Chapter 20
"Sawyer, go get some rest." Jack said gently. Sawyer shook his head. No. He was staying here.
It was deadly quiet in the ships hospital room, and Sawyer hated the silence, and the white walls and the way just being there made him feel, but he was not going to leave Kate.
"You need rest." Jack persisted, sounding just as tired as Sawyer felt. "She's going to be fine." He added.
"I have to be here," Sawyer chocked. "I said I wouldn't leave her." Jack didn't answer, just nodded his head and left the room.
Sawyer sat by the bed and waited for Kate to wake up. She looked so weak, so drained, nothing like the Kate he used to know. There was a small bandage on her head were she had cut it. The doctor on board had said she might have a slight concussion, and needed plenty of rest, and plenty to eat and drink to get her strength up, and she'd be fine. Sawyer had asked Jack's opinion and he had agreed, but it didn't stop him from worrying.
Suddenly Kate began to stir, and slowly her eyes flickered open.
"Hello Freckles," Sawyer said gently, squeezing her hand.
Kate looked around in surprise, she seemed confused, frightened almost.
"What happened?" she asked hoarsely.
"Blacked out." Sawyer told her, simply, "You ok Freckles?" he added softly. She nodded slowly, but he could tell something was bothering her. "It's alright," he whispered, squeezing her hand, "I'm here."
Kate shook her head. "No, it's not alright." She said, her voice wobbling with emotion. "Sawyer," she whispered, "I thought you were going to leave me. I thought I was going to get on that plane and never see you, or Lilly or Telly ever again!" she started to cry softly, and Sawyer could hardly stand it.
"I'll never leave ya Freckles, you know that!" He whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I love you, more than anything." But Kate continued to cry.
"When he said those things," she sobbed, avoiding Sawyer's eyes, "I thought you were going to leave me, when I saw your face I was sure, sure you were going to just like everyone else."
"Hey," Sawyer said fiercely, "Look at me Freckles, I'll never leave you, ok? I think you're a better person than me." He added truthfully. "Besides, I already knew about half of it." Kate looked away from him. She hated seeing him like this, his emotions so unguarded, his face so full of pain and concern. And it was because of her that he was like that.
"Maybe you should leave," Kate considered."Everyone I've touched I've destroyed. I don't want to hurt you too Sawyer," the way she said it, and meant it-hurt more than any insult Sawyer had ever had thrown at him.
"Don't think that," he pleaded, "I need you too much."
Kate was sobbing loudly now, "I killed him Sawyer," she managed to choke out, "it was my fault, and he had a family." She chocked, sniffing pitifully, "It was an accident, I never meant for it to happen, he wouldn't get out of the car. . ." Sawyer pulled her face around so she was looking at him.
"You want me to give up on you freckles?" he whispered getting angry-the only way he knew how to deal with situations like this. "Then you tell me to piss off, right now, right here!" he was almost shouting now. "But don't ever, ever think I shouldn't be with you, cos that's I want. You hear me? Even after all we've been through, all we've done-all of the things that might happen to us, I wanna be with you! But if you want me gone-hell, if you think I'm better off without ya, tell me-and I'll go! I'll go if it's what you really want, if it's the best thing for you, but don't you dare try do this for me, you hear?" he paused, staring hard into her eyes, "what do you want?" he asked quietly, forcing himself to be calm when inside he was scared like hell of what the answer might be.
Kate didn't say anything for a long time, Sawyer held out his arms, praying she'd come into them, and she did.
Sawyer lay on the bench and watched the clouds as the moved across the sky, covering the stars and the moon. He knew people were probably looking for him, but he didn't care, he wanted to be alone at least for now.
It must have been early morning, and he wondered numbly if Kate was still sleeping, and how Lilly and Telly were going. "Gonna have to give that kid a proper name," he muttered aloud to himself.
This reminded him of the old days when he would sit at home on the island by himself and go over things in his mind, except the sound of birds outside was replaced the sound of waves crashing against the ship, and his thoughts weren't about his revenge, but about his family. It suddenly occurred to Sawyer that he wasn't 'Sawyer' anymore, it was just a name that had stuck. He didn't even look at the letter anymore, or think about it-he'd kept it, but more out of habit than actually keeping it because he needed it.
He was a better person now, and it was all because of Kate. Five years ago if someone had told him he'd have a wife and kids, he would have laughed at them. Five years ago, he would have expected himself to go on as the same tragic person, with a lust for revenge and a habit of making one night stands. A bad person. He shouldreally be the one getting punished, he should be the one torn away from his kids and family, not Kate.
When he thought of Kate, he thought of a good person who had done bad things, but was somehow good-someone who tried to outrun their past, as if the further away they got from it, the more it might disappear. It all made perfect sense to him that Kate was a good person-he got her, but try and explain that to someone else and they just wouldn't understand.
He stayed there for a long time, watching as the sky went from a dark inky black to a deep blue. He would have been quite content to lie there until sunup when someone came and stood behind him.
"Mind if I sit?"
Sawyer twisted around and saw much to his displeasure it was the Captain.
"Actually I do." The Captain sat down beside him anyway. "Oh, right, it's your ship, I forgot." Sawyer said sarcastically, pulling himself into a sitting position.
"Hows your wife?" the Captain asked, trying to sound casual, but sounding nervous instead.
"Well, lets see. She's been locked up away from her family, she hasn't even spent a full day with her son yet, you've been treating her like shit…you tried to put her on a godamn plane, then she fell and hit her head. How the hell do you think you'd feel?"
"Sorry," the Captain said, looking away. "I am, really, I understand your situation."
"Do you?" Sawyer challenged, the Captain went slightly red.
"I must think of the safety of my passengers Mr. Ford-it's my job."
"Yeah? Well, it's my job to look after her." Sawyer pointed out angrily.
The Captain was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. "I've decided, in light of your wife's health-to let her stay on board until we dock in America. I've also talked to the detective's and the Marshals, and we've come to an agreement." Sawyer was listening intently now.
"You're wife will be allowed to stay with you in your cabin, but there are…strict conditions you must oblige to." Sawyer couldn't believe his luck.
"What?" he asked, not sure what to expect.
"Well, for one, Thomas-the Marshal on board will be present with our everywhere you go-and I mean everywhere, and the day before we dock, she will be required to go stay in the original cabin we assigned her-I hope you understand."
Sawyer was speechless, finely he managed to utter, "why?"
The Captain gave him a small smile. "I have a wife, and a daughter at home. That's why-I just hope I can trust her." He added, he got to his feet. "Your friends are looking for you, by the way." He added. Sawyer nodded, and getting to his feet, he began to make his way towards the hospital.
Kate shut her eyes tighter. She could feel something on her face, tickling her, for a moment she wondered what was going on, then she heard a familiar giggle.
"Lilly?" she opened her eyes to see her daughter was sitting beside her, permeant marker in one hand, a cheeky grin on her face.
"Mummy!"
Lilly threw herself into Kate's arms and Kate hugged her hard, trying to figure out what was going on. She was in a large room on a king sized bed. The room was richly decorated, with a porthole that showed the sparkling sea far below them.
"What were you doing Baby?" Kate asked confused. Lilly flashed her adorable smile.
"Colouring you in? see!" Lilly held up the permanent marker. Kate laughed and got to her feet, walking towards a mirror in the corner of the room.
She burst into laughter at the sight of her face. Lilly had drawn glasses, a beard and moustache on her face, as well as adding a few extra freckles. "Do you like mummy?" asked Lilly, tugging hard on Kate's hand. Kate laughed.
"It's good, but not on my face next time, ok?" she was too happy just seeing Lilly to be mad. Lilly just grinned.
Kate was looking around, trying to figure out how she got here. "Where's dad?" she asked.
"He went to get you breakfast, don't tell him I told you though mummy, it's a secret!"Lilly whispered. Then as an afterthought she added. "Uncle Sayid is here though, and that man."
"A man?" Kate asked, puzzled, but As Lilly showed her out of the room she realised who it was. Thomas the young Marshal was sitting on a chair, reading the newspaper. He looked up when she came out, his gaze lingering on her face. Kate gave a small smile, "she got bored." She explained, before Lilly pulled her into what seemed like a miniature lounge room.
Someone threw themselves at her, almost knocking Kate over.
"Kate! Kate I'm so glad to see you!" A distinctively aussie voice said. Kate patted Claire on the back.
"Missed you too," she managed to gasp. Someone else was hugging her as well now.
"Are you ok Kate?" Kate recognized Suns voice.
"Fine," she managed to gasp, they were hugging her so tightly.
She could see Sayid on the lounge, smiling broadly at her, almost laughing because of the mess her face was in. Finely they drew back, and Claire squealed.
"Kate-what happened to your face?" Kate laughed.
"Lilly did,"
Sun looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry," she said quickly, "I was meant to be keeping an eye on her, but then the twins were overflowing the bath and-,"
"It ok, really." Kate cut in, "I'm just happy to be here, why am I here?"
"Because our plan worked," Sayid said, getting to his feet for the first time, and giving Kate a hug. "It is good to have you back."
"Thankyou," whispered Kate, feeling a little overwhelmed and awkward. "But where's Sawyer, and Telly?"
"Sawyer went … out." Claire said, Kate didn't bother to tell her that the surprise breakfast secret was out. Sun returned from another room with Telly in her arms, the twins and Aaron following.
"Aunty Kate!" They all cried, hugging her; before Kate took Telly in her arms and sat down to nurse him.
"We still haven't named you," she said sadly as he stared up at her contently. Claire grinned at her.
"Maybe you should just leave it at Telly then? or you could call him potato head, thats what Charlie calls him." She suggested. Kate shook her head.
"No…I had a name in mind….but, I guess I'll ask Sawyer when he turns up."
There was an awkward silence as Kate placed Telly in a cradle that stood next to the lounge. Thomas dropped a cup somewhere in the kitchen and quickly cleaned the mess up.
Suddenly the door burst in and Sawyer entered with a bunch of bags. Everyone seemed to leave the room at once, Sun quickly took off with Bae and Cho, saying she needed to find Jin, Sayid said he'd promised someone he'd ring them, and went off to his own cabin, and Claire left with Aaron and Lilly because she'd promised to take them for a walk.
"What the hell happened to your face Freckles?" Sawyer asked with a funny look on his face, as he dropped the bags in surprise.
"Lilly," Kate said with a smile, "and where's my surprise breakfast?" she added, putting her hands on her hips.
Sawyer laughed. "Didn't stay a surprise for long, did it? I can't give it you if its not a surprise." He teased.
Kate gave him a playful smile. "Don't make me hurt you-hand it over."
Sawyer handed her a brown paper bag with hash browns and pancakes in it. "This is your surprise?" asked Kate with a laugh; trust Sawyer to get her a McDonald's breakfast as the surprise.
"No," said Sawyer with a sly grin, "this is." He held up a gold ring with a beautiful blue diamond in it. Kate gasped, she didn't know what to say. Sawyer wasn't exactly the romantic type, so she had never really expected any sort of proposal. Maybe a casual "do you wanna get hitched now?" but here he was, holding out a ring.
"Well you gonna say something freckles?" Sawyer asked, getting impatient. Kate laughed, well the romantic mood was definitely gone now.
"Do I even have to?" she asked, throwing herself at him. Sawyer pushed her on the lounge and Kate kissed him, realising how long it seemed since their last kiss. Pulling back for just a few seconds, Sawyer pulled her T-shirt off.
A loud noise distracted them and Kate realised with horror that it was Thomas. It was hard to tell who was more embarrassed as Kate quickly pulled her T-shirt over her head, him or her. "Damn!" Sawyer swore quietly under his breath.
"Forget you were here," he said loudly to Thomas, as he helped Kate off the lounge. "He has to stay with us at all times, one of the rules…." Kate nodded, looking away from the young Marshal who was bright red.
"Here's your ring," Sawyer said in a off-hand voice, Kate took it and slid it over her finger, she could still feel her cheeks burning. For a moment no one in the room was sure what to do, then Sawyer said. "Well, betta clean yourself up sweet cheeks, we gotta go out."
"Go out where?" Asked Kate as she scrubbed her face hard with soap from the bathroom. She didn't feel like going out just yet, not in front of all the nosey passengers.
"We gotta go shopping," Said Sawyer, walking towards her, Kate raised her eyebrows.
"You want to go shopping?"
"Well Freckles, just so happens there throwin' a party for all us survivors here, and any opportunity to see you in a dress." He said with relish.
Kate wrinkled her nose like she'd smelt something bad. "I'm not wearing a dress," she said firmly. Sawyer gave her one of his looks.
"After all I've done for you freckles, I think you are, besides, I'm wearing a suit."
"Fine," Kate gave in, "but not the kind of dress your thinking of," she said with a sly grin as she left the bathroom.
"You're no fun freckles!" Sawyer called after her.
"How about this one?" Kate gave Sawyer an 'are you kidding?' stare.
"Sawyer, it looks like its made of string, it's too revealing."
"Well that's the point." Sawyer muttered under his breath. "Hey, what about this one?" he asked, pointing to another.
"Not on your life," Kate replied dryly. She was looking at a green one, it was a little too revealing at the back for her taste, but otherwise she actually liked it. "What do you think of this?" she asked, Sawyer scrunched up his face and sighed.
"it's nice," he admitted, "hell, what do you think Thomas?" he asked, Thomas who'd be lingering around in the background jumped.
"Oh, nice, very nice." He agreed quickly.
Sawyer shook his head in disgust, "I still like the string one," he said.
"Well I'm not wearing it," Kate pointed out, heading towards the changing rooms.
Sawyer waited impatiently, it certainly was taking a long time to get changed. "What else you doin' in there Freckles?" he yelled, he heard Kate give an impatient sigh.
"I'm coming out now, and you better not laugh." Sawyer rolled his eyes at Thomas who was standing in the corner as If bored, then turned his attention back to Kate.
She looked beautiful.
"What's wrong?" asked Kate automatically. Sawyer shook his head.
"Nothing, except," he gave her a cheeky grin, "I still recken the string dress is better."
Kate rolled her eyes, "You would."
"Are you sure I look ok?" Kate asked nervously before saying quickly, "I don't think I should go."
"Why the hell not?" asked Sawyer, who was enjoying seeing Kate in a dress for the first time. Kate looked at him nervously.
"Sawyer, people are going to be there, the press and everything. It was bad enough having passengers stare at me today when we were shopping, what will it be like at the party?"
"Baby, in that dress, any man who didn't look at you would have to be gay."
Kate hit Sawyer on the arm hard. "Be serious," she whined. Sawyer pulled her into a hug.
"I won't let nothing happen Freckles, besides you have to go, everyone else wants to see if you're ok." Kate sighed.
"Well, I'm just leaving my hair out then," she said grudgingly. Sawyer thought she looked beautiful with her hair down, and didn't see the problem with this, but Kate seemed grumpy about it. "If only I had some hairspray…" she mumbled. Much to Sawyer's relief Lilly ran into the room.
"Daddy! Daddy! Look at me!" She cried, jumping into his arms. She was wearing a pretty blue dress and had a big blue bow in her hair.
"Wow, sexy," Sawyer commented, Kate laughed and agreed with him. "Oren looks good too."
"Who?" asked Sawyer.
Kate went slightly red. "Oh, I've just been thinking of names for Telly and I don't know, I was thinking of Oren a lot." Sawyer raised his eyebrows.
"You wanna name the kid Oren?"
Kate nodded her head. "I figure it's better than Telly." She flashed Sawyer a smile.
"Oren don't sound that much different sweet cheeks." Sawyer grumbled.
Kate shrugged, "we could always call him Jack," she said innocently, though Sawyer could see her lips twitching, just wanting to break into a grin.
"Oren it is," Sawyer said through clenched teeth. He hated it when Kate got her way like this.
Kate picked up Oren, cradling him in her arms, before placing a kiss on his forehead. "Oren it is." She repeated. Sawyer smiled, Oren actually seemed to suit him. Now that he thought about it.
At any rate, it was better than Jack.
Well it's finely updated! I don't know how long until the next update as the internet seems to have a mind of its own right now, and keeps connecting and disconnecting.