Chapter one: Comparisons
Disclaimer: I don;t own anything, except in my dreams
"Jesus Karen how on Earth do you manage to make such a mess before you've even unpacked? Asked Lily in an exasperated voice. I surveyed my bed with a certain amount of pride- not many possesed my combined skills of disorginatisation and mess making and it was an added bonus that my untidyness pissed Lily Evans off. Just my luck that Igot stuck sharing a room with the biggest goody-goody in the entire world for seven fucking years, but i suppose it was marginally better than being in Slytherine.
"Years of practice" I shrugged, collapsing onto the mattress and feeling underneath it for the cigarettes I'd stashed from last term. Out of the corner of my eye I could see those irritating green eyes narrow in dissaproval as I lit one with my wand and inhaled, sighing theatrically for her benefit, like smoking was so good it gave me an orgasm or something.
"I do wish you wouldn't do that Karen- it's so bad for you." She whined, picking up some of the clothes I'd discarded from earlier and making a big show of folding them and sorting them neatly into my cupboard. If there's one thing I hate, its people touching my stuff, especially Martha Stewart wannabes with wands stuck up their arses.
"Lily please you're messing everything up, I won't be able to find anything in the morning" I snapped as she started rearranging the carnage of stuff on my bed side table. Sometimes i just don't know how James copes. She shrugged helplessly, I know she doesn't like our arrangement anymore than I do- we are the original odd couple, compleltely different in every possible way.
"So did you have a good Summer?" She asked, her voice strained with the effort of trying to maintain the civility between us.
'It was absolute bollcoks, the pitts. My fucking parents banished me to Scotland when they found out about the Derek incident.' I moaned, shuddering at the memory of two long months cooped up in a convent with my aunt and a hundred other ancient celibate cranks. Sexual frustration, nicoting withdrawal symptons and lack of tv makes Karen a dull girl.
"Well I warned you didn't I? You were just asking to get caught when you snuck up onto the roof of all places. I hate to break it to you Karen but discrepency is hardly one of your more honed skills."
"Yeah, and it didn't help that i fell off naked." I added, watching her blush at the very idea. I just love prudes, they're so easy to wind up. I rolled over so we were face to face and I had her utmost attention
'So have you been aqainted with James' little friend yet?" I asked, making Lily squirm was one of my absolute favourite games. It's especially fun because she's a red head and goes red as a tomato at the mere mention of anything remotely rude.
"Thats really none of yur buisness" She muttered, finally taking a hint and leaving my stuff alone, but it was to little to late and now I was curious.
'Oh my God you two have had Sex?' I squealed, "I bet he's fantastic in bed, being a seeker an all must keep him incredibly flexible." I chided, secretley hating the fact that she'd been getting some all over Summer while I was forced to share a room with a seventy year old relic with bowel problems.
"Keep your voice down Karen, I don;t want to talk about it, its private." She hissed , moving back to her own bed on the other side of the room in an effort to get away from me.
'Oh come on Lils, its not like I haven't heard it all before.' I laughed, as she glared at me, picking up a disgustingly thick book and sweeping out of the room, off to visit Jamesie no doubt.
"What was all that about?" Asked Janine, my other room mate and partner in crime as she came out from the bathroom and began drying her hair.
"James has finally made a woman out of our little Lily." I burst, watching her face contort in shock.
"What Evans' done it before me? How did this happen?' She demanded looking horrified. Janines waiting for the one. I've had several ones since my sexual awakeing in Bogna when I was sixteen, but that was less a case of destiny and more because there was nothing better to do. Don't get the wrong idea though, I'm not a slag, I've only ever slept with people I've been in serious relationships with, well relationships anyway, but what can I say? I'm a serial monogamist with a sexy ass that needs to be shared with the world and a hedonistic outlook.
'Don't feel to bad, red heads are notorious for their libido, she's been gagging for it since she hit puberty.'
"James just called me the female Sirius today- should I be offended? Should i get my army of ninjas to waste him with their numchucks?" I asked Janine as we changed for flying practice.
"Well I suppose he does have a bit of a reputation.' She remarkedwhilst pullingup a pair of shockingly tiny hot pants. Someone reallly wants to get laid.
"Who wears short shorts?' I chimed, pocking her in the side.
"Shut up McCarthy, your're the one being compared to Hogwarts answer to sodding Casanova." She shot back, Jesus sexual frustration is an ugly trait, I should know I hadn't so much as touched a boy since last August and that had disastrous consequences, namely bare arse, concrete andlots of ickle star gazing seventh years seeing way to much than their age permitted.
" I don't think its a fair comparison, I mean if you think about it in two years who have I been with?"I asked
"Well Derek obviously."
" Obviously- but we went out for ages, in fact I think technically we're still together since neither of us officially ended it before the Scotland fiasco.'
"Well considering that he was halfway down Izzy Taylors throat last timeI lookI think its safe to say you're finished.' She said with her usual amount of sesitivity and tact.
'Wow thanks for breaking it to me gently. Do you think the mafia are available to take care of him?' I drawled.
'Whatever' She replied in a disinterested voice. "You were with Kyle Brentworth for a while last year right?"
"Oh yeah, he cried once after we had sex and it was never the same after that, I mean I know I'm good and all, but I'm not that good."
Janine made retching noises beside me.
'Jesus, to much information.' She moaned. I grinned sheepishly, sometimes I forget that she's so innocent, but I love that about her, its so charming. Sometimes I wish that I'd held out, I mean people really respect her for wanting it to be right, unlike sex maniac over here.
"Sorry dude, anyway where was I? Oh yeah, well obviously there was Bogna Bill, but I think we should strike him from the record- it's an experience I'd rather forget.' I shuddered, remembering the painful inexperience, the clammy hands and awkward messhing of flesh. Oh and the sheep in the field opposite his window that I could swear were staring at us. Highly romantic stuff.
"And don't forget Robbie Behr, the old Ravenclaw captain." She added as we made our way out of the changing room. My eyes glazed over dreamily as I remembered that body
"How could I forget, man he was perfect, if only he wasn;t secretley lusting after dear old Sirius." I giggled, recalling the secret stash of Mr. Black photographsI found in a box under his bed, I swear I wasn't snooping...much.
"Well who can blame him- man they'd make one hell of a cute couple" We considered the idea for a moment, before shaking it simultaneously from our minds.
"Whatever doodle hopper, thats four, hardly Sirius "three in a bed and one waiting in the broom closet" Black standards is it."
We were out in the field by this point andas I finished my rantI dimly registered Pr. Gretcher yelling at us for being late as the other girls swooshed around above our heads.
We mounted our brooms and zoomed off into a secluded spot where we could smoke and gossip in peace.
"You're such a muggle." She giggled as I lit a Marlboro and we began passing it back and forth.
'Whatever, you Wizards are missing out.' I muttered, blowing into my hands to fend off the crisp, cold September air. We floated around for a few moments in amiable silence, before I noticed that Janine was getting wicked fidgety across from me, sending these weird little looks that I couldn;t make out. Finally I could take her weirdo behaviour no longer.
'What is it freakzoid?' I demanded.
'Karen, what would you think if I told you I might have found the one?' She mumbled ackwardly. My jaw dropped as I lost my grip and almost fell arse over face off the broom.
'What you got a boyfriend and didn't tell me?" I exploded, feeling ritiously pissed off.
'God no, d'you think I could keep that a secret?'
'Well what is it then- or more pointedly who?' I asked.
She went bright red and looked at the ground.
'Lupin- I mean nothings happened, but I just get this feeling when I'm around him, like something amazing will happen between the two of us you know the feeling right? And he makes me dizzy and when I'm not around him it feels like I can;t breath.' She babbled.
'Wait a minute Lupin, tall pale quiet one?' I asked
'Yeah- he's just amazing- he's got the most beautiful expressive green eyes, and I swear he looks like he should be a rock star.' She was off again. I thought hard for a moment, i was well aquainted with James, we'd been Potions buddies for years and Sirius and I were sparring partners but Remus had always been somewhat of an enigma. Admittedly I could see where Janine was coming from with the whole rockstar comparison, I'd always thought he had this mysterious, sexy quality.
'Do you think he's on drugs? He looks like he might be on drugs.'
'He is not on drugs, he's just got that look.' She snapped, and I knew at that moment that it was love. SHe only get's defensive when she really cares, like the time she punched Snape in the face for calling me a mudblood slut.
'Well I guess he has my blessing, he seems respectable.' I shrugged, feeling a weird protective vibe at the thought of my baby Janine growing up.
'Wow I'm so glad you approve.' SHe bit back sardonically, but I knew secretly she was pleased. Its not a nice feeling when your best friend hates your boyfriend, as I discovered when Janine took an instant dislike to Derek. But secretly I was mulling over her previous remark of knowingthat something amazing was going to happen between them, because I'd never had that feeling and until that moment it hadn't occured to me that this might be a bad thing. I'd slept with four boys and I don't think I ever really liked any of them, not really liked. There were never supernovas and declarations of everlasting adoration, never moments of quiet tenderness as we lay in each others arms. Maybe, just maybe I was missing out on something, something that perhaps Janine was on the brink of experiencing, and I did not like this strange feeling of being left behind.