Title: Eat that pie - based on the part of a crime in lil crime stoppers. Well, partly based ;).
Disclamier: So do not Own South Park.
"Kyleeeee please let me have a piece!"
"No. I told you, you need to let it cool down before I can like decorate it and stuff."
"Kyle. I need that pie."
"I told you no, it needs to be cooled."
Eric Cartman did his whole coughandpretendtobecrying scene to his boyfriend, sucking up all he was worth.
"Kyleeeee!" Eric Cartman sobbed for good measure but was shocked to find Kyle was already out of the room. He needed that pie. The rage was building up in side, the moist wetness of that pie and the contents of the blackberry oozing out had tipped Eric to the edge. Hecraved the pie, and he was going to do everything he could to get it. It suddenly occurred to him that he was now alone in the room and the pie was right in front of him.
Alone.
He made a dash for that pie, but slipped up on the floorboards. Darn it. Eric tried again but slipped another time, causing himself to curse loudly. Why would a piece of food give him this much pain?
"Eric? I hope you're not eating that pie!"
Kyle came down the stairs and looked suspiciously at his boyfriend and stared at Eric on the floor.
"What the?"
"Uh... Im fine. Completely fine."
"Hmm, ive just looked upstairs and we need some more-" Kyle looked around, embarrassed by the word.
Eric blushed and pointed to the left cupboard, and Kyle nodded. "Oh, yeah. Well we need some eh?" Eric grinned, this was it. With Kyle out, he would finally be allowed to eat that pie.
"Yeah, so I'm going to go, and while im out, I expect that pie to be uneaten and left where it was by the time I get back" Kyle grabbed his coat, gave his boyfriend a peck on the cheek before walking out.
Eric heard the engine go and grinned. He was all alone. In the house. With no one. And a juicy fat, pie lying on the counter top at exactly 13 yards away from Eric. All he had to do was grab it, and devour the delicious sensation from the pie.
Eric could feel the taste already. He was craving badly. He needed reassurance from the pie.
"Come to Papa Pie, you're mine you hear me? I'm going to eat you all by myself."
The pie lay there, unstill.
"PIE TALK GOD DAMMIT! I SAID I WAS GOING TO EAT YOU!"
Silence.
Then it hit him. Pies don't talk. Eric slapped his head and stared down at the pie again before dashing across to the counter top and laid the pie in his hands. Eric sniffed the aroma it was given out and played it down on the table, grabbed a plate and was about to bite it when the doorbell rang.
"WHOEVER IS DISTURBING ME FROM EATING MY PIE THERE GONNA BE KICKED SQUARE IN THE NUTS!"
Eric Cartman stormed out of the kitchen, and opened the door annoyed.
"What?"
"Hey Eric, is Kyle home?" Stanley Marsh stood there at the door, his black bangs falling into his eyes as he looked at his watch impatiently.
"No he isn't fag. He is in town. Now if you don't min-"Stanley Marsh was out of the drive by the time Eric could realise he had been interrupted.
"SONOVABITCH!"
Eric slammed the door and cursing Stan with every curse word under the sun, he went back into the kitchen and back to his delicious pie. He was about to again take a bit when the phone rang quite innocently.
"THIS HAD BETTER BE THE FUCKING LAST TIME!"
Eric grabbed the phone and spoke angrily into it, " WHAT?"
"Hey sugarplum. It's your mommy speaking."
Eric sighed and coughed slightly before saying in a nicer tone, "Mooooom!"
"Now sweetie, I came to check on you"
"Im a good boy mom."
"Now, do you wear cleany underwear at night? And when you've got a tummy rub you make Kyle kiss it all better yes yes?"
"MOM!" Eric spun round on the spot, hoping that no one could hear that. His eyes daggered dangerously low to the pie, and his mouth melted itself with his saliva as he remembered that he was on a mission to eat that god damn forsaken pie.
"Mom, uh I got to go, Love you BYE!" Eric slammed the phone down and grinned. Hopefully no more distractions.
Eric Cartman finally sat down once more to eat this gorgeous pie that now had blackberry oozing out of it's sides. Eric growled and grabbed a fork, and was about to cut it in half when he heard the all too familiar sound of Kyle's car.
"FUCK!"
Eric scrambled around the kitchen, realising what little time he had left. He grabbed the pie, and taking extra careful not to slip up, pushed it back on the counter before depositing the fork back into the cutlery draw.
"I'll eat you later young one hehe. You just wait, you gorgeous fucking thing! You'll be I-"
Kyle opened the door and grinned at Eric who was standing there with a huge smile on his face.
"Heya, I got the stuff, and a new kind" Kyle winked and depositing of the goods on the table, Kyle's eyes wandered over to the pie, which was as it had been before, perfect.
"Ok.. where's the first pie?"
"What?"
"You did eat that pie didn't you?"
Eric sighed and grunted through his teeth, " I was, but stupid distractions, first they were Stan, then they were my mother."
Kyle grinned from ear to ear and placed the pie on the table.
"Why are you grinning? It wasn't funny, I didn't even TASTE THE THING!"
"I was the one who arranged all those distractions hehe, I was testing you!" Kyle laughed at the picture of Eric's face.
"…SON OF A BITCH!"
Kyle grinned.
"Now, what do you say to some pie babe?"
If you read, please review :)
xxx
Eric Cartman had already got his share and was digging in before Kyle could even get the knifes and forks.