"Crewman Johnston would you care to explain your appearance."
"Sure, it all started last night at the bar you know the one down by the water, not the one by the bridge mind you, but the one that's like fifty feet from the beach, the one that all the Starfleet folks just started going to, I was getting a drink like I do every night, whiskey and cola no ice, it has to be JackDaniels whiskey though, I can tell when they use other whiskey, when they use someother kind I send it back,and this guy whose like six feet tall and a hundred and eighty pounds and balding in the front walks up to me and tells me he's an Admiral. He goes and asks me if I want to join Starfleet. I figure it's a joke like the time that red haired Starfleet security guy named Kirk asked me if I wanted to go and see his friend's plants, and that plant took a bite out of my shoulder,and what the hell, I may as well go along, with the "admiral"'s joke you know. It might be good for a laugh, it would be something to tell the folks at home. He tells me to come to come to his office in the morning to sign some papers and stuff, and I do there were a lot of papers to fill out, like that funny test. He shakes my hand says welcome to Starfleet Ensign, and hands me a uniform. I didn't have time to put it on though, because I get told that I have to be at spacedock in ten minutes to get to my new five year assignment. Now here I am."
"What do you specialize in?"
"I'm good at fixing all the antique electronics at the arcade. You wouldn't believe how those things break down. But I do alot of other stuff, Like plumbing and carpentry, and fixing old houses. You should see the things that people flush down their toilets, like those really old houses with septic systems, I had to fix one of those once, there was a ton of shit on the lawn. Me and my dad emptied it out and found a bunch of toys from the 20th 21st and 22nd centuries in there. Flushing toys down the toilet seemed to be a family tradition. And there was the bookcases I built last week, they were uneven and didn't hold the books right, I'm almost finished with the new bookcases. And then there was the time that I had to help remodel this old house, we tore into this old wall and found a bunch of old newspapers and rat skeletons and some of the original wiring, it seems that the last time the house was remodeled they simply plastered over the outlets..."
12 hours later, Starfleet Headquarters, Earth, Admiral Jones' office:
"Admiral Jones, would you care to explain your actions in hiring Ensign Johnston?"
"Yes, I discovered an old rule in the books where you could bring people into Starfleet bypassing the academy under special circumstances,and I made a bet with Captain April. We were going to see how long the most annoying guy in the bar would last on a Vulcan science vessel. Why do you ask?"
"Ambasador Sarek just called, Johnston died. It seems that Captain Seldek went temporarily insane and personally sent Johnston on an EVA mission without a spacesuit. The captain is being transported to Vulcan for observation."