A/N: Can it be? Do I actually have a Scar x Lust piece that's longer than a few hundred words? Yes, I do! WOOT! This just totally came on a whim as I was listening to Nightwish's "Ever dream", a song so graciously given to me by my dear Fey, and it made me think of Episode Forty-Two. I've read all kinds of different versions of the SxL scenes in the episode, but I've never seen ficlets spanning the whole episode, so I gave it a go! I added some hidden scenes within that we didn't see in the episode, and I sincerely hope you enjoy the angst and the fluff (yes, the latter's definately in here!).
Disclaimer: Wah! I dun own FMA - that sucks, man!
Dedication: To my girl, Steph, who's been so supportive of me and my writing, especially forthese last few months. Thank you for your love, hon! Love you!
Ever Dream
Lust had been moving swiftly across the desert sands, the slight chill of the evening air not at all hindering her speed as she hurried towards the city that was nothing but a hazy mirage in the distance. Her "brethren" Sins had betrayed her, and she found herself to be like Greed - wanting to go her own way. Greed had different methods of course, and allies that he attained, as well, whereas Lust had no one but herself. She thought she could count on Gluttony, but the poor creature was too fearful of their master's wrath, so hence she was alone in this endeavor to aid Scar in creating the Stone.
If she could convince him that she was most assuredly on his side, surely he would at least consider making her human, right? It was almost a hopeless fantasy a young girl would long after, but she couldn't help but believe it, trusting that her instincts were correct. The woman that she was supposed to be was a woman she suspected Scar adored, if not loved. She hoped that would be enough to persuade him...
Though the memories were not truly her own, she still had them; images and thoughts of a time not so long ago plaguing her endlessly. She saw the various instances when he was a boy, watching her and his brother share quality time together from a distance, innocent eyes clouding with sorrow and guilt as he walked away. Lust could swear she felt the urges of the woman she was pang at her heart, longing to reach out and hug the boy that had grown up, comforting him over his many losses. He was one of the last of a dying race, and the boldest of them all since he was about to commit a tragedy of his own. Despite being a Sin, and having feelings that urged her not to care for the loss of life, Lust felt somewhat sad, as well. Such little life at the cost of so much death - it was almost heartbreaking.
Even still, she remembered and held fast to her dreams of becoming a human, desperately wishing to feel what her former self did. She wanted to know if the woman she was loved only one man, or if she loved them both. Perhaps one she loved in a much different way than the other, or was it possible that the supposed attraction was only Lust's personal doing? How could she know what love felt like, though?
That's why she wanted a human soul and heart - to unravel this mystery that was nagging at her and breaking her brittle mind apart. She desired nothing more than to understand these complex emotions swimming inside of her, just so she could figure out if she loved the Scarred man, or if it was just her original self breaking through. She had to know.
With dawn approaching, and using the explosions as more fuel to push herself to her limits, Lust slipped into the terrorized city at daybreak, trying to track down her lone interest without being spotted. There was rock and ashes littered about the streets, sulfur mixing into the air to create a thick smog that she could barely see through. Curse that foolish Crimson Alchemist, destroying the beautiful city she had originally met Fullmetal in. She may have not shown much interest in human civilization, but the city of Liore was a brilliantly gorgeous city at one time, that is until civil war broke out and the people wouldn't leave one another be. Then Crimson came along and finished the job, slaughtering even more helpless citizens in the process, and causing seemingly irreversible damage to the strong buildings he made crash like stick houses. Ultimately, he destroyed what used to be a jewel of Amestris.
She didn't have to look long when she spotted the touching scene of the Scarred man defending Fullmetal's brother, shouting his extreme hatred for Crimson who was responsible for all of the destruction around them, not to mention the tragedy at hand. The fool had used his alchemic skills to turn the armored boy into a slowly ticking bomb, gray steadily turning to black as it crept up his legs to eventually engulf him. Scar meanwhile was also in a pathetic physical state, left arm gone for God knows what reason, and his body was wracked by intense amounts of pain. Lust held back her urges to rush forward and help, confused why she felt the desires so suddenly, but suppressed them as she watched the remainder of the scene unfold.
"I'm scared..." the young boy said, his voice echoing off of the hollow shell that was his now dying body.
"Don't move, Alphonse. We don't want to quicken the process anymore." Scar replied, walking over to kneel beside the armored child. Lust sensed that he felt something special towards the boy, perhaps a brotherly affection, since he had seemingly lost his brother long ago in an unforeseen tragedy. "I don't know if there's anything I can do to help, but I won't just watch you die, either."
As he stretched out his right arm to touch the slowly dying armor, Lust stepped out of the shadows and spoke. "It wouldn't be a wise decision to touch him, Scarred One."
Instantly, he turned to face her, eyes wide with near terror that she had found him again, then narrowed once he spotted her seductive form. Sustaining a growl in his throat, he breathed out her cursed title. "Homunculus..."
Giving a soft chuckle, she approached him. "Thank you for the warm welcome, but if I were you, I wouldn't even get close to the boy. It's truly a shame that he must meet his end in such a way, but if his brother were here, Fullmetal could easily transform him into another material, thus sparing the boy's life."
Scar looked at her peculiarly, painfully rising to his feet to meet her when she came closer. "You mean it's possible? You think he could be made into something else before he detonated?"
Lust gave a wry smile and reached for his fisted hand, holding it gently in her grasp. The feeling was almost invigorating, feeling a man this close again, and without just her sinful priorities ringing clear. It was as if she needed to, not necessarily wanted to... "Forget about him. He's a lost cause. Come with me, and we can create the Philospher's Stone together." she nearly whispered, trying to pull him into her web of what she supposed was the only truth.
The look he returned was a distraught one at first, then it transformed into pure anger, yanking his fist back so that she couldn't believe she was winning. "So you really aren't her - you're not the woman my brother loved selflessly. You're just an imitation."
His words stung, making her fragile hopes break apart in utter sorrow and regret, ultimately shattering her dreams already for being with him once he created the Stone. How could he be so hateful when she was trying to create a truce? Unlike her sinful comrades, she wanted to be human for every selfless reason in the book - all she wanted was to feel real, and not have just these instincts to go on. Envy was probably the most wretched of the seven, just desiring human flesh so that he could claim revenge over his creator of a father. If she had to compare herself with another Sin that shared similar feelings, it was Sloth, for she, too fought against the memories of her family - images of her sons and husband taunting her like mad. Lust wanted to be free of these burdens and to only experience what a human could.
"I'm sorry I don't meet your expectations, but I don't have many memories of my former self." Lust seethed back, her tone now just as cruel and heartless. She could play his game - and she would win.
She hadn't offered to help him reapply his green wrap, knowing that if she got even close to him, he would likely cast her aside and grumble something along the lines of "I'll do it myself". It had taken him some time to finish the process, but at last the wrap was in place, giving him plenty of time to think about the situation at hand. "I wouldn't expect you to remember hardly anything, since you're only a cruel physical copy of her. The woman I knew would never be so selfish and cold as you have just been."
Lust's eyes brightened slightly, encouraged to defend her case once more now that she had a window of opportunity. "But if you used the Stone to make me a human, I could become her, and then you would be satisfied, wouldn't you?"
"No," he replied darkly, as if he blatantly ignored her bold request for his help. "The dead can't come back to life, and you're proof of that."
He then placed his hand on the darkening armor, silently praying in his heart that this would work - if giving up his life to save the boy's was enough, he would gladly do it. Alphonse was too innocent to meet his fate like this. Lust looked on in confusion and dared to interrupt Scar's complacent thoughts. "What are you going to do?" He didn't reply and closed his eyes, appearing again as if he had ignored her entirely. Growing irritated with his silence, she rushed forward. "Tell me, you fool!"
"Don't move." he ordered, bringing out her weakness in the form of a silver locket to hold just over the boy's body. His eyes were a dangerous and determined scarlet red, warning the woman before him that should she take one more step towards him, he wouldn't hesitate to kill her where she stood. "You have no right to interfere in my decision, so just keep quiet and watch."
Frustrated and angered that he had rejected her expertise once again, Lust forced herself to watch the scene unfold with disdained, and still curious interest. He carefully wound the cord of the locket to the armored boy's side, and then placed his hand on the metal body once more, a transfixing red light soon after emanating from the tattoo on his arm. Lust watched in bewitched horror as the markings began to glow a frightening shade of crimson, and his cries started grow louder and louder with each second. Feeling powerless, she froze when he screamed out in never before heard agony, and his arm dissipated into nothing, the red markings now covering the boy's empty shell.
She couldn't believe what had just happened, despite seeing the blood drip from what was left of Scar's arm, and beholding the array now fading into Alphonse's armor. It was impossible, but the fool did it.
"What have you done?" she muttered, almost sadly. It was as if her dreams were completely shattered now, and he was the cause of it. He had given up her ace card and used it unselfishly on the boy before him.
Rising to his feet to walk away from the scene before soldiers converged upon the two of them, Scar replied painfully. "The only thing I could do. He didn't deserve to die, but I do for the sins I've committed."
"But you... you had it in your hands, and you just gave it away...?" Lust stuttered again, still at a complete and horrific loss for words that expressed what she felt. How could he have done such a thing?
Scar looked across the short distance at her, not feeling any sense of remorse for the turmoil she was feeling now. If there was anyone she should have been sorry for, it should have been Alphonse. "That hand was not my own - it was my brother's. He gave it to me years ago to keep me alive."
"Because it was a gift." she interrupted, suddenly feeling a burst of what she supposed was human emotion. "Your brother gave you that arm so that you could live and one day create the Philosopher's Stone, but he didn't want you to create it in this boy!"
"And how would you know what my brother truly wanted?" Scar seethed in return, shedding no pity for her at all. Lust couldn't reply, still at a loss for sensible words that would touch his soul and bring him back into his right mind, but if he was already doing what he thought was the right thing, there was no changing what was already done. Noting her silence that meant she was defeated, Scar turned his gaze back to the boy and spoke. "I've attached the locket to his armor, so you can't get anywhere near him. I leave the Stone to the will of the Elric brothers."
Jump-started back to reality, Lust shot him another confused glare. "Are you insane? What if the Military gets their hands on it - what will you do then?"
Scar had already turned to walk away from her, not wishing to look upon the helpless form of the boy he hoped he had saved from death, marching on to complete the task at hand. Collecting his thoughts, he finally replied. "I don't care if they do, I've done all I can to help. I don't even know if this will work, but you said so yourself that if he was transmuted into another material, the boy could live. I chose to give him that chance."
"But why turn him into the Philosopher's Stone?" she shouted, on his heels as he walked away, each agonizing step for him like walking through Hell.
"Better that than a bomb." Scar replied succinctly, again clinging to hope that his plan worked. "It's the only thing I could think of, and Ed wasn't anywhere nearby to help, so I did what no one else could."
Having grown more irritated with his behavior, Lust hissed and shot her nails out at him, trapping him between her razor sharp claws so that she could make her case once again. "I'm growing tired of your heroic excuses. I need you to make the Philosopher's Stone, not waste that talent on this pathetic child. I thought you wanted to make your brother's dream come true."
Scar's gaze wavered just to the side, far enough that she could catch the red glint in his eyes as he spoke. "If you kill me where I stand, I highly doubt your dream will come true, as well."
As he began to stride away, defying the dangerous walls that had him enclosed, Lust restrained a growl and retracted her nails, barely grazing his cheek when the flashes of white appeared one by one. She froze as the memories from before resurfaced - memories of being loved, desired, and mourned for. They were what she wanted to feel again so badly, and he was her only chance at regaining those feelings. She couldn't kill him - she didn't want to, because then she would never be able to dream as she once did.
It seemed foolish to imagine a homunculus like herself had dreams and hopes to cling to, but with her they were most prominent. The man named Lejon had triggered these past occurrences to reappear again and again, haunting her and making her long for the real thing. Lejon was the closest thing she had to the desired affection she wanted, but he was an obstacle and an imitation of her forgotten love, much like herself. He closely resembled that man in her memories, but he wasn't him. Just like she wasn't the woman Scar had known...
Once she recovered from her brief moment of weakness, she glared after the man that strode away from her, almost sadly, as if there was still regret in his steps. Regret for saying such harsh things to her, or regret for leaving the boy behind to his presumed fate? Most likely the latter, and she gave a small smile. "Do what you will, Scarred One. If the boy dies, it's not my responsibility. There is a chance that you still have what I'm looking for."
With this newfound, but still delicate hope to hold onto, she too walked away to perch herself at a place where she could observe the activity of the city. She found a still firm and surprisingly intact building, just tall enough so that she could see the long rows of militants on the outskirts of the city. She subdued a hiss and scowled distastefully at the scene, again remembering that these men were plunging themselves into an unsuspecting trap that Scar was going to trigger for no reason except the Elric boy's life. If she had the mind of a human, she would think the sacrifice more than noble, but she wasn't human, and thus she hated the well-known facts that taunted her. Lust only felt that Scar was giving his life away in vain, but she was powerless to stop it, and was without another alchemist to assist her on such short notice.
The situation, however, was about to become grimmer, Lust catching sight of a moving figure on a building several meters to her left. She realized it to be Scar, barely carrying the now dead Crimson Alchemist over his shoulder, then painfully tossing the body down below, in more than plain sight for the soldiers waiting in the distance. Lust sneered, however knew that the bait was more than enough to draw them in, and then the transmutation would begin. With no time to waste, she hurried away from her perch and went in search of Scar, hoping to at least warn him before he was caught by the Military.
She finally found him, running with all of his remaining strength down a long street, what she guessed was in the direction of the beginning of the transmutation circle he had made. She wouldn't let him do this so soon, not if she could help it. Catching up to him with some ease, she immediately gave him her report of the situation. "They had specific orders to not move into the city, but they're storming in now as we speak."
He gave her a side glance, then returned his clouding vision to the road ahead of him. "Then this must be the will of our God."
Lust didn't bother to argue, knowing that he would likely give her a lecture on religion, which was something she especially did not want to hear. She wanted to only be human - religion and what-not could be discussed later. So she chased after him ardently, not breaking her stride as they passed a dark alley, rushing footsteps on the other side warning them to pick up the pace even more. However, a soldier had just caught sight of Scar hurrying past, and Lust came into full view, startling her when they made her position.
Raising her arm to shield herself from the oncoming gunfire, a blur of green darted in front of her and she could hear the sounds of the bullets launching themselves into their unexpected target. Once the gunfire ceased, she focused on the man in front of her that was now falling backwards, landing with a painful sound from his lips, and she glared straight ahead at the troops who had done him harm. They barely had a moment to react as her nails shot out and pierced each in the heart, or some other vital organ, crippling them into nothing more than useless heaps on the dusty ground.
After the predicament had been solved for the moment, Lust knelt beside her "hero" and lifted him into an upright position, seeing the wounds already making their presence known on the green cloth he adorned so proudly. She would have cringed had she not been used to such a sight, but she couldn't bring herself to do so - nor could she find words to express her gratitude, despite not needing his help. Still, she felt the need to say something. "You fool, you know I won't die that easily."
"I know..." he grimaced, opening his eyes to steal a glance at the blood marking his chest. "But my body has a will of its own. I couldn't control its actions."
Lust could tell he was lying, for when he closed his eyes again, she knew it wasn't at the gruesome sight of his blood staining his clothes - it was for fear that he would look into her eyes. She sensed every bit of the hope she had before, the forsaken emotion tingling inside of her and begging to emerge. Denying it seemed impossible, and the desire to give this man all the love he deserved for his selfless actions began to poke at her conscience.
Biting her lip, she succumbed to the longing beating in her chest and she turned his head to face her, staring at him for a moment - as if it was out of pure love and affection. For that brief moment in time, she felt everything a human was meant to, and she seized her chance by capturing his lips in hers, gently stroking in a manner that seemed unlike her. Lust was normally a vicious and powerful woman, wanting submission from any man that she dared to take, but with Scar it was different. She didn't even want him to submit at all - she was content with feeling his hesitant kiss. It was enough for her to still hold tight to her dream. He was worth holding onto.
The moment was gone too quickly for her, breaking out of his kiss to help him to his feet so that they could get out of the street before more soldiers would find them. She may have felt something blissfully wonderful, but keeping him alive was her only priority now, anchoring her body beneath his and finally reaching a small house just down the road a short distance. Once there, she leaned him against the wall beneath the window, streaks of sunlight pouring in and bathing him in its glorious shine. As she gingerly tied the remaining fabric of his shirt to at least close the open wound over what was left of his right arm, she thought for a moment that he resembled one of his God's beloved messengers, the sunlight making him appear almost angelic. But she knew that he considered himself nothing more than a heretic and wretched being on this Earth, and giving him such praise wasn't a wise thing to say. Such a shame, she thought, knowing that such a brave and noble character could ridicule himself so easily when she knew deep down that he was the savior the people of Liore longed for.
Once she had completed her tedious task, he looked at her, almost softly, as if to thank her, but without words. Returning his gentle stare, she reached to kiss him again, but he turned away before she could. Though disappointed, she knew why and spoke. "You loved me once... didn't you?"
Grimacing as he replied, he couldn't bear to look at her, glaring down at his bloodied wrap in pure self-hatred. "Not you... but her. I loved her."
Lust nodded and stood up, walking away so that she could see out the open doorway, keeping close watch on the activity outside while she listened to his confession. "I hated my brother for what he did. He defied all of the teachings of our beloved God, and all of it was for her. Even though I wanted her back as well, I wouldn't succumb to using such sorcery to bring her back to life. I accepted it and moved on, but my brother couldn't do that..."
She folded her arms in front of her and made herself content in just listening, feeling every bit of humanity that made Scar who he was drip out with his blood. It was nearly painful to listen to him, but she forced herself to, hoping that she could achieve some sense of renewal out of this saddening experience. She didn't want him to die... not when she was so close.
"It was because of his heresy that I hated him, but when I met the Elric brothers, I saw... I saw what loving your family truly was. They've had it all along." Scar went on, as if his final words were a requiem that he intended for her to remember and carry back to her grave. "Seeing them love each other so unselfishly... it made me want to say those words myself. It made me want to tell my brother... 'I love you.'"
Lust stole a glance at him, and felt her fragile heart beat with guilt upon seeing the tears stream from his now gentle eyes, falling down his face without fear. He could be so dramatic, but for just reason, and the desires to comfort him again rose in her chest. How could she console a dying man when she was the false image of a woman he loved dearly? There was so much bitterness inside of him, and trying to erase that with just her presence didn't seem possible. He was a man that was determined to die in his sin and guilt, and he wouldn't even attempt to wash it all away with accepting love from a woman he knew wasn't real.
As the silence went on for a few moments, Lust found her voice and spoke so softly, she was surprised he heard it. "If you die, will you meet your brother again, or will you only dream of him?"
The tone in her voice was sincere, as if she understood every heartfelt emotion he had, and for a moment, he thought he was talking to the woman he loved again. As he let the remains of his tears fall, he replied. "I hope to meet him and say the words I've been wanting to, but even that seems too high a hope for me. And should I ever dream again, it would be a dream I would welcome."
She felt the words fall on her softly, like they were trying to tell her that he would secretly dream of her as well. Though she thought that to be her own foolish mind's doing, she hoped with all of her existence that he meant it, for it would be something even more dear to hold fast to. If he was to die this way, and she would be left alone in this world, perhaps if she was successful in becoming human, she too could die and meet him in a dream. It was enough for her to accept his fate and she held her head up a little higher, using this saddening knowledge as her motivation to move forward.
Rising to stand again and to complete his work left undone, he spoke. "Let's go. Something terrible is about to begin, and you shouldn't wait for your end to come so soon."
Once he reached the doorway, Lust turned and looked at him meaningfully, ready to make her last request of him before he died. "Before you go, what is your real name?"
He didn't even look at her, his gaze firmly locked on the pale dirt street before him, as he contemplated his response. His name was lost to time, and he felt he was undeserving of it any longer. "My name was given to me by God, but once I committed the first of my long line of sins, I lost it, never to get it back." And with that, he proceeded outside, leaving Lust alone in the abandoned house to await the inevitable - the death of her only hope at ever feeling love. Within moments, gunfire erupted in the streets, soldiers shouting orders to follow the stubborn Ishbalan as he made his final run at completing the Stone.
Lust's fiery gems for eyes glowed with rekindled determination, trusting to that far-off hope that she would meet him again somehow, but for now, she had to tell him goodbye. "Then farewell, Scar." she told herself, before slipping out into the street to run to safety. She may have wanted to see him again in the afterlife, but she wasn't about to include herself in the ingredients for his Philosopher's Stone.
It wasn't long before she reached a safe distance, and she found herself watching the scene unfold helplessly, knowing that he was about to commit his life to the dust of the Earth, and that she couldn't do a thing to change his mind. The decision had been made, and he chose to become a martyr to redeem himself in preserving Alphonse's life. A noble and unselfish sacrifice, but even still, he wouldn't let go of his deep and wretched sins, and Lust knew he wouldn't - not after she had entered the picture. She was still living Sin, but she would die one day, and then his iniquities would be cleansed and be gone forever.
As the glowing red light engulfed the city, Lust felt something rise in her chest, an unfamiliar feeling that was light and almost cheerful, as if a burden had been released from the confines of her body. She touched the tattoo over her heart and felt it beat hard against her fingers, so unlike the gentle and steady pattern it had been in for years. At this awkward feeling, she smiled and looked back at the red city before her, ignoring the fall of Liore and the fall of her hero. Surely, if she would ever dream again like he did, it would be of him.
A/N: Domg, fluff and sadness! So did you like it? Nice change compared to the short little things I've been writing for SS, huh? lol Well, if you liked this, please do a leave a review for me, as that would be uber awesome. If you only hate SxL, don't even bother to flame, because I'll just ignore you in return. Thank you for your time, all!
47thLight