DO-OVER

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon Gilmore Girls' characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Tick, Tock

It's twelve o'clock…Joshua promised to call. Why hasn't he? I have appointments and errands to run. Does he think my life is frivolous and meaningless, too? Honestly, I could slap Richard for that remark. It still stings every time I think about it and no matter how hard he tries to apologize for it, once something is said, you can't take it back.

I pace around the room like an animal in captivity, when suddenly the phone rings. I race to pick it up--"Hello, yes, this is Emily Gilmore. Yes, Dr. Reynolds office, I'll wait…hello, Joshua. The results of my biopsy… oh, that's wonderful news…but why? Yes, of course, I can stop by later this afternoon. Richard? I'll see. Bye-Bye."

Suddenly, I feel as if I have aged twenty years after that call. Nothing to worry about? Then why should I bring Richard to my meeting? Why do I even have to have a meeting if my biopsy is normal…unless it isn't normal. My stomach begins to churn as I reach for a chair and collapse right into it. Just as thoughts begin to race around in my mind, the phone rings again. This time I can barely pull myself up to answer it.

"Hello, Richard. Yes, Yes, I just spoke to Joshua. I know that I don't sound well but the news is… good. I have to see Joshua about it later this afternoon. At four. No, you don't have to accompany me. It's probably about some health insurance matters, my diet going forward or whatever. No, I'm not trying to keep anything from you. The biopsy was normal. Look, I've got meaningless errands to run, I'll see you at dinner." That last remark had its intended effect. Richard quiets immediately and lets me end the phone conversation.

I sit there for what seems an eternity. I am scared and I want my daughter. It's not that I don't want Richard --it's just that he isn't as strong as he pretends to be especially when it comes to me, Lorelai or Rory being ill. Those ear infections Lorelai had as a little girl took more of toll on him than her. He can cope with out-of-wedlock babies but not illness especially if it's one of his Gilmore girls. I can just imagine him panicking right now--calling Joshua and demanding answers. Lorelai wouldn't do that. At least, my little Lorelai wouldn't. She would take my hand in hers and say, "don't worry Mommy, I'll take care of you if you get sick. You can count on me." At least, once upon a time she loved me that way. Now, I'm not so sure.

Swallowing hard, I pick up the receiver and dial. 'Hello, Dragonfly Inn--Lorelai speaking." "Hello Lorelai, this is your Mother. Do you have a moment?' "Sorry Mom, I have a group of yodellers checking in--can you make it fast?'" I can't tell whether she's serious or not but I continue anyway. "I, er, I was wondering if you are free to join me later this afternoon…" "Mom, I run a business, I can't just pick up and leave at the drop of hat. What is this about?" I can't help thinking that if I were Rory or Luke, Lorelai would DROP EVERYTHING without the slightest hesitation, yodellers be damned.

"Mom… Mom are you still there?" "Yes, Lorelai. Never mind then, I'll speak to you later," and I click off the phone. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother-- things are never going to change between us. That sad realization hits me harder than whatever Joshua has to tell me. I sit down, throw my head back and close my eyes.

It's four o'clock on the dot as I enter Joshua's wood-panelled office. I do wish he would change the décor. It's so somber and sterile. Pastels would work nicely and be more calming for the patients. Oh, what a silly thought… anything to keep my mind off of why I am really here. Shoulders back; head high, I walk straight ahead to the reception area and announce myself. The nurse smiles and looks up at me, "Your husband is waiting for you and Dr. Reynolds will be with you both shortly." My husband? I quickly turn around and there sits Richard in the corner, peering out from behind a newspaper and looking like a scared little boy. "What are you doing here?" I sigh exasperatedly. "I came to be with you, so don't make a fuss Emily. And, as far as health insurance matters are concerned--I'll take care of everything, that's my job. Your job is to stay healthy. Now sit down."

Somewhat relieved, I sit down and stare at him. He smiles and pats my hand. Just then, Joshua's booming voice is heard ushering us into his office, where moments later we are seated. Richard's hand is tightly clinging to mine. Joshua stares at some reports and begins, "Again, I would like to reiterate that your tests are fine, technically."

Richard sits up abruptly " Fine, technically! What the hell does that mean, Joshua?" Unphased, Joshua continues "The breast tissues we biopsied are pre-cancerous. Fortunately, that means we can effectively treat these cells before they actually develop into breast cancer."

Did he say breast cancer? I sit there stunned. Richard is the one who rolls ahead asking question after question. I'm just numb with fear and shock. Sweetie Nelson died after years of battling breast cancer. I can remember it all: The nausea, the baldness, the grief…holding her hand and crying with her. Who is going to hold my hand and cry with me?

"Emily, Emily are you listening?" Joshua's voice invades my thoughts. "No, I'm sorry, I'm not," I find myself saying. Undeterred, Joshua continues, "You really are damned lucky we found that lump in time before it turned into cancer. You aren't even at stage one."

"What's the plan, what do we do now?" Richard asks anxiously. Pulling out his desk diary, Joshua responds without even looking up, "Well, I've decided that we'll treat you with a moderate regimen of chemotherapy and then get you onto tamoxifen. But first, we should schedule the lumpectomy…Thursday, looks good."

Surgery and Chemotherapy? I feel as if I am going to faint. Thank goodness, I am sitting down. Just then, Richard pulls out his diary, "I'll cancel all my appointments Thursday and Friday and Emily will do the same. How long do you anticipate Emily's recovery taking?" Without missing a beat, Joshua retorts "She can come home on Monday and start chemo on Friday."

"Good. Then it is all settled." "Emily, are you still with us?" Barely. I don't even register who is talking to me, I just nod my head. Joshua stands up and shakes my hand and solemnly whispers, "You are very lucky we caught this in time. My nurse, Veronica has made all the arrangements, see her on your way out."

Before I know it, Richard has wrapped my seat belt around me and buckled me in. He leans in and tenderly kisses my forehead. "Everything will be fine, you'll see. We'll just have to cancel dinner on Friday night but the girls won't mind," he says, as we pull out of the office parking lot onto the highway heading home. Normally, it's a short drive but this time, it seems to go on forever.