Title: The Emo Saga

Author: TearsOfEcstasy

Summary: Harry's just too emo.

Rating: PG13, cause I swear like a mother fucking trucker.

Pairing: Many, all are extremely laughable.

Disclaimer: I'm obviously not JK Rowling, so no, I don't own.

A/N: Just a parody, no plot, won't be updated much, but it's funny!

Chapter I

"You know Ron, life is just pointless." Harry mused, using his wand to poke at a dead rat sitting next to the ginger haired boy himself. A present from Crookshanks he supposed. Who seemed to have taken a liking to Ron as of recently, and bestowed him with many gifts. Including his half eaten homework assignments and Chudley Cannons memorabilia. Crookshanks just loved the Cannons. He even read their tell-all. Well, he ripped it to shreds. But Harry thought it might have been a sign of a good review.

"You know, Harry, I'm sick of you saying that!" Ron replied, playing himself in Wizard's chess. Because he was so damn good, only he could play with himself. In more meaning than one.

Harry sulked, and he had become very good at sulking lately. It was a sort of hobby. No, scratch that, it was an art form. He'd worked ever so long to perfect it. All summer in fact! After all, he'd been locked in his room again, with nothing to do but ponder life. Well, that and laugh at Dudley whenever he waddled past his door.

But Dudley wasn't at all important, because Harry had completely lost himself in being as emo as humanly possible. With his perfect emo pout, paired with his emo hair and glass, he just looked so damn emo. Not to mention entirely sexy.

"Harry, stop sulking."

"Hermione! What are you doing in here!" Ron cried in outrage, preparing to throw the chess board at the bushy haired girl. Much like a frisbee. The chess pieces had stuck themselves to the board and were now quivering quite curiously, though one stubborn knight had chosen instead to yell out quite profanely, "Fuck the fucking mother fucker!" To which Ron answered with a well set jab in the eye with the end of a toothpick he kept handy.

"In case you haven't noticed, this is the common room, Ron." She answered, pulling out next month's Transfiguration essay. It hadn't even been assigned yet, but amazingly she was nearly finished with it. (She'd bribed McGonagall and most of the other teachers into giving her all the homework early towards the beginning of the year. By now it was October and she had already plowed through most of January.)

"Oh, right." Ron went back to his chess game. Though with one less knight. He seemed to have abandoned the game and was packing up to leave home. Though Harry couldn't imagine he'd go very far.

Extremely bored, Harry taped the new MP3 player he'd bought himself. Because for some reason, they'd started selling them in Diagon alley, and for some reason, they worked at Hogwarts, and for some reason, the reader will chose to ignore this particular plot hole.

He selected the new Hawthorne Heights album (which he'd gotten for some reason), and promptly began to "brood out". Which was much cooler than rocking out, because all Harry had to do with was slump over and pout his perfect little emo pout.

"Harry?" Ron said politely, not taking his eyes of his king, which he had just checked.

"Yes?" Harry said, flipping his emo hair just as Ginny walked in. He flashed her a rare emo kid smile (which was almost as sexy as his emo kid pout), which she returned with the finger.

"Turn that off."

"Why?"

"Cause it's annoying."

"Why?"

"Cause no one even likes that band."

Harry obliged, but continued to brood out. Cause he was just that cool.

"Harry?" Hermione said, finishing up February's potions assignment with the flick of her quill.

"What?"

"Stop brooding."

"Fine." Harry said, straightening up and smiling at Ginny again. Who gave him the finger. Again.

"Harry?" Ron said again, this time he'd checked his other king.

"No one understands me!" He cried, collapsing into a pile of sobbing emoness before running back into his dorms to cry and possibly jerk off while looking at Ginny's picture.

"I was just going to ask him if he was hungry," Ron said, completely stunned at his best friend's reaction.

Hermione shrugged and peered over at his board, "I think you've checkmated yourself."

Ron looked down at the board. Indeed he had.

"Dammit! He's just too good!" He cried, doing a perfect impression of Harry's emo pout. Which did not look nearly as sexy on him as it did on Harry.

"Ron?"

"Yes?"

"You know you're playing yourself, right?"

"Of course I do!"

Oddly enough, Hermione doubted that.