A/N: Wow. I am SORRY for not writing in ages. It has been a BAD month. My writing here isn't the greatest, but it's something I've been working on since late February. Sorry it's taken me so long, but I've just gotten myself too involved in certain things and writing just wasn't a high priority at the time. :( Reviews would be so nice though! . Pweeease?
Unwanted
by crazykitsune17
Time was running out. It was always running out, always slipping through fingers like grains of sand through a filter. Life was one big hourglass for Hinata, one in which the sands of time were constantly slipping faster and faster, gaining speed and momentum with every passing day.
Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays. MondaysTuesdaysWednesdaysThursdaysFridaysSaturdaysSundays. MondayTuesWedThursdayFriSaturdUnday. MonTuWeThurFriSatunday. Motuwethufrisanday. A whole month could pass in the blink of an eye, and yet nothing in the world had changed.
Hinata was still Hinata. Neji was still Neji. Sasuke was still Sasuke. And Naruto… well, he, of course, was still Naruto.
Still Naruto. Still goofy. Still blonde. Still lacking in the common sense department but highly evolved in strength and skills. Naruto may have changed in physical stature and shape – his muscles may have gotten more defined, and he might have grown a quarter of an inch since last month – but he was still the same immature, twelve-year-old kid. Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto Uzumaki.
Not a night passed by where Hinata didn't think about Naruto… and whether or not he would ever change. Surely she was not alone in her belief that Naruto could always be relied upon as a constant – never changing, never evolving, always Naruto, the hopeless idiot. Everyone must have thought at some time or another that Naruto would never amount to anything, that he would always stay the same, always be twelve years old, a struggling but talented ninja with a head full of hot air of which he would never run out.
Sure, Naruto had given everybody the "greatest ninja in the world" speech. Everyone knew that he planned to become the next Hokage and finally gain some respect. He was a little slow-going at it, but very determined. But no one ever really thought he would actually gain such an honorable position…
Sasuke didn't. Sakura didn't. Kakashi probably didn't either, as well as countless other people. It seemed that the only one who ever believed in Naruto was himself.
And… Hinata.
Hinata sighed, her black bangs shielding her eyes from a dismal lavender and grey sunset. The weather was cloudy – a storm approaching. Time was running out for her to stay outside. Soon the rain would come, and then more time would have to pass until it was over.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Time keeps going. Faster and faster and faster.
Why can't I be more like Naruto? Hinata asked herself, resting her arms across her bent knees. Her head flopped down on top of her arms, her chin resting heavily against her skin, forming an eventual bruise. Why can't I be outgoing and friendly and funny? Why can't I be interesting and have lots of attention and friends like he does?
Why can't I ever… attract his attention?
She knew that Naruto liked Sakura – she would have to have been a fool not to; he was almost as obvious as Sakura was with her affections for Sasuke – and she also knew that those feelings were not necessarily returned. Both he and Sakura were frivolous – not serious with each other, always joking and insulting each other…
Why does he even like her? She's so cruel to him sometimes… She may call herself his friend, but is she really? Naruto doesn't realize that sometimes people who really care for you are the ones that are overlooked…
I've offered my help. I've offered my hand and my heart, but it was never taken. A gift left unwanted.
Unwanted. I'm so unwanted…
Sniffing in the night air, Hinata held back tears. Time and time again she had almost been caught crying. But I can't help it! The tears just want to come… I… it's so hard to hold them back…
And time and time again she was called a weakling. A disgrace of the Hyuuga clan.
Why can't I be strong… like Naruto?
Why can't I be strong enough not to cry? Why can't I be strong enough to stand up for myself, let alone anybody else? Why can't I be strong enough to be a powerful shinobi? Why can't I be strong enough to say… I love you?
She buried her face down into the folds of her tan autumn jacket. The wind outside was starting to kick up, blowing around with it the final leaves from the winter-ready trees. Brown, crackled grass fluttered. Tips of stale flowers snapped off and left their familiar stem homes.
I want to just float off into the air like those flowers… and never come back…
Sighing, Hinata drew her jacket tighter around her shoulders and stood up, looking at the sky. Drops of rain started to fall all around her, a few landing on her nose, chin, cheeks and forehead. She blinked and felt a small raindrop of her own sliding from the corner of her eye and down to her neck. She brushed it away and trudged back to her house.
"Hinata!" Sakura's cheerful voice called out to her. Hinata turned around, communicating without words the response: "What?"
"Nothin'. I just saw you out in the rain yesterday. You looked kinda sad. What's up?"
Hinata shrugged. "Just… thinking about things…"
"The upcoming ninja exams?"
Hinata sighed and nodded. "Yes. They worry me greatly. I don't think I will pass them."
Sakura placed a hand on her shoulder, a grin on her ivory face. "There's nothing to worry about! You've been training hard, Hinata. You'll do fine."
Sakura left, turning about-face to run after Sasuke, who was bickering with Naruto. Again, Hinata sighed and turned to stare at the floor.
If only I've been training hard enough to get through to Naruto… I may pass the ninja exams, but I'll never pass the Naruto ones…
She walked right past the trio, Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto not paying any attention to her as they argued amongst each other. Sadly, Hinata shuffled out the door and into the expansive training yard.
The grass was all dead, tawny and brown, the blackened earth showing through its thin strands like patches of skin on a man's bald spot. The storm of the night before had definitely died down; the breeze was as tranquil as a summer night in the countryside. All was quiet for about ten minutes…
The door brushed open again, and Hinata turned around, surprised and a bit embarrassed to have been caught moping around in solitude again. But the shock turned to warmth as an uncontrollable pink blush crept into Hinata's skin – it was Naruto.
Standing in the open doorway, Naruto was staring at her. A random wind kicked up and ruffled through his blonde hair like feathers. Hinata attempted a smile, though, like her vocal cords, her face muscles didn't seem to work. Finally, Naruto waved.
"Hey, Hinata. What are you doing outside? It's almost lunchtime…"
Hinata opened her mouth to speak, but Naruto interrupted her. She smiled and looked down. Probably better that way. I don't think I could even speak if I tried…
"Wanna eat lunch out here instead? I'm getting tired of Sakura and Sasuke arguing. It's so annoying! I don't get what she sees in him, he's such an argumentative jerk!" Naruto smacked his fist into his empty palm then grinned. "So do you wanna?"
Hinata nodded. "Sure."
"Great!" Out of nowhere it seemed, Naruto pulled out his and Hinata's lunches and plopped them down outside on a patch of prickly brown grass. He motioned for Hinata to sit next to him; she did. Immediately, Naruto shoveled down food in his mouth while Hinata watched, silently picking up a single carrot to munch on. This is… nice… she thought. But why is he doing this…?
She shook her head. Don't be silly. He's just being kind, that's all. Nothing special is going to happen, Hinata. This is not a fairy tale. No happy endings for me…
Naruto caught on to Hinata's wistful smile and put down his chopsticks. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"What? Oh… nothing." Hinata took a sip of some juice, prolonging her drink by more seconds than necessary in an attempt to prevent further discussion on her part. Naruto shrugged and continued eating.
From inside, Naruto and Hinata could hear Sakura and Ino arguing. Naruto rolled his eyes. "Now she's arguing with Ino over Saaaaasuke!" He dragged out his archrival's name and wiggled his fingers in exasperation. "Sheesh. I don't get what people see in him at all!"
"If it helps, I don't like him very much," Hinata supplied.
Naruto grinned. "It does help."
Hinata blushed. The two burst out laughing.
When Naruto was finished rolling over from his riotous guffawing, he pushed himself back up and looked Hinata in the eyes, his blue irises sparkling. "Hey, Hinata…"
"Hmm?"
Naruto moved closer. So close, their faces were almost touching. Instinctively, Hinata pulled back a few inches. Naruto only moved forward some more. "Do you wanna… be my girlfriend?"
Hinata's heart leapt up to her throat. Oh no… what do I say? What do I do? I… I've never been asked before… Lavender eyes shifted down, darting around at the ground beneath her as if it held the answers. Her spine tingled, telling her that Naruto was watching her, waiting for an answer…
Hinata could feel every pulse, amplified, in her chest, in her throat, in her head, blood rushing, rushing up to her face until it started to turn as red as a tomato. Her hands quaked and she shivered. "I…" she started to say. "I…"
Suddenly, she screamed. "I can't! No, no, I can't!" Then she bolted.
Her legs pumped faster and faster, taking her nowhere in particular, just… far. Far, far away. Far away from Naruto, far away from Sakura, far away from Neji, from Sasuke from everyone…
This was the fastest she had ever run. Her lungs, legs, and heart were on fire. Tears blurred in her eyes, both from the speed and from her confused emotions. Only until she was nearly a mile away from Naruto did she begin to slow down and think.
I said… I said no… to the only one I have ever loved… I couldn't do it… I couldn't say… what I wanted to say… I was too… afraid.
I let myself down… again…
She crumpled against the railing of a fenced-in park area, falling to the cold pavement and sobbing, nothing but the thoughts of "Why? Why? Why?" reverberating in her head. She sobbed for nearly an hour, then started crawling, dragging what she could behind with all the strength she had left. Crawling farther… farther…
I just want to get away…
As the sun was setting, Hinata found herself reaching the next city limits. Here, she stayed for nearly three days, cold, shivering, broken…
I've been unwanted all my life, a disgrace, a nuisance, a hindrance… Now somebody finally wants me and all I can do is push away. I don't even want myself… I deny myself happiness…
On the third day, she stood next to the town's welcome sign, one shoulder resting heavily on it as the wind blew across her pallid face. A few people strode by, some passing her glances, most ignoring her. But nobody asked what was the matter, nobody offered any help. No one wanted to.
A piece of paper blew in the wind. On it was a leaf symbol – Naruto's. Hinata picked it up and turned it over.
Written in pencil and half-washed out by dirt and rain, was a simple note.
"If anyone ever finds this, please give it to the one I love. Her name is Hinata Hyuuga, and she's real pretty. Tell her I miss her and I want her to come back. But most of all, tell her I'm sorry… Naruto Uzumaki."
Neatly, Hinata folded up the note, slid it into her pocket, and walked away, heading further away from home, smiling sadly.
--crazykitsune17--