemies. He was just a child, and he had people- ghosts- out in the world that would kill him if given the chance.
Sometimes, times like these, he was reminded of his humanity. Sometimes he remembered that he took himself too seriously; that, despite what he and the rest of his generation thought, he was still just a kid.
He leaned against the freezing metal of the light pole, and sighed. His breath misted in front of his face, and for a moment, he nearly leapt into action. But he realized that it was cold outside- no matter how numb to temperature he had become over the last year. Any normal person would have seen his or her own breath in this weather.
A rogue trickle of rain made its way down his spine, making him shiver. He was drenched. It was only misting, but he had been out long enough that the cold and the wet had managed to seep its way through his black coat to his thin t-shirt underneath.
His parents would be worrying by now- no matter how angry they were with him. Jazz would have talked them out of their anger. She was always doing that- always covering his tracks.
"Late again Daniel Fenton! This is the fifth time this week- that's every day this week!"
"Dad, I can explain, if you just gave me the chance-"
"No more chances young man, you are in deep trouble!"
"Your father's right, Danny, you'll be lucky if you ever step foot out of this house again!"
"Please just listen to me!"
They never listened. They didn't have any reason to listen. They had started to suspect he was on drugs or something. After all, he had some of the worst grades in his class, he was always tired or bruised, and he was always late. His friends did their best to help him, but it didn't do any good.
He was on strict probation. He wasn't allowed anywhere, anytime, with anyone. And Danny just couldn't handle it.
Something was crushing him. He could feel it.
XXX
"Sam, I can't find him."
"Jazz? Why are you calling my house?"
"Sam! Danny's gone!"
Samantha Manson stopped wondering why Danny's sister had called her at midnight. She nearly fell off her bed, tangled up in her fluffy purple robe.
"What do you mean 'gone'?" She asked skeptically. After all, Danny could be any number of places, and with his powers it would be easy to disappear.
"He had a fight with his parents and he ran out of the house- slammed the door right in their faces," there was a heavy sigh on the other side of the line, "I've never seen him do that."
"No that doesn't sound like him," Sam agreed.
"I mean, there was that time at Christmas but he felt so bad about it later…I don't know. Has he been…different to you lately?"
The Goth shrugged, re-adjusting the phone on her shoulder. "Sort of. Tucker and I have bugged him but he refused to talk about it. We figured he was just stressed with…you know…"
"Yeah, yeah I know. I'm concerned it's starting to effect him Sam."
"Well of course it's going to effect him- it's a big responsibility!"
"Maybe too big."
Both girls were silent. Danny was a brother and a friend to them and despite themselves, they loved him deeply. He was the type of guy that made a person smile, but seemed to get the short end of the stick in everything. He deserved the world, and never got anything from it.
"I'm going to go find him," Sam said darkly. "I'll call you when I learn anything."
"Sam-"
The dark-haired girl hung up the phone before Danny's sister could finish, leaving her with nothing but a dial tone. She leapt up and changed into her normal clothes, fishing out a coat from her closet as she did so. She was sick of Danny acting like this. He needed to talk to someone, and if anyone- it was going to be her.
She was probably the only one who could beat it out of him.
XXX
Come to think of it, he couldn't even think of why he had argued with them. They had every right to ground him, and the restricted privileges would probably have provided him with a lot less distractions. But it would have made it harder to do what had to be done- fight the bad guys.
He had always tried his best to look on the bright side- to see the best in everything. Everyone had a good side, every cloud had a silver lining…but lately he couldn't seem to eat his own philosophies. The glass was always empty. There was always something else- something going wrong, something that needed to be done, something that hadn't been done right.
He just needed a break, he kept telling himself, just a moment to himself. He just needed a place to be where he could curl up and pretend that the rest of the world didn't need him.
At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to seeHey God I know I'm just a dot on this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And I know I'm on my knees again
Of course the thought had crossed his mind that he could just tell his parents why he was always late. He could explain about his powers. After all- there were so many things that could, that had gone wrong with them not knowing.
But there was so much at stake. He was so afraid to see the looks on their faces- the ultimate expression of disbelief and betrayal. He had become, in essence, something they hated. He was a ghost. He was the ghost.
Sighing, the young halfa pulled away from the lamppost and continued his trek through the city. It was his city really. This place, this town, was known for him- he was a local legend- a hero. He protected these people: they were all his responsibility.
His shoulders sagged.
Was it too much? Was it more than he could carry? Thousands of lives, all in his hands: mothers, daughters, sisters, brothers, sons, fathers…they were all his to protect.
But he was just a child. Who did he have to protect him? What if he never came home? What kind of curfew could bring him back then?
He had always flown off into every battle with plans for the future. He had always chosen to think 'today is not the day', and carry on, as if his life was never going to end. But he remembered his fight with Pariah Dark- his mind had changed, then. His philosophy had faltered.
I'm coming back guys. …But if you have anything to say to me, now would be a good time.
She didn't though. He saw the look on her face, but she didn't say it.
It was for the best really. Putting her life in danger, as a friend was hard enough- anything more and he didn't think he'd be able to handle it. There was too much for him to carry- guilt would be the straw on the camel's back.
'Great, now I'm comparing myself to a camel.'
But I know I must go onAlthough I hurt, I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way
He stopped his mindless shuffle in front of an iron gate- staring intently into the semi-darkness beyond. It was the park, generally closed after hours, not that it mattered. Kids still hopped the fence and did their dirty deeds unchecked.
He let his forehead rest against the cool metal, wearily clutching the square black bars dripping with condensation like a man to his cage. He could feel the finality of existence these days. He could feel the fragility of mortality whenever he stepped forward to face another foe.
These days, his optimism was faltering. He just couldn't see it any more- he didn't have any time for it. He was either fighting his parents, his friends, his teachers, or his enemies. Enemies that included people like Dash.
Being bullied since pre-school had, at first, made him small- shy and cowardly. He would rarely speak unless spoken to and he didn't dare have anything to treasure, for fear that it would be taken away. But then he'd met Sam, and the world had become a little safer. And then they'd met Tucker and now…now he was half-ghost, and he took the beatings simply because he had a secret to hide. Now, he was capable of revenge.
But it bothered him- taking the punches when he didn't need to. He had a spine now; he wasn't afraid. But he was forced to bow down under Dash's authority. It hurt his pride.
But it was only a single thorn in a rosebush of problems.
Sighing, he hoisted himself onto the nearby tree branch that overhung the fence- the one that everyone used to get over the bars. He dropped into the darkness on the other side, feeling safer in the shadows.
Am I hiding in the shadows?Forget the pain and forget the sorrows
That was the other thing- he was plagued now by a constant paranoia. What if someone saw him when he transformed? What if his parents found out? What if there was a ghost nearby? What if he failed? What if they beat him? What if he was captured? What if something happened to his friends? What if he was hurt, injured- killed?
What would happen to him when he died?
Had he sealed his fate as a half-ghost? Would he forever wander the ghost zone, looking for a purpose, created by some freakish meddling in the world of science? How many enemies would he have, waiting there for him?
'Well, it's one good reason not to commit suicide.'
He laughed, bitterly.
"Danny?"
He ducked around the trunk of a tree by the path, watching as someone emerged from the shadows outside the circle of a nearby street light. The silhouette became a face, cut into halves by the light overhead.
"Sam?"
She turned to him, relief sweeping briefly over her features before creasing into anger.
"Where the hell have you been?"
He stepped out from his hiding place, shrugging nervously as he shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Around."
"Around," she folded her arms, looking skeptical. Now that he was up close, she could see the way he was shivering, his jacket and hair dripping with rain. Her dark eyes flashed with annoyance and worry. "Danny, you've been gone for four hours- it's nearly one in the morning, and your parents don't know whether to be furious or worried."
He shrugged again, staring up into the sky at the moon. "Let them be angry."
She grabbed his arms and shook him, frustrated by his nonchalant attitude. The Danny she knew would never act like this. "Danny! What is wrong with you?"
He pulled away from her, frowning. "Nothing."
"Bull shit."
But I know I must go onAlthough I hurt, I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way
He blinked, a little shocked. Sam didn't swear if she could help it- she said it was unnecessary. "I'm serious- I'm fine."
"Danny that's crap and you know it. You haven't been acting like yourself."
"How am I supposed to act?" He asked belligerently.
"Well for one thing, the Danny I know doesn't walk out on his parents and he doesn't act like he doesn't care about how hurt they'll be when he disappears for four hours."
He turned away from her, dropping his angry gaze as the guilt he'd been avoiding came sneaking up behind him in her words. No, once upon a time he wouldn't have done that. Once upon a time he wasn't so caught up in himself and his heavy heart that he didn't have the time to pay attention to the people around him.
"Danny, please tell me what's going on. You're quiet, you're moody…and whenever Tucker and I try to talk to you about it you throw it in our faces. Hell, even Dash has noticed something's wrong with you."
He laughed, but it was too sardonic to be cheerful. He ran a hand through his hair, grimacing as his fingers got caught in a knot of wet tangles. Sam sighed.
"You're soaking wet."
He shrugged.
"Danny, look at me."
He sighed, turning his gaze from the ground, to the shadows where her eyes should have been. "Nothing's wrong Sam," he insisted earnestly.
He saw her face turn from an expression of worry to extreme frustration. "Danny! Stop it! Everything in the world is wrong with you! Don't make me list them all at once!"
Her voice faltered and he realized that the frown on her face was edged with tears. Sadness tore at him, sinking its fingers into his heart and pulling it down to a vicinity somewhere near his toes. He felt like crap.
"Sam…" He stepped forward to touch her, but she backed away.
"Don't touch me. Don't even think about it- not until you can admit to me that something's wrong with you."
He shoved his hands into his pockets, grimacing. "Sam, I…I'm sorry I just…" He couldn't bring himself to say the words. He didn't think he could put it into words. It was simply a darkness- a heavy curtain falling over his senses and blinding him until he couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Everything around him had been bleached- wrung out, drained, defeated. Or maybe it was him.
She sighed, pulling her coat a little closer around her. She stared at him for a long moment, thinking. Then she stretched out her hand and let her fingers brush his cheek. He felt himself pale, closing his eyes and drinking in the soft, cool caress. The strength of his emotions was drowning him. He could feel how close she was without even seeing her.
"Oh Danny..." the fingers drifted away. "You've been my friend since forever. And as much as I want to see you back the way you were…I don't think that can happen."
He shook his head, not in disagreement, but in consent. "Nothing's the same anymore. There's just…too much."
He heard her step closer, and opened his eyes. "Just too much," he whispered.
She tilted her head and smiled vaguely. "Remember when we were kids and we always wanted to be superheroes?"
His own smile was wan. "We never thought about the consequences. It was just for fun."
Children, don't stop dancingBelieve, you can fly
Away….away…
"Is that what's bothering you? The consequences?"
"Sam, I don't think I could ever pin it down to just one thing."
To her ears, his voice was so cold and lifeless, that the flickering rain around them seemed positively jovial. When he looked at her, he could see all the sadness in her gaze, despite the shadows. It hurt him.
He stepped a little closer to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry Sam," he said lightly, "it's just…the way things are now."
She took a deep, shaking breath. "I know. I just…I wish I could protect you."
"From what?"
She gave him a sarcastic glare. "Everything. Look at you- you've changed. Being this- being a half-ghost- it's forced you to be someone else."
He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her to him. He felt heavy and weak, as if he might sink into the ground without her there to hold him up. "Maybe. But not everything's bad."
He felt her hands in his hair, gently stroking the sensitive places at the nape of his neck. "No, not everything's bad."
They pulled apart a little, so that they could see one another's faces. Her eyes were silhouettes in the darkness, their usual vibrant color faded beneath the dominant radiance of the streetlight. It glanced off her hair in orange bursts, shimmering like the faintly wet pavement under their feet.
One hand cupped her cheek, gently thumbing a tear as it made a hesitant track toward her chin.
"Danny, I just want you to be okay," she sobbed.
"I am Sam, really. I'm just…a little older I think," he tried smiling, the way he used to smile when he was trying to cheer her up.
She put a hand on either side of his neck and pulled her toward him so that their foreheads were touching. "You big, stupid, idiot," her voice was fond. "Don't make me smile."
"I'll do what I can," he whispered in reply.
Their feet shuffled a little closer, pressing their shivering bodies together. He could feel the heat radiating from her through the layer of icy wetness that covered him, soothing the tension of frozen muscles. He closed his eyes, listening to the rain and the sound of her breath.
"Sam?" He said after a moment.
"What Danny?" She sounded breathless.
"Promise me you'll be safe."
She pulled away to look into his eyes, into the faint, worried sheen over the blue. "As long as you're there to protect me," she conceded quietly.
"I will be," he pulled her toward him, holding her tightly- desperately. "I will be."
But am I hiding in the shadows?Are we hiding in the shadows?
He could feel her heartbeat, like a distant roll of thunder, against his chest. Her breath fell like a gentle waterfall down his neck, and he closed his eyes- savoring the sensations. So he was slightly weary and confused when she pulled gently away from him.
He caught her gaze, staring at her in hidden scrutiny. Then she leaned forward.
It wasn't a fake-out make-out. It wasn't sudden, or hurried, or hastily denied once it ended.
It was a soft, hesitant touch. Her lips grazed against his, as shyly as if they had never met before. Then, he pulled her toward him, deepening the kiss with a desperation he had never known he had.
His whole body ached for her- to be with her, to touch her. Before that moment, he had never suspected how cold and empty he felt, until he let her fill him. He felt like a drowning man who had just reached the surface.
They pulled apart, dizzy and flushed with passion. She rested her head on his arm where it was wrapped around her neck, and he pressed his cheek against hers. For a moment, they simply breathed- taking one another in and trying to catch up to the frantic beating of their hearts.
He kissed her again, gently brushing his lips against hers. He never wanted to stop holding her. He needed her as surely as he needed the sun in the sky. He had felt dead and buried beneath his responsibilities for so long, and suddenly, holding her, he felt…free.
"Danny?" She whispered, finally.
"Yeah?" He answered in a husky undertone.
"I think you need to go home."
He smiled at her- her violet eyes were mischievous.
"Walk me there?" He pouted, pretending to play the part of the teenage girl and her new date.
She punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Only to keep your parents from killing you tonight. "
Laughing, they stepped out of the circle of light together.
Am I hiding in the shadows?Forget the pain and the sorrows
Am I hiding in the shadows?
Forget the pain and the sorrows
But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must go on
Because inside I know…