Hi, this is my first story on FanFic, it is All Things Bright and Beautiful.

This title has nothing to do with the hymn and I admit it is a bit of a funny title for a comedy.

That is all, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it

"All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All the muffins good and whole,

The lord, god made them all…"

Its hard and stressful being the world champions, well no it isn't its easy but it makes Tysons excuse for not knowing 2+2 possible.

Its summer time and the bummer boys were out front in the yard playing hit the piñata, really it was Kenny blind and weak like a hamster from working all night on their blades tied up on a piece of string with Tysons sock stuff in his gob.

"Hart thou ye smelly git and feel the wrath of my baseball!" Tyson cried to Max, hitting Kenny from the derrière trying to get to Max.

"Did art thou just hit my slave round the backside with a extremely large bat?" Max asked holding up his cricket bat "Ye shall pay the price!"

Kenny swung round helplessly on the thin string whimpering.

"Please, just let me go I need to finish your blades!" he pleaded

"Ah, that's what you want us to think!" Tyson hit Kenny in the gut with the bat.

"When really your working for the wicked witch of the west!" Max poked Kenny in the head.

"Wicked witch of the west?" Kenny whispered to himself confused.

"Kai!" they both hissed.

"I know nothing of the sort about that Russian psycho!" Kenny squealed.

"Enough…hes ready to talk"

Tyson and Max swung their bats at the thin rope, Kenny falling on his head and staring up at the figure against the sun.

Ray dropped off the roof carrying Kennys Hopper and launching it cms away from Kennys face.

"Spin, spin as fast as you can I'll fix you up I'm the chief man!"

Kenny shuddered "You're a monster!"

"I'm not the monster here, you are!" Ray paced round "You and those beyblade geeks, poisoning my perfect world"

"Bite me!" Kenny spat weakly at Rays foot.

"I've tried to be patient with your sort…now tell me or- Ray lifted Kennys glasses of his head.

"Not the glasses" Kenny wailed "Not the specsavers glasses!"

"Talk!" Ray commanded

Kenny sighed "Alright, I'll tell you…do you know the muffin man?"

Max and Tyson lifted their eyebrows up at the attempt to squeal by Kenny whilst Ray looked round.

"Tyson…yeah, I know Tyson" he looked back at Kenny.

"No" Kenny shook his head "The OTHER muffin man"

"The Asda Mascot on cherry lane?" Ray asked

"Well hes in with the muffin man"

"The muffin man?"

"THE MUFFIN MAN!"

Ray stroked his chin "Hes in with the muffin man" he strolled round for a bit.

"My lord we've found it!" Grandpa appeared

"What are you waiting for-bring it here!" Ray motioned for it to be brought to him.

Grandpa scuttled back carefully carrying a chocolate muffin.

"That's enough peasant…be gone" Ray dismissed Grandpa who bowed at ran away.

"This is it" Ray said excitedly hovering his finger around its chocolate topping.

"A muffin?" Tyson said confused, Max slapped him round the head.

"Dope, this isn't any muffin, this is THE muffin" Max scowled "Now be quiet until master Ray requires anything"

Ray inspected the muffin carefully, Tyson and Max watching closely as minutes passed then Ray clicked his fingers making both heads turn.

"Fetch the old man"

Tyson corrected "You mean Grandpa"

"NEVER call him that" Ray scowled angrily

"…why?" Tyson asked confused

"Its like calling the WWOTW its proper name"

Tyson paused dumbly "Whats that then?"

"Kai!"

Both lads at Rays side hissed.

"Now go fetch the crippled" Ray barked as Tyson scuttled off soon returning with the strange old man they once called 'Grandpa'.

"What does thou wish from me this time 'o' great one" the old man bowed at the black haired youth.

"I desire a glass of milk and a saucer of double cream with one of those party umbrellas at the side, got it?" Ray yawned sleepily "Also I think I'll take a nap, think of the plan while I'm away"

"You didn't tell us the plan" Tyson said receiving a slap round the head from Max.

"Never question the great Tiger, Ray" he said "Yes we'll think of the plan"

Minutes later the old one hobbled into the room where Ray lay rest, presenting in his arms a cup and saucer.

Now sooner did the crippled run out did the cup and saucer get throw at his head, spilling the contents over his grey head.

"I said double not single!"

Wyatt and Kai sat in the air vent inside their school, looking down on the girls showers.

"So, what do we plan to do tonight Kai?" Wyatt asked

"What we always do…plan to take over the school cafeteria!" Kai raised his head and smacked it on the metal.

"And…just how does the girls showers help us to achieve this goal?" Wyatt looked at his psycho Russian friend.

"It…erm, relaxes the mind making it easier to think of plots and schemes" Kai continued to stare down the grate.

"Yes but wouldn't chess be better-

"Shut up Stacey Ruston's just got in the shower"

"What? Where?" Wyatt and Kai stuck their noses to the grate, peering down on the victim, who wasn't aware two perverts were watching her…

"Right"

Max lay down on the porch whilst Tyson sat in the dirt watching Max draw lines over a piece of A4 paper.

"Heres the plan" Max said drawing his finger over the lines "We wait for…him to get home tonight and then while his asleep we grab the muffin he keeps hidden from us, tie him down and leave him there all day"

"Right, so that's it, that's your plan?" Tyson stared at the squiggles on the piece of paper.

"That's pretty much it, yeah" Max nodded

Tyson paused, staring at his slightly nutty friend "Well I like it so…how do we get Kai asleep before us?"

Max nodded, as if coming up with a plan "We wait for him to get home tonight-

"Drugs!"

Max and Tyson turned round to see their beloved master, Ray was awake.

"Pardon lord?" Max said

"We'll drug that little sucker and when hes asleep I'll rape him-steal the muffin of him, of course" he coughed "The muffin"

"How long till 'he' returns?" Max asked his superior.

"Hes comes home from his 'little place' at 15.45…its now- Ray began

"Its 14.10" the old man called from the house.

"Get back to making me that tuna old man!" Ray barked at the old man.

Ray went down to the porch where Max lay, kicking him up the bum, making him squeal like a PIGGY! (sorry) and took his place.

"Pamper me" Ray smiled, pushing his nails in front of Tyson.

"The lessons finished, and I except you to read pages 4 to 16 on human reproduction"

"All I need to know miss is it goes in and comes out" Kai called as he left the class, the remaining behind sniggering.

"Any idea what you're doing now?" Wyatt asked Kai, joining with him.

"Yes…" Kai lead Wyatt down a corridor leading towards the school cafeteria "Taking over the diner hall"

The gang eagerly awaited Kais return, but now he was 20 minutes late and they were worried that the WWOTW had done more than talk to the ASDA mascot.

Meanwhile in the living room the old decaying one was watching the news when a special bulletin came on…

"Guys come in and watch this!" Grandpa dashed out, Ray put up a feminine hand up in front of him.

"Eww, talk when spoken to old man, in the middle of a plan here and the bait hasn't arrived"

"Yeah but-

"No, go away old man"

Grandpa sulked and stalked away…

"Don't come any closer, I'm mad enough to do it!"

"Don't hes crazy!"

Kai and Wyatt stood on top of the school, to which they had claimed their own, Kai holding a protractor to his head and Wyatt had an eraser in his hand, throwing it at the camera mans that had now appeared.

"Get away you pot smoking hippies!" Kai shouted "I'm a Russian…I'm crazy!"

"Ow geez a Russian" the reporters grumbled.

"Nothing wrong with being a Russian!" the demented one shouted down.

Wyatt disappeared down into the school leaving Kai to stare down, threatening himself with the wooden spoon from the cooking department.

"Kai!"

All the people turned round as a young, tall blonde woman came striding threw the crowd wearing a long red coat with black heels, her hair in a bun with bright red lipstick.

"Mrs. Jenson" Kai gasped, dropping the spoon.

"Kai, don't do it!" she cried "It's just…not worth it"

Kai gritted his teeth and picked up an eraser that had been stored in his pants and threw it cracking Mrs. Jenson on the head.

"Kai!" she shrieked "I love you!"

"Mrs. Jenson…it just won't work you're my geography teacher and…I'm our student, you're married and I'm…me" Kai said sorrowfully "Opening your legs again won't help me with weather erosion"

Mrs. Jenson cried, being lead by a policeman.

"Mrs. Jenson!" Kai called, dashing off the roof and falling to his muffinless doom when Wyatt came through picking Kai by the leg making him crash straight into the brick wall.

"My god…I can see pussy!" he cried

"What?" Wyat said looking down at Kai "Did you hit your head?"

"No!" Kai shouted "I really can see pussy!"

Kai looked down at the grey cat meowing up at him from the ground.

"Go home Driger" Kai shooed the cat away "Psst…fuck off back to Ray you Dranzer hunting fucker!"

Wyatt eventually pulled Kai up and cupped his face.

"Are you alright Kai"

Kai looked up dazed and choked the single word.

"Sozard…"

When up on the roof tops they didn't include locking the backdoor and the unsuspecting victims were called upon.

"Oh-my-god, if it isn't Kai my bestest ever pal" Marcus squealed, looking down at Wyatt and Kai, Wyatt bent over Kai, cupping his face "Oh…I see, you're BUSY"

Kai looked at Wyatt to Marcus then pushed him away, staring at Marcus.

"I've just come to tell you that I love you Kai I so-want-to suck your pretty boy face off" Marcus walked towards Kai.

"Whoa…no…" Kai backed off throwing himself off the roof falling to the ground, grabbing the cat and running off.

"Kaiiii!" Marcus shouted "…………call me"

Ray sat, being fanned from both Max and Tyson while he sat on a rubber dingy in the hot tub sipping creamed milk whilst ordering the old man to throw fish from the pond into the steaming water.

"Why hasn't the witch appeared yet, master?" Tyson asked timidly before Max hit Tyson across the face with his fan.

"Shut up"

Ray sat, closing his eyes putting his hand in the water and feeling the surface of the dead floating boiled fish.

"He'll come…he has to come"

"Why?" Tyson asked with a heavy nosebleed

Ray grinned "…WE have the muffin"

Max glared at Tyson "THAT's why"

Kai ran threw the back of Tysons house stroking the purring cat and looked across the room to see beady eyed shrimp that crawled to Kai, clutching onto his leg.

"I didn't tell them master I swear, thank god you're here" Kenny sobbed and then looked up like a half crazed lunatic "I got another fighter master"

"Erm,…fighter?" Kai said confused

"Oh yes" Kenny gripped harder "I fore sensed it…did I do good master?"

Kai patted the crazy brunette "Yes Kenny, master is pleased, now…who is it"

"Right here"

Kai turned round to see Grandpa.

"Grandpa!"

He looked into Kais eyes, gleaming with joy.

"They used to call me that…my name, I had a name!" he jumped around Kai in joy "Grrannnpa"

Kai strolled round the room, dropping the cat that trotted obediently by the side of him.

"Right men, tonight we prepare for battle and then…the real fun begins…hahaha"

Tyson stopped fanning and got hit round the face by Max.

"Why have you stopped?" he demanded.

"My lord…" Tyson began "I foresee a vision…"

"What kind of vision" Ray asked interested

"Tonight…the Witch is training an army to come and defeat……us" he whispered.

Ray stood up in the dingy "Then we must fight! My slaves prepare for war!"

Grandpa practised with the mong fish bought this morning, Kenny sat bashing at punching named Tyson with his small weak fists.

"Excellent" Kai grinned

"C'mon get moving!" Max barked as Tyson panting after running 5 yards.

"Now, now Maxy…don't pushed the disgusting piece of filth" Ray said calmly watching two boy do push ups and running round the yard.

Grandpa became a super fish-mong beater and Kenny master the technique of punching without hurting his fists and Kais pet cat, who was named 'Ribbon' became the killer of the group.

"Excellent my pretty" he petted the cat on the head and stroked it down on the back "Its time"

"My slaves, the old one may have betrayed us but he will die, like the rest of them and when WE get that muffin he'll wish he never left us!" Ray shouted, standing in his boxers in the hot spring whilst the slaves stood at either side with a towel.

"Ready master" they both chorused…

Storm clouds gathered and Kais team and Rays team met out on the street, the rain puring down their backs bringing an icy chill throughout their bodies.

Ray stood up on a rock that the slaves had brought into the road to make their master seem unnecessarily powerful.

Whilst Kai prowled below with his group dressed in pink toot-toots with fish nets tights and a red corset top with tissue down.

"Its over Kai, I've waited for this day for years!" Ray shouted down against the rain.

"Boy, does he need a hobby" Kenny whispered

"Enough Ray, I have the muffin so just go home" Kai said held the squished muffin in his hand, showing it to his opposing teams.

"No!" Ray held his muffin up for Kai to see "This is the muffin"

Kai growled "You liar that's Morrisons muffin!"

Max and Ray glared at Tyson who shrugged.

"You told us you'd nicked it off the Wicked Witch of the West!" Ray glared down angrily at Tyson "You Melvin!"

Ray threw the muffin down at Tysons head

"Charge!"

Kai shouted "Charge!"

Grandpa swatted at Tyson angrily with the fish.

"I'll teach you bony idleness boy!"

Max dived on top Max battering him with a cricket bat and began hitting him on top of the head.

"I'll show you piñata!" he screamed.

Ribbon meowed round Rays leg, weaving in and out then screeching at him clawing on to his leg.

"Get off me!" Ray yelled kicking the cat off him.

"Ribbon!" Kai yelped watching the cat soar past him and whacked a experimenting flying Ozuma in the face, him toppling off into the back garden of an of grandma who was watching the feud from the hedge.

"Sorry ma'am" Ozuma bowed with feathers glued to his arms.

"Shut up your ass up white boy" the 'grandma' grunted in a Niger voice.

Ozuma looked shocked as the Grandma pulled off a mask revealing the drug supplier C.J.

"I'm C.J or Betty" he shook Ozumas hand "Come to watch the fight?"

Ozuma looked at the fight that was taking place "Not really but I'll watch"

Kai and Ray slapped at each others hands, trying to seize the muffin.

Suddenly Ray began tearing at Kais shirt.

"W-what are you doing?" Kai asked as Ray ripped off Kais shirt open.

The battle stopped as they watched Kai got raped by the pussy cat.

"That's a battle move I've never seen before" C.J whispered to Ozuma who nodded.

"Raging hormones" Ozuma muttered "See the blonde one?-he got my girl up the duff!"

"Boy that American-chink is whacked" C.J cussed

"Take that you stupid bone idle little gremlin!" Kenny punched fearlessly at Tyson (the fat fuck) as Max sat on Grandpa who knocked him off and he and Ribbon ganged up on him watching over the squealing blonde then dived on him.

"That was soo a foul!" C.J screamed, diving his hand into a bucket of KFC pop-corn chicken that Ozuma held.

"Erm,…what is Ray doing to Kai?" Ozuma peered through the binoculars.

C.J seized the binoculars off him and stared for a long time before throwing them back to Ozuma and taking out his swish mobile spped dialing a number until it rang.

"What the fuck you ringing me for Calvin James?" the voice said sleepily.

"Shut up Niger and put white boy on the phone!" C.J almost screamed.

"Hello, C.J?" the weary voice croaked "Whats up brother?"

"Ssup" C.J said as his way of hello "You know the Kaister…"

"Yeah, hes with the Bladebreakers…Brenda-

"Those fricken chinks who beat MY Bryan at spinning tops?" her voice screamed.

"Anyway, yeah, go on…"

"Well that chink from the Bladebreaker with long hair is raping the Kaister…literally" C.J looked at the scene.

"You WHAT?" the voice went from calm to angry "KITTY-LITTER!"

C.J spoke but the phone went dead, just a mechanic endless tone.

Ozuma looked at C.J surprised and then went back to the scene…

"C'mon Ribbon!" Kenny screamed as the grey cat clawed at Tysons (fat fuck) leg, moving ever closer to in between his legs…

"Get it off, please lord zap that cat!" Tyson squealed as the cats sharp claws pierced the crotch of his pants "AHHH!"

Grandpa hung the dojo stick in front of him, following every move the blonde Max made.

"I've got you now, you can't escape Grandpa!" he dived on top of Max beating the youngster down.

"Masterrrr" Max wailed as his hair was smushed by the think stick, his only defence was to claw at the old mans eyes "Traitor!"

Kai beat at the kitty-cat, grabbing his hair as his pants began to tear off.

"Let go you uncouth scoundrel!" he yelled, slapping Ray hand which trailed over his pants.

"I'll never let it go!" Ray hissed "I want that muffin!"

"Really?" Kai stopped "I wanted that sachet of gelatine that you have"

Ray smiled taking out the crumpled sachet from his pants "Its jelly"

"Oh, who cares" Kai laughed, shaking Rays hand "Friends?"

"Friends"

The clouds began to part and the sun shone brightly down onto the warriors, the fighting had ceased.

"Lets go home…" Kai smiled at Max and Tyson "All of us"

They all walked back into the gate of Tysons house whom Kai kicked up the backside and locked the gates.

"Except you piggy!"

Tyson banged on the door.

"Hey, that's no fair…its my house!"

Just then a car sped onto the pavement and out stepped an angry Bryan with a gun and Tala on a lease by his side.

"Ray!"

"Brother…" C.J patted Bryan on the back "Its over"

Bryan fell down in the gutter.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Tala howled into the sky by his side, then Bryan spotted as fat lump of lard trying scramble up the wall of his house, he grinned releasing the lease and Tala darted at him with a snarl, baring teeth.

"Sick 'em"

It was a peaceful night that night, Tyson had not appeared and everyone took the bong and laughed at Tysons expense.

Bryan and Tala hung around with C.J for the night, swapping money for heroin and those shredded pieces of yellow shirt and baseball cap stayed in the street for the rest of the week as well as the blood on the side of the wall, even when it was raised as to where was the reigning champion was…no one knew…no one cared and that celebration party across the nation wasn't at Tysons disappearance…honest.

If you though this was good or crap, please leave a comment, there WILL be a sequel don't worry.