A/N I know, I know, running late. No excuse except that I can't really make it funnier then it already is. Damn David Tennant for stealing all the best jokes!

Warning: Mickey-bashing below. Didn't mean to, just got carried away.

Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, it has come to my attention that I own absolutely zilch connected to Doctor Who, apart from all the recent episodes on DVD. Got them, nothing else.

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4 – You're Mr. Thick-Thick-Thickity Thick-face from Thickland, Thickania

…And so's your dad!

Chaos, screams, an attack by non-humans. Sounds like an average day: pandemonium and confusion caused by the

'Tin And Robotic Dogs Inside Schools' (I know, that should have gone with the last episode. But oh well, many thanks to salrianna for thinking of it) crew. Except that they're not there. Huh? Random-massive-dress-blonde-woman insists that Trouble's coming. The King can tell that. No, she swears, a guy will come and save the day, he always does.

…So what's he doing 3000 years in the future? Ricky is falling into raptures over the spaceship while Mr. Timelord's more interested in finding the hole in the universe. But someone else's found it first. Miss. Random-innocent-looking-but-actually-quite-creepy-blonde-girl. She's obviously very significant to the plot; the whole episode is named after her. She's also speaking an alien language. Apparently it's French…. like I said, alien.

Mickey-the-Idiot insists that our Timelord's wrong and has made a mistake. Our Timelord just points out that the Idiot wasn't listening before and so, therefore has just proved his idiotic status. As he can only take just so much idiocy before blowing something up, the Doctor promptly scarpers through the revolving fireplace. The one that was nicked straight off the set of Scooby Doo.

He emerges in the dead of the night in someone's bedroom. I told you he was a vampire – creeping into a maiden's bedroom while they're asleep? What else would he be doing there? And I wonder just how many of the viewers would like to wake up in the middle of night to find the Doctor in their bedroom. Any takers? But he's there for a reason: to scare the monster out from underneath the bed.

Although, he's the one who jumps and looks alarmed. He cunningly dodges so that the sharp knife is caught in the mantelpiece (ruining a priceless antique!). At the same time he's carrying on a perfectly normal conversation with Random-innocent-looking-creepy-very-plot-significant-episode-named-girl.

Once the MN (Monster's Nightmare aka Sir Doctor) gets back to the future he freezes the clock-bot.

"Cool! Ice gun!" exclaims the Idiot. Trouble puts his head in his hands at this new display of idiocy. He then glances over at the very obvious sign which says: 'Fire Extinguishers' in large letters (ok, so there isn't one. But I reckon there ought to have been!).

He puts on the GOLK (Glasses Of Looking Knowledgeable) and promptly falls in love with the overgrown pocket-watch. He wants to pull it apart to see how it works. The robot goes 'Eep! I'd prefer to stay in one piece! And I hate idiots!' and teleports off.

"Damn you, Idiot," snaps the Timelord, aka the-one-always-seems-to-know-what-he's-doing-when-really-he's-just-winging-it. "Don't go looking for it!"

But, of course, he's forgotten that the one sure-fire method of getting an idiot to do something is to forbid them to. So…the Doctor messed that one up. He gives up and puts about 3000 years between himself and the Idiot.

Once there, he gets distracted by the harp, allowing Random-now-grown-up-plot-significant-woman-who's-apparently-fallen-in-love-with-our-vampire to sneak up on him. She takes full advantage of the situation and pounces.

…Normally, when you're trying to bite someone and drink all their blood, don't you go for the neck? Hmmm? Well, neither of them listen to me because they aren't paying much attention to their surroundings. Madame Fish is the first to break away and run off. From his expression, she definitely won that encounter. He goes back to check that the Idiot hasn't done anything idiotic. And the likelihood of that is? …Not very high at all.

"I wish I could meet someone who wants to travel with me and won't wander off," he mumbles to himself. Wish granted. Our Timelord stops dead and blinks several times to check that he's not seeing things. No…there really is a horse standing in the middle of a corridor on this 51st century spaceship.

"Daddy!" the horse exclaims, in…horse-talk. (Which sadly doesn't get translated). And from now on, unless stated otherwise, the horse is following him around.

Rose and the Idiot discover some clues as to what's going on. But as they aren't Master Detectives, only Junior ones, they don't fully understand all the implications behind them.

The Master Detective himself (our vamperic hero) is trying to find his two-legged companions. While resolutely ignoring the four-legged one who won't leave him alone. Instead he finds a random French garden and decides to practise his stalking skills. Subtle. She so totally doesn't suspect a thing. …Yeah, right.

Rose has temporarily overcome the aura of idiocy around her and she's discovered something useful – another door to the 18th century. And when our alien appears, she finally gets his name right as she calls him 'Trouble'. She does too! I quote: 'Ah…here's Trouble!'.

To reward her, the Doctor shows her the horse and explains what's going on, in as far as he's worked it out. The moment is spoiled by the Idiot. And then further spoiled by the bad guys for this week: aka a random clock-bot. Our alien does what he does best (no, NOT blowing everything up. Although, I agree, that is his number one skill) and he saves Random-in-love-with-the-Doctor-plot-significant-woman-who's-name-is-Reinette-Fish.

The horse is very annoyed at being left behind just coz he can't fit through the revolving mirror. One conversation with the enemy later and it teleports off. Our Timelord spots a way to keep the Idiot from ruining his fun and sends him off with Rose and the horse (whom he names!). In the meantime he once again proves how psychic he is as he reads Madame De Pompadour's mind. However, she's met this type of voodoo before and knows how it's done – so she turns the tables on him.

One wonders what he saw in her mind that he thought that she should've closed off. Was it actually a memory, or a fantasy? Involving him…?

Arthur the horse is clearly related to our vampire – he can't stand the Idiot and so is therefore not going to be anywhere near him if it can be helped. Shame, Arthur might have stood a chance at fighting off the clock-bots. But as he's not there, Rose and Mickey-the-Idiot get knocked out and captured.

The Doctor is being dragged to a party against his better judgement. What's he worried about? He found out last series that he can dance. It's about time he had a bit of fun for himself.

But him having a good time will always be interrupted by someone just needing to be rescued. And this is no exception – Rose and the Idiot have gotten themselves volunteered as organ donors and are strapped to operating tables. Rose gives him a lengthy introduction and he slightly jumps his cue; coming in before she's finished extolling his legend. Wouldn't you like your cat to drag in certain drunk, singing Timelord? I know I would.

One wonders how drunk the Doctor actually was at this point: if he was actually as off his face as he seemed then he did sober up pretty damn quickly. If he wasn't drunk at all, why was he pretending? Anyway, he sloshes his drink over the nearest clock-bot, turns off the others, and then frees the two humans. And only after that does he decide to fix his rather ridiculous appearance.

Rather worryingly, his preventative methods against the droids don't hold them for long and they have a bit of a head start on chasing after the key-plot-woman-at-a-specific-age.

They do manage to get there five years early though. Shame they can't just set up camp and wait. But no, all they can do is deliver a cryptic warning and then the Idiot shows her where they came from. Curious now, Madame Fish crosses over to listen to herself yelling to her angel. Thoroughly creeped out, she decides to wait a good five years before trying to cope with that.

But Trouble's got a problem: the clock-bots have been intelligent and resolved that they really don't want a meddlesome vampire coming in and mucking up their evil plans. So they've locked him out. And since the Idiot doesn't have a handy truck in this episode, our hero can't get in there to save the day.

Madame-Fish-plot-related-French-woman-who-this-entire-episode-is-about does her thing and tries to prolong her death.

Cue dramatic pause in which galloping hooves are heard. They may not have a truck, but they do have a very determined horse. The Doctor does his Zorro impression as he crashes the party on horseback. He then tells Louis XVI that, being the Lord of Time, he outranks a mere King of France. He saves the day by telling the clock-bots that there's really no point trying to fight any more, now that he's there.

They agree and shut themselves down because they realise the sacrifice that he made to stop them. He's trapped – he can't go back either

…no…wait, that's my other fic.

Rose throws a tantrum once she discovers that he left her alone…with the Idiot. Yeah, she's got reason to be miffed.

Back in 1758, Reinette is debating with herself how long she can keep Mr. Last Surviving Alien of his Species with her for, before he realises that she's got a back exit to his own time. Yeah…not long. So he goes back to the future. He tries to get Madame Fish onto

'The (robots) Annoyingly (and) Randomly Divulge Interesting Stalking' (This acronym came from firekid44, thank you!) for a visit. But, by a twist of fate and a loose connection, he's too late and she's snuffed it. She did get the King of France to act as messenger boy though, so all is not lost.

Back on board the

'Terrific At Randomly Drifting In Space' (Thank you, Kates Master. Your reviews are always appreciated!) and the Doctor has a bit of an angst moment. Rose could maybe cheer him up but she's been kidnapped by the Idiot and our vampire definitely doesn't want to deal with that.

They dematerialise, revealing the whole reason that the ship was stalking Reinette. It's a shame that they never bothered looking behind that random blue box.

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Summary of the Synopsis: The Doctor saves the timeline but nearly gets trapped in the process. Mickey is a useless idiot and Rose doesn't let her Timelord keep the horse. Much to my disappointment.

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All I can say is that I'm working on them ok? Reviews do speed up the writing process. Hint hint.

More acronyms? More reviews? I know I'm greedy, but still!

Tai