Chapter 11—The Opposite Direction Normal People Want To Go

Sunday February 15—boy's dormitory, 2:23 am

Well, the ball was interesting, to say the least. Right after I finished getting ready, I received an owl from my mother. It was dated three days ago.

Dear James, it read.

The attacks have gotten worse. We were correct in the assumption that He would strike here next. There seems to be an attack every day, but They don't seem to be weakening. Of course, the Daily Prophet is hushing it all up and I expect Dumbledore won't say a word, so not to trouble the students.

I have been asked to stay three more weeks. Since I'm not entirely crazy, I agreed. But, don't worry. I'll be fine; I always am, aren't I? I'll owl you when I'm back.

Send my love to Remus and Sirius and keep up your grades. I love you, and try to stay out of trouble, okay?

Love, Mother

I wasn't in the greatest mood, to say the least. I mean, of course I would worry. How can I not? The thought of my fragile little mother fighting this disgusting excuse for a wizard is absolutely sick. I hate my father for doing this to us. If he hadn't left, my mother wouldn't have to work. She could stay home and run Godric's Hollow. I mean, in reality, she doesn't really need to work. We have enough fortune to live off of extremely happily, but mother always says we need to think of the future. But I'm fifteen; the only future I'm aware of is what I'm having for breakfast.

Anyway, I left for the ball before most people were finished getting ready. I didn't really have any desire to be around people, but I tried to cover it up when I met up with Ashlee. She looked great, naturally, but the strange thing was, her tight robe and great curves didn't do a thing for me.

I spotted Lily from the corner of my eye, having an awkward conversation with the floor, two Slytherins around her. I narrowed my eyes as I realized that one of them was her new boyfriend. I would have thought she would be all over him. I couldn't help smirking when I realized she was only really that way with me.

As expected, Lily looked incredible. I didn't even sneer as much as I normally would have at the sight of her and her date in Slytherin colors. I wonder if they planned that. If they did, they might need to get some serious help. First off, Lily isn't a Slytherin. And second, why are they matching? It's a little ridiculous if you ask me.

I forced myself to look away from her silky waves and her curves in the silver robe that wasn't too revealing. Turning back to Ashlee, I noticed her watching me watch Lily. I shook my head and forced a smile.

"Do you want to eat first?" I asked. She nodded and her face reflected my strained smile.

After a meal filled with forced small talk and even more awkwardness, Sirius joined our table and Ashlee moved to another to talk with some friends.

"I just danced with the lovely Lily. She looks better than ever tonight, doesn't she?" Sirius asked while I stabbed my food with my fork. I didn't answer. "Look, mate. I know you're probably mad about her suddenly dating this Slytherin guy, but let's think about it here. You wouldn't break up with Ashlee for her. She was really freaked out when Ashlee walked in on you two and you know she was bound to do something drastic; that's just who she is. Then, you show up at the ball with Ashlee on your arm, like nothing changed, like you guys are still together. And I mean, how would you feel?"

"Well, at least I wouldn't go off randomly dating the first person that asked me," I grumbled, my chicken formed into mincemeat from repeated stabbing. I put aside my fork and looked at Sirius.

"Well, I asked Lily about him and she didn't really seemed too pleased about the whole thing. Actually, she looked downright dreadful when I mentioned her dating him."

"She did?" I couldn't help asking, an annoyingly hopeful tone in my voice.

"Yeah. But, I think she thinks you're just using her to cheat on Ashlee."

"Yeah…" I replied, absentmindedly.

Scoping the Great Hall, my eyes found Lily on the dance floor with Remus. I watched Remus say something serious to her, but Lily just shook her head and replied, a slightly annoyed look on her face. She kissed his cheek and left, walking around the dance floor.

"Yeah," I repeated, getting up. "I'll see you later, Padfoot."

I followed Lily as she moved. She finally found her way to the refreshment table and poured herself a drink. I made my way over to her.

"I need to talk to you," I told her and she turned around to meet my eyes.

"Okay," she replied, sounding slightly nervous.

I took her hand and led her out of the Great Hall and into an empty classroom. Once we were both inside, I took out my wand and closed the door, locking it.

"What's on your mind?" She asked.

I was going to tell her about Ashlee, about how she never really meant anything to me. I meant to tell her that she was more than just a girl to cheat on Ashlee with. Maybe I even meant to tell her some disgusting romantic nonsense, but I didn't say any of those things.

Instead, my eyes looked her up and down, taking in her perfect little waist, her silky soft hair, her intense eyes, her smooth pink lips…

Instead, I found myself moving towards her and pressing my lips on hers.

I felt her weakening into my arms, but she forced herself to push me away.

"James, what are you doing?" She half-yelled.

"What we do," I replied, smiling. "You look unbelievable tonight."

Before she could say anything, I pulled her back towards me and kissed her again. This time, she didn't resist. I could feel her melting into me and I lifted her onto a table, using the sturdy wood to my advantage. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I found myself reaching for the clasp on her robes. Opening her robe in a practiced movement, I ran my hands over her bare waist, marveling at the smoothness of her skin. I lifted her legs around me and my lips traveled down her neck.

"James," she breathed, trying to catch her breath. I smirked with my lips on the soft skin of her neck. "James stop, please."

"Why?" I asked, my lips going further still.

"Because you have a girlfriend," she said, her breathing heavy. "And… I have a boyfriend now."

I froze against her, before meeting her eyes.

Okay, so yeah, I knew she was dating him. I heard their conversation when he asked her. But still. I mean, I was willing to cheat on girls I was dating with her. It just never occurred to me that Lily isn't the same way. She'll be the girl to cheat with, but not the cheater? It doesn't really make that much sense to me. Of course, Lily probably has more morals than I do, but still. What the fuck? And why would you bring this up in the middle of a hot and heavy make-out session? Way to put me out of the mood…

"What?" I replied, angry for her having ruined this moment. "Since when?" I took my arms from around her and acted as if this was news to me, as if I hadn't been eavesdropping on her entire conversation with the disgusting little Slytherin.

"This afternoon," she replied, almost guiltily. Her eyes begged me to comprehend the situation she had put herself into, but I was beyond listening to reason. I already wasn't in the greatest mood, what with my mother volunteering to give her life as an Auror, but this just put the cherry on top of a shitty day. I began to pace the room as I let out a cold laugh.

"This afternoon," I repeated, almost disgusted at the thought that this happened right after I dumped Ashlee. I mean, not that I was dumping Ashlee for Lily, but still. Couldn't she have waited five minutes to see if anything could happen between her and I? Maybe she only wants me when she can't have me? Damn, why do girls have to be so complicated. It's almost not even worth the trouble.

Except for the fact that it always is worth it.

"Why should it bother you anyway?" She asked after a moment of silence. She was getting angry, I could tell. "You have Ashlee. I thought that maybe she had some self-respect to dump your cheating ass when she found out about us, but I guess she really is as thick as she looks. Or did you just lie to her to 'keep a good shag' or whatever it is you do?"

What the fuck? I mean, honestly, where does Lily get these ideas? Keep a good shag? I mean, yeah, I guess that might be a reason to stay with someone, but I mean, come on. If the girl is as annoying and ditzy as Ashlee obviously was, it wouldn't even be worth keeping her around. How can Lily really think this about me?

Needless to say, I got angry. I mean, Lily doesn't even know me that well to be making these crazy assumptions about me. And, I mean, that's just what Lily and I do. We fight. I attempt to put her in her place and she tries to put me in mine. But all it really ends up doing is causing a bigger fight.

"How dare you!" I said, still pacing around the area in front of Lily. "Don't talk about things you know nothing about! It's none of your damn business what happened between her and I!"

Because it really wasn't her business. She has a boyfriend now. Why should she care what I do with my life? It's not like she wanted to be with me anyway, so why should it matter that I dumped Ashlee or if I was hoping to try something with her?

And yes, I am still aware of the bet. It's always in the back of my mind. But I keep pushing it further back, half hoping Sirius will forget about it and half wishing that I could just do it and be done with it.

"None of my business?!" She yelled back. "Oh, of course not. I'm only the girl you cheat on her with, why would it be any of my business?"

So, I guess she kind of has a point. But still. We're not dating. We never have been and we probably never will be. I mean, how could Lily and I possibly ever work out as a couple? It's utterly ridiculous, just the thought of it.

"I dumped her, okay?!" I replied, letting my anger get the best of me like it always seems to do when I'm with Lily. My voice echoed in the room, and she cowers slightly for a moment before straightening up, her jaw line hard and proud. "Does that make you happy? She wanted to 'work it out' or some bullshit but I don't want her. Happy now?"

"Why would I be happy? It's not like you wanted to date me anyway. That's why I started dating Luke. At least he wants me for more than just my body."

No offense to Lily or anything, but I seriously doubt that. There's something wrong about this Slytherin guy, something slightly off. I have a bad feeling about him. And I don't know. Maybe it's time I let Lily try to take care of herself even though she can't. I mean, she's made it pretty clear that she's done with me intervening. So maybe I won't anymore.

"I wouldn't be so sure, sweetheart," I told her, finally stopping my pacing.

"What the hell does that mean?" She commanded of me, standing.

"It means you don't know what's good for you," I told her honestly, knowing very well that she hated to hear this out loud. "You never have. You pick the wrong guys."

"Oh, and I suppose you're the right guy for me? Please, don't make me laugh."

I couldn't help feeling slightly hurt at her words. Of course, her and I together is absolutely ludicrous, but still. She had no right to taint her words with such disdain for me. How does she know I'm not right for her? For all she knows, we could end up married with children some day.

I know, I know, yeah right. But still. You never know what crazy, fucked up things the future can hold.

I felt my face go blank in shock and it was a few moments before I can speak again.

"This conversation is over."

And I walked out.

"Don't walk away from me!" I heard her yell after me, but I didn't respond. I just walked back to the Great Hall, hoping this night would soon reach it's end and I could forget it ever happened.

After the ball ended, I walked with Ashlee back to the Gryffindor Tower for the after-ball party. Not wanting to really spend time with anyone, I recruited Sirius to come up to the Boy's Dormitory with me, arms full of bottles of Firewhiskey.

After my second bottle, I was starting to feel warm and chatty. After exhausting all possible conversation about Sirius's current fling, we turned our talk to Lily, and I opened my third drink.

"So what happened with her, Prongs?" Sirius asked me, taking a swig of his bottle. "You left me to go see her and when you came back you were all moody and angry. I know Lily can be quite a pistol, but still. Did you guys get in another fight or something?"

"You could say that," I replied, taking a long drink.

"Well, would you care to elaborate?" I didn't respond, so Sirius continued. "Come on, Prongs. It's just me and you. What does it matter what's said between best mates?"

"I don't know, Padfoot," I replied after a moment. "She's just… There's just something about her. She always knows how to hit a nerve. It's like she does it on purpose. No one can make me as angry as she can." I finished my bottle and tossed it aside, cracking open another. "I mean, I dumped Ashlee and she had to go date that Slytherin bastard straight away. It's like… It's as if she only wants me when she can't have me, and then she complains about it. I don't know what else I can do."

"Well, what happened?" Sirius prodded, and I'm feeling slightly drunk, so I go ahead and tell him. Besides, it's Sirius. What harm could it do?

"We went to an empty classroom. I just couldn't take it anymore. You know how good she looked. So we started to kiss and shit, but then she got all mad and defensive. She started yelling at me about how she has a boyfriend now and she can't be doing this shit. She said I didn't want to date her anyway, so that's why she dated that Slytherin prick. I told her he wasn't right for her. I mean, you know she always picks the wrong guys. And she got mad, of course, and I left."

There was a few minutes of silence. I sipped my drink slowly and Sirius watched me, I guess trying to observe my reaction.

"Well, I don't know, mate. You know how Lily is. She just needs time to figure herself out first. She'll come around. She always does. Eventually, she'll figure out that she's made a big mistake."

"But, I mean, she can make her own shitty decisions. I'm done trying to help her. Every time I do, she just shits all over me. She was right, it's not like I wanted to date her anyway."

Sirius just smiled like he'd just figured out something I had yet to discover. I finished my drink and tossed it on the floor, glaring at Sirius.

"What?" I asked, my temper rearing its face once again.

"Well, if you don't want anything to do with her, mate," Sirius said, smile growing, "what are you getting so upset about?"

"What? I'm not upset!"

Sirius just laughed and stood up, starting to walk back downstairs to the party.

"I am not upset!" I called after him.

And, still. I'm not upset. She's just an insane little girl. She doesn't affect me at all.

You'd know it if I were upset.

God damn her.

Later, 11:18 pm

Today was another… weird day. I had a Quidditch game this morning, and while I was nursing a slight hangover, I've played with worse ones.

I woke early, not really able to sleep much at all. I showered and dressed before anyone else was awake and walked down to the common room early. As I was passing through on my way to the Great Hall for an early breakfast, I spotted a figure on the couch. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was Lily. She was shirtless, in only her bra and jeans, and was passed out with a liquor bottle still clutched in her hand.

At first I sneered at her. But then, Sirius's words flooded back into my mind. He said, she looked downright dreadful when I mentioned her dating him. I knew that Lily hadn't been at the Gryffindor party, which meant she was at the Slytherin one. I briefly wondered what had happened there. I wondered why she was so miserable, why she did destructive things, things that turned her life in the opposite direction any normal person would have wanted their life to go.

And, really, why was she dating him? Was it just to get back at me? It seems like a lot of trouble and misery to go through for someone like me, that she claims she doesn't even care about.

I wonder why she likes to make herself miserable.

Needless to say, we won the match. It wasn't difficult, and it didn't help that I saw a flash of Lily's bright hair every time I looked into the crowd. It almost gave me hope, like maybe she wasn't as angry with me as I thought. I mean, she still went to the game to cheer me on. Or maybe she was just cheering on everyone but me? I swear, she does annoying little things like this on purpose.

After the game, I changed out of my Quidditch robes and went back to the Quidditch Pitch. There's a ritual I like to do after every game we've won. I like to go back to the pitch and fly around for a little while, just taking in all the emptiness of the place that was filled with screaming people only minutes earlier. I don't much care for the thought of religion, I never have. But there's something powerful and spiritual about being in the pitch minutes after everyone has left.

So I was flying around when something black caught my eye from in the midst of the gray stands. I went to it and picked it up. It was a bag filled with books and notes, an all too familiar knife, and a bottle of sleeping pills. I recognized the petite, eloquent handwriting on the notes almost instantly. And as if I needed any more clues as to who this belonged to, the knife and pills were a dead giveaway.

I took the bag, intending this to be the 'grand gesture' or whatever bullshit girls talk about. The point is, this was what I needed to have a reason to talk to Lily and for us to get over that stupid little fight we got into yesterday.

As I began to fly around a little longer, a bright flash from the grounds caught my eye. It was Lily, searching the stands for her bag. I smirked and threw it towards her, marveling at her excellent reflexes. A throw like that should have smacked her straight in the face, but she caught it almost effortlessly. She would have been brilliant of the Quidditch team, if only she could stand the sport and all us prats on the team.

"Nice catch," I called out as I flew towards her. As soon as she realized that it was me, she glared and started to make her way down the stands. I positioned my broom in front of her. "Get on." If possible, her glare got worse and she walked around me.

Shrugging, I just decided to hop off my broom and follow her, throwing my broom over my shoulder. I mean, she was probably still mad at me, and it was my goal to get her to talk to me, no matter what it took.

"Stop!" She screamed, turning to face me, her face contorted with rage.

Honestly, I didn't know how she could be this mad at me already. Usually it takes me much longer to get her to this level of anger. I guess I broke my own record. That's something to be proud of, right?

We were standing by the lake and my face went blank with surprise before she started speaking again.

"Why are you even talking to me? You made it pretty clear that I'm nothing but a slut. Why would you want to hang out with a slut if so many other girls want you? Oh yeah, I forgot, all you can ever get is brainless whores anyway. Well, you know what? I'm not that girl. Why don't you just go shag yourself? Or better yet, go shag the giant squid or one of your many admirers? But definitely not me."

What the fuck? I mean, maybe it's just that time of the month or something. First of all, I never called her anything close to a slut. She just likes to put words in my mouth, I think. I don't know why, but she always likes to think the worst of me, always seems to think people see her much worse than they really do. I don't know why she always insists on doing and thinking the exact opposite direction that any normal person does.

"You're mental!" I told her, because she is, really. Maybe she's just in denial. "You're bloody fucking mad, do you know that? You say you're not a slut? Please, don't make me laugh. You, the one who passes out half-naked in the common room!"

Okay, so maybe this is kind of a low blow, seeing as she obviously hasn't been in the greatest shape lately, but honestly, she had it coming. No one can make me as angry as she can. It's like a fucking gift or something, getting on James Potter's nerves. Maybe she's some kind of specialist in pissing the fuck out of me.

I was waiting for her to have some sort of rudely annoying remark in return, but instead, she gave me a dirty look and put her hand out to touch my chest. I guess I was thinking that all this anger really did it for her, as she was coming closer to me. But all she ended up doing was pushing me into the lake.

May I just say, what a little bitch.

Once I get my head above the freezing water—may I just mention that it is fucking FEBRUARY! Why the fuck isn't the water frozen over!—I immediately start to yell at her.

"What the fuck, you daft—" But she cut me off with her bloody laughter.

"You deserved that," she told me in between laughs.

"Fine, but at least help me out of here. It's fucking freezing. Are you aware that it's February, you insane—"

I'll help you, you annoying prick," she said, cutting me off again. I hate when she cuts me off. Can't she ever wait her damn turn? Maybe that's one of her special skills in 'Annoying the Fuck Out of James Potter.' Bloody bitch. "But only so you'll shut up."

She held out her hand and I wrapped min around hers. Her skin was snow white and her skin was softer than any I'd ever felt. I immediately worried I would bruise her delicate hand with my coarse calloused one.

But, smirking slightly before Lily can think twice about what she's getting herself into, I pulled her into the lake next to me.

Classic.

"James Potter!" She scolds me and I can't help laughing.

"You did it to me," I reminded her, still laughing. She rolled her eyes.

"But you deserved it," she replied, shivering. I felt slightly bad when I noticed her lips had turned a little blue, but reminded myself that mine were probably purple by now. "Okay, help me get out."

Being the gentleman that I am, I pulled myself out and then held out a shivering hand to her, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Don't pull me in," I warned her and she rolled her eyes again.

"Please. I'm more mature than you."

I laughed as she slipped on the bottom of the lake and her head fell underwater again. When she resurfaced, she had the audacity to spit water out at me. Disgusting.

"Ew!" I yelled and she smiled, taking my hand. I easily pulled her out and I guess I overestimated how hard I needed to pull because we ended up toppling over on the ground, her on top of me.

While I didn't really have a problem with our positioning, Lily looked extremely awkward so I helped her off of me.

"Sorry," she said as she rolled off and stood up. I got to my feet as she wrung the water out of her hair. I put a hand threw mine. "So, um…" She looked nervous, it was almost cute. Then I remembered that she just pushed me into the freezing lake and that was the reason I couldn't feel my legs.

I looked at the ground, not knowing what to say. Part of me wanted to apologize for blowing up at her last night, but a bigger part of me felt completely justified in it. I mean, she's the one that randomly dated some guy so she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. If anything, she should be the one apologizing for jerking me around.

Oh, god, I just sounded like a bloody girl. What is Lily doing to me?

"Sorry I pushed you in, even though you deserved it," she said, breaking the strange silence. I couldn't help slightly smiling.

"What kind of apology was that?"

"I shouldn't be the one apologizing. I never did anything wrong. I was hoping to set a good example for somebody so the person who should really be saying sorry would," she said, shaking her head at me. I laughed at her words and she started to walk away, looking exhausted. I wonder if I exhaust her. Well, I hope so, because believe me, the feeling is mutual. A single girl has never been so draining as Lily Evans.

Sighing, I started running after Lily, catching up with her easily.

"Lily wait." She stopped and crossed her arms over her chest. "I, um…"

I couldn't get the words out. I mean, I'm James Potter, head Marauder. I don't apologize. Didn't she see what a huge sacrifice this was for me?

"Sorry," I muttered.

"What was that?" She asked, smiling. What a bitch. We both knew that she heard me. She just likes to play with me a little.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled and she raised her eyebrows at my raised volume.

"Okay," she replied, before smiling a little and heading back to the castle. I stared after her a minute, completely confused, before I followed her back into the warmth.

Fucking crazy day, right? I really don't understand my life.

And Lily. She's insane. I mean, she does the most random, terrible things and tries to make everyone think she wants things like Slytherin boyfriends and passing out half-naked. I mean, come on. We're not all as stupid as we look and we all know Lily better than she knows herself. She hates the things that she does, I can see that. But somehow, I guess she just can't stop. She can't really control herself, she never has been able to master that. And I don't know. I know I said I wouldn't intervene in her life anymore, but I can't really help it when she's driving it into the ground.

She just seems to want to pull in the opposite direction any normal, sane person would want to go, all the while smiling and acting like this is the life she wants to live.

But, you see, her lies are getting old fast. And well, we've all been able to see through them anyway. She's not fooling anyone. She's completely miserable. And for some crazy reason, I feel like it's up to me to make her happy, up to me to put her life back together.

Damn, I guess her insanity is rubbing off on me.

Author's Note: Hahaha, is he starting to have feelings for her?

Thanks to:

Merope Firpo

And all others who read. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and reviews would be very nice.

Next is Masked Denial, but I don't know when that will be out. That fic is harder to write than TTT and FOF, haha.

XDreamerx