I. –
There was a sort of morbid satisfaction in the habit of seeing and understanding what emotion his eyes would reflect this time around.
And right now, his eyes reflected a sort of anger she really hasn't seen before.
A simple no had adequately brought about that new type of anger; did he really expect her to say yes to this? After all these years?
The moment the order was demanded of her and really ruined an otherwise tensed but lovely meeting, she had automatically voiced out her thoughts and as shockingly firm and loud as possible.
Hyuuga Hinata maybe weak but she is not mute.
She stared at him in defiance, refusing to back down because this isn't what she wanted. Not anymore. Maybe a long time ago she desired to be in the ranks that her little sister had worked so hard for but no, not anymore.
It was after all, a better way this way. Her father needs to understand; she begged and hoped her eyes reflected that this isn't the right way to uphold the clan.
She was not going to step down from her jounin rank and gain the head rank of the Hyuuga clan.
She doesn't think that she could really lead such proud creatures.
Her father stared back, his face impassive but it was clear to see the shock and anger in his eyes that his meek eldest daughter, of all people, would deny such rank. She was now deserving of her rightful throne in his eyes, why would she not respond appropriately to such praise? He felt a little insulted.
"Did you think it was an option, daughter?"
She flinched and broke her gaze away from her father to stare at the window to her left. Otou-sama, please understand. Hinata sighed and returned her gaze back to her father, who stared at her, eyes now filled with curiousity. Placing both her hands forward, she bowed and touched her forehead on the cold ground.
"Thank you, otou-sama, for giving me praise higher than that is worth of me," she whispered, closing her eyes, feeling the world on her shoulders and all she wants to do right now is cry. But she never cried, and she wasn't going to start now. All her life, she desired the respect of her own father. She is happy and grateful. Years of repressed desire and desperation releasing her. The tension, the wanting.
Peace.
Yet, it hurt to think that no daughter should have to work blood and sweat just to gain her father's respect.
She took a deep breath and forced herself to speak her words. Her freedom. Her very own choices.
"But I must firmly deny my rights as heir head of clan and wish it to be given to Hanabi instead."
At this, she heard her father sigh. "Hinata look at me."
She slowly raised her head and found herself staring at the weary expression of Hyuuga Hiashi.
"Why?"
Why indeed.
There was something irrevocably saddening about the Hyuuga clan as she bloomed and matured and she had begun to see all too clearly what this world offered.
We are our own slaves.
The chains that keeps them locked in cages, doesn't speak much of their power. They are strong and powerful with a bloodline so invaluable to the world who desires it but in the end they are weak, tied to their blood and a fate that is prison. To uphold the honour of the clan and forget the importance of what the heart says is to forget honour itself.
There is no honour if there is no love.
There is division among them, no emotions or feelings that encourages real fortitude. A seal placates the wall and enmity between should-be families. The striving of strength is relied on who will defeat who or who shows the better dance of swift death.
She remembered thinking to herself; this isn't what family or clans truly should be no matter what.
Hinata understand that she's being idealistic. But this is her thoughts and her opinions and this is what she wants.
She wants to say all this but she also understands that there are times when words are appropriate and when they are not.
So she summoned all the strength she could gather within her and gave her father a smile that would shame one thousand cherry blossoms hoping that he will eventually understand.
All clans eventually fade.
She will too.
"Otou-sama, do you remember okaa-sama?" She asked softly, "do you remember what she said to us before she died?"
Forever is never but this moment of our lives.
"A long time ago, you told me that I was a weak heir and forced me to join a genin team so that one day I may eventually die in a mission and Hanabi will eventually become head clan instead," Hinata said, clutching some folds of her kimono tightly as she continued to force herself to speak all that she can before her courage flees. "I've always wanted your respect, I worked so hard to gain that respect, to see that I wasn't the weak heir that I was thought to be and that one day I will still be the heir to the throne of the Hyuuga clan. But…"
It was almost to herself really, reassuring that nothing can change things but choices. Their own choices. Were she to take the throne, would it be any different? Would she mold into her own father, unassuming of nothing but what is before her because of the frustrations and pressure the clan holds; never to look beyond physical strength or how well one can do the clan's jutsus. Would she suffer and continue to forget that she has choices too? Or will she be the clan, forgetting who she is?
"I am looking otou-sama for something that I don't know what it is but realize that it is there." She was becoming too bold sometimes it surprises her. But she wants to make sure her father understands.
A chuckle startled her out of her anxiety of being bold and almost jumped at such a strange sound coming from her father.
"I am not so blind Hinata."
"It's not so much as that we are blind that we are blindfolded, otou-sama," she said.
"I see."
Hiashi stared critically at her and she almost felt than heard the unbending judgment that her father gave out to her.
"It is not always the strongest wall. It is probably the most fragile, the heart," he finally said, "My offer still stands, Hinata. But that doesn't mean it can't bend to your rules. Changes are always necessary to adjust to the times of today."
Right there. Choices. Limited really but still choices. If you become head clan, it is your choices that will make or fall our clan. You always have a choice.
Hinata refused to bend. "Hanabi understands otou-sama. Please understand."
Hiashi sighed again. "You can be stubborn when the occasion asks for it."
She had no answer to that.
"Where will you go?"
"Everywhere."
"And of the danger?"
"It is a worry that we always risk, otou-sama, but I've come to know my strength and if all else fails you will not have to worry about risking our bloodline."
He looked stunned. She gathered her hair and lifted it upwards while turning around, showing a character on the back of her neck.
Seal.
Her creation. Her seal. She knows the risk and she will not risk her clan no matter what. She's not so strong as to rival Neji-niisan's strength or anyone else who gained jounin rank before her, but she knows she is strong enough to get going.
She has been jounin for only a couple of months after all.
"How - ?"
"I've been studying and learning. Jeraiya-sama helps me when he is around," was all she could say.
Her father looked a little disturbed at her response, considering the Sannin's manic reputation as a womanizer, but one thing was clear was that his daughter would never be a victim of such sexual assaults upon consideration that he clearly told her time and time again to never be a victim of anything at all.
He cleared his throat and resumed his questions.
"Have you cleared it with the Hokage-sama?"
"She will consider it as a long-term mission once it was granted from you."
"Companions?"
Hinata winced at this. She expected this but she had hoped he would not ask. It was one thing to be granted the clearance to travel without being tag missing nin and her lack of credits to be actually considered clearance. But it was another to be granted clearance with one condition. A condition she cannot refuse.
She opened her mouth, hesitating, and then closing it again wondering if she should say it. Hiashi raised an eyebrow at her hesitation, feeling a slight downpour in his pride of his eldest daughter. Despite her refusal to become the head clan, this was something he wanted to see because she is the epitome of innocence and kindness he truly could not ask anything more from her.
"U-Uchiha Sasuke."
Author's Notes: It's not as bad as you're thinking. Really. You'll see. I hope it wasn't too confusing or profoundly philosophical - well, I intended that - but it's important for Hinata and Hiashi they understand the terms - which will be elaborated more in future chapters - and each other before the story goes literally crazy. Please feel free to correct any mistakes and grammatical errors and review would be very nice.