This fic is based on what Gael tells Michelle on the way to the hotel: "Tony and I have been working closely together these last couple of months, planning this operation. It's been eating away at him that he wasn't able to talk to you about it."

It got me thinking… always a bad sign ;)…

It has nothing to do with how much he trusts her. God knows, sometimes he trusts her more than he trusts himself, and that's saying something. With a job like this, you simply have to trust yourself, or people die.

It is a trust that used to scare him. After Nina Myers, he had sworn to himself he would never blindly trust anyone ever again. But for some inexplicable reason, he had trusted Michelle from the start.

It is also a trust that he is very aware of. It clear to him every time he needs something to be done quickly and efficiently, because he always goes straight to her, addressing her with a gentle, "Hey". She isn't like Chloe O'Brian or Adam Kaufman, who give him a hard time with pretty much every order. Or like Kim Bauer, who is still learning and often needs more explanations than he has time to give. With Michelle, it's all so wonderfully simple; he asks her to do it and she does it, without protesting or questioning him. Sometimes he's convinced he would have gone crazy over there a long time ago if it hadn't been for her.

He doesn't know if he can face going to work every day in Langley if she doesn't get that job. Even now at CTU with her there, the days are sometimes impossibly long and tiring, and he doesn't know how to survive them without her anymore. He wonders if she even realizes how much her presence comforts him. She'll get the job, he tells himself. She's smart, and competent. Everyone knows that.

But he's getting ahead of himself. Right now, he just needs to focus on the Mexico-operation. Once that's all over, they can both think about how to handle other things. But thinking about Mexico only brings him back to what was bothering him in the first place.

He keeps telling himself it's better that she doesn't know. Better for the operation; the fewer people know, the better change they have of succeeding.

But better for her, too. He knows he's risking a lot, professionally. He doesn't want to put her in that position.

It's seeing that same unwavering trust in her eyes that gets to him. He hates keeping this from her. Jack Bauer and Gael Ortega have both already noticed. Jack, not being very good with his own feelings or anyone else's, just keeps gently reminding him what he already knows; that it's better this way. Gael tried a more open approach a few days ago.

"It'll all be over soon, Tony."

"Yeah," was all he could think of to say.

Gael, sensing that more was coming, waited patiently for him to continue.

"It's just that…" Tony searched carefully for his words, "You and Jack… you're both used to hiding this stuff from the people you're closest to. I'm not."

Gael had sympathetically patted him on the shoulder, and repeated that he wouldn't have to pretend much longer.

And now, it's tomorrow and he's almost afraid. Tomorrow, the infected corpse will be brought to NHS, that kid Kyle Singer will feverishly be sought all over LA and Hector Salazar will expect Jack to return to Mexico with his brother. Tomorrow, Michelle will find out that he has been misleading her for a month.

She will not be angry, he knows that. She will recognize that is was best for the operation that she didn't know. But she will be hurt, confused, upset and start to doubt herself. And as he looks over at her now, sleeping soundly next to him, oblivious to his distress, he feels sick at the thought of putting her through that.

She's tough, he tells himself, she'll survive it. We'll survive it. And there isn't a doubt in his mind that this isn't all true. But somehow, that doesn't make him feel a whole lot better.

In the beginning, a month ago, he had been sure she would see right through him, that he would never be able to successfully hide something this big from her. It had proved to be easier than he thought, and this had disturbed him a little at first. It was only later that he realized that the only reason she couldn't tell was that it had absolutely nothing to do with their personal lives. They had both always insisted on keeping their professional relationship separate from their marriage and their home.

"If we don't, we're just gonna drive ourselves crazy," Michelle had reasonably pointed out when they had just started dating.

They don't talk much about work when they're at home; they spend too much time over there as it is. When they're home, he just wants to laugh with her, to play with her, which- when they get the chance- they are both surprisingly good at.

He takes a minute to let himself think about how happy she makes him. She brings him a peace that he has never known before. She so effortlessly brings out a gentleness he never knew he had in him. He's afraid that with their hectic lives, he'll start taking her for granted. He never, ever wants to take her for granted. He pictures the lights in her eyes when she laughs, knowing that that will do the trick. Because every time he sees those lights, he swears he falls in love with her all over again.

He tries not to think about what will happen if everything goes wrong tomorrow. He doesn't want to question what they're doing, he and Jack and Gael. And he doesn't question it; he wouldn't have agreed to go along with it if he did. But that doesn't stop him from sometimes wondering if they have the right to deceive everyone like that; not only Michelle, but also everyone else at CTU, not to mention President Palmer.

He feels her stir in her sleep, and automatically, his eyes come to rest once more on her beautiful features. For a moment, he considers waking her up now and telling her everything. Now, he has a luxury of time to explain, to make her understand. Tomorrow, he knows it will have to wait, and she will have to make it through the day without is reassurances.

He reaches for her, and feels her soft, familiar body instinctively relax in his arms. A few curls have tumbled loosely across her face, and he gently runs a hand over her forehead, brushing them away. She looks so peaceful. He doesn't have the heart to wake her up and disturb the little sleep she manages to get.

Instead, he promises himself he will make it up to her. He will make sure she doesn't dwell on it. Maybe, when it's all over, he can arrange some time off for them and they can go away somewhere together for a couple of days, relax and do nothing for a change. He knows she'll like that; he knows that she, like him, is tired.

He hopes she knows how much he loves her, how much he always loves her; even when he's barking orders at her or too stressed out to notice her much… or keeping things from her that a good husband shouldn't. He hopes to God she at least knows that.

He sighs lightly, gently kisses her closed eyes, and tells himself to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.