Barefoot and Controlled

Characters: Lisa and Steven

Rating: R

Disclaimer: You know what the deal is by now. I don't even have to tell you anymore.

Summary: Lisa Marie Varon has been in an abusive marriage for the last two and a half years. This is her story.

Author's note: This time, I'm making this story into a three-shot, each with a sad ending. Also, this is told from a 1st person point-of-view.

"You're nothing but a no-good cheating bitch, Lisa," my husband Steven said when he came home, drunk as usual.

I had heard him say that over a million times, but now, I didn't care anymore. Ever since he lost his job almost six months ago due to a budget crisis, Steven had been taking his anger and frustration out on me.

"Did you hear what I said, Lisa?" Steven asked, his voice slurred.

I rose from my couch and walked away, ignoring him. I was in no mood to hear his verbal insults anymore. I walked upstairs to my separate bedroom that I moved into not too long ago and closed the door. With tears falling from my eyes, I climbed in my bed and buried my face against my pillow. I needed to find a way to get away from my husband once and for all.

Steven Richards came into my life almost seven years ago when I finally got away from my mother and my stepfather, who abused me and forced me to have sex with him whenever she was not home. Eventually, after a few months of being tortured by my stepfather, I ended up pregnant out of wedlock. So, I had no choice but to leave home and have the baby alone.

But, up until I was about to give birth, my stepfather managed to find me. He informed me that my mother left him after years of abuse and he blamed me for it. When he learned that I was carrying his child, my stepfather went hysterical and attacked me from left to right, causing me to lose my unborn baby that I did want in my life.

My stepfather is currently serving a life term in prison for the harm he inflicted on me. As for my mother, she moved to another state and I never heard from her again. Deep down inside, I was hoping we could mend the broken fences that came in between us, especially now that my stepfather is out of our lives.

My mother declared that she didn't wanna have anything to do with me anymore because of what had happened.

Then, I met Steven Richards.

He came into my life like a breath of fresh air. In the beginning, he was charming and romantic who lavished me with a lot of love and affection, always showing me off to his friends. Eventually, after one year of dating, Steven and I were married.

The first year of our marriage were wonderful, to say the least. Steven had a good paying job so he convinced me to quit my job and stay at home. We were very loving and very affectionate to one another. We shared our dreams on starting a family of our own in the near future. Every night, we would make mad, passionate love like our lives depended on it. I was so happy to be with Steven.

Then, the accusations about me cheating started. Steven always accused me of having an affair with someone else. Since I'm always at home, my husband assumed I had men coming in and out of the house daily.

"You're a slut, Lisa," he'd always say.

"Stevie, if I'm such a slut, you should've never married me in the first place," I replied with some dignity.

He slapped me silly for talking back to him.

Because I knew what kind of father Steven was gonna turn out to be, I went and had my tubes tied. Later, I explained that a car accident crushed my uterus and damaged my labia, so I was unable to conceive. Steven was crushed and distraught that we can't start a family of our own. So, he began coming home later than usual.

Even after all that, Steven still accused me of cheating on him. He calls me vile names and hits me from time to time if I talk back to him.

One night, he came home, drunk and loud as usual. I was sitting on the sofa, watching televison, so I didn't pay attention to him.

"You're nothing but a whore. You're cheating on me and you ruined my life," Steven said, his voice slurred.

"Then divorce me if I'm cheating on you, Stevie. I didn't force you to marry you nor bribe you," I replied as I stood up.

He lunged forward and grabbed me by my hair. "I'm not goin' anywhere and neither will you, Lisa. We love each other, remember?"

"I doubt I still love you," I said with tears falling from my eyes.

Steven grew upset and pushed me down on the sofa. Then, he pounced on me and with his fist, began striking me viciously. I screamed and screamed for mercy, trying to block his blows with my arms.

The next time I woke up, I was in my bed. Steven must've put me there after he got tired beating me up. Slowly, I climbed out of bed and walked to the mirror. There, I was horrified at the scars and bruises on my face. I couldn't believe my husband did this to me. Because of Steven, I'd lost my love and respect for him.

Since then, whenever Steven tries to lay a hand on me violently, I would have a knife in my hand to keep him away from me. My husband was pissed off that I now had more strength and more determination within me.

While all this time, the company Steven worked for went downhill, causing 150 employees to lose their jobs all together. My husband went hysterical when he learned he got laid off and started drinking more and more. Despite his accusations and his violent abuse, I was extremely worried about Steven. He couldn't get a recommendation for another job because where he worked was privately owned.

Against Steven's will, I ended up getting my old job back a couple of weeks later. Within a year, I was promoted to head supervisor, causing me to stay overtime. Steven kept on accusing me of cheating on him, but, this time, I would walk away from my husband and flat out ignore him.

Eventually, I grew tired of sleeping next to him, so I moved to a separate bedroom down the hall. Steven grew hostile of what I done and started attacking me again. That time, I was prepared for his barbaric assault, so I pulled out my knife and stabbed him in his left arm. He screamed in agony and released me, then he hovered over to a nearby corner and, with his hand, Steven covered his wound.

"Lisa, what the hell were you thinking? Are you gonna kill me?" Steven scorned, his hand covered in blood.

"You-you attacked me," I stammered.

He glared at me. "That doesn't mean you had to stab me with that knife! How could you do this to me?"

"I can't believe you're saying this, Stevie! After all you had done to me, after all you had said to me, I'm doing you wrong? I should be saying those things, not you!" I exclaimed.

"What are you saying, Lisa? Are you leaving me?" he asked, his voice cracking.

I headed for my room without looking at my husband. "It's a possibility, Stevie."

The last six months of our marriage proved to be the most difficult time of my life. Steven was more vindictive than ever; always demanding where I was, always accusing me of cheating and always coming home drunk and loud. I made my best effort to stay as far away from him as much as possible. I had my bedroom door double bolted with locks and even had the police's number on speed dial just in case something happens.

Now, as I lay in my bed, crying my eyes out, I realize now that I can't love my husband anymore. My heart was breaking in two places and my ego was bruised like I had a swollen nub. How can Steven be so sweet and caring one minute and then be mean and abusive another minute?

Suddenly, my husband barged in without warning, knocking the door down viciously. I bolted from my bed immediately, causing the tears to fall from my eyes.

"What's with you ignoring me, Lisa? I'm not man enough for you anymore?" Steven scorned.

"Leave me alone, okay? I don't care what you say or what you do anymore, so just leave me alone!" I exclaimed in frustration.

My husband lunged forward and grabbed my by my arms. I looked in his eyes and I saw a man ready to kill!

"You listen to me very carefully, you cold, heartless bitch! I'm not gonna let you destroy my life again like you did when we got married. The only reason why I stayed with you is because I loved you." Steven had his grip on me even harder.

"You don't love me. You never did. The only reason why you married me so that you can have sex with me and then hurt me. I can't have a child with you because I know what kind of father you'll turn out to be!" I explained with fear lurking in me.

Steven grew hostile and threw me down on the bed, striking me with his fist. I tried to block his blows with my arms but he was too strong for me. Finally, I managed to get him off of me and ran out of the room as fast as my feet would let me go.

Crying hysterically, I went into the kitchen and grabbed my gun I had hidden in the pantry not too long ago. I checked for bullets and the alarm so that when my husband tries to attack me again, I can automatically pull the trigger.

Quite frankly, I was prepared for anything Steven can throw at me.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, Steven stumbled in the kitchen, his face fumed and he had a knife in his hand. Immediately, I pointed the gun directly at my husband and looked directly in his eyes.

"Put the gun down, Lisa!" Steven yelled as he approached me with the knife.

I didn't budge. "Stay back or I'll fire. Plus, I'm registered. So, if I shoot you, the police will automatically believe it was self-defense. So, I'm not going to jail, but you will if you don't leave me alone!"

"Give me the gun, woman! You don't know what you're doing! Just give me the gun and nobody will get hurt," Steven demanded.

Tears fell from my eyes. " I don't believe you. Why don't you just do me a favor and give me a divorce? I need to move on and so do you."

That sent him over the edge. Steven grabbed the gun and tried to take it from me. I struggled to keep it away and we ended up fighting over my gun.

The next thing I knew, shots rang out and Steven pulled away from me. Slowly, I looked down and saw blood spattered all over me. Down I went like a ton of bricks and had a harsh realization: my very own husband had every intention of killing me!

Luckily, the judge and the jury realized the same thing a few weeks later in court. Steven was sentenced to 18 years in prison with eligibility for parole in 10 years.

I divorced Steven while he was in prison and moved away from the neighborhood, trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. Until I can learn to love and trust myself, I'm gonna try my best to distance myself from men altogether...

To be continued...

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