Author's Notes: You know what? This took so long to complete that I had revised the author's notes at least five times. So I completely rewrote the notes when I was done.
I finally came back to finish this when I was poking at my stats page for fun and discovered that a disproportionately lot of people had this on story alert. Then I felt guilty for taking this long and came back to actually write this chapter.
I would claim that it's all downhill after this chapter, but I'm going to be busy with school work after this week (and this week was only relatively free because I caught an ear infection and my mother didn't want me to go off to school) so no promises. I do, however, plan to finish this, now that I've actually gotten to the interesting part. And it's taken pretty much a YEAR to get to the interesting part. Boy, I suck.
Something that struck me halfway through writing Soren's spazzy-happy scene is that I've actually never written a happy Ike/Soren fic. Then I realized that I tend to not get happy ideas in general. Go figure.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Intelligent Systems, Fire Emblem, Nintendo, etc.
Chapter Four – Towards Freezing
Oddly, I find myself... wishing for the day of its birth. I find myself wishing to get this part over with, so that I could let Elincia be farther away from me, so that Ike would begin to return to himself, so that the gears of history would begin to turn in the direction that we've set them into. Anything would seem to be a better option than waiting stressfully, and hoping that no one has discovered what we are planning.
I was much calmer about this at the beginning of this, it seems. Or, perhaps, still numbed down by the following shock. "How many times have you had sex with Lethe?" I had asked, mentally calculating that the chances of offspring between a laguz and beorc of their age was at its peak, probably a .5 per incident during the period of ovulation.
His ears reddened, and he glared at an innocent pen on my desk, an identifying habit much like button-playing or finger-nail-inspecting for most people. "A... a lot. I lost track," he admitted, still blushing, apparently shocked that I took a businesslike approach towards his life in the bedroom. Despite the war, he was such an innocent man in the area of these personal matters. It was almost fascinating.
Sometimes I wish for an earlier time, and sometimes I wish for time to hurry and pass. Any time but now.
Perhaps I caught the disease that had been spreading, for I feel rather disoriented. I awoke this morning from a dream in which I saw myself. More specifically, through a dark haze, I saw Ike, his back towards me, holding and adoring a young child, whom I recognized as myself. The child peeked over his shoulder and stared at me, asking, "Do you want to kill me?"
"Yes," I answered automatically, "I do."
Ike looked at the child curiously and slightly horrified, responding to him, "Of course not." Glancing over his shoulder to try to discern what the child was staring at, he saw nothing. "Is there someone there, Soren?"
From beyond the door came softly: "Lethe... come on. Besides, you know I love you the most."
Soren utterly detested emotions sometimes. They interfered with logical decisions. Moreover, he noticed, they impaired his ability to do anything else.
His hand was paused mere inches from the door, poised to knock. After much deliberation, he had decided to ignore the tension between he and the general to have their monthly discussion about finances. But now, hearing Ike's voice – Ike's voice speaking words like those – he was suddenly unsure.
"And yet, you defend that woman?"
"Elincia is still a friend," Ike sighed. "Besides, honestly, don't you think you're a bit... harsh?"
"No."
He heard Ike chuckle, and felt almost elated at the sound. Soren had always been fond of Ike's chuckle, light and just slightly cocky.
"I think you're acting as tightly-strung as Soren."
Soren was rudely knocked out of his thoughts and looked blankly at the door in mild disbelief. It appeared that some notions were truly held by all.
"Soren!" she indignantly said. "I am nothing like that – that --"
Much to Soren's relief, Ike did not offer any colorful descriptive insults. "Soren isn't that bad, either."
"To you, human."
"Lethe..."
Soren could imagine Ike giving a deep sigh and babying her slightly; he was so awkward towards her, and yet wonderfully supportive. He was inwardly jealous that Lethe would have so much attention after being such a small slighting.
"Lethe, I care for you the most. Really."
Soren realized that he was utterly jealous, and tried to stifle it, knowing that it was pointless. But, nonetheless, he couldn't help but notice that Ike was so entirely... different. When had he been so sappy? Soren almost felt that this was a negative quality, although he quietly realized that if he were in the place of Lethe, he wouldn't mind. But such musings were pointless. Ike was strange to him. Ike would continue to grow away from him, and he no longer knew him.
It was then that he felt, for sure, that Ike would be forever changed. He let his hand fall to his side and left the folder of bills in front of the door. Let Ike cram numbers. Soren bitterly hoped that Ike would come to him, scratching his head. It seemed as if that was the only contact left.
Knock kno-- "What do you want?" --ck.
A moment's pause, then, "I could come back later, if this is inconvenient for you?"
Soren resisted the urge to flatly tell Elincia that it was never convenient. "Just come in."
Elincia opened the door and felt too awkward to enter, struck by a strong sense of deja vu. She realized that this feeling seemed to come very often when associating with Soren. (1) "Soren, you're... you're right."
"About?"
"Ike and, um..." She fidgeted while Soren very calmly fixed her in place with a subtly angered stare. "Lethe."
"And you discovered this? Are they that brash now?"
Elincia hesitated. "I wouldn't say brash, but... their slight openness does concern me."
"Their participation in such a scandal is entirely too obvious."
Having agreed, Soren waited for a response. Elincia, in turn, stared at Soren, waiting for him to continue to explain the situation -- and more importantly, how to repair it.
After a pause that he considered much too long, Soren finally asked, "And so, your point?"
"That they're being too open, of course...!"
"That is something I already know. What do you want me to do?"
Elincia blanked, staring at Soren. They each avoided the other's eyes, Elincia nervous and unsure, Soren distant and uncomfortable.
Soren had waited for her to say that. And yet. And yet -- now, he was at a loss of how to persuade her. He had never been one for persuasion. He was the tactician. He made plans, and Ike saw that they were carried out. He never was the manipulative sort, whether in a positive way or a negative way. Soren found himself questioning his plan, wondering if all the fragile little components were destroyed with his lack of experience, his lack of tact...
But then, he was pleasantly surprised when Elincia began, "I... want you to make sure that Ike will be okay." So surprised, in fact, that he momentarily forgot what he had planned to say.
Soren had never been one to stutter. When he was at a loss, he looked away and stared something to death while madly trying to conjure a response. A brown-tinged quill was his victim this time, and finally, he began, "I lack the means."
When animals stumble into a trap, many times, they become instinctively aware that something is wrong. Beorc and laguz are no less sensitive to this than a rabbit or a bear. However, considering themselves intelligent and above instinct, many beorc choose to ignore their gut instinct in favor of logic and contemplation. This was something that Soren was extremely familiar with, and he personally had learned to give weight to instinct. But, he knew, Elincia had yet to learn.
Nervously wringing her hands, dreadful anticipation tingling down to her fingers, Elincia replied, "Is there any way I could help?"
Soren experienced a sort of underhand delight he hadn't felt in a long time. He was ecstatic to hold such a powerful secret – it no longer seemed weighty to him. Perhaps Elincia was the key. Perhaps he could still stop Ike from changing. Perhaps he could still keep Ike as his.
Doubt was nothing in the face of adrenaline. If Soren had been a more emotionally open figure, he might've literally cackled in glee. But being himself, he simply smiled a sly smile, mentally berating himself for resembling Naesala. Yet he was too excited to stop. His plan was working. It would work it would work it would work. Once, he had found it difficult to gain any confidence in his plans – there was always a measure of error, always – but this seemed to be all shoved into some cobweb-infested corner, and he was uncharacteristically doused in optimism.
Hence, when Ike showed up, asking for an interpretation of the bills, Soren quite willingly helped. Until, at least, Ike asked bluntly, "Soren, have you been all right lately?"
Soren stopped annotating their expenses for a moment and replied, "Yes."
Ike was concerned about him. Why, when he had already planned out an indirect method, did this simpler one make itself available to him?
"You seem to be upset over something."
Soren's resolve wavered, and the doubt, thinly covered before, assaulted him. But he had already gone too far into this, hadn't he? It would be unfavorable to have Elincia involved for nothing, wouldn't it?
"Well, I can't think of anything in particular that may be bothering me."
Ike continued to stare him down. Ike knew him too well, Soren realized with a mixture of appreciation and frustration. The commander simply chose not to pursue the topic because he knew the answer.
"Armor expenses," Soren reminded him.
Ike looked disdainfully at the papers. "Oh, yeah. Right."
Light is said to be appreciated by all living creatures. I admit that I am no exception. Sunlight, especially, as candlelight casts a dreary yellow that is quickly linked to being overworked. Sunlight is a white color. Sunlight is a strong light that remarks upon everything that does not hide from it. The world seems to look different in the morning – more quiet, more undisturbed.
The light that floods the mess hall at midday, the light that bleeds through translucent skin... it makes me almost sentimental. I first saw Ike in the light of day, the gentle green of forest leaves reflected onto the brightness of his hair. I would spend more time in the light if I were able to. It is out of necessity that I work in the dark.
(1) ... Because the authoress secretly sucks ass at writing and keeps accidentally putting every other scene in the same setting. Oops. (Not my fault Soren is a little sociophobe...)
Endnotes: My chapters seem to waver between the longer end and the shorter end. I wanted to make this longer to make up for the wait, but I realized that trying to make it any longer would extend said wait. So here's a shorter chapter, interestingly abiding by the short-long-short-long pattern. I wanted to make it slightly longer, but I was actually happy with the pacing for once, so. :D;;
Also, very annoyingly, Goddess of Dawn has managed to violate a good deal of its own Branded canon. Go figure. I based a good deal of this fic off Path of Radiance Branded canon, and I don't think I'm going to change it, because... that'd undermine just about half of the subplots.