Dirty Little Secret

Summary: After the end of yet another relationship, Olivia finds solace in the worst place of all.

A/n: As anyone who has been reading my work can tell, I have entirely too many ideas.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Law & Order: SVU, nor do I own the characters I mention that are on the show. If I did, there would be lots of flying monkeys, Cassidy would still be on the SVU, and there would be more FEMALE detectives on the show.

Olivia stared down the bottle of Jack Daniels from across the kitchen. She'd pulled it out and started to pour herself a shot, before catching herself and retreating to the table. That had been an hour ago, and she was still staring.

The telephone rang, but Olivia let the answering machine pick it up. It wasn't her cell, so it wasn't important. She could ignore the person on the other end of that line for a while longer, and it wouldn't really hurt anyone. Her answering machine couldn't hurt anyone as much as she was hurting right now. Only she didn't have the privilege of trying again later. It was over. He'd moved on, and left her for a dental hygienist. It wasn't until now, a day later, that she realized he'd been with the dental hygienist the whole time. He hadn't realized how serious she thought their relationship had been.

Of course, Olivia Benson should have known better. He was just like Nick Ganzner… dating a cop for his own means. To him, she had been nothing more than a quick fling. Just a dumb cop that thought a lawyer like him could love her. He'd used her the same way Ganzner had used her. He needed information, and she was the easy way to get that information. Forget actually waiting until he was supposed to receive the info. So now Casey was pissed off at her, as well as about half of the DA's office, and Trevor was looking like a hero to his baby raping client.

Olivia finally conceded to the urge to drink and got up, pouring herself a shot of whiskey. It burned going down, but the sensation simply reassured her that she was still capable of feeling. She poured another and downed it as well, before taking the shot glass and alcohol into the living room with her. She sat down on the couch, turned on the television, and proceeded to drink away all of her memories of Trevor.

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Elliot knocked on Olivia's door. He had a key, but he tried not to use it. She was a woman with a gun and insanely quick reflexes.

When she didn't come to the door, he knocked again. "Olivia, open up," he called. Finally, he heard the deadbolt unlock and the door opened. She was still wearing the same clothes she'd had on the day before, and he could see that her eyes appeared glazed and unfocused. "Liv?"

"I'm sorry, I must have overslept," she said. He noticed that she was staring down towards the floor, and he lifted her chin to look into her face.

"Olivia, look at me," he commanded. She looked into his eyes for a moment before pulling herself away. It was just long enough for him to see that they were bloodshot; she'd gotten herself plastered. "Liv, you of all people…"

"Should know better. I know," she replied, turning away from him.

"What happened?" he asked, knowing it must be something monumental to cause her to drink. She refused to look at him, choosing instead to clean up the remnants of her whiskey binge. "Liv, what happened?"

"Do you ever get that feeling that… what the hell am I saying? Of course you wouldn't know what the hell I'm talking about. You've been married… had kids," she muttered, shaking her head. Elliot sighed.

"What did he do to you?" Elliot asked.

"Cheated, with a dental hygienist," she said, looking back up at him with a whiskey bottle in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. She weighed the glasses in her hand before setting them back down to prevent herself from throwing them. The last thing she needed was a bigger mess to clean up. "The whole damn time, Elliot. Not just at the end. He started seeing her a week after we started dating!"

"How did you find out?" he asked.

"I walked in on them… at his office… doing it on his desk!" She dropped the bottle of whiskey, but it landed on the couch and it was closed, so there wasn't any mess. She ran her fingers through her hair and then sat down next to the bottle. She reached for it, but Elliot moved swiftly to take it away from her.

"No more alcohol, Liv," he said.

"I'm just so damn sick of it, El! Every time I find something good, either my job freaks the guy out or he finds something better. Every damn time!" She looked away from him. "Just go, El. I'll call in sick."

"So you can drink some more?" he asked. He knew that she was in dangerous territory.

"I don't know yet," she replied. He sighed, knowing that at least she was being honest.

"I'm not going to leave you here alone. Not with this," he said, holding up the bottle.

"Then throw it out."

"You can get more."

"Take my wallet, then. I'm not going anywhere," she said. "He used me. Just like Ganzner. Only this time I can't just walk into his office and make him look like an ass."

"Olivia…"

"Casey hates me now. It's not like I gave him anything on purpose! He lied to me… I thought he was better than that." Elliot sat down next to her, putting the whiskey bottle at his feet. Olivia leaned over and buried her face into his shoulder. She didn't want to seem weak, but at the same time she couldn't take it any longer. "I actually thought I was in love this time. I don't know who I was kidding… I'm not capable of loving anyone. I'm unlovable. My mother was always right."

"Olivia, don't say that," Elliot began. She pushed him away.

"Don't shit with me, El! You don't know!"

"I don't know because you won't tell me," he said. He wasn't accusing or angry. He was simply stating the facts. "Why won't you tell me?" he asked.

"You don't need to know all the sordid details. You know what you need to know." She turned her back to him.

"Olivia, I can't help you if you push me away," he said. He slowly put his right hand on her shoulder.

"Who ever said I needed help?" she asked.

"A guy named Jack Daniels."