If two years ago someone would have told me I would have ended up at a Companion Training House on the rim, I would have had to rely on all my training not to laugh right in their faces. But a lot of things can happen in two years and a lot of things certainly did, I left the civilized central planets, home of safety and security, for the emptiness of the black. The reasons for my leaving are many and I will not take the time to write them all down in this book, but suffice it to say that I had to get out. I needed to be away from the Alliance and all that it stood for. I found my refuge in a rather strange spot, in the form of Malcolm Reynolds and his ship Serenity

I knew from the first moment that I saw Serenity that she would be perfect for my needs, an old model transport I was surprised to still see flying. Well cared for, lived in, and a form If two years ago someone would have told me that I was going to end up at the first of freedom that I had not dreamed of having, with the added bonus of having a browncoat captain; Browncoats, the independence fighters of the war seven years past. The people I had been taught to despise, but for the moment the people who I needed the most.

My first impression of Malcolm Reynolds was that he was an arrogant fool; abet a useful fool. He had an air of command about him, and one thing that I was not going to let him do was try to command me, or call me a whore. My viewpoint soon changed though which is where my story gets much more interesting. His air of command served him and his crew well; he was a Captain first person second. He was protective and impulsive, but it fit the job. I knew that above all I could trust him, even if he was a petty thief. But I also knew something else, I was failing at my job, and it was his fault, all his fault, because I was falling in love with him.

Companions don't fall in love; love makes us lose control and control is what makes a companion. I remember all the times that I lost control, lost what I was. Is it but a coincidence that they all have to do with the prospect of death? No, not when we're dealing with Mal.

So here I am writing in this crazy book, having left the only home that I truly had, the man I will always love, a little sister who I'm sure misses me almost as much as I miss her, and friends that I had never before permitted myself to have. The sad and pathetic tale of a woman who is not only afraid but also not able to commit, causer of complications.

That isn't to say that I don't enjoy my life here because I do. My every wish is fulfilled; I live in a land of beauty teaching the beautiful. But then there are times like tonight when I think back and wonder why I am teaching these girls to be a part of something that holds me prisoner. There are times that I look out at the blackness of space and wish that I was there, there where I good be free. But not tonight, tonight I have classes to teach, which is where I must go now or else I will be late, not a good Companion trait to teach. "Honour all appointments", something that I do not miss about Serenity and her crews' dealings is that I never have to fear taking off early from a client. I live in a world of rules and sometimes I think that they should all be thrown out my pretty picture window.

"Tonight we will be discussing control." I say standing at the front of what you could call a classroom, a very fine classroom, where seventeen-year-old girls sit perfectly straight dressed in silks and satins. "Who can tell me the importance of control?"

A delicate hand raises from the back of the class. Maria oh why do I have to deal with her sarcasm tonight? "Yes, Maria."

"Control is what makes a Companion, it is the most important lesson that we can ever learn." What? I practically screamed in my head, this girl was actually right, I had to struggle to keep my surprise off my face as she continued.

"A Companion must always be in control, must never allow a situation, any situation that she is a part of get out of control. Without control we risk loosing who we are, and especially here away from the central planets, losing everything, including our lives. Though control also presents problems, we cannot show our emotions outwardly, they build up and fester until we must release them, or then too we will lose whom we are."

"Very good Maria." I replied with a smile and it was a rare true smile. "What should a Companion do if she finds herself in a situation that she cannot control? Yes Emma."

"Run away." Her quiet answer came from the front of the class.

"Yes that is a very good answer, the only good answer." It was nice to see that these girls were agreeing with me even thought they did not know the circumstances to which they were agreeing.

"Pardon miss?" Ah here comes Maria's sarcasm, I might as well indulge seeing as she has been good this evening.

"Yes?" I said sounding way more pleased then I was presently inclined to feeling.

"I think that different situations call for different solutions. There are times when it may be best to try and regain control, by showing emotions for example, or being passionate. I do not think that running away is the best action in every situation."

I nodded my head trying to agree, but hoping that I would never have to. Running away had to be the best thing didn't it? "Thank you for your opinions Maria and Emma. Now let us use the last minutes of the lesson in quiet mediation, where we learn to control our emotions."

Not that it really worked though anything was worth a try. Kneeling before the statue of Buddha I lit a stick of incense before joining my students in mediation. I allowed my mind to drift, drift up like the smoke from the smoldering incense but nothing could clear away the visions of that ship called Serenity, and her ragtag crew.