Not quite sure where this one came from. Basically I was bored and didn't want to do my homework, so I was working on another fanfic, and came up with the concept of this one. This is only a preview of the final story, so not only would I like you to enjoy this, I need your reviews, particularly on the characterization bit, and also, very specifically, what was funny and what wasn't. Not that anyone will...I'm just dreaming...
As is necessary to mention, I don't own squat, no characters, nothing. Enjoy.
-the Author
Scene Two
Galadriel: Okay, ladies, we started out the show with ten boys and we still have nine to go. It's time for the Talent Show. Gentlemen, start your talents! First up is Aragorn with the no-mercy-Orc-killing!
Aragorn: flashes his sword
Arwen: He could do with a better sword.
Aragorn: swordfights with an Orc
Orc: throws a shield at him
Aragorn: is pinned against a tree, trying to shove the shield away
Orc: swings sword to decapitate
Lothiriel: I can't look!
Aragorn: ducks
Orc: makes out with his sword
Aragorn: stabs him
Orc: pulls sword farther in
Aragorn: cuts off his head
Lothiriel: Is it over?
Crowd: cheers
Eowyn and Arwen: Yeah, Aragorn! You rock! You're the best guy ever!
Galadriel: Now we have Frodo Baggins with his magic "disappearing act!"
Frodo: takes out the Ring, puts it on his finger, and disappears
Crowd: WHOA!
Frodo: takes off his Ring and screams
Aragorn: drags him offstage
Galadriel: Very impressive, Frodo! Now, Meriadoc Brandybuck for his piece he calls "killing an orc."
Eowyn: What an original title.
Orc: attacks
Merry: hops on him, stabs his stomach, slits his throat, and jumps off
Orc: falls over
Crowd: applauds
Galadriel: Bloody well done, Merry. And now for Faramir, with his monologue entitled "Why I'm a Good Guy And You Should Like Me."
Faramir: His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem. You wonder what his name is, where he comes from, and if he really was evil at heart. What lies or threats led him on this long march from home, or he would not rather have stayed there... in peace? (pause) War will make corpses of us all.
Crowd: politely applauds
Eowyn: Yeah, so, that was boring. Let's bring Aragorn back on to do some more no-mercy killings.
Arwen: Stay away from him, he's mine.
Eowyn: I saw him first!
Arwen: Did not!
Galadriel: And now, Samwise Gamgee will be showing us "carrying Mr. Frodo up Mt. Doom."
Samwise: Then let us be rid of it! Come on, Mr. Frodo, I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you! Carries Frodo up Mt. Doom
Rosie: Yeah, baby! That was hot! Whistles
Eowyn: Very well done.
Arwen: Yes, very.
Lothiriel: I cried.
Galadriel: And now for Gimli's talent, which is, um, Gimli, what is your talent?
Gimli: Talent?
Galadriel: Yes, your talent. Something you do.
Gimli: I do something?
Galadriel: Yes.
Gimli: I, um, make jokes about Elves.
Galadriel: And Gimli is disqualified from the running! Don't worry, ladies, you'll still have to eliminate someone else from the running! Gimli is followed by Legolas Greenleaf with his "never-ending quiver of arrows."
Crowd: goes wild
Legolas: My love for you is like my quiver of arrows! Never ending…
Rosie: The Author got that from legendaryfrog!
Legolas: shoots arrows into the crowd
Crowd: goes wild
Two hours later: still shooting arrows
Arwen: Why aren't those arrows killing anybody?
Galadriel: I think we get the idea, Legolas, thank you. And now, Eomer of Rohan will be performing "the Destruction of Two Oliphaunts Using One Well-Aimed Spear."
Eomer: throws a spear at the driver of an Oliphaunt, causing the Oliphaunt to fall onto another Oliphaunt
Crowd: cheers
Eomer: Yes! I have purpose!
Lothiriel: That was so sexy the way his muscles rippled when he threw that spear. And his eyes were wild. Like those are the sexiest eyes ever.
Galadriel: Peregrin Took, with his Orc-Call!
Pippin: twists a bone so the entire skeleton falls down a well, creating a lot of noise
Thousands of Orcs: invade
Pippin: Ohcrap.
Galadriel: Thank you! Security! And now, Grima Wormtongue, what's your piece called?
Grima: It's called "betraying my country and king in favor of some gold, land, and a really nice piece of ass." Hi, Eowyn!
Eomer: I'm gonna kill you…
Galadriel: No need to demonstrate. We understand. Thank you. Ladies? We saw Gimli disqualified because he didn't really do anything, now who will be eliminated in the TALENT ROUND?
Judges: confer
Galadriel: Ladies? Have you made your choice?
Rosie: That guy with no eyebrows.
Eowyn: Grima Wormtongue.
Lothiriel: He's just scary to look at.
Galadriel: Okay, Grima, it was, um, well, bye. Okay, time fore a recap. Boromir was eliminated in the first round for being butt-ugly, Gimli has been disqualified for not really doing anything, and Grima Wormtongue was eliminated for, um, being a traitorous creep. All that we have left are Aragorn, son of Arathorn-
Arwen and Eowyn: Ow-ow!
Galadriel: -Frodo Baggins, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Faramir, Samwise Gamgee-
Rosie: whistles
Galadriel: -Legolas Greenleaf, Eomer of Rohan-
Lothiriel: Whoohoo!
Galadriel: -And Peregrin Took. Next round: the swimsuit competition.