Disclaimer: I do not have the privilege of owning Ranma ½, Sailor Moon, Sakura Wars, Devil Hunter Yohko, Rurouni Kenshin, or any of the other highly recognizable characters you might find in these pages. I'm just playing around with them for my own demented amusement.

I doubt you've forgotten, but Sakura Wars normally takes place in a "steam punk" version of 1920's Tokyo, not modern day Kyoto. I've transplanted them from their normal setting for purposes of this story. Their mecha remain steam powered, though. ^_^

- + - + -

(grrr... this site keeps eating my formatting... one last attempt before giving up. Sorry about this folks.)

Yeah! It's done! It's done! I was beginning to think I'd never finish this chapter before November, so that I'll be able to finish the second half of Spoiled Brats during NaNoWriMo.

As always, I'd like to thanks the folks at fukufics dot com, and especially J. St. C Patrick, for giving it the once over before posting.

I'd like to thank all those distractions that delayed this chapter of Rurouni Ranma:

My niece and nephew, for being so darn cute and hyperactive.
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, for being so much fun to watch, and inspiring me so close to...
National Novel Writers Month, and my second published fanfic Spoiled Brats.
The History Channel, for being so interesting and reminding me that I have yet to complete...
Rome: Total War. You'd think I'd know by now that after a month or so I'll lose interest, thanks to a single turn taking two hours, three if there's a battle.
Civilization IV. I love that game!
My attention span, for having way too many hobbies.
The Halflife 2 Orange Box – because Portal is so much fun, and it has the cutest little death machines!
Netflix – So many anime series, so little time!
TVTropes – for being so fascinating.
All the other fanfiction stories I've started, but never gotten very far on, because another story idea inevitably appears. I really should post what I've got one of these days...
My Nth attempt to teach myself Japanese, including katakana, hiragana, and kanji.
My attention span, for having way too many hobbies.
My local public library, for having so many books!
Discussion boards in general, because the only thing more fun than debating topics of importance is debating topics that are not important, like how magic works in El Goonish Shive.
My new computer... what on earth am I going to use a terabyte of hard drive space for?
Windows Vista... Microsoft, why did you have to abandon backwards compatibility?
Open Office... because my older copy of Microsoft Office no longer works well with Windows Vista.
Did I mention my attention span?

- + - + -

On the main stage of the Imperial Theatre stood a short haired woman, brilliantly light by a single floodlight. Rather than facing the audience, her attention was on the stack of bills she was counting.

"Nabiki-san?" The author asked uncertainly.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, the cast is sick and tired of you using these things as your own personal soap-box, so they're demanding equal time. They asked me to handle the details."

"O-kay…"

Nabiki smiled impishly. "Wonderful! Here's the first couple of people who want a chance to speak out before this chapter starts."

Another spotlight illuminated the stage, revealing two beings. The first was a richly dressed middle-aged man, his hair in a style that resembled the tail of a peacock. The second was a tentacled monster, who was carrying a sign that said, "Darkfyre99 unfairly stereotypes tentacled beings," and was wearing some buttons, including "TBADL" (Tentacled Beings Anti-Deformation League) and, "Just say 'NO' to Human Females." The author refuses to speculate on how it was wearing said buttons, since it didn't have any clothing.

"They aren't even a part of the cast!"

Nabiki, smiling impishly: "I don't care, as long as I get paid. Besides, Glemph is a part of the cast."

"But I only mentioned him as nod to Ghastly's Ghastly Comic!"

"Just let them have their say. I have two more scheduled to speak."

"Alright… let's just get this over with."

The tentacled monster said, "Hello. I am Glemph, and I am a tentacled being."

"Greetings," the man said, with a vaguely eastern-European accent. "I am Ambassador Londo Mollari, of the Centauri Republic, and I am also a tentacled being."

"We are here to protest the gross stereotyping of tentacled beings in this story. The idea that we are all sex maniacs, interested only in ravishing human women is incredibly insulting. The females of our own species are far more attractive."

"That's right. Only sexual deviants, like a certain Narn ambassador that will remain nameless, are interested in interspecies sex. And even though the Earthers do share a certain degree of superficial similarity with the Centauri, no true Centauri would be interested in sex with them. After all, Earthers just have one. While we Centauri..." Londo pounded his chest ina masculine manner. "We have SIX."

"That's correct, Ambassador, only sexual deviants are interested in sex outside their species."

Unnoticed by Glemph, a long-haired woman walked seductively into the spotlight, taking Ambassador Mollari's arm.

Londo looked at the woman, a bit distracted. "Yes. No matter how attractive Earthers may appear, how similar they seem to be to us Centauri, especially their women, with their hair… that lovely, full head of hair that has never seen a razor in its life… um… where was I? Oh yeah… still, we must remember that Earthers have one, while we have…"

The woman whispered in Londo's ear.

"Really? You actually do that kind of thing? But… still… as I said… we Centauri have six."

The woman smiled as a second woman took his other arm. "Did I mention I brought a friend?"

Londo turned to Glemph, and said, "I'll be in my quarters. Come along, ladies, one must do what one must to improve interstellar relations."

The eyes of Glemph's eyestalks opened wide as the creature's jaw hit the floor. "HEY!!!"

A tall, emaciated, bat-winged tentacled monster poked its three-eyed head into the spotlight. In its tentacles was a happily struggling woman.

"Are you almost done?" The woman asked. "I've got a hot date planned for tonight, which can't happen until he's finished his scene."

Glemph stared furiously after the Centauri Ambassador. "Yeah, sure…"

One of Glemph's eye-stalks swiveled in the woman's direction. "Kiki!"

Glemph stormed off stage, crying, "Why do I even bother?"

The author sighed. "Nabiki, who's next?"

"That would be Maria Tachibana."

Maria stepped into the spotlight. "I would like to address allegations that I, somehow, picked up the idiot ball. While it is indeed true that I said something incredibly stupid, I resent the implication that I was somehow asleep at the briefing. The much simpler explanation was that the author couldn't resist leaving in a terribly cliched joke that was left over from the original version of this story arc, which did not include a horde of tentacled sex demons at the battle at the park. Because if the author had been a little more on the ball, she would've never had very lecherous miniature tentacled sex demons chasing after Sailor Venus…"

Aino Minako poked her head into the spotlight. "Sorry, that's my fault. I didn't think what they were saying was that important."

Ohgami Ichiro poked his head into the spotlight from the opposite direction. "And I probably should've followed up with both her and Ranma. After all, they've never been in the military before. Sorry about that, Maria."

Maria stormed off stage, swearing in Russian. "You're both idiots."

Minako asked, "So… did you add the 'no tentacle sex' clause to my contract?"

"And to my girlfriend's?"

"Yes," the author said.

"Thanks!"

Nabiki walked back into the spotlight. "I wonder if he's aware that one the other tentacled sex demon from Ghastly's Ghastly Comic is gay, so males don't necessarily have immunity? Oh, well. And last, and certainly least, is Honjo Kamatari."

Scythe-chan waddled on stage, holding an icepack to his groin. "As someone who did his own stunts, I respectfully request that some people read more carefully in the future. Especially since Shinguji-san was a little overenthusiastic in delivering the groin stomp in question."

Sakura stepped into the spotlight, glaring at the crossdresser. "Well... you shouldn't have FLASHED me!"

"Didn't you read the script?"

"…"

"…"

"I was kind of in a hurry that day," Sakura admitted, blushing.

The author sighed in relief. "And now… on with the show."

- + - + -

Chapter 10 – A Domestic Goddess in Kyoto

Instinct often gets a bad rap. Because it takes place below the level of consciousness, it has been blamed for any number of human evils. Some modern philosophers think it should be stamped out completely.

But in a life or death situation, it can be a godsend. Warriors spend their lives training their instincts, so that when it comes time to use their skills, their minds can focus upon their goal, as opposed to their actions. Maria Tachibana was one such warrior. Her early days as a revolutionary in Soviet Russia had forged the instincts that had kept her alive when her cell had been compromised, and her brief career in the Russian Mafia of New York City had honed them to a fine edge.

When Sub-Commander Ayame had recruited her, she had had to learn a new set of instincts. Piloting the Spirit Armor, while close to wearing actual armor, could've easily resulted in a blunting of her instincts outside the steam-powered mecha. It was something she had seen happening to Kanna, Sumire, Ohgami, and Sakura. She, however, refused to have any weakness outside of the Koubu. Which was why she spent what little free time she had practicing her skills outside of the steam-powered mecha as well.

Thus, even as the ruby-red glow from the demon before them drained the conscious will of Maria and Sakura, Maria's body reacted. Maria's mind had analyzed the threat, and had given her body its marching orders before it had taken a vacation. Her body aimed and fired, sending a single blessed round right into the monster's third, glowing eye. And then, not having any orders to the contrary, and one definite threat not even five meters away, it proceeded to fire round after round at the monstrosity, even as it collapsed writhing behind a dumpster.

Maria's first thought was that she hadn't remembered pulling the trigger, despite the fact that the hammer of her pistol had fallen on another empty chamber. Her second was that Sakura was unarmed. Her third was that the younger girl was completely oblivious of the danger she was in. No thought was spared to the fact that her hands, with several well-practiced motions, had opened her pistol, emptied the spent shells, pulled out an auto-loader from a hidden pocket, slipped in six new rounds, and closed the pistol shut again.

"Sakura!"

"Wha?"

"Sakura!"

The young swordswoman finally woke up. "Maria? Wha… what is that thing?"

"Doesn't matter. Run!"

"But…"

"Run! I'll cover you."

Used to following the orders of the older woman, Sakura didn't continue to argue. "Right!"

Sakura turned and ran away from the demon, deeper into the alley, and unfortunately farther from help. Maria kept her gun trained on the dumpster, not believing in the slightest that that thing was dead. Thus it came as no surprise when, with an angry hiss, it leapt out from cover, spreading its wings despite the narrowness of the alley. She managed to put several more rounds into the monstrosity as it passed overhead, in pursuit of the fleeing kendoka. Her last shot failed to connect as is it dodged out of sight down the side alley Sakura had fled into.

Maria pursued, her hands once again automatically reloading her weapon. 'It's a tentacled rape demon. Of COURSE it would go after the virgin first.' She just hoped she could reach the girl in time.

Seconds after turning the corner herself, Maria cursed. The demon was waiting for her…

- + - + -

Back at the Imperial Theatre, a few members of the Flower Division of the Imperial Combat Troupe, all three members of the Wind Division, plus two guests, waited for quartet that had run out into the night. They were all startled when a siren began blowing in the lobby.

Fujii Kasumi hurried to the nearest phone, and dialed the command center. "What is it, Vice-Commander? Oh, I see... but Sakura-kun, Maria-san, Ranma-kun, and Mano-san are outside right now. Oh dear."

Kanna, staring at the front doors of the theatre, asked, "What is it, Kasumi-san?"

"The police called. There's apparently some kind of demon out there that specifically targets female martial artists. The Timeless Monk said that we really shouldn't be out at night."

The youngest member of the Hanagumi, Iris Chateaubriand, grabbed Kirishima Kanna's hand. "But Sakura-neechan, Maria-neesan, and Ranma-niichan are out there!"

"Anji-sama is one his way here right now. I'm sure they'll be alright for a little while."

The young girl didn't look relieved. "Are you sure they'll... AAH! Maria!" Screaming, the girl grabbed her head. An instant later, she collapsed.

Kanna was the first to find her voice. "Well... that seems ominous."

Kanzaki Sumire appeared at the top of the stairs to the residential wing, wearing a nightgown. "What's going on?"

Kasumi tried to explain the situation to the girl, but before she could, the front door slammed open, as a pale Sakura ran past up the stairs. The only words that they could make out was, "Katana... demon... Maria... help..."

Sumire ran back to her room to grab her naginata.

- + - + -

Mano Yohko and Jino (formally Saotome) Ranma, on the roof across from the hotel where they had planned to spend the night, were just about to jump back down to street level, when Yohko looked over her shoulder.

Ranma looked back as well. "What is it?"

"I don't know. I thought I heard..." Yohko summoned her devil hunter's ring, and stared at the glowing gems that made up its eyes. "Demon."

Ranma's weapon appeared in his hand, quickly growing to its customary length. "Kuso... we just came from there. Let's go!"

"Right."

As the pair ran across the rooftops, they both invoked their transformations. For Ranma, he went girl with one step, the magical armor encasing her on her second step. Yohko, on the other hand, cursed as her transformation not only destroyed her "sexy lose my virginity to Ranma outfit," but threw off her stride. So she had an excellent view of Ranma leaping off the roof, slicing off the tentacles that were molesting the tall blonde gaijin below.

Then it was her turn to leap into battle. Her arc was shallower than Ranma's, allowing her to leap off the opposite wall of the alley. With luck, the demon's attention was entirely on Ranma, which would allow her to blindside the monster.

It didn't matter. Even as she made her second jump, Ranma hurled a rose, of all things, at the tentacled beast. When the flower struck, many vines emerged, trying to pin the beast. With a snap of armored girl's fingers, the vines began draining away its demonic energy.

A single swing of her Soul Sword caused the struggling abomination to collapse. Yohko turned to see Ranma wrap the Russian woman in her cloak. "Maria-sempai?" Ranma asked, "Are you okay?"

The blonde Russian nodded. "I'll live, Ranma. I'm just glad you two came along when you did." She turned, and nodded at Yohko as well. "I'd also like to apologize..."

Yohko waved off her apology. "No need. I wasn't thinking when I came here..."

Ranma stared at the fallen demon. "Yohko? That thing's still alive."

Yohko turned to look at the monster feebly struggling in the grip of Ranma's vines. "I know. I can't kill that thing until I know what gender it is."

Maria, the cloak tight about her, joined the pair and drawled, "Why? It's obviously male."

Yohko paled at the thought. "Don't even joke about something like that, Maria-san."

"What?"

"The males of this kind of demon aren't normally predators. They're too timid to be anything more than opportunists. A predatory male means that there's a nesting female around here somewhere, and that would be very, very bad."

Ranma looked at her. "How bad?"

Yohko grabbed the pommel stone of her Soul Sword, twisting it slightly to release the long, thin knife hidden in the sword's hilt. "Nuke the site from orbit bad. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to demonstrate the less glamorous side of devil hunting." She looked at the creature, nearly unmoving beneath the vines. "A rose, Ranma?"

The red-haired girl shrugged. "It worked, didn't it? Besides, it feels less silly with repetition. Um... aren't you going to kill it first?"

Yohko began to cut into the beast. "I can't. If I kill it, it'll just dissolve, and I need to find out its sex first. The last thing we need is a repeat of 1871."

"Oh." Ranma turned away, trying to suppress her feelings of sympathy for the creature being vivisected before its death. She looked at Maria instead, who had a grim look of satisfaction on her face as she watched Yohko work.

A few minutes later, Yohko stood up, shaking off the ichor on her hands. "Thank goodness, there's an egg sack. That means it's female." Behind her, the monster was dissolving into dust.

Maria shook her head. "I still don't understand how something like that could be female."

Yohko grimaced. "Most demons are born of strong emotions or desires, usually negative ones. I try not to think about what kind of emotions or desires could generate something like that. My grandmother's theory is that..."

She didn't finish her sentence, as Sakura led Kanna and Sumire, plus her apprentice Azusa and a blonde she didn't know, into the alley. The black haired girl stared at the scene before her, before collapsing against the alley wall, breathing heavily. "Maria-san? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sakura-kun. Thankfully, they rescued me before it got too far."

Yohko smiled. "You're also lucky you were packing blessed bullets. The regular kind wouldn't have been of much use at all."

"I figured it would be prudent, after the attack at the park this afternoon."

A deep male voice startled them all. "There was another demon attack today?"

Ranma gazed adoringly at the giant of a man behind them, oblivious to the incredulous look from Yohko. "Anji-sama!"

"Tsubaki-chan, you're doing it again."

Ranma blinked, before pounding her head against the nearest wall. "Dammit. How long is this gonna keep up?"

Yohko turned from the chagrined redhead to the giant man beside her. "What's going on?"

"I knew Ranma's previous incarnation when she was alive, and she had feelings for me. Every so often, Tsubaki's personality asserts itself when Ranma and I are talking."

Off to the side, Kanna grinned impishly. "You should see it happen when Ranma's a guy. They both really get creeped out."

The Timeless Monk turned to the devil hunter before him. "I thought I heard you say that thing was a female?"

"Hai."

"Good. I remember reading about the Chicago incident when I was younger. This city has seen so much blood already, and the souls that were slain stopping the last demon invasion here are troublesome enough. Another incident like that would only add to their power. Now, let's get you ladies back to the Theatre. I really need to talk to Commander Yoneda. One demon is one too many. Several demons are a sign that something is seriously wrong in Kyoto."

- + - + -

Their return to the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto was a chaotic one. Many of the Hanagumi and Kazegumi crowded Maria, who simply wanted to replace her tunic, in their efforts to make sure she was all right. Minako and Azusa were trying to explain things to Iris, much to the younger girl's confusion. Ranma wanted in on the conversation between Commander Yoneda and the Timeless Monk. Kanna was teasing Sumire about giving Kyoto a free show. Yohko simply wanted to get laid.

Finally, Commander Yoneda had enough. "Alright, ladies? Will you let Maria go to her room so she can get changed? As for the rest of you, go get some sleep. It's late, and it's been a very busy day. Once Lord Anji and I pool our resources about this new threat, we'll be holding a briefing."

"And Ranma? I may not know much about it," Anji said with a smile, "But I'm fairly certain you shouldn't leave a lady waiting."

Maria, on the second floor balcony, stared town at the huge monk. "That's a pretty odd thing for a monk to say."

The priest shrugged. "My temple is a haven for those who once followed the warrior's way. Among our nuns are several former devil hunters, so I'm well aware of the hazards of that profession. If you ever need someone to talk too..." Anji trailed off, until Maria nodded as she continued on to her room. The giant man's smile returned when the hoop-haired brunette glomped onto the shorter redhead's right arm. "Good night, you two."

Sakura stared at the pair climbing the staircase. She then looked at Iris. Suddenly, she blurted out, "Hey! Do you know what would be fun? A slumber party!"

Iris bounced on her toes excitedly. "Really, Sakura-neechan? Iris has never been to a slumber party before!"

Kohran adjusted her glasses as she looked at her friend. "A slumber party, Sakura-han?"

"Hai. We can have it at the residential branch. The repairs are almost finished, after all."

"Why not here?"

"That's actually a good idea," Maria said as she returned, buttoning a new tunic. "Though a few of us should remain here in case of an alert."

"I will," Kanna volunteered, with a wide grin.

"I'll stay as well," Sumire said haughtily. "After all, I have a perfectly good bed right here. Sleeping on tatami is not my idea of fun."

"Maria-neechan? You're coming too, aren't you?" Iris asked the tall blonde.

"I've never been to one either, so it may be fun."

"Minako-san? Azusa-chan?" Both girls nodded their acceptance. Kasumi, Tsubaki, and Yuri also accepted the girl's offer.

Ranma and Yohko continued up the stairs. "Good night everybody!"

"Good night! See you tomorrow!"

"You're planning on eavesdropping, aren't you, you pervert?" Maria whispered to Kanna as she passed by.

"Can't blame a girl for being curious," Kanna whispered back, still grinning.

- + - + -

Early the next morning, Kanna descended the stairs, a big grin on her face, and cheerfully singing, "Konya wa Hurricane."

"You're in a good mood," Maria drawled as she emerged from the sub-basement.

"Yep. Ranma's going to make some lucky woman very happy. And I wasn't expecting to see you until after breakfast. By the way, nice hair."

Maria smiled as she fingered the multiple short ponytails she wore. "Iris-chan wanted to do my hair. Anyways, Sakura-kun went to the train station to meet the last of our guest actresses. Given the situation, Captain Ohgami didn't want anything to happen to her. I was going to go with her, but Minako-san volunteered instead. Since I was up, I caught the train here with the Kohran-san, who's anxious to do more work on her new Koubu design."

Li Kohran ran up the stairs, her twin pigtails steaming behind her. "Aaah! I forgot about the experiment in my room!"

She passed Ranma and Yohko on the stairs. Ranma nodded to the two older women. "Good morning, Kanna-san, Maria-san. Nice hair."

"Good morning. Iris-chan was playing with it last night."

The hoop haired girl looked over her shoulder. "Should we be worried?"

Maria nodded. "Definitely. It usually takes Kohran-san two hours to seriously warp the laws of nature. This has been brewing for what? Ten?"

There was a muffled explosion upstairs. "Don't worry! It was supposed to do that!"

With a chime, the elevator to the lower levels opened up, disgorging Commander Yoneda, Captain Ohgami, and the Timeless Monk. "It's lively this morning," Ohgami said with a yawn, a mug of steaming coffee in his hand. Yoneda quietly talked with Anji as they walked through some of the early morning crew as they arrived.

"Were you three up all night?"

Ohgami took a sip of his coffee. "Pretty much. I had the responsibility of calling most of the devil hunter clans, to advise them of what's been happening in Kyoto. Most of them weren't pleased to be awakened in the middle of the night, but agreed that the situation warranted it." Ohgami choked on his coffee when he took a closer look at Maria. "Excuse me. Anyways… we need to find the source of the problem before they'll send help. I understand they've been busier than usual for some reason." Ohgami yawned again, before looking at Ranma and Yohko. "I figured you two would sleep in this morning."

Yohko shrugged impishly. "We would've, but Grandmother was quite emphatic that I was to come straight home afterward, so I need to catch the early express home. My cousin's solo right now, and she doesn't have a lot of experience yet."

"Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet this morning?" Sumire asked grumpily at the top of the Grand Staircase. The girl's hair was a mess, she had bags under her bloodshot eyes, and she glowered at the radiantly happy couple below.

Kanna smiled up at the short-haired girl. "Woah… cactus woman. You're looking pricklier than ever this morning."

"You would too if you were kept up for two and a half hours by those two sex maniacs!"

Every single man in the foyer, and most of the women, cried out, "TWO AND A HALF HOURS?" And then, as one, each man bowed deeply to Ranma, who bowed back, puzzled.

A brave voice asked, "So Ranma, what's your secret?"

"Um? Martial arts, a Nyaniichuan curse, and a girl willing to show how it all works?"

"Did everyone get that?"

Smiling radiantly, Yohko led Ranma out the front door. "If you'll excuse us… I have a train to catch."

- + - + -

Tendo Akane was in a foul mood. This wasn't unusual for the girl, especially during the last four months. Between Saffron, the failed wedding, Ranma's change in behavior, Ranma abandoning her, Kasumi acting weird, Kasumi getting engaged to that perverted boy, (she refused to acknowledge that he was seven years older than she was, despite his looks) her father becoming her sister, and supposedly pregnant with Ranma's child, Akane felt she had every right to be out of sorts. She had been looking forward to getting away from it all, and indulging in her second greatest love, acting.

The fact that the Emperor's personal theatre, the Imperial Theatre of Kyoto, had asked her, out of thousands of aspiring actresses around the country, to help with some special cultural thing during the summer was a source of great pride to her. At least someone recognized genius when they saw it. But no… her father felt she couldn't take care of herself, and asked that perverted boy to come along to protect her. And then, to make it worse, Kasumi decided to accompany them. The pair were driving her crazy, always touching and hugging and kissing… and they were both girls right now. That perverted boy was turning her sister into a pervert as well.

The train ride was a prime example. Rather than taking an express that would've gotten them there in two hours, Kasumi had chosen to take a slow moving passenger train that took the "scenic route," and included a sleeper car, because it was more romantic. She had been forced to endure not only sleeping in the same cabin as them, but watching them share the same bed. Which apparently involved much giggling. Sure, she could've gotten her own cabin, the train wasn't crowded, but someone had to protect her sister's virtue.

And then there was the conversation before they left the station. Akane had asked a perfectly reasonable question about why Kamiya Kenji felt he/she/whatever could carry around a poorly concealed katana, despite it being outlawed. He claimed that a lot of people carried concealed swords, and had the nerve to imply that she wasn't paying attention when she refused to believe him. Which led to the conversation this morning.

"I see three," Kasumi said.

"Really? Who?" The red haired woman asked.

"The lady with the long bag."

"That could be kendo equipment, oneechan," Akane said irritably.

Kasumi shook her head. "No. The weight of the bag is wrong for a bokken or a shinai. The second is that blond man over there."

"You're right. That's definitely a cane sword."

Akane snorted. "Yeah, right."

"That American with the trench coat."

"Yes, he's definitely packing steel under there. And I think he's English, perhaps from Scotland, not American…"

'They're doing this to drive me crazy. I know it.' Akane thought fiercely. "Wouldn't it be a little more obvious?"

Kenji looked at her with wide eyes. "Don't you know a master of hidden weapons style?"

Akane glowered at the usurper, her aura building up around her. "What are you saying?"

"Oh my, Akane! Look." Kasumi pointed at nearby pillar.

"What?"

Akane looked at the poster on the pillar. Prominently displayed on the poster were pictures of Ryouga-kun and her P-chan, neither of which she'd seen in months. The poster said, "Warning: notorious peeping tom, molester, and panty thief. Has the ability to become a miniature pet pig, which he uses to molest innocent young women. If seen, please contact..."

Akane stared furiously at the poster. "Why... that... PERVERT! How dare Grandfather Happosai frame Ryouga and poor P-chan like that!"

Kasumi looked down worriedly at her fallen fiance, "Anata, are you alright?"

Kenji looked up incredulously at his fiancee's sister. "Please tell me you're joking!"

"About what?"

"Oh, look, Kenji. She makes four." Kasumi interrupted, pointing.

Akane looked at the girl Kasumi was pointing at, and saw that the attractive black-haired girl was indeed carrying a sword. Openly. Said katana was tucked into the obi of her unusual looking pink and purple hakama/kimono hybrid. The pony-tailed girl was also carrying a sign that said, "Tendo." Standing beside the girl was a very attractive and athletic blonde girl about Akane's age.

Akane felt a sweat drop forming. 'What kind of theatre sends a swordswoman to pick people up?'

- + - + -

Komagata Yumi frowned at the nervous succubus as the girl reported what she had learned early that morning. Her plan, and years of careful and cautious work, was in jeopardy. The assassination attempt on Shinguji and Chateaubriand had not only failed spectacularly, but had cost them two Wakiji, half a dozen lesser demons, and most importantly Scythe-chan. Usui-san had disappeared, but had apparently managed to elude capture. Maul-chan had turned out to be useless for some reason. And most important of all, the amusement park fiasco had cost them the element of surprise.

And now the humans knew about the other demon as well, if what one of her girls had learned from the police was true. There were also not one, but two magical girls running around Kyoto right now. And it was only a matter of time before devil hunters started to appear as well.

"Thank you, Sakaki-chan. Kaori-chan? Get the word out, quickly but discretely, that the Lysistrata protocol will need to go into effect soon. I want a watch kept on the Imperial Theatre at all times. Get the girls in the harem ready to move back to the brothel. We simply can't afford to shut the place down until the danger has passed. And we need to identify that red-haired girl as soon as possible…"

"Here you go, ma'am," Kaori-chan, her secretary, said, handing Yumi a folder. "This is a dossier on the redhead. It did cost us 50,000 yen, but the girl promised the information was accurate, though it is about three months out of date. Apparently, the magical girl thing is fairly recent, but the boy," she added, grinning impishly, "is considered one of the best unarmed martial artist for his age."

"I see," Yumi said, glancing at the first page of the report. "At least that explains Maul-chan's failure."

She passed the former oiren a second folder. "This is the dossier on the blonde. The information is very sketchy, but what do you expect from the Internet? She's one of nine magical girls that operate out of southern Tokyo."

A third folder joined the other two. "And here's the information on the Bonta-kun mascot that attacked. I think you'll find that one kind of interesting."

"Well done, Kaori-chan. Give my thanks to the team."

The succubus Hikaru, Yumi's second in command, ran into her office, out of breath. "Yumi-sama! You need to go to the harem immediately!"

"Can it wait? I have a meeting with Shishio-dono soon."

"I know my lady, but you need to go there right now. It's… it's a disaster!"

"Dammit! Hikaru-chan, I'll need you to sit in on the meeting for me. Kaori-chan, fill her in on what she needs to know. Tell Shishio-dono that I'll be there as soon as I've sorted out the harem."

"Hai, Yumi-sama!"

The pair of succubus watched as the formerly living woman hurried off. "Is it really that bad, Hikaru-chan?" Kaori asked.

"Hai. The plan was perfect, but now everything's starting to fall apart, and Shishio and his men are at the center of it all."

"Maybe Yumi-chan can salvage it."

"I hope so, Kaori-chan. If anyone can, she can." Hikaru took a second look down the now deserted corridor. "But if it goes to pieces, try to remember that Yumi is mine. I earned her, and there's a fine brain in that sexy body of hers. I don't want to lose her to the Master."

"Hai, Hikaru-dono."

"Now… tell me what I need to know for this meeting with 'our lord.'"

"Of course. The first thing you need to know…"

- + - + -

Yohko was trying to enjoy her walk to the station with Ranma. She was on the arm of a handsome boy, she had gotten laid last night, she couldn't wait to get home to give her best friend all the sweaty details, but something was nagging her. Some tiny detail that she'd forgotten, and it was taking all the enjoyment out of her glorious morning.

Then she glanced at her youma ring. The eyes were glowing faintly. She whispered, "Ranma?"

Feeling the girl tense up, Ranma began scanning the street. "What is it?"

"There's a demon nearby."

"And it would help me a lot if you ignored it and kept walking. I'm trying to follow the succubus," an equally quiet voice said right behind them. "Sorry. Captain Kayama Yuichi of the Tsukigumi, the intelligence arm of the Imperial Combat Group. We've got this one covered. You two go have fun."

"Thanks, Captain." Ranma smiled as he steered Yohko towards the train station. They'd have time for breakfast before her train left.

Yohko sighed in relief. So that's what was bugging her.

- + - + -

Meanwhile, back at the residential branch of the Imperial Theatre, two tired pre-teens slept soundly. Iris Chateaubriand and Kanzai Azusa had stayed up far too late having fun last night, and the older girls had decided to let them sleep in.

- + - + -

"Which one's Li Kohran again, Ranma?" Yohko asked as they entered the station.

"The purple haired girl with the glasses. She's a distant relative of Mousse."

"So you're not going to keep on seeing Shinguji-san?"

Ranma shrugged. "That's up to her. She's a nice girl, and a good swordswoman, but she seems to be the passive-aggressive type. I just don't feel like putting up with that kind of crap anymore, especially if we haven't really been dating. If Sakura-san decides I need to 'suffer' for last night, I'll give Kohran-san a chance to fulfill her end of her deal with Cologne. And speaking of Sakura-san, there she is with Minako-chan."

"Yeah, and it looks like they've met the new actress. Let's go see!" Yohko took two steps down the stairs before she stopped. "Hold on, my cell's buzzing." She flipped the phone. "Hello? Oh, hi grandma! No, I haven't left the city yet…"

Ranma walked ahead of the distracted devil hunter, and moved towards the group of women. "Sakura-san! Minako-chan! Good Morning!"

Shinguji Sakura looked at him over her shoulder, before turning away in a huff.

Minako rolled her eyes at the black haired swordswoman. "Good Morning, Ranma!"

"Ranma?"

"Akane?"

"I got it, grandma, but I gotta go. Bye." Yohko caught up with the stunned Ranma, and then looked at the black haired girl who was staring at Ranma in shock. With the girl were two young women, a brunette and a redhead.

The brunette placed a hand on her cheek and whispered, "Oh my."

Yohko's gazed moved from the two stunned teens, to Sakura's dark look, and then to Minako's impish grin, before locking on to the older brunette. The hoop haired girl walked up to the woman and asked, "You wouldn't be Tendo Kasumi, would you?"

The taller girl smiled pleasantly. "Why yes, I am."

Yohko pulled the woman into an enthusiastic embrace. "Thank you! Thank you for showing Ranma the tongue thing!"

"Um... it was my pleasure?"

Yohko chuckled lecherously as she playfully elbowed the older woman. "Yeah, I bet."

As a confused Akane turned to her sister, Minako asked, "What's the tongue thing?"

"You see, it's where the guy takes his tongue, and…"

Tendo Akane, glowing faintly, growled out, "What the hell is going on here? Who is she?"

Ranma laughed sheepishly. "Oh, sorry. Ladies, allow me to introduce Mano Yohko-chan. Yohko-chan, this is Tendo Kasumi-san, Tendo Akane, and some woman I've never met before."

Yohko bowed. "It's nice to meet you all. Oh, Ranma, I've got good news. Yoneda-san called grandma, and she agreed that since I'm already on site, I could stay! Isn't that great?"

"Wonderful," Sakura ground out.

"This is Kamiya Kenji-chan, my fiance," Tendo Kasumi introduced the redhead proudly.

"Let me guess," Ranma said, "Instant Nyanniichuan?"

"Yes, and I understand that this idea is all your fault," Kenji said, trying, and failing, to glare angrily at the black-haired boy. The mischievous grin on her face ruined the effect. "Also, don't expect me to thank you for receiving 'Sumi-chan's virginity."

"Yeah… that would be a bit awkward," Ranma agreed, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"Of course, it is a horrible double standard," Kenji added, ignoring the furious black-haired girl nearby.

"Yes, we should be ashamed of ourselves for thinking in such a sexist manner," Ranma said, nodding.

Akane finally found her voice. "Ranma…"

"Yeah, Akane?" Ranma asked the glowing girl, unconcerned.

"You monster! How dare you ra…"

"Akane-chan, if you finish that sentence, I swear I will tan your pert little bottom right here," Kasumi declared, narrowing her eyes at her younger sister.

"Oneechan!"

"I'm serious!"

"But that's perverted!"

"That's not perverted," Aino Minako said thoughtfully. "Now, if she said she'd lift your skirt before spanking you, that would be perverted."

"That's not perverted," Yohko protested. "Now, if she were to pull down her panties before spanking her, that would be perverted," Yohko said with a smile. She loved this game.

"That's not perverted. Now, if I were to spank her bare bottom while wearing a leather bustier, that would perverted."

Akane stared at her older sister in shock.

"Oh, my," Kasumi said. "This is fun!"

- + - + -

Shishio Makoto frowned when a familiar succubus took Yumi's seat. "Hikaru-san, where's Yumi?"

"She's dealing with a situation in the harem, Shishio-dono," the dark haired demon said, glaring at the newly regenerated Usui.

Shishio turned to look at the object of the sex demon's ire. "Usui, what did you do?"

"It would be best, Shishio-dono," Hikaru said respectfully, still glaring at the spearman, "If you waited for Komagata-dono to access the damage. May we begin the meeting?"

"Very well. Usui? Maul? Would you like to explain that fiasco yesterday?"

Usui grimaced. "My lord, it seems rumors of Maul's prowess were greatly exaggerated. It didn't help that there was not one, but two magical girls accompanying our targets, one of whom was a formidable martial artist, on top of her magical abilities..."

"That wasn't my fault," Maul growled. "Never before has a woman been completely unaffected by my power."

"Right... that explains why the girl was able to lead you by your nose..."

"That's enough!" Shishio said, breaking off the argument. "Do we even know who these two new girls are?"

"Yes, my Lord," Sadojima Houji said. "The blonde we've tentatively identified as Sailor Venus, a member of a team of five magical girls from Tokyo. The redhead we've tentatively identified as a descendant of Shinomori Aoshi, based upon her fighting style, which consists of the use of a kodachi for defense and kempo for attack. She is also knowledgeable about the Mastery of Two Layers, so she might also be a descendant of that tag-a-long..."

"My Lord," Hikaru interrupted, "The mystery redhead is named Ranma, formerly of the Saotome clan. He is widely considered one of the top ten martial artists of his generation, and has a reputation for inventiveness that allows him to take on opponents much more powerful than he is. He turns into a girl thanks to a Nyaniichuan curse, which he gained on a training trip to China two years ago." Hikaru handed Shishio a folder, smiling sweetly at Houji. "Here's a dossier on the boy, including his favorite special techniques and known weaknesses. It is three months out of date, which is why there's no information about any abilities as a magical girl, or the Mastery of Two Layers, but other than that it is fairly complete. Of particular note is Ranma's severe phobia of cats..."

"That's perfect then," Houji interrupted. "All we need to get is a handful of cats, and the boy is neutralized..."

"May I continue?" The succubus said, though her smile was more predatory. "The source of Ranma's phobia is that he was trained in the Neko-ken, a particularly powerful martial art developed two thousand years ago. It was developed in response to a rather vicious necromancer. Training a subject, usually a young child, requires tossing the trainee into a pit of starving cats repeatedly. This causes the child to be possessed by a benevolent lesser kami, which takes over when the Neko-ken fighter is exposed to cats. Under most conditions, a Neko-ken fighter is rather harmless unless someone threatens him or a loved one. Even then, the response is normally non-fatal, and usually not even harmful, unless the assailant is a complete idiot. However, against demons and the undead..." Hikaru shuddered in horror. "The results are not pretty."

"Right... we'll keep the boy away from cats, then," Shishio said, frowning. "You said formerly of the Saotome clan? Did he renounce his name, or was he kicked out?"

"He left of his own free will, my Lord. He finally got fed up with the dishonorable behavior of his father."

"Then he won't be amiable to bribery then." Shishio said, rubbing his chin. "Is there anything else?"

"Hai, my lord," Hikaru said cheerfully, ignoring the glare from Houji. She handed Shishio a second folder. "This is what we've got on Sailor Venus. At last count, the Sailor Senshi numbered at least nine, plus one male known as Tuxedo Kamen. Finally, Yumi-sama expects to put the Lysistrata protocol into effect soon. She figures it's only a matter of time before devil hunters descend upon Kyoto, so we're getting ready to pull everyone out as quickly as possible when the first one arrives..."

"Feh... cowards," Usui snorted in disgust.

The succubus once again glared at the formerly blind spearman "We are not warriors, you idiot. We seduce humans for their sexual energy, and we gather information. That is what we were created for. It doesn't do anyone any good if we get hunted down and killed in the streets, especially since we won't be able to get more energy until the humans are convinced that there's no more demons here." The woman smiled sweetly at Usui. "Would you care to volunteer to be the mastermind behind the attack, and killed in very messy way? After all, they already know you and Maul managed to escape..."

"That's enough, Hikaru-san." Shishio snapped. He took a deep breath, then asked again, "How bad is the situation in the harem?"

"Well, my Lord..."

"You savage!" Yumi screamed, storming into the room. "You stupid, ignorant beast!" Shishio grabbed her before the furious woman could throw herself at Usui. "If I can find it, I'm going to carve out your heart and make a nice pate out of it!"

Still keeping his lady from doing something rather stupid, Shishio glared at the smirking spearman "What – did – you – do?"

Usui's smirk disappeared. "I... ah..."

Yumi stopped struggling. "That pea-brained idiot decided to have a little snack, and some fun, in the harem!"

Shishio Makoto released the former oiran. "You what?"

"I... ah..."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Look, Shishio-san... there's plenty of other women to replace the one I killed. And it's not like I damaged the others. You can still have your fun..."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Huh?"

"Why on earth would I want with another woman, when I have one like Yumi?" Shishio growled. "Those women weren't removed from the cattle because I wanted them for myself!"

"Then why?"

"Does the term 'generator' ring a bell," Yumi said with deceptive sweetness. "Those women went into prostitution because they enjoyed sex, loved the money, and were attractive enough to make a lot of it. My best incubi kept them in an illusion of a prostitutes dream: a safe environment, rich and interesting clients, the right to refuse a client, and a whole lot of money. They were pulling enough energy to keep the Gate opened all by themselves, allowing us to gather energy at our leisure, and reducing the risk that a devil hunter might notice our activities. Do you have any idea how hard it was, giving them the illusion of freedom? How careful we had to be when they went out on the town? We even took pains to keep them synced up my best succubi at the brothel, to ensure that should we have to pull my boys and girls, they could take their place without anyone, including the girls, noticing, giving us an income and access to some very low-risk energy."

Yumi's voice hardened. "Now thanks to you, brutal reality has intruded upon the careful fantasy we'd built around them. My incubi think it will be weeks before the trauma wears off, even after erasing their memories of the attack. They won't know why they don't feel safe anymore, but they won't feel safe. We'll also have to replace the girl you killed with a succubus to maintain the illusion, at least until we can find a replacement, and create a believable scenario for our double to leave. It'll be months before we get as much energy from them as we used to, and in the meantime we'll have to tap into our reserves to keep our portal to Hell from shrinking due to lack of energy, and we won't be able to get reinforcements! If it goes too long, we'll have to send raiding parties into Kyoto while every devil hunter in Japan are hunting demons and undead in the city!"

"It was Houji that gave me the idea!" Usui said hastily, pointing at the undead businessman.

With a sigh, Shishio Makoto turned to his former second in command. "Houji, is this true?"

Seeing Makoto pick up a sword, Houji bowed his head. "Yes, my Lord. I did not know what those girls were for. I thought it was just Yumi being an overemotional woman..."

Yumi's hand stopped Shishio from drawing his word. "Lord Shishio, Houji is still useful. We'll need his contacts among the Yakuza even more. Maybe if they make some abductions, especially of the homeless or criminals in other cities besides Kyoto, we might be able to get enough energy to at least keep the Gate from closing." Yumi tapped her chin. "I'll have Glemph double check the numbers. All our demons are tied to the Gate right now, in order to conserve energy, but if they can bring people here, and spread out their predations around the country..."

"Um, my Lord?" Sadojima Houji asked tentatively.

"What now?"

"I regret to inform you that the Yakuza are once again resisting our control..."

"Probably because the Old Man is a huge Hanagumi fan," Hikaru said. "He never misses a performance. Can you believe that one of the girls offered to cosplay as Shinguji Sakura, his favorite, and he actually got mad?"

Houji pinched his nose. "Why didn't you tell me that?" He waved off her answer. "Never mind. I think I can guess. A Yakuza boss from Tokyo also seems to be taking an interest in Kyoto. An enforcer who only goes by the name 'Bonta-kun' was seen in Kyoto recently... what is so funny?"

Hikaru offered her last folder to Shishio. "Here's all the information we have on 'Bonta-kun.' It's actually a type powered armor, that must've been designed by someone with a very odd worldview. It looks exactly like a mascot you'd see at an amusement park or children's birthday parties."

Despite his recent disgrace, Houji glared at his rival's second in command. "Where the hell are you getting all this information?"

- + - + -

In another part of Shishio's hidden base, a succubus sat happily typing away at a computer keyboard.

Now logging on alt, fan, theatre, jp, takarazuka
Channel: HANAGUMI
*Yuki has joined the chat*
Yuki: Hi everyone!
Sakura_Fan: Ah, the fair Yuki has graced us with her presence! Welcome back!
Shinji: WB!
2Good4U: Welcome!
30C_M: A/S/L
Yuki: Hey, I heard there's yet another new actress at the Imperial! Anyone else heard anything?
Sakura_Fan: You mean the blonde?
2Good4U: Why are they gathering so many actresses?
Shinji: Kool! Another blonde?! She hot?
30C_M: A/S/L
Yuki: Yeah, that would be her. I heard there's some kind of big meeting here this summer, and the Hanagumi are putting on a special play.
Sakura_Fan: I think her name is Aino Minako, from Tokyo. Just a sec...
message from 30C_M: A/S/L?
Yuki: And yes, Shinji. I heard she's quite hot.
*Lady_Cop has joined the chat*
2Good4U: Baka Shinji
Lady_Cop: hi evry1 u rly shld chng ur nik 2 asuka 2g4u thn wed hv a cmplt set
30C_M: A/S/L
message from 30C_M: RU A GIRL?
2Good4U:For the sake of legibility, LC, do you have to do that?
Yuki rolls eyes
Yuki: Hi LC!
Shinji: WB LC!
message from 30C_M: RU HOT?
Sakura_Fan: Yes! Her name is Aino Minako. Her facebook page is
Lady_Cop: sry bt im tmbtypng rt nw
Sakura_Fan: Stupid chat client, never allowing me to write a URL... www dot face_book dot jp slash Aino_Minako_Chan
2Good4U: That's no excuse! Besides, you do it ALL THE TIME!
Sakura_Fan: Why don't you two get a room? You argue like a pair to 10 yen whores.
2Good4U: And you would know that how?
Yuki LOLs
*ReiH has joined the chat*
ReiH: Hi Everyone! How are you all doing?
Shinji: Hi Rei!
Yuki: Rei! *glomp*
30C_M: A/S/L
message from 30C_M: WHAT R UR MEASUREMENTS?
Shinji nose bleeds
Lady_Cop: hi rei
Sakura_Fan: Hi Rei. Did you know there's another new actress? Her name's Aino Minako.
2Good4U: Welcome!
ReiH: *rolls eyes* I know. She was absolutely crushed when she found out the Hanagumi was a Takarazuka troupe. When she got the letter, she had this whole fantasy summer romance set up with a handsome actor. It was hilarious! I didn't get to be the one to tell her though. *pouts*
Sakura_Fan: YOU KNOW HER?
Yuki: Oh! Give me all the juicy details!
message from 30C_M: DU U WANT TO CYBER?
Shinji: That is so kool!
Yuki: / t 30C_M; Little boy, you wouldn't know what to do with a woman if one was delivered in shibari to your bed! I doubt you've touched a breast since your mother weaned you. You certainly wouldn't know what to do with a woman like me. You'll never know the marvelous things I can do with my tongue, because I have a feeling that you're handle is overstating things by a factor of ten! Why don't you run along now, and play with your PVC figurines, and let the adults talk.
Lady_Cop: roflmao
ReiH blushes
Shinji nose bleeds
2Good4U: LOL! You go girl!
Sakura_Fan: I have got to show that one to a friend of mine. She'd love it!
*30C_M has left the chat*

- + - + -

Shishio Makoto sighed, wishing he could rewind the past and take back the attempted assassination at the park yesterday. "Alright, Houji. If we can't rely on the Yakuza, perhaps we can use someone else. Weren't you courting some terrorist organization?"

"Yes, Lord Shishio. I doubt they're stable enough to be of any use to us..."

"We don't need them following our orders. We just need them to be well equipped, and to tell us when they plan to make their big move, so we can take advantage of the chaos. Do you think you can do that?"

"Of course, Lord Shishio! I won't fail you again!"

- + - + -

An oddly assorted group of women walked along the streets of Kyoto, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. Everywhere they went, young men (and some women) walked into mailboxes and lamp poles, stumbled over obstacles on the ground, or suffered the wrath of jealous girlfriends. The fact that all seven women were attractive wasn't what caused this distraction, though the blonde and older of the two brunettes in the front, and the younger of two redheads in the back, were gorgeous enough to stop traffic on their own, let alone in a group. It wasn't the fact that of the pair of black haired girls in the middle, the one with longer hair was a famous actress in the city, whose presence was normally guaranteed to draw a crowd. No, it wasn't the girls themselves that was causing a distraction.

It was the conversation of the trio in front that was leaving a swath of bloody noses in their wake.

"… rubber hose, a pair of cotton balls, a mouse, a headlight, and a blender, that would be perverted." The younger brunette declared.

Ranma, having gone girl in order to control the effects of trying to figure out how Cheeze Whiz could possibly be used like that, gently nudged Akane back on course, since she was still in shock after some of Kasumi's additions to her "punishment." Kenji did the same for Sakura, who was a little light headed thanks to the luminous blush.

"That's not perverted," the older brunette mused. "Now if you…"

Sakura snapped out of her daze when she saw what street they were on. "Thank goodness, we're here!"

Ranma was surprised to see that a crowd was already at the front of the theatre, gathered around a pair of vans, with "NIT-MC" crudely spray painted on their sides. One of the vans was pulling a trailer with a rather unusual motorcycle on the back. Kanna, her arm around the waist of a dark skinned young man who was almost as tall and muscular as the Timeless Monk, waved at the approaching group. Unlike the monk Anji, that man was not, and never had been, a warrior. "Hey! Ranma-kun! Over here! I want you to meet my boyfriend!"

Ranma made his way over to the couple, who had separated from the general chaos around the vans. The rest of his group followed.

"Jino Ranma, I'd like to you meet Tamiya Toraichi. Den-chan, this is my former fiance Jino Ranma."

The muscular man bent over to look at Ranma. "Um... Kanna-chan, this is a girl."

"It's a long story," Ranma and Kanna said simultaneously. "Kirishima Kanna," Ranma continued, "I'd like you to meet your new actress Tendo Akane, her elder sister Kasumi, and Kasumi's fiance Kamiya Kenji." Ranma paused. "And their story is quite long, as well."

A second couple split off from the general chaos around the vans. "I still can't believe you actually have a girlfriend, sempai," a short man with glasses said with a grin. "Looks like you win, Belldandy."

"Hai, Keiichi," the foreign looking woman said with a gentle smile. "And I look forward to collecting my winnings."

Ranma blinked at the woman. He'd met a kami before, but the woman before him made the one at the lake look like a candle beside a forest fire. 'Kami-sama! What is she?'

Li Kohran's shout interrupted what he wanted to say. "Ranma-han!" Kohran ran out of the Imperial Theatre, holding over her head what looked like a severely over-engineered thermos. "I've got something for you!"

Kanna waved at the girl. "Hey! Kohran-chan! Come meet the new actress!"

The purple haired Chinese girl ran up, pausing only to bow. "Hi! I'm Li Kohran! Pleased t' meetcha!" She turned to Ranma. "Ranma-han, I think you'll really like this."

She started to hand the thermos to Ranma, but a young black-haired girl grabbed it first. "Oh, wow! An flask of endless water! I haven't seen one of these in ages!"

'Another Kami?' Ranma thought. 'Only a lot less powerful than Belldandy. They look related...'

"Skuld! Mind your manners." Belldandy said, scolding the girl. "Now, give that back and apologize."

Skuld, fiddling with one of the parts of the flask, didn't notice she was being scolded. "How on earth did you balance the elemental energies with so few runes? And how do you get the lid off?"

Kohran, tentatively trying to retrieve the container from the girl, nervously said, "Hey! Be careful with that! I didn't quite get..."

A fountain of steaming water gushed from the lid Skuld had successfully removed, knocking the slightly built girl down. The flask, propelled by the column of water coming from it, went spinning across the sidewalk in front of the Imperial Theatre, drenching several people in the process.

"... the pressure right, so whatever you do, don't remove the lid," Kohran finished with a sigh. "Make sure you use the valve on the side." After few seconds, the thermos stopped imitating a fire house. "It can only produce about thirty gallons of hot water a week, so use it sparingly." Kohran removed her glasses, trying to dry them on her drenched Chinese dress. "Sorry about that, Ranma-han."

A completely dry Ranma handed out a few handkerchiefs to the drenched girls. "That wasn't your fault, Kohran-san." Ranma put an arm around the girl's shoulder, kicking up the empty flask as they passed. "And this is really going to help me. You doing anything Saturday? I'd like to thank you properly..."

"We'll be busy that Saturday, Ranma-han, but the Sunday after next is a rest day..."

Yohko smiled as she watched her friend lead the Chinese girl off, until she saw Sakura's shoulders fell. "You okay?" The bedraggled girl shook her head. "Look, I'm sorry..."

"No, it's my fault..."

"I'd say it's all three of your faults," Maria said coldly, joining the group. "But mostly his."

"Hey! That's not fair!" Yohko protested. "They weren't even dating..."

Yohko trailed off at the Russian woman's look. "Sakura-chan," Maria asked tentatively, "Do you want me to..."

Sakura shook her head.

"Okay. Let's get you out of those wet things, then get you a gallon of chocolate ice cream..."

"Can you make it cake?"

"Cake then."

Yohko turned when she heard Tendo Kasumi ask, "Akane?"

The short haired girl was staring after Ranma, tears in her eyes. "He's... he's moved on already?"

Yohko sighed. 'Well, for such a great night. This morning really sucks.' "Come on, Akane-chan, right? Let's go see if there's enough cake to go round." 'Well, at least nothing else can go wrong.'

She turned to lead the her fellow ex-fiancee into the theatre, only to find an angry Kanzai Azusa glaring at her. "Did you forget something, Yohko-sempai?"

- + - + -

Across the street, the usual crowd of Hanagumi fans watched as the group in front Imperial Theatre began to break up. Eventually, the two vans pulled away from the curb, and disappeared into morning traffic. One young man in the crowd casually walked away, his face almost unnaturally calm. When he got far enough away, he took out a cell phone. "Hello? Hikaru-dono? It's Daisuke. I've got bad news. Yeah, there's two devil hunters at the Theatre already, but that's not the bad news. I just saw two true kami. Yes, I'm sure. No, I'm positive they didn't sense me, and I don't think they're here specifically for us. It appears someone in the group they're traveling in has a connection to the Hanagumi. Right, I'm going to the designated extraction point right now."

- + - + -

Kayama Yuichi, head of the Tsukigumi, cursed as the demon he had been carefully tailing suddenly stopped. The monster in the form of a seemingly ordinary high school girl, who had already had one "compensated date" with a local businessman, took a cell phone from her purse and held it to her ear. After a few seconds, the girl put away her phone and, with a feigned casualness that even Kayama found difficult to penetrate, changed course. After ten minutes, he followed the girl into an alleyway, where she vanished. He carefully made a note of the location, intending to have one of the Dream Division's spiritualists take a look later.

- + - + -

Kohran was stripping off her ruined Chinese dress, when she felt something cold and hard poke her in the small of her back. "Yaaaaah!" The pigtailed girl turned around, not at all surprised to see Elder Cologne perched on her staff behind her. "Do you have to do that?"

"And miss the looks on your faces? Don't be silly, child." The wizened old woman cackled. "I see you've decided to use the help-mate gambit. Most clever."

After unbraiding her twin pigtails, the Chinese girl stepped under her steam-powered blow-dryer. "I don't know what you're talking about." She began to brush her hair under the jets of hot air. "I had to make a prototype elemental water generator, to make sure I understand the underlying theory, anyways, so I figured..."

"Of course, child. You're not pursuing Ranma in any way. I suppose these," the Matriarch of the Jokusetsu held up what looked to be an ordinary male undershirt, "Are an effort to 'understand the underlying theory' as well?" A very faint burst of ki altered the shape of the undershirt, so that it looked more like a sports bra.

"Of course. Artificial musculature requires different fibers of different lengths to all work in concert, both flexing and relaxing in concert. Making a better undershirt for Ranma-kun tests all the underlying principles involved.

"I see." The ancient Amazon winked as she pogoed towards the door to the girl's room. "I suppose this means that scroll on your desk, which you found among the scrolls and books I gave you, is of absolutely no use to you at all." Before leaving, she added. "You'll be interested to know that you'll be doing the First Reading after lunch, where you'll all be formally introduced to each other. This should be interesting."

Curious, Kohran carefully unrolled the scroll...

- + - + -

Yoneda Ikki wearily sat in the chair of his empty office. The ex-general felt older than his sixty-three years as he poured two glasses of sake. "This is why I was so glad the power necessary to pilot a Koubu is so rare in men. It's only been two weeks, and we already have more drama and hurt feelings than we've had all year, and given the egos involved, that's really saying something. And we've got another ten to go. Did you expect this to happen, Tendo Kasumi?" He turned his chair to look at the woman who had materialized in her customary chair. "Or is it Kamiya Kasumi?"

The seemingly ageless woman smiled back as she accepted a glass from the Hanagumi's commander. "It's Kamiya Kasumi. I'm impressed, Ikki. I figured that after thirty years, you would've never figured out who I was. After all, I wasn't born when we first met."

Yoneda raised a glass to his old friend. "It's not too hard to figure out, especially when your younger self walks through the front door of the Theatre."

Kamiya Kasumi nearly choked on the sake she was drinking. "What? I'm here? What the hell am I doing here?"

"You didn't know?"

"Of course not! We're trying to alter the time stream to something a little less... apocalyptic." Kasumi frowned. "This is not good. If my timeline has altered this much, I shouldn't be here anymore. I should've vanished, and been replaced by a counterpart. That isn't a good sign. It means that the events that led to me being here are still likely to happen, even compensating for paradox..."

"So I take it that attacks by normal demons, tentacled rape demons, and the undead weren't a part of your plan?"

The alternate Sailor Pluto paled. "Please tell me that was a rhetorical question!" Seeing the older man shake his head, Kasumi sighed. "Damn, and Akane's here too. Neither of us are ready for something like that." She paused. "Is Kenji here too?"

"Yes, she is here."

The Kamiya matriarch laughed merrily. "She actually went through with it? Good for her... wait... you said tentacled rape demons. Oh, gods..."

Commander Yoneda nodded. "Maria was attacked last night." He held up his hand. "Thankfully, Ranma and Yohko rescued her before too much happened, but I know her well enough to know that she was unsettled by it, despite her stoic demeanor. I'm hoping that she'll take up the Timeless Monk's offer."

"Ikki... Akane, Ranma, myself, and my fiance are all here. Is my other sister Nabiki here as well?"

"No."

"That's a relief. I wonder what she's doing. If I remember correctly, in my time line, she had a little summer job the year before college."

- + - + -

Tendo Nabiki sat behind the large desk beneath the emblem of Tendo Enterprises, Incorporated. It had been so obvious. She knew by listening in to conversations at school that some of the girls really wished that their boyfriends could spend some time as a girl, for various reasons ranging from wanting them to see what it was like to live as a girl, to very kinky sex. She also knew some girls who wished they could change into boys temporarily, for similar reasons. It wouldn't surprise her that there were boys who felt the same way. And then there were people like Konatsu, who would probably be happier being the opposite sex full time. And all along, there was Jusenkyou Instant Spring products, who could fulfill those wishes, and didn't have a clue what a goldmine they were sitting on.

All it took was a few phone calls to tie up the supply of instant Nanniichuan and Nyanniichuan, as well as the waterproof soap, making sure the terms were very generous. A little experimentation to determine how diluted the instant spring water could be and remain effective, greatly expanded the supply. Print some brochures, spread some word of mouth over the Internet, and TEI was born. In the two months since they had opened for business, the company had already made a net profit of over a million yen, and orders were pouring in so quickly that they had had to expand the staff. With a little luck, and a lot of money, perhaps Herb could be persuaded to sell them locking and unlocking water as well.

In fact, things were going so great, only one think killed Nabiki's joy over the entire thing.

The shift manager stormed into the office. "Tendo-kun! I don't care if you are Tendo-dono's little sister. You're not allowed to be in here! Now get back to work packing boxes!"

Her older sister had thought of it first.

"I'm supposed to be the financial genius of the family!"

- + - + -

Commander Yoneda stood at the front of the room, looking at the unexpectedly large group of actresses and martial artists before him. "Well… before we begin assigning roles and begin our first reading, I'd like to formally welcome Jino Ranma, Aino Minako, Tendo Akane, Tendo Kasumi, Kamiya Kenji, Mano Yohko, and Kanzai Azusa to the Imperial Theatre. With such a large pool of talent to gathered here, I decided to move Fujii Kasumi, Sakakibara Yuri, and Takamura Tsubaki from their customary jobs offstage. Ladies, the play the Imperial Theatre will be doing is an English language adaptation of the 'Tragedy of Makoto and Yumi.'"

The Commander paused as the expected excitement broke out. The musical was very popular, and was well known even to those who didn't normally go to the theatre.

"With the addition of the Kazegumi, we will be able to not only do the main arc of the play, but an abbreviated version of the Aoi-ya arc, for some comic relief. For those of you who don't speak English well, we have a tutor available for coaching. In addition, since the international conference for which we'll be performing the play is six weeks away, and the play will run four weeks, and because summer break is two months long, we'll be providing additional tutoring for Jino-san, Aino-san, Mano-san, Tendo Akane-san, Kanzai-san, and Chateaubriand-san.

"And because I'm sure you're all anxious to know who's playing what role, I thought I'd be nice and tell you right now…"

He was interrupted by Akane. "What? No audition?"

"I'm sorry, Tendo-san," Commander Yoneda, said. "But given how combat-heavy the play is, we thought it best to assign roles due to your abilities as a martial artist, not acting ability."

Ignoring the girl's grumbling about having to play another boy role, he looked around at the expectant faces. "As always, we begin with the male leads. Playing the heroic freedom fighter Shishio Makoto will be Shinguji Sakura."

Sakura's startled, "ME?" and Sumire's outraged, "WHAT?" drowned out Kenji's confused, "Huh?"

"Yes, Sakura-kun. You. Most of the roles in this play are male, after all. And it's about time for you to play a male lead, after so many female roles last year. Now, if I may continue?

"Playing the gentle but heroic Seta Soujirou will be Kanzai Azusa."

Azusa blinked. She'd been expecting to get a bit part, not a major role. She did wonder why Kamiya-san was looking so confused, though.

"Playing the noble warrior-monk Yuukyuzan Anji will be Kirishima Kanna..."

Ranma joined Kenji in the ranks of the confused. He'd recognized the names, especially Anji-sama's, and the Commander's descriptions didn't match at all what Anji-sama had described as his period of insanity.

"The valiant Uonuma Usui will be played by Fujii Kasumi, and the wise Sadojima Houji will be played by Li Kohran."

Kohran pumped her fist in excitement. She was one of the few actresses that hadn't settled into exclusively male or female roles, and she'd been hoping to play her favorite character in the play.

"And now the villains of the play. Playing the murderous Himura Kenshin will be Kamiya Kenji…"

"NOW WAIT A SECOND!"

Yoneda Ikki looked at the eldest redhead at the table. "Is there a problem Kamiya-san?"

"Where the hell are you getting all this from?"

The rest of the people, with two notable exceptions, looked at the swordsman turned swordswoman in confusion. Akane, outraged at the interruption by her future brother in law, growled, "Don't you have any culture at all, Kamiya? It's not like this isn't some unknown play."

"I've heard of it, but never read it…"

Maria explained, "It's a story about a noble band of freedom fighters, who were slaughtered by the murderous thugs sent by the Tokugawa Shogunate."

"But…" Kamiya Kenji trailed off, embarrassed. "But I thought the victors got to write history," she whispered.

"I have to admit I'm a bit confused as well," Ranma confessed, ignoring Akane's muttered rude comment. "I mean, the names you mentioned sound exactly like those of a band of murderous thugs that Anji-sama was a part of, before he came to his senses. Anji-sama described Shishio as a homicidal megalomaniac who slaughtered hundreds of innocent people, tried to murder thousands more, and personally ordered the assassination of Okubo-sama, who could've led the country into a period of peace and prosperity..."

Maria sweat-dropped "Um… Ranma… these are fictional characters we're talking about…"

"Anji-sama lived through the Meiji restoration. He's over 150 years old. And I recognized those names from a time of his life that he considers particularly shameful. They weren't good people. He wasn't a good person during that time, until someone pointed out what he had become."

"I'm afraid Ranma's right," Tendo Kasumi said. "I've read great-great-great-grandfather Tendo's journal. About the only thing the play got right were the names."

Kenji looked at her fiancee "How did your ancestor know who was involved?"

Kasumi looked back at her. "My ancestor was Tendo Soujirou. He was born Seta Soujirou, and used the name Tenken when he was Shishio's best assassin. He changed his name after realizing that the philosophy of his mentor, Shishio Makoto, was wrong. He founded Tendo Kenjutsu Ryuu, the core of which was that it was a martial artist's duty to protect the weak. Great-grandfather Ichiro changed our school to pure Kendo, and Father transformed our school to the weapon using branch of Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu."

Commander Yoneda looked at the older Tendo in horror. "You mean… this play was simply some playwright's spin to ensure an evil man was remembered favorably by history?"

"I'm afraid so."

Commander Yoneda look at the list in his hands. "And it's too late to change things. Costumes are already under production, and our chief writer has been working hard at making the last minute changes to the script…"

- + - + -

Deep beneath the Imperial Theatre sat a man chained to a desk, writing feverishly. Behind him stood Sub-commander Ayame, tapping a riding crop against her thigh. "Are you almost done with the script yet? We'll need it in a few minutes."

- + - + -

Commander Yoneda shook his head. "Well, I suppose we could add the real story to the beginning of the program. Anyways, if some of you will excuse the descriptions, I can continue with the casting. Playing the role of… er… Sagara Sanosuke is Maria Tachibana. Mano Yohko shall perform the role of Hajime Saito. And the turncoat Shinomori Aoshi will be played by Jino Ranma." Yoneda paused. "He was a turncoat, wasn't he?"

Kenji, Tendo Kasumi, and Ranma all nodded tentatively.

"Next up will be the Aoi-ya players. Kamiya Kaoru will be played by Tendo Kasumi… was she a relative of yours, Kamiya-san?"

"Hai. Himura Kenshin and Kamiya Kaoru were my great-great-great-grandparents."

"Huh. Small world. Anyways, playing the role of Makimachi Misao will be Takamura Tsubaki. Iris Chateaubriand will play the role of Myoujin Yahiko. Aino Minako will be performing the role of Sawagejou Chou. Kariwa Henya will be played by Sakakibara Yuri, and the role of Honjo Kamatari will be performed by Kanzaki Sumire, which means Tendo Akane will be our Komagata Yumi."

Sumire angrily stood, shouting, "WHAT?"

"You heard me, Sumire. Now sit down."

"Commander Yoneda?" The voice of Kayama Yuichi, captain of the Moon Division, whispered from the receiver Yoneda kept in his ear. "The Timeless Monk is back, and he's figured out who our two undead were. And there's other news as well. You are not going to like this..."

Akane, meanwhile, was in a daze. "I get to play one of the most beautiful women in theatre?"

Her euphoria was shattered when Ranma whispered to her sister, "Wasn't Komagata Yumi a prostitute?"

- + - + -

"I have never seen anything so brutal in my entire life," Maria declared. "And I was with the mob for a year."

"I don't think the human body was meant to bend that way," Kohran murmured.

"Now that's just not right," Yohko observed, worriedly.

"What are you guys watching?" Ranma asked, as he walked into theatre's main recreation room.

"American wrestling," Minako answered, looking over her shoulder at her cousin.

"And yes, we know it's fake," Maria said.

"It's just an excuse to watch muscular, half-naked men grapple in a vaguely homo-erotic manner." Minako quipped. The other three women threw popcorn at the blonde girl.

"O… kay," Ranma said uncertainly, backing out of the room.

"The women of wrestling are up next," Kohran said. "Popcorn?" she asked, as Ranma leapt over the back of the sofa to land between Kohran and Minako.

- + - + -

"Sorry for the delay, Ladies and Gentlemen." Yoneda said as he returned to the room, Kayama, Fujieda Ayame, Lord Anji, and Cologne accompanying him. "Given the circumstances, we decided not to do 'The Tragedy of Makoto and Yumi.'"

"So what play are we doing?" Kanna asked.

"We still haven't decided yet, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. However, we still need to brief everyone about what we've discovered about yesterday's attacks. We wanted to wait until after the first reading, but this can't wait any longer."

"Those of you new to the theatre may be unaware of this, but the Imperial Theatre isn't just a Takarazuka troupe. We're also a military unit, directly under the Emperor himself, that defends this city against supernatural forces of evil, especially the spirit beasts. Jino Ranma, Tendo Akane, and Aino Minako were all chosen not only for their acting abilities, but their own supernatural powers, and their connections to others with similar ability. And yes, Aino-san, we're aware of your friends' abilities."

"Um... should I ask them to come here?"

"You haven't seen the news today, have you?"

"No, why?"

- + - + -

"Ew! I think I got some in my mouth that time!"

"Then keep your big mouth closed, odango-atama!"

"Mars! You promised you wouldn't call me that anymore!"

"Then stop acting like one!"

Sailor Jupiter looked over her friend's shoulder at the miniature computer in the girl's hand. "I wish those two would just sleep together and get it over with," she whispered to Sailor Mercury.

The blue-haired girl stifled a giggle. "I don't think Moon swings that way," she whispered back. "I think we've found another slime monster!" She called out to the two girls sticking their tongues out at each other.

"Oh, come on! We've killed ten already today! Why can't the self-defense force take care of these things? It's not like these things are dangerous to people. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I got slime all over me!"

"Because only magic can hurt them, remember?"

"And all it would take is one of these things to eat through the foundation of a skyscraper, and a lot of people would be hurt," Sailor Mercury gently reminded her oldest friend.

"I wonder if the Outers are having better luck?"

- + - + -

"Run!"

"Dammit, Pluto! I thought those things were supposed to be small and harmless!" Sailor Uranus said as she ran at the front, carrying Sailor Saturn over her shoulder.

"I thought so too!"

"Then what the hell do you call that?"

"It may not be small, but I don't think it's actually dangerous, Anata," Sailor Neptune said, bringing up the rear. "I think it's just overly affectionate."

"Affectionate my ass! The only one I want touching me there is you! That thing's way too similar to monsters from certain doujinshi!"

"You mean those weird doujinshi you keep in your sock drawer?"

Uranus and Neptune shared a look.

"Saturn-chan... you're not supposed to know about those."

- + - + -

"At any rate, with the talent we have here right now, we should be fine. With the help of the Timeless Monk, and Cologne-san, we've managed to identify the trio that attacked you at the fair yesterday."

"You have?"

"Yes, and I'm sure you will all recognize the first two names. Ranma-san, the spearman you faced yesterday was Uonuma Usui. Sakura-san, your opponent was Honjo Kamatari."

As the assembled women muttered and groaned in disbelief, Anji shook his head. "I must've been half asleep last night. I should've recognized them instantly."

"That's not why we're doing the play?" Maria asked.

"Not entirely," Yoneda admitted. "After what I had learned before, I was considering doing another play anyways. Knowing that two people from the play had returned as ghouls, and perhaps Shishio Makoto and the rest of his 'Ten Swords' as well, made up my mind for me."

Ranma raised his hand. "What about the demon?"

"Ah, yes... the demon," Cologne said thoughtfully. "A most dangerous creature, which has the power to paralyze women with but a glance. That one's who has been a thorn in the side of the Amazons for generations, named after the fearsome weapon he wields."

Ranma blinked. "He's called 'Giant Wooden Mallet'? That's a bit of a mouthful, don't you think?"

"No, my boy," Cologne said. "His weapon is called a maul, and from that he takes his name. A most terrifying demon, born of the pain of young men who had been falsely assaulted by overly aggressive, perversion obsessed tomboys."

- + - + -

Jindai High-school:

"Excuse me!" Chidori Kaname said, rubbing her nose.

Mikihara Rin looked at her fellow student council member in concern. "Oh, my! You're not getting a cold on the first day of summer vacation, are you Chidori-san?"

"I hope not. It's bad enough that I have to lose part of my summer planning the festival again this year. Having a cold on top keeping a leash on Sousuke would be too much."

- + - + -

Higarushi Shrine:

"Kagomi-chan, I hope you didn't pick up something the past."

"I'm fine Mom," Higarushi Kagomi said as she took off her shoes. "Just a little dust from the Well."

- + - + -

Hinata Hotsprings:

Urashima Keitaro had just opened the front door when a mysterious gust of wind coming out the door sent him flying.

- + - + -

Tomobiki:

Miyake Shinobu nervously glanced at the people watching her in anticipation.

"Hey, don't look at me! Ataru always deserved it!"

As one, the crowd blinked and went back to what they were doing.

- + - + -

"Um... why is everyone looking at me like that?" Akane asked uncertainly.

The silence was broken by a soft voice saying, "Oh, so it's all Akane's fault."

"RANMA!" Akane growled, standing up.

"Hey! I didn't say anything!" As Akane's attention went elsewhere, Ranma leaned over to his cousin Minako, and whispered, "I didn't say that out loud, did I?" The girl shook her head.

"KENJI!"

"I didn't say anything either."

Akane glared around the room, until a blushing face caught her eye.

"My own sister?"

"Sorry Akane, it just slipped out."

Yoneda's polite cough calmed the girl down. "If we may continue?"

"Sorry."

"Unfortunately, Maul managed to escape and is still at large. In addition, it seems Usui wasn't slain during your fight Ranma. His body is missing, and we think we found the bodies of the two men assigned to clean up the body."

"You think?"

"What little remains we could find look like wild animals ate them, and their heads are still missing..."

"Ew..."

"And to make matters worse, we think we have a major succubus and incubus infestation in Kyoto."

Yohko started. "Are you sure?"

"Several had been spotted around town already, but the Tsukigumi report that every single one they were following suddenly vanished. At the same time. It's been mostly streetwalkers so far, but we think have reason to believe they were in the schools as well."

"What?"

"Teen pregnancy rates dropped by 90% three years ago."

Yohko gaped in surprise. "But that makes no sense! They always inflame sexual desire. If they're in the schools, teen pregnancy rates should skyrocket... unless they're being managed. By someone who's very familiar with human sexuality... like a first class prostitute or madam like..."

"Komagata Yumi," Anji said. "And she was never far from Shishio Makoto."

"Loyal?"

"She died happy because Shishio stabbed her through the heart to wound an opponent in a duel," Kamiya Kenji said in disgust. "She was actually happy she could 'be of help.'"

Commander Yoneda looked around the table. "It looks like this is who we'll be facing. If any of you girls want to go back home, you're free to do so. This wasn't what you came here for."

"I'm staying," Minako said.

"So am I," Ranma confirmed.

Akane added, "I'm a martial artist too!"

Kasumi and Kenji shared a look. "We're not going anywhere," they said together. "Though I'm not sure what I can do to help," Kasumi added.

"Thank you all. Now, we still need to decide on a play to put on."

"There's one play I always wanted to do," Maria volunteered.

"What is it?"

- + - + -

Early the next morning, three rather unusual figures joined the group of fans waiting outside the Imperial Theatre.

"Hey, Boss? Why do we always have to come here first thing in the morning?" One very large man in a cheap suit asked, an evil looking scar running down the side of his face.

"Because they always starting putting up the main poster first thing in the morning," The smaller man in a very expensive suit said, smiling in anticipation. "And today may be the day we see what the angels of the Imperial Theatre are playing next! I can't wait to see their new electronic billboard in action!"

"Ain't that a lady from the Theatre?" The other thug asked.

"Yeah, today must be the day!"

Grinning like a four year old, the mob boss waited along with everyone else for the new billboard to come to life.

A few second later, a giant picture of Kanzaki Sumire graced the billboard, dressed like a street punk from the 1950's in jeans and a leather jacket. Across the electronic poster were the words:

Kanzaki Sumire

is

Orin Scrivello, DDS!

(also staring Shinguji Sakura and Tendo Akane)

As one, the crowd turned to each other and asked, "Who?"

The head of Kyoto's Yakuza asked the other question everyone was thinking, "The play's about dentistry?"

- + - + -

With a sigh, Fuuji Kasumi pressed the button on her walkie talkie. "Manager Yoneda?"

"Yes, Fuuji-san?"

"I'm afraid Sumire-san managed to hack into the computer for the billboard."

"What? Already? How'd she get a poster made that fast? Our graphic artists worked through the night for the one we did. Well... give me a minute..."

- + - + -

The crowd grew restless when the billboard turned off. Nether the less, they waited patiently for the correct poster to go up.

After all, most of the remembered the fiasco with the poster for Cinderella last year.

A few minutes later, their patience was rewarded.

Unlike the static poster before, this one was animated.

The first thing on the screen, on the left side, was a rather ugly looking plant, in a broken clay flowerpot. Then a picture of Shinguji Sakura wearing taped glasses and ill fitting male clothing, her arms around an unfamiliar short-haired girl, appeared on the right.

Following a flash of lightning, the following words appeared in the open space in between:

Shinguji Sakura and Tendo Akane

starring in

Little Shop of Horrors

After a minute, the words began to scroll up.

also starring

Jino Ranma as Crystal

Aino Minako as Ronette

Tendo Kasumi as Chiffon

featuring the talents of:

Mano Yohko

Kamiya Kenji

Fuuji Kasumi

Sakakibara Yumi

Kanzai Azusa

Kirishima Kanna

Maria Tachibana

Iris Chateaubriand

Li Kohran

with special appearances by:

Maria Tachibana as Mr. Mushnik

Kanzaki Sumire as Orin Scrivello, DDS

special effects by:

Li Kohran

Iris Chateaubriand

and starring the voice of

Kirishima Kanna as Audrey II

- + - + -

Next Chapter Preview:

"Hey there, Chidori Kaname..."

"And Sagara Sousuke..."

"... here, to give you the lowdown of the next chapter!"

"That's right. Next time on Rurouni Ranma, the forces of..."

"No, Sousuke! No! No! No! I'm not going to let you get away with some weird military thing again! My cousin has never been in a play that hasn't degenerated into some martial arts competition. I'm not going to let you turn her play into some kind of surreal war zone!"

"But, Chidori..."

"Give me that! Ahem. 'Next time on Rurouni Ranma, it's opening night, and the forces of radical extremism attack the Imperial Theatre?' Dammit Sousuke! Why can't anything ever be normal around you?"

"Chi-do-ri! You-re cho-king-me!"

"Sorry!"

"Anyways, stay tuned for 'Attack of the Elves!' The next surreal chapter of Rurouni Ranma!"

"Wait a second... 'Elves?'"

- + - + -

Epilogue:

One week later, on the highway to Tokyo...

"Man, that was one great race," the man driving the van said.

"Wasn't it marvelous, Keiichi?" The woman in the front seat sighed. "I loved Kyoto! The temples were so beautiful, and the city was so peaceful and quiet. We have to go back there some day!"

"Definitely. I don't know about you, Belldandy, but I half expected something weird, or dangerous, to happen. It was such a relief to have a normal trip for a change.'

"Why'd you have to ground me, oneesama?" The girl in the back of the van whined, much to the exasperation of the other three passengers. "I wanted to see Kyoto too. I didn't even get to see the race!"

- + - + -

Author's Notes: Yes, the brief appearance of the cast of Aa Megami-sama was completely gratuitous. The cast of the Kyoto Arc has ballooned enough as it is. So my thanks to Skuld for "volunteering" to test one of Kohran's inventions, rather than Ranma. Yes, setting up Tamiya as Kanna's mysterious "tech-head" boyfriend from Tokyo was a bit of a reach to set up a joke, but I couldn't resist the temptation.

In addition, I really wish it had occurred to me to do Little Shop of Horrors when I wrote the first, non-Shishio, draft of the Kyoto arc. I'd intended Akane to grow up a little during this arc of Rurouni Ranma, and having her portraying a victim of domestic abuse should be the kick in the butt needed to do it.

And now, it's time to prepare for National Writer's Month, and the next (and hopefully last) installment of Spoiled Brats. After a year, I'm already a little fuzzy about some of the details of Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, so I'm going to have to watch it again... ^_^