Otaku Muyo

(Okay, this has been far too long in the making...)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: I'm so sorry for having two straight chapters of filler.
I promise to try to never do that again. I have discovered through
trial and error that I suck at predicting what I'll write next, or how
long it'll take, so I also apologize for that. Ah! My Goddess is
property of Kosuke Fujishima. Kim Possible belongs to Disney. Record
of the Lodoss War is owned by Ryo Mizuno, while Naoko Takeuchi retains
all rights to Sailor Moon, and Tenchi Muyo! was created by Kajishima
Masaki. I am borrowing the characters without permission and at no
profit to myself. Please do not beat me within an inch of my life for
taking so long. Tannim, Gunter, and any character that resembles
originality are my intellectual property to do with as I please. You
can't have them Nabiki! They're mine! Mine I say!

--

Chapter 8

--

Azabu Juuban, Japan

The night, at least, wasn't stormy. As was typical of night it wasn't
exactly bright, with the darkness held mostly at bay by ambient
streetlights that were too few in number to illuminate the entirety of
the sidewalk, but did an admirable job showing the general vicinity.
Juuban's deserted streets with its rare passer-by allowed Setsuna
relative privacy to contemplate the events that had transpired earlier
that day.

The green-haired beauty stared hard at the small object clutched
loosely in the palm of her hand. It was roughly three to four inches
in diameter, gold in appearance with four stones of various colors
along the perimeter, with a giant pink stone just above the middle and
a crescent moon set below along the bottom. The trinket wasn't very
impressive to her critical eye, and much more garish in appearance
than any magical object had a right to be.

At least, Setsuna assumed the brooch was magical, as it had been given
to her by an honest-to-goodness talking cat, not to mention she'd been
attacked by a monster that had no business existing in reality. Any
Japanese schoolgirl worth her salt knew that set of circumstances was
something straight out of a magical girl TV show, even if she'd never
personally watched the stuff.

But this wasn't television, was it? This was a real flesh and blood
war, as demonstrated by the cute animal mascot dying mere seconds
after its introduction. No long, drawn out quests to save
'what-have-you,' from 'who-knows-what.' No Skysaber jumping in for
the rescue. No Grey popping up for a last-minute save. Simple,
brutal destruction from an enemy that literally killed any chance of
finding out some answers to whatever she'd suddenly been dragged into.

It had been one of the most heartbreaking moments of her life when she
had to bury the poor cat. She couldn't even remember the creature's
name, given in the heat of the moment when she'd been fleeing for her
life. In the end she had to settle for a tiny, upright stick to mark
the gravesite.

What she did remember with vivid clarity were the cat's final words to
her.

"Sailor Moon?" Setsuna pronounced the name carefully. She was
sufficiently advanced in her English studies to understand what the
words meant, and put together they didn't make much sense. "What kind
of name is that? But more importantly, who is this princess I'm
supposed to protect?"

Needlessly extrapolating on past events did nothing to settle
Setsuna's frazzled nerves. In spite of her extraordinary leadership
abilities garnered from years of dealing with her high school peers,
and a reputation for staying cool when the going got tough, this was
far beyond her abilities to immediately cope with. What she required
right now was moral support from a family figure she knew she could
trust.

Finding the nearest payphone wasn't difficult. It was also
unoccupied, unsurprising given the lateness of the hour and the
generally deserted nature of the area she was currently in. Setsuna
had some spare change left over from lunch that day and used that to
dial the number for her home address.

To her growing dismay, however, the phone rang without anyone on the
other side answering. She let this continue, until the answering
machine eventually picked up the call. Rather than leave a message
she slammed the phone back in its cradle and glared at the offending
device.

'He promised!' she thought furiously. 'He promised he'd be home early
tonight!'

For several seconds Setsuna allowed her mind vent to her frustrations
by thinking terrible thoughts about her father. Every single angry
notion she ever had over the years all boiled to the surface in a fit
of pique, with each instance of neglect and hurt felt at a visceral
level rather than re-experienced mentally. It wasn't a pleasant
sensation, and it tied her stomach up in knots the more she held onto
it.

Brief though the lapse of control was, Setsuna clamped down hard on
her feelings and forced her mind to calm down so that she could think
rationally again. Breathing in deeply, then expelling the air, helped
immensely.

When she really thought about it Setsuna knew that it usually wasn't
her father's fault that he was so busy. Being the Minister of Land
was difficult for all involved, friends and family alike. Setsuna was
willing to allow her father some slack given his difficult position
and the time required of him to keep the country itself from
collapsing; especially given the frank conversations he's had with her
regarding just how close that collapse might be. She was glad someone
as strong and (usually) dependable was helping keep the nation of
Japan together.

If only it didn't cut into family time so much. Was that too much to
ask? As her mother had died while she was still very young, most of
her childhood was spent waiting for her father to return home from
work. It was for this reason that they both had agreed to set aside
times like today to spend together to bond as a family unit.
Obviously it wasn't working as planned.

"What could I have talked to my dad about anyway?" Setsuna reasoned
with herself. "'Hi, I met a talking cat today who told me I was
Sailor Moon, and by the way when are we ever going to make up the time
we've spent apart?' Humph. I sound like a wimpy little schoolgirl."

Setsuna never noticed when the pendant started to glow. She did,
however, notice the burst of energy that surrounded her in a
kaleidoscope of colors and sound. It was kind of hard to miss, given
that not only was the entire world blocked from her view, but also
that her own body was seemingly stripped of its clothing and bathed in
the same type of coloration. She had just enough time to blink in
surprise before various garments sprang into existence out of
nothingness over her otherwise naked body. No doubt Setsuna would
have screamed with surprise if she could have, but the various poses
her body took during this process were rather disorienting.

Once everything ground to a halt and the world resumed its normal
colors, the first thought that entered Setsuna's mind was, 'Okay, just
WHO designed this outfit?'

The second thought that crossed her mind came quickly on the heels of
the first. 'My, that's an itty bitty mini-skirt.'

The third thought leapt on her unsuspecting consciousness and hit her
with the mental equivalent of a freight train, and she nearly stumbled
to the ground in shock. 'Ohmygod. I really AM a magical girl!'

In testimony to this she felt stronger, more vibrant and alive than
she ever had in her entire life. Just by flexing her fingers into a
fist it felt like she had the power to punch through concrete... not
that she'd be trying that particular trick anytime soon.

Though she did wonder how high she could jump.

"Okay. I'll try for the roof of that building over there. It's only
one story," she reasoned. "That should be a piece of cake for your
average magical high school girl." Setsuna paused. "I can't believe
those words came out of my mouth. I also can't believe I'm actually
going to try this."

Setsuna gathered her courage and leapt. Much to her surprise, she
succeeded beyond all her expectations. She also winced.

Setsuna impacted moments later on the side of the three-story building
behind the one story building. Before she could fall she reached up
and grabbed the lip of the roof, before pulling herself up and over
the side, and sat on the gravel there for several moments catching her
breath.

"That was so... so..." the green-haired teen struggled to find the
right word, "...cooooool." A shiver of excitement ran the course down
her spine.

Setsuna stood with a grin on her face that could frighten small
children. "Let's try that again."

--

Kasumigaseki, Japan

"Setsuna? What are you doing here at work?" Setsuna's father glanced
at the clock and blinked in astonishment. "Is it past two in the
morning already?"

Unbidden, a memory flashed through her mind of missing a jump
spectacularly and landing, screaming the whole way down, in an
open-top dumpster. With an inward wince, she decided to ignore her
father and abruptly changed the subject. "You said you were going to
be home tonight," she pointed out without a hint of malice in her
voice.

Her father visibly winced anyway. "You know how it is with paperwork
in the government these days. There's too much to do and too few
people to do it. If I don't--" he halted in mid-sentence, and shook
his head wryly. "Well, that's an old excuse we've discussed already,"
he waved the topic off as he gave his undivided attention to his
daughter. "I am truly sorry I didn't come home today like I promised.
What can I do for you now?"

The green-haired girl contemplated for a moment over that statement.
Given her father's obvious feelings of guilt over the day's events,
she believed he really would do anything she asked. Too bad for the
moment she wasn't shooting for something higher, like her own, private
island.

"You remember that offer to go to school overseas?" she asked.

Setsuna's father hesitated. He was too experienced a politician not
to notice the slight hitch in his daughter's voice. Obviously
something was bothering her. It was understood, however, that if she
wanted to talk about it she would, so he didn't press her, instead
deciding to simply answer the question.

"You mean the offer you were too stubborn to accept because you said
it was, and I quote, 'running away like a scared little schoolgirl?'"
Her father smiled faintly. "Yes, I remember."

Setsuna recalled her mindset when she made that declaration. Despite
China's recent hostile maneuverings, and many rumors of an alien
invasion from within, she had wanted to stay strong and finish at
least a college level education in the country of her birth rather
than flee abroad as many families had already done. How was she
supposed to know the alien rumors were true?

"I have considered my options and decided it to be the best course of
action for me at this time," she replied seriously.

"Oh? What prompted this?" he asked with genuine surprise.

Telling her already over-protective father what really transpired
would simply get her put in lockdown until she was thirty-five.
Setsuna opted for the tried and true method of lying by omission. "I
want to broaden my horizons?" she hazarded.

Her father thought carefully for a few moments, before standing up and
walking to one of the many filing cabinets in his office. From within
he pulled out a large folder marked 'Betrothal Proposals,' and began
leafing through it.

Setsuna rolled her eyes. "Father, now's not the time for THAT old
argument..."

Pulling out the file he had been looking for, Setsuna's dad smirked.
"While I have realized after a time it is difficult to get you to do
anything you do not wish to..." he gave his daughter a look of pained
longsuffering, and sighed dramatically for just the right amount of
emphasis, "...I would like to point out that I have a very good friend
who runs a chain of hotels, and who also would not turn down a favor
if I asked him to let you stay in one, free of charge, for the
duration of your stay in the United States. All he has ever asked of
me is that you meet with his son." He raised both hands to forestall
the rebuttal poised on Setsuna's lips. "This is not a marriage
meeting, nor even a date; simply two youngsters of two old friends
meeting at last. Does that sound satisfactory to you?"

Setsuna pondered for a bit, before nodding. "I accept." Her face
changed from serious to studied indifference in a heartbeat. "So
who's this boy you're trying to foist off on me?" she asked airily,
waving her hand as if dismissing a small matter. "I suppose meeting
him wouldn't kill me."

Her father smiled indulgently. At least Setsuna was in a good mood
about the whole affair. "His name is Tannim. Tannim Murphy. And I
have been assured by his father that he is a lazy, good-for-nothing
slacker, with entirely too much free time on his hands," he stated
with a perfectly straight face. "Hopefully he'll meet with your
approval."

Uncharacteristically, Setsuna snickered. "Sounds just like my type."

--

Crossroads, California

Tannim sneezed, shivered, and pulled the tattered remains of his shirt
closer to his body while cranking up the heater for his car.

"I've got to get myself some real clothes," he muttered.

It felt pretty silly wearing what amounted to a bunch of rags, but it
wasn't like Tannim could do much about it. Rather than change from
out of his Breaking Point training clothes, he'd already stormed out
of the apartment and started driving away before he'd noticed the
mistake.

That was just the beginning of what already promised to be an abysmal
day.

Not only was he dreading slightly at what Skuld would do to his
apartment (not that he should care anyway as he was planning on
abandoning the place), Tannim outright feared whatever Urd might be
cooking up. There was simply no telling what she'd do to him the next
time she saw him. An "Urd Bolt, Strike!" would probably be the least
of his worries; the way events were progressing, he'd be on the
receiving end of Armageddon. Ragnarok. Whatever.

As Tannim pulled into the mall parking lot, the sensation of impending
doom that had started this morning suddenly spiked, before settling
into a dull throb at the back of his skull. It didn't seem that that
particular headache wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Tannim belatedly realized this was the point in the series where he'd
be screaming at the poor fool on the television screen to just pack up
their bags and head out to Fiji. Damn, he really missed being able to
hit the pause button and walk away.

'Oh well,' Tannim thought with a brief surge of optimism. 'Maybe
things won't be as bad as I think they're going to be?'

He paused to let reality sink in.

"No, it'll be worse," he finally admitted to himself. "Much worse."

As usual, finding a parking space on the backside of the mall didn't
prove to be a difficult task. The thing that bothered Tannim most was
the lack of cars in the rest of the parking lot. What cars were
visible were covered with cutesy bumper stickers and fashionable
license plates, signaling to the erstwhile dimensional traveler that
the mall itself was packed mostly with Amazons.

Tannim groaned.

He supposed he should have been expecting this, but what exactly was
he supposed to do about a mall full of crazy women? Those Amazons
were going kill him, or at the very least, give him a serious makeover
the likes of which he'd never forget. Either way it wasn't going to
be pretty (or it was... he really wasn't sure which would be worse at
this point).

"Maybe I should try talking to them?" he snorted derisively. "Yeah
right, like that'll work... when has that ever worked? Like, never?"

Talking to himself was a habit Tannim had not had the grace to shed
over the years. Though it was nice to have a voice of reason on his
side, he wished sometimes that it could've been someone else.

Getting out of the car and not really noticing anyone in his general
vicinity, the brown-haired man headed towards his stash of emergency
supplies in the trunk briskly. "At least I always remember to have a
jacket... handy..." Tannim trailed off as he pulled out a long, black
trench coat from where he stored his emergency clothing. It was
exactly like the one Keanu Reeves had worn in the first Matrix movie,
and while very cool, this was nothing like the winter clothing he had
placed there in his previous life.

"It'll do," he shrugged and slipped the coat on. Fastened closed it
disguised his state of undress rather well. Now at least he didn't
look like a hobo.

--

Two girls around the age of sixteen stood side by side, one with
bright blonde hair framing a tan complexion, the other with green
tresses held in check by a neon pink headband. Both wore your typical
teenie-bopper clothing; much too bright and with skirts far too short
to be called decent.

The blonde was animatedly talking to her friend. "...and I also heard
he's seven feet tall, with glowing red eyes!" she exclaimed. "And he
shoots fireballs out of them!"

"Yeah right, Mihoshi. You always were an airhead..."

"Aw, Kiyone, that's mean! Even if it is true!"

"...but this takes the cake. I mean, c'mon, we got a detailed
description from Lieutenant General Makoto! We already know ex-ACT-ly
what he looks like."

"Brown hair, green eyes..."

Kiyone nodded with satisfaction. "Exactly."

"...and such a hunk!"

"What? Who are you--?" Kiyone glanced in the direction her partner
was drooling. "That's him!" she shouted, grabbing Mihoshi by the
collar and shaking the blonde for all she was worth. "Call Makoto!
Alert the armies!"

"But why!" Mihoshi cried plaintively while clutching on her friend's
arm for support. Eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears she gave
her best kicked puppy dog look. "Can't I ask him out to lunch first?"

"Hurry up!" Kiyone shouted impatiently. "He's about to run straight
into Romeo Company, and they don't even realize it!" There really
wasn't time for Mihoshi's shenanigans. The only thing that had kept
Kiyone from snapping and killing the blonde outright years ago is that
she knew Mihoshi wasn't stupid on purpose. It just came naturally.

"This whole area was designated as low priority," she continued at a
more even pace, "so it wouldn't surprise me if they were slacking
off..." her attention was drawn towards a love-struck Mihoshi, and she
sighed dejectedly, "...just like us."

Wait, why did Mihoshi have the only cell phone anyway?

"Gimme that!" Kiyone snatched the phone from her partner while
Mihoshi was distracted. It wasn't difficult. "I'm surprised I didn't
think of this sooner!" she cheerfully nodded, though it took a few
moments to recall the correct number before dialing it in. "This is
Echo Team Seven, Base, do you read, over? Yes, he's walking right
through the southern entrance right now! Over!"

Kiyone jerked the phone away from her ear until the noise died down.
"I'm sorry we didn't call sooner, we just spotted him!" she nervously
lied. Several commands were issued as Kiyone listened intently, some
of which to she nodded, forgetting for the moment that the person on
the other end couldn't see her. "Right. Yes. We're on our way to
intercept. Echo Team Seven out."

"Okay, Mihoshi." Kiyone snapped the cell phone shut with an audible
click. "Let's go catch us a man."

"Yay!"

--

"Joey, Jeffy, Jamie! Attention!"

Three boys responded in unison. "Yes, my Mistress?"

"I'm starting to feel a bit warm, flap your arms harder!"

"Yes, Lady Quinn!" they continued in perfect, three-part harmony.
"Your wish is my command!"

Quinn grinned, and with a contented sigh slipped deeper into the
lounge chair she had been given as a gift from one of her many
'admirers.' It was currently connected to two long poles so she could
be carried on the backs of her free labor. It was nice to have a
legion of boys who never said 'no' to anything she asked, and as long
as she remembered to keep them trained and well fed, they served her
well.

Much to Quinn's annoyance, her cell phone rang, interrupting her
reverie. She glared at the offending device ringing from its position
on the silver platter held by another one of her boys, and
contemplated ignoring the call. It wasn't something she thought on
for long, as the armies were on a heightened state of alert and it was
probably important...

At that moment, a man happened to stroll right on by, not paying the
debutante any mind whatsoever. From what Quinn could see, he was
tall, well built, with long wavy golden tresses and green eyes
hardened into the expression of a man on a mission.

"Oooo, I like." Quinn weighed her options carefully: to answer the
phone, or chase down the latest beefcake? "Justin, be a dear, and
answer that for me, will you? I think I'll follow that hunk and get
him to notice me."

"But mistress, hasn't our Queen given us express orders to stay here
and watch for this 'Tannim' fellow, on pain of defenestration?" It
was Justin's job, by order of the queen, to speak up when this sort of
situation arose. He was the only one of Quinn's sycophants with
enough brainpower to do so. It was also why he was holding the tray
with the phone.

As was typical, Quinn ignored him. She strode seductively towards the
man in the trench coat, incidentally blocking his path and causing him
to halt.

"Hey there, handsome. Don't you think I'm the most beautiful thing
you've ever seen?" After Quinn became Duchess of her own fiefdom she
stopped being subtle.

It wasn't every day Tannim was propositioned like that, so he was
forced to look at the girl who had made such a bold statement. He
eyed her critically for a moment.

"I've seen better," he replied curtly. "Who're you?"

If the girl was fazed by this response, she didn't show it. "You can
call me, 'Your Grace Quinn Morgendorffer, Duchess of The Chasm.'"

Tannim didn't know if this was in reference to the popular clothing
store or the amount of cleavage Quinn was currently showing off. He
decided it had to be the former, and refrained from staring at the
latter. A Herculean feat to be sure, given the amount of attention
she was trying to draw to it, but he managed.

This was actually turning out to be quite the interesting encounter.
It's not every day one sees what Quinn from the popular MTV show Daria
would look like in person. Grown up from the teeny-bopper high school
persona, it couldn't have been too many years from when she'd last
been on television. Quinn was certainly well into adulthood and past
the childish adolescence that had been her hallmark on the show, as
evidenced by the short but form-hugging purple skirt and deep v-necked
indigo t-shirt. He'd place her age around twenty or so.

"Not interested," Tannim finally spoke. "Besides, Daria would be more
my type," he admitted truthfully.

Quinn took a quick step back in revulsion. "YOU'RE one of those geeky
nerd types? Ick! And here I was hoping to get some untainted
beef..."

The man grinned at the jibe. "That's me; just a regular Mad Cow. Now
if you'll excuse me, I've somewhere to be." Tannim quickly and
efficiently strode away from the manipulative and man-hungry woman.
Easy on the eyes, to be sure, but you'd have to be a brain-dead
toothpick to be willing to go out with her.

"He was so promising too..." Quinn muttered in disappointment as she
made her way back to the waiting harem. "And he knew Daria! Double
ick!"

"Um, your highness? You know that call from earlier? It's from Base,
saying to be on the lookout for our fugitive. He was spotted last in
this area. They want to speak to you directly."

"Fine, fine, hand me the phone." Quinn tiredly stuck out a hand.
Once the phone was placed on her outstretched palm she calmly
retracted her arm and spoke into the device. "Hello?"

"Romeo, come in Romeo, this is Baker, do you read, over?" Makoto
asked on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, yeah, this is 'Romeo,' what is it?"

"You're supposed to say 'over,' Romeo. Over."

"What-ever. Over."

"Subject reported sighted as heading in your area. Do you have visual
confirmation? Over."

"Huh?" Quinn replied intelligently.

Makoto sighed into the receiver. "Have you seen the guy we're looking
for?"

"How am I supposed to know what he looks like?" Quinn paused, before
remembering to say, "Over."

"Fine. Uploading picture from camera-phone surveillance now, over."

Quinn pulled the cell away from her ear to take a look at the picture.

"Him? Ick!" She made a face. "He's right over there, on the second
floor. Ew, I can't believe he actually went into that goth place!
That's just gross! Just when I thought he couldn't sink any lower..."

Makoto shut off the inane ramblings of her subordinate and turned to
the battery of assembled girls with cell phones that acted as the
communication division of Bonnie's Armies. "We've got a Dodo sighting
at Goth's Graveyard, repeat Dodo sighting at Goth's Graveyard! Spread
the word ladies!"

Hundreds of fingers typed furiously on thousands of keys as orders and
pictures were relayed to the rest of the mall.

--

Tannim entered Goth's Graveyard and was unsurprised to see William
manning the register. He took off his trench coat as he entered.

"Dude, nice digs." William nodded appreciatively, still speaking at
his customary monotone. "I wish mine would look that worn. You don't
know how many times I've run them through the wash. You've got the
beaten and torn look down, man."

Tannim grinned. This was precisely the response he was hoping for.
"How about a trade?" he suggested.

William surreptitiously looked at the merchandise hanging around the
store that technically wasn't his to barter with. "Sure. Though I
warn you, those stuck up chicks'll probably start raggin' you about
your outfit the moment you leave here."

That thought brought Tannim up short. While he didn't particularly
care if someone commented on his wardrobe, he did need some sort of
distraction to keep the Amazons off his back. He grinned again as
another thought struck him.

"Do you have some cardboard and markers? And a nearby store you don't
like?"

--

"All right, go in there and get him!"

"Nuh-uh, you go first!"

"Hel-loooo, superior officer here! I get to order you, not the other
way around!"

"But it's gross in there!"

The gaggle of girls began to dissolve into a heated argument amongst
themselves. This was something that Tannim, armed with several
cardboard box pieces and a Sharpie marker, did not fail to take
advantage of. With a frankly absurd mischievous grin, he began to
scrawl foretellings of a sale of truly epic proportions and left them
strategically around Zack's 3rd Avenue. The deed done, he then began
to make his getaway. It would not be long until one of the girls
noticed the ruse; such girls were attracted to sales like moths to a
flame.

As Tannim expected, their finely-tuned shopping senses locked onto the
signs quickly and all sense of reason and propriety left them
entirely.

"Look! They're having a sale at ninety-percent off!"

"Omigod! An unscheduled sale? We've got to hurry before the rest of
the girls find out!"

Of course Tannim was far from out of the woods just yet. The group
that was chasing him was not the only one to notice the signs. Others
were quick to catch on through word of mouth, and soon there was a
steady stream of amazons making their way towards Zack's 3rd Avenue.

Tannim found that he had made a gross miscalculation. While the
Amazons were indeed enthralled by the prospects of a sale, it made his
clean getaway all the more difficult. Luckily, he spotted one of the
side exits, commonly tucked discreetly between stores in all malls.
He praised Belldandy silently and ducked into the passageway amidst
the throng of crazed teenaged females.

The green-eyed man paused to catch his breath, and allowed those eyes
to drift shut as he leaned his head back against the door. They shot
open moments later when he heard a voice yell triumphantly down the
corridor from his position.

"Aha!" Makoto shouted, "I knew you'd try to escape this way again!"
She was flanked on either side by a gaggle of weapon-toting women who
did not look at all amused.

The young man stared at Makoto blankly. His right eye twitched for a
second before he felt a frenzied scream work its way up through his
stomach and pause at the top of his windpipe, before it ripped itself
from his throat.

Tannim, for lack of a better word, howled in frustration. It held a
cocktail of curdled dreams and soured choices, with a hint of black
despair, all blended perfectly into one sound lasting not more than a
few seconds. Makoto was impressed.

He shot back out the door as though Carrot Top and the MTV VeeJays of
old were after him. He'd rather face the rest of the mall combined
than deal with that crazy chick again.

Surprising a number of amazons looking in his general direction, he
vaulted clear over the railing and headed to the first floor by the
quickest means without any hesitation whatsoever. It was something of
a small miracle that he didn't land on anybody.

Unfortunately due to his yell, Tannim didn't get much of a head start.
It took all of five seconds for Makoto to burst out from the doors he
left behind, shout "After him!" and proceed to give chase.

Fleeing from the quickly growing mob Tannim noted that at least his
diversionary tactic was half-successful; many of the amazons were
reluctant or outright refused to leave the supposed 'sale.' Most that
did follow him did so half-heartedly, and not at full speed.

However, the mallrats were much more organized than Tannim
anticipated. This was made quickly apparent by the throng of women
quickly walking down the thoroughfare in the middle of the mall,
filling the walking area in front of him and impeding his first idea
of simply making a mad dash for MegaGamers. His only viable exit left
to try was the stairs of the second floor again, which he did so as
fast as he could, taking the stairs two or three steps at a time.

"He's going up! Level two units, engage!"

Immediately swarms of girls began pouring out of the stores on the
second floor. Tannim had to admire the tactical brilliance of it all;
those particular stores were located in the center of the mall itself,
and thus an excellent place to hold a rapid-deploy reserve force.
Soon the entire upper floor of the mall was filled to capacity with
angry, bustling teenagers, heading in his direction and making passage
next to impossible.

Soon he found himself being herded onto a bridged that connected the
two sides of the second floor, as it was the only open space available
to him. With amazons to the front of him, and amazons coming up from
behind, Tannim did the only thing he could think of.

He could hear several of the girls gasp in surprise as he slipped over
the railing. It was here, underneath the middle of the bridge, that
Tannim attempted a Saotome specialty: clinging to the ceiling for dear
life. In this case he was aided by the structural supports underneath
and was able to swing himself up and catch one of the opposite
supports with his legs.

While it did get him out of reach of those above him, this did leave
him dangling in plain sight. Not exactly what he'd been hoping for,
but then again, he hadn't exactly given this plan much thought,
either.

"There he is!" "Get him!" "Get his feet!"

Tannim glared balefully at the growing mob of teenage girls below him.
Then, he grinned with sudden amusement. The view of a horde of women
in skimpy clothing from directly above left nothing to be desired,
especially with all the arm waving and jumping about.

A voice pierced the din with crisp, clear authority.

"Attention! Form up!"

Surprisingly enough the Mallrats obeyed, emptying the middle of the
mall to form rows in front of the stores. Several girls unused to the
practice had to be guided by their fellows, but everything was
accomplished quickly and efficiently, much more so than Tannim would
have thought possible from a horde of teenagers. At least, a horde of
teenagers without Green Beret training.

Tannim craned his neck to where the voice originated from. What he
saw nearly caused him to lose his grip in shock.

There was Deedlit, the same girl from this morning, only this time she
was in full battle regalia. Flack jacket, army boots, and camouflage
gear with twin ornamental lines of green paint down her cheeks were
all scary enough, but the sword at her hip completed the intimidating
look and gave Tannim chills. Coupled with the way she barked orders
at the surrounding girls, she projected an aura of menace. Deedlit
acted more like a drill sergeant than a high school girl as she urged
her comrades into position. What happened to the airheaded valley
girl he had met earlier?

It was only after Tannim got over his initial shock that he noticed
the platoon of cheerleaders marching behind her, moving in
synchronized lockstep. This was obviously the elite of the amazons.
They all wore the same purple cheerleading uniforms, not from any
nearby school, but one that had "Bonnie" stitched across the front in
big letters. The "B" in "Bonnie" had a small crown hanging from it at
an odd angle.

'Things... do not look good,' thought Tannim wryly. 'I think I may be
screwed. Royally.'

Then the cheerleaders did something Tannim supposed he should have
expected, but surprised him nonetheless: they began to form a human
pyramid. Their movements were quick, precise, and obviously
well-practiced.

"Hey, that's pretty impressive!" he called out cheerfully.

No answer, save Deedlit's deepening scowl, was forthcoming. So much
for flattery.

In no time at all three of them had made their way up to within
grabbing range of Tannim's hanging trench coat, with two more quickly
ascending to grab the man himself. One of them even managed to snag
the coat. An experimental yank by the offending mallrat did nothing
to persuade Tannim to let go.

Later, when he was all alone, Tannim would think back and marvel at
his luck that, at just the right moment, a girl in the middle of the
pyramid had to sneeze.

And what a doozy of a sneeze it was. In fact, it just managed to
unbalance the whole pyramid, and send it tumbling. Now while those
sequence of words didn't sound impressive written out, it was a lot of
fun to watch as the girls slowly collapsed under the pressure of not
having enough coordinated balance to keep them up anymore. In fact,
Tannim could have sworn it was a sport watching those poor girls fall
underneath the weight of themselves.

It was this moment that Tannim decided to take the opportunity to
skedaddle. He let go of the supports, landed, and turned to make a
run for it.

It was unfortunate that he found, much to his dismay, Deedlit already
waiting patiently for him with rapier pointed towards his throat. He
almost skewered himself on the end of it in his haste but stopped just
in time. Instead Tannim managed to leap back several feet and get
outside of immediate strike range.

"You'll never take me down," he warned. Bluffed, really, but he'd
been doing so much of that lately he was starting to believe in his
own lies.

"That remains to be seen," Deedlit sneered. "But first, I wanna to
get my licks in, before I drag you kicking and screaming before the
queen." The blonde sheathed her rapier and shrugged off her combat
vest, leaving her wearing a tan short sleeved t-shirt. She raised her
fists into a fighting position reminiscent of a boxer's stance. "I've
got a score to settle for my fellow warrior women."

"All right," Tannim replied. The man readied himself for the upcoming
fight by discarding his trench coat. "You asked for it, then."

Without so much as a warning, Tannim made the first move as soon as
the words were out of his mouth and his coat hit the ground. He'd
already been pushed around enough today, and rather than wait for
Deedlit to come at him with who knows what, he figured a frontal
assault with a Gaijin Smash could probably give him enough breathing
room to make a break for it again. Bringing his glowing right fist to
bear, and pleased that it held his brightest glow yet, he charged
headlong at Deedlit with fist cocked back and ready to lay one into
her.

Things didn't go exactly as planned. They rarely do when you're
facing a person who is an expert in martial arts, especially one who
specializes in re-directing their opponent since they're usually so
much smaller than everyone else.

Deedlit expertly caught Tannim's outstretched arm and slid into a
hip-throw maneuver that sent the man literally flying, projecting him
head-long towards a nearby pillar. His reaction speed was enough that
he managed to get his arms crossed in front of him before he hit.

This was particularly unfortunate since he still had a Gaijin Smash in
hand.

The thing about the Gaijin Smash technique, Tannim was about to find
out, is that it didn't care which direction it released the energy in.
One of the things Rukia neglected to mention in his training, even if
he could remember, was that the reason she herself had to build up so
much momentum before hitting him was so that she wouldn't be thrown
back herself by the technique. The release of pressure from the blast
was, in fact, omni-directional, something Tannim hadn't discovered
since he hadn't used one at such force before.

The end result was that Tannim suddenly and very violently punched
himself in the face.

CRACK!

Tannim flipped head-over-heels in an arc of trajectory that brought
him sailing over the surprised Deedlit to land behind her in a heap.
It was several seconds before he could blink the stars out of his
eyes. It was several more before he could form coherent thought.

"Oooooooh... wha' hap'en?" Any other attempt at speaking was thwarted
by the fact his head was ringing more than the Sistine Chapel at high
noon.

"You just pummeled yourself, looks like," replied Deedlit worriedly.
Her fighting stance relaxed in the face of this new development. "You
okay?"

"Su-u-ure. Just lemme... stop the bells..."

This was accomplished by placing both hands over his ears until his
brain stopped vibrating. After that, initial damage estimates were
surprisingly good, as nothing else felt out of place, or even hurt.
It was something of a miracle and at the moment Tannim was simply
thankful that he hadn't taken his own head clean off. That would have
been an embarrassing way to go; death by decapitation from your own
technique.

"Okay," he said. "I think I'm ready for round two."

Tannim rolled to his feet and happened to end up standing next to one
of those benches littered about the mall for weary customers to rest
their feet. He grabbed the top wooden beam of the bench intending to
rip it free so as to provide himself with a weapon, and pulled. He
underestimated how well the bench itself was made, and overestimated
how well a job the screws holding it down were doing, and ended up
holding the entire bench in one hand. This surprised everyone
watching the event, including Tannim.

The words, "Jeez I'm strong!" escaped Tannim's lips quite
unintentionally. He stared at the aloft object held lightly and
easily in his hand, completely dumbfounded at his own immense
strength. He missed, however, the subtle sound a rapier makes when
sliding free from its sheath.

It was hard to miss when the bench was sliced lengthwise in half. It
landed with a resounding crash to the floor, and Tannim dropped the
other half in shock. It was only then that he noticed Deedlit
standing in front of him with a very sharp sword and the look of
murder in her eyes. The rapier itself tickled the edge of Tannim's
memory, but he pushed that to the side as more important matters, like
not dying, held his immediate attention.

"If you want to up the ante to weapons, that's like, totally fine by
me." This threat was punctuated by a few lightning-quick slashes to
demonstrate just how quick she was with her weapon of choice.

Tannim meeped. He didn't know he could.

Deedlit raised her arm to attack.

Then, much to Tannim's surprise and relief, everything froze.

That wasn't entirely accurate, Tannim realized after a moment of
careful observation and thankful prayer. While for the most part it
appeared as though time had stopped, he discovered it was still in
motion at a crawl; everyone was still moving, just very, very slowly.

'Huh,' thought Tannim absently. 'This must be what bullet time feels
like. Thank God this happened when it did.'

It was then he realized Deedlit's rapier was still moving towards him
at a fairly brisk pace, though still extremely slow compared to the
lightning-quickness shown previously, and Tannim barely managed to get
over his amazement to duck out of the way in time. His entire body
felt like it was moving underwater, but this slight resistance was not
enough to hinder his movements.

Even if the rest of Deedlit was moving as if stuck in molasses her
sword arm continued the assault with what must have been to the
natural eye blazing speed. With each swing slowed down significantly,
however, it was child's play to stay one step ahead of the ponderous
blade. A vertical slash was sidestepped, and the follow-up diagonal
strike to his midriff was dodged by leaning to the side. The
following thrusts were each avoided using minimal movements while
shifting his body so that the attacks missed by mere inches.

Tannim nearly broke into laughter as Deedlit's surprise slowly spread
across her face. He settled for smirking arrogantly at the girl.

Several seconds of constant dodging later, Tannim felt bold enough to
counter-attack. On the next overhead chop he clapped his hands firmly
around the blade imitating the "ninja catch" he'd seen in countless
samurai flicks.

What he didn't anticipate was her twisting the sword and pulling it
free, slicing his hand in the process. Apparently a rapier's thin
blade wasn't the best of weapons for that particular maneuver.

Tannim looked down expecting to see a deep cut in his hand, but to his
shock there was merely a thin line where the first couple of layers of
skin had been sliced through. To his further amazement, that line
quickly disappeared as he watched.

'Huh,' he stared thoughtfully at his hand, dumbfounded for the second
time that day, at his own toughness and regenerative abilities. 'Hey,
this is startin' ta get cool.'

Time returned to normal as Deedlit stepped back and panted slightly
from exertion. Apparently as soon as someone stopped attacking him
for real, the effects of bullet time wore off.

"Are you anticipating my movements and dodging them?" she asked
warily, giving a cautious look to the hand Tannim was staring at.
Deedlit stomped a foot in irritation. "Hey, why aren't you bleeding?"

The young man shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea. But I hope it's
because of the training from last night." He honestly didn't want to
consider the possibility that something else beyond his control was
messing with him. Again. The book was bad enough. Maybe this was a
side effect of that spell Belldandy used earlier to heal him and make
him strong? Yeah, that was it. Gotta be.

Deedlit didn't know what to make of the boy in front of her. One
second he was being tossed around like an untrained monkey by not only
herself, but is own techniques; now he suddenly had the ability to
perceive and evade her swiftest attacks? Fast enough and agile enough
to catch her blade mid-strike?

Regular attacks were not working. It was time to use another method.

Deedlit pointed directly over Tannim's shoulder with a shocked
expression on her face. "Oh, my, GOD! What is that behind you?"

Tannim turned around quickly to look. "What? What is it? What's--"

Deedlit's rapier rested gently on Tannim's neck. "Do you yield?"

Tannim almost nodded and gave himself the closest shave of his life,
but he held the motion just in time. "I yield," he answered, also
resisting a strong impulse to swallow. Sure, he probably could have
survived his jugular being cut, but who wanted to bet their life on
that? Not him. Maybe if he had more time to experiment with his
invulnerability, but for now, it was better to be safe than dead.

Then the man realized he had been fooled by the oldest trick in the
book and felt like he could die from sheer embarrassment. "Okay, you
got me fair and square," he admitted. "What are you going to do with
me now?"

A voice rang out from outside the ring of Amazonian warriors. "You're
going to fight me!" The surrounding mallrats parted to allow Makoto
through, and then quickly closed ranks behind her. She had a
particularly satisfied expression on her face that was graced with a
nasty smirk. "How does it feel, to be fooled by your own trick? You
did the same thing to me when we first met."

It was only then did Tannim remember the event, where he had bluffed
the amazons into allowing him to escape. It turned out irony wasn't
very funny when it was directed at you.

"Remember that day, when you accepted my challenge? I demand that you
stand and fight me!"

The rest of the mallrats cheered at this proclamation. Cries ranged
from catcalls to calls for blood.

Deedlit whispered from behind Tannim's back. "And you're going to
stand still for the first hit, understand?" Deedlit gave the man a
not-so-subtle nudge with the tip of her rapier. "Promise."

"All right, all right." Tannim raised his arms in surrender. "I
promise!" He craned his neck around to look Deedlit in the eye. "You
don't have to get your panties in a twis--"

Tannim was interrupted by a gentle tap to his mid-section.
Incidentally, at the same moment, a dull crack echoed throughout the
mall.

If someone had had thrown a giant bucket of water on the surrounding
crowd, they would have gotten much of the same reaction as all the
girls in the area quieted down instantly. Many of them winced
sympathetically while a few looked as though they might be sick.

Tannim whipped his head forward just in time to see Makoto painfully
pulling back her right leg from his ribs. She hopped awkwardly
several times, all the while cursing hard enough to put a sailor to
shame, before realizing movement just made things worse and quickly
sat down as painlessly as her injured foot allowed her to.

"No fair! You've got metal under your shirt!" Makoto accused through
clenched teeth while clutching her foot in pain. "It felt like steel
or something!"

Deedlit wasted no time in literally carving Tannim's t-shirt off his
upper torso and peeling it from his body with her sword, while Tannim
held as still as humanly possible. After she was done she slid her
hand over Tannim's bare back.

The assembled mallrats held their breath.

"Omigod." Deedlit quietly whispered in shock. "It IS like coiled
steel!"

Well, he did have that new physique, Tannim realized. Experimentally
he tried flexing a few muscles and received several appreciative gasps
from the audience for his efforts.

"Hey!" Tannim jumped several feet in the air in surprise.

Deedlit stared at her hand. Yep, she decided, his butt definitely
felt as good as it looked.

"I wanna touch!" "Me too!" "Lemme through, I can't see!"

Before Tannim knew it he was buried under a squirming pile of female
flesh, all desperately trying to get a feel for his torso. A few of
the daring girls were trying to grope more private areas, which he
valiantly defended against the onslaught by clutching his family
jewels despite several vain attempts to pry his hands away.

"GAIJIN PERIMETER!"

A swiftly expanding globe of nearly invisible energy pushed all the
girls in a six foot radius centered on Tannim away, sending them
sprawling in all directions. Not unlike a downing man who had just
broken the surface of the sea, Tannim heaved several gulps of air
before the panic he'd been feeling moments before finally settled
enough for coherent thought to return.

The man grinned wildly at the rest of the girls who were standing
around in shock, and laughed at the ones who were still trying to pull
themselves out of the tangle mess of limbs and bodies. That act of
bravado helped hide his discomfort at nearly being glomped to death by
a horde of teenage girls. Though in theory that wouldn't have been a
bad way to go, it was much more frightening a prospect in real life.

On the upshot, at least he learned a new technique. Or remembered an
old one. Whatever.

"I guess life-threatening situations really DO work to bring those
forgotten techniques out," he stated ruefully as the surrounding girls
started to get to their feet. He made a 'come hither' motion with an
outstretch palm. "C'mon, wenches, lets get this over with."

"Get him!" rang the uninspired battle cry.

Tannim lashed out with a fierce right hook and a glowing fist, sending
the leading cheerleader flying backwards into her fellows with a
perfectly timed Gaijin Smash, incidentally knocking five of the elite
cheerleaders down at once. On instinct he ducked a punch from behind,
and his retaliatory leg sweep, pivoting on his left foot while
swinging with the right, sent two more girls tumbling.

The space around him cleared, Tannim used this opportunity to jump as
best he could away from the encircling mob of crazy cheerleaders. He
surprised himself by leaping hard enough to nearly send himself
through one of the mall's skylights. It was only by using a hand to
push away from the ceiling did he avoid a potentially painful
catastrophe, and thanks to his momentum, he was carried past the edge
of the mallrat mob and into the clear.

High on adrenaline and relief at escaping, the man couldn't resist at
least tossing one taunt over his shoulder. "You'll never catch me
alive, coppers!"

"We're not police!" Deedlit shot at Tannim's retreating back.

Tannim paused long enough to turn around and point an accusing finger
at the girl. "You copped a feel!"

Deedlit grinned happily at the memory. "Guilty as charged!" she
cheerfully proclaimed.

"No sense of common decency in youngsters these days..."

And that was all the time Tannim had for banter before nearly being
swarmed by amazons again, though this time they were attacking him
with more passion, and less bloodlust. With his enhanced physique it
wasn't too difficult to outpace even the fastest of the mallrats
chasing him.

And he would have gotten away, too, if it hadn't been for that
advertisement display in Wardenbooks.

It was big. It was gaudy. It was lined with sparkles and sequins.

And worst of all...

Worst of all...

It was him.

Well, sort of.

Perhaps if Tannim had drawn himself in the manga style Japan was
famous for, and added copious amounts of green dye to his hair, the
guy in the picture and the person standing before it might have
resembled one another. But the thing that had halted the fleeing
mortal in his tracks wasn't actually the picture of the comic book
being advertised, but the name of the author who drew the damn thing.
It was a name Tannim Murphy had used for years as an alias in his
personal gaming habits, a name that he used pretty much exclusively
off the internet and didn't know how anyone had gotten a hold of what
he previously thought to be a pretty unique alias.

What had stopped Tannim from sheer shock was an advertisement for a
manga authored and drawn by one 'Matt Knudsen' entitled 'Otaku Muyo.'

'Title seems almost familiar,' Tannim thought to himself in
wonderment, 'though I doubt I've ever read anything with a name as
stupid as "No Need For a Fan." I've got to check this out.'

And so, without so much as a backwards glance at the mallrats closing
in on his position, or a single thought of common sense that he could
probably obtain the merchandise he wanted later somewhere else, he
marched himself into the store.

--

"Mihoshi, how did I let you talk me into looking at manga, rather than
looking for the wanted suspect?" asked Kiyone.

"Because I need to get the latest book out on Otaku Muyo! You know
it's my favorite series!" Mihoshi turned to Kiyone and gave her The
Look.

"Ah yes, the puppy dog pout," Kiyone said dispassionately. "Now I
remember. Well, I suppose it beats running around willy-nilly..."

A third voice injected itself into the conversation. "Not to seem
like a bother, but what is Otaku Muyo actually about?" An arm reached
past the teenagers to grab the first volume.

Both girls turned to look at the man. Kiyone with shock, and Mihoshi
with joy at discovering a potential fellow fan.

"I'll tell you everything I know!" Mihoshi cheerfully exclaimed. She
then proceeded to do so.

A Mihoshi babble was quite spectacular to watch up close, Tannim
noted. And it was obviously on a subject she loved. Somewhere in the
stream of constant dialogue he managed to grasp that this 'Otaku Muyo'
story was about one man's journey through the multiverse as he was
flung from dimension to dimension on a quest to save his love. Or
loves. Mihoshi wasn't clear on that part and Tannim didn't have the
courage to interrupt her while she was going full steam.

"-and that's why I think Otaku Muyo, or 'oh em' as it is known in fan
circles, is currently the best manga on the market!" Mihoshi paused
to draw breath. "So what do you think?" She looked at Tannim
expectantly.

"Sounds like a contrived, sorry excuse for a story," he stated flatly,
then reluctantly admitted, "...but it sounds interesting at least.
I'll have to check it out."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Kiyone shouted and pointed a finger dramatically
at Tannim. "We're supposed to capture you!"

Tannim looked behind him, and noted a steady stream of amazons lined
up just outside the bookstore. "Yeah, about that. Why aren't they
attacking?"

"Mall Protocol Seven Five Three states that any person involved in
Total Mall Combat shall not engage the enemy inside any store, less
precious merchandise may be harmed," Mihoshi rattled off. "In such an
event the person is allowed to make up to five purchases before being
dragged out forcefully and made to continue."

"Huh." Tannim thought things over for a moment. He was getting tired
of running, and while it wasn't his first choice, he supposed this was
as good a spot as any to stop the madness under his own terms. As it
stood he'd either be run out of the place for good or face capture by
combat again. "I don't suppose if I surrender to you I'll get a calm
walk back to Bonnie?"

Kiyone blinked. "Uh, sure. You sure you don't want to run away
again?" she asked almost hopefully.

"No, I'll go peacefully. Just as long as you call off your horde of
fellow teenagers."

It was this point that Deedlit entered the store, still completely
intimidating in full battle regalia. Her hair disheveled and eyes
blazing, she locked her gaze at the only male standing in the room and
raised her rapier to point at his chest.

"You're coming with me," Deedlit spoke in no uncertain terms.

"Yep," Tannim easily agreed. "Kiyone and Mihoshi here caught me."

Deedlit looked uncertain for a moment, before she deflated. "Oh. I
thought you were going to give me another good fight."

Tannim winced. "No, I'm ready to face the music now."

The rapier was sheathed with an unsatisfied grunt. "Well that sucks."
Deedlit grabbed several plastic zip ties from a pocket, pulled
Tannim's arms behind him, and cuffed them together. "I don't suppose
you'll give me a little struggle?"

The man rolled his eyes. "If it'll make you feel better."

Deedlit slapped him on the butt, hard. When Tannim turned to face her
she was grinning shamelessly.

"Let's get going then!" The girl started dragging Tannim out of the
store.

"Wait, I haven't purchased my manga!"

"Too late!"

--

TBC...

Author's Notes: Man, what a beast. While this particular bit of plot
with Bonnie was initially started on a whim because I thought "Amazon
Warrior Mallrats" sounded funny, I was forced to write them to their
logical conclusion when I had all the pieces in motion, and am almost
sorry I came up with such a long and involved idea even though parts
have been fun to write. Also, what I hope has been an action-packed
chapter contains the most action I've written, ever.

Hopefully I'll get better with more practice. I'm still relatively
new to the writing scene.

While I don't consider myself a very good writer, Otaku Muyo has been
a great experience in many respects, and allowed me to practice
writing for the more long-term (a skill, if you note my other works, I
seriously lack). It has had its ups and downs, with failed or
discarded ideas and a lack of what I'd call solid pacing, but it has
meandered along better than I could have hoped for. Not the best I
could have wanted, but better than I thought I could do. Much of this
has been me trying to find a particular writing style that I'm
satisfied with, which I believe I'm close to approaching.

Now, I feel I should address the issue of why this chapter in
particular took so long. Part of the slowdown was due because I was,
well, away from home for six months out of the year in 2007. Another
part was sheer laziness, as writing the mallrats was not an easy task,
given the number of variables they could conceivably produce. Many
ideas I came up with for the mall battle scenes had to be discarded or
rewritten. Much of what I had planned early on never materialized as
I realized that none of it would help or advance the plot. Originally
I had planned on adding every young hero under the age of 14 to the
mix in coming to Tannim's aid in one large climactic end-battle, but
that would have taken more research and work to put together than I
really wanted to deal with, so we're left with just Tannim vs. the
Mallrats. Again, I am thankful that this arc of the story is finally
coming to a close.

I feel BlackAeronaut deserves a shout-out, as Ben helped me piece
together a couple of scenes I myself was reluctant to write, and
jump-started me back into working on this. There's something to be
said for momentum when you work on a project. Kyle, also known as
Taiteki Kagato, has been a great help and good friend for a long time,
and deserves some praise directed his way. Freddy Isnot helped me
along with some good comments and corrections, and while I'm on this
thanking kick, I feel that I should mention that The Eternal Lost
Lurker and Jared Waddell have both been awesome encouragers throughout
most of Otaku Muyo. Thanks also to everyone who left reviews or
responded with comments.

For any wondering, the following chapter should be a transition from
this arc to the next, and the last to seriously deal with the
mallrats. It's been a blast, and as things are winding down with
Tannim's life in Crossroads, I want to thank you all for coming along
with me for the ride, and staying with me through this insanely long,
long delay.

All five of you.