Disclaimer: I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

Summary: Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

Warnings: OOCness, children oh horror of horrors, spelling and grammar errors, CUSSING,hints of shounen-ai later on, some Spoilers for XII Order members...

A/N: Zooooo my gosh...I have run out of ideas for Nobody at the moment (chapter 6 is like 1/3 done) and this little ficcy popped into my mind. Anywho, I just wanted to put the older men of the XIII Order in an odd situation. Just a random doodad that I'm writing for fun. Thank you Wikipedia. XD

Review if you like, don't if you don't. Enjoy.

- the critical blow

Bairn

By: the critical blow

Chapter 1: It was an accident?

Vexen was sitting at his desk in the Order's underground base in Twilight Town. He actually liked this place unlike Castle Oblivion. Though his lab here was no where near as large as the ones he had in Hollow Bastion or Deep Dive it was much more relaxing here. Being in Deep Dive reminded him of what he was and Hollow Bastion brought back unpleasant feelings though he wasn't quite sure why. Twilight Town made him feel at ease, probably because it was the city trapped between night and day, light and dark.

The city of Dusk...

Today had been relatively peaceful with most of the thorns in his side off on mission. Roxas and Axel had been sent to scout out Agrabah to better assess the situation there and determin if it was the right time to capture the Princess of Heart there or not. Demyx had been sent to investigate the Underworld and see if there was anything of interest there. Xaldin was off at 'Beast's Castle' as Luxord had called it. Larxene was... Actually h had no idea where she had warped off to after breakfast but he honestly didn't care so long as she left him and his test tubes alone. And Marluxia... He was somewhere around but just as with Larxene so long as he left him be he was happy.

He sighed softly and leaned back in his chair intent to take his long awaited, not to mention well deserved, nap when he felt it. That sudden calm before the start of the storm...

He cringed slightly feaing it might be Axel, Roxas, or Demyx practicing 'bouncing'. He should have never let them read that book. Even if it had gotten them out of his hair for a couple of days when they came back from their 100 acre wood adventure they'd taken it upon themselves to continue trying to bounce and decided to try and teach Vexen as well... And they still hadn't given it up yet. But instead of getting jumped from behind he heard wild cackling, some yelling and cursing, and much to his surprise...

An explosion.

He swallowed a groan and got up. If he didn't put a stop to the source of all the noise the Superior would. And after he did, he would get after Vexen for not putting a stop to it earlier. And then he'd never get to take his nap. Grumbling to himself about how he was going to kill who ever was causing all the racket he phased out of existance to investigate.

----

The day had started out normal enough for Xigbar. He and Luxord had breakfast together in the commons room and played a game of Poker which Xigbar had lost, he swore Luxord was cheating as there was no way he could be so bad at a card game, and fended off the younger immature members of the Order away with threats of bullet wounds and very nasty paper cuts. The threats did no good and they'd had to tolerate Demyx's ramblings as well as Axel and Roxas' little inside jokes.

It was annoying as hell but luckily he was saved when the Superior had warped in, grabbed a muffin, and gave the kiddies something to keep them occupied. He and Luxord had continued playing Poker with Xigbar intent to win a game. Now here it was, 12 games later, and he still hadn't won a single game and owed Luxord 900 munny. Xigbar ran both hands through his grey streaked black hair and let out and angry growl. Luxord simply smiled and shuffled the cards.

"Another game?" He asked with a painfully kind smile that made Xigbar scowl.

"No." He said grumpily, crossing his arms over hhis chest, and pouting. Luxord raised a brow.

"What? Why not?" He asked.

"Caues you cheat!" Xigbar snapped. Luxord blinked innocently and put a hand to his chest.

"Cheat? Me? I would never!" He said. Xigbar opened his mouth to say something but before he could speak Zexion happened to warp into the room.

"I wouldn't put it past you... But Xigbar, did it ever occur to you that you just might suck at cards?" The younger order memeber asked. Xigbar shot him a glare. He honestly didn't like him. Worthless shadow. He couldn't fight, he couldn't do much of anything other than identify things by scent. Oh and screw wih peoples minds. Which Xigbar assumed he was trying to do now. So he didn't respond and tried to ignore him. Maybe he'd go away.

"Good one Zex!" A young idiotic voice laughed in the background. Oh great. The brat was back. Demyx strolled into the commons room grinning, a candy bar in hand, and munched at it in oblivious bliss.

"I thought you were supposed to be in the Underworld." Zexion murmured. Demyx took another bite of the candy bar, chocolate smearing around his lips.

"I was. But I came back cause Hades was out. Said he had to go take his dog to the vet. Oh, the others are back too." Demyx replied as he messily munched away.

"How can you eat that junk? Don't you know it's bad for you and your teeth?" Luxord asked him a look of repulsion on his face. Zexion and Xigbar mirrored it.

"But it's soooo yummy! How can you not like chocolate you guys?" Demyx whined as he took another bite.

"Because of all the things Luxord just said... And it's not 'yummy'. It's disgusting." Xigbar grumbled.

"You're only saying that cause you can't handle it. I forgot old people aren't supposed to eat candy." Demyx said and shrugged.

"Shut your yap! How dare you call me that!" Xigbar jumped to his feet enraged at being called an old man. That was it. He was tired of having to put up with the insolent young pups! He would make them learn to respsect them. He lunged at Demyx in blind rage intent to beat his face in as his instincts instructed him to. He mentally recited the words of a random spell, one that he couldn't remember what it did, but recited it anyway. Demyx cackled just amused to see the elder Order memeber so angry.

"Xigbar, knock it off!" Zexion snapped stepping between him and Demyx. Luxord took a step back not wanting to get involved. Axel and Roxas walked into the room prattling on about what they'd done earlier. Larxene warped into the room followed by Marluxia who was carrying some grocery bags. They regarded the scene from where they stood near the doorway behind the whole group. Xigbar's hand glowed and errie white color.

"Aww shit..."

"You idiots!" Larxene snapped in agitation.

"What the hell is going-" Marluxia never got to finish his question as there was a blinding white flash of light and then an earth rattling explosion. And then there was no more...

----

Vexen sighed as he appeared in the commons room. Everything was a mess... again. He scanned the room hoping to find the source of the problem quickly. Xigbar was lying passed out on the floor, Luxord not that far behind him... and the rest he couldn't see. It was all covered in a dense fog/smoke. He glared at the two, they had finally taken their little Poker games too far. Yelling and grumbling over lost cash was fine or gloating, etc... But blowing up the commons room? Really...

He thought them more mature then that.

He knelt down and poked Xigbar's prone form until finally the man stirred. The scared man blinked his good eye and looked up to see a scowling Vexen. He smiled and laughed nervously.

"Uh... Hey." He said.

"What happened here?" Vexen asked as he began to straighten up the room despite the fog. It looked like he'd have to take that nap a little later. Luxord groaned and stood shakily.

"Demyx and Zexion got on Xigbar's nerves... Ow. My head is killing me..." The gamlber muttered. Vexen nodded understanding imediately. Speaking of the two... where were they? And thats when he felt it. The small hand gripping his cloak shakily. The first thought that came to mind was a heartless and he summoned his shield preparing to strike it but whatever it was saw the menacing weapon, yelped and let go instantly before scuttling away from him. Vexen blinked as the fog lifted and stared at it only to have his jaw drop.

A small child with unkempt light brown hair was currently huddling behind Axel, who seemed to have come in unannounced and unnoticed as usual.

"Ni-san!" The boy cried and hugged Axel's leg. How had a child gotten in here? Wait a minute... He looked sort of familiar.

A wail emited from behind him and Vexen turned around to see as a small boy with silvery blue hair was poked by a girl with blonde hair and an even younger boy with sandy blonde hair watched in amusement. And then there was the boy before him... the one with dirty blonde hair and curious blue eyes that begged Vexen to hold him. Vexen simply watched it all before it finally everything seemed to click into place. And then his eye twitched. He glared at Xigbar.

"It was an accident?" He chuckled nervously.

----

A/N: THE END.

Just kidding. Retarded idea and extremely bad way to end the chapter, I know... but tell me what you think. Oh, Bairn means child, son or daughter, etc. You get the idea. I'll try to get chapter 2 up soon... --;