Sekowari: I changed this fanfic. I decided not to make Kazuya Minekura retire after all. hehehe...just behind the scenes. Whoever reads this is clearly not thinking straight in their head. Don't worry -- I don't think properly either. My following fanfic proves me correct.

Chapter 1 – Normal Day...In Saiyuki Terms, that is

(In Tougenkyou, Hontou Castle)

"Kougaiji dear, get me a marijuana would you? And retrieve the sutra for your dear mother while you're at it. MWAHAHAHA!" Drawled Gyoukumen Koushu.

Kougaiji sighed. "You can stop that pathetic whining voice, Ms. Koushu, we're off the set right now. No one's filming us." Gyoukumen sighed with relief. "Oh good. I honestly don't take pleasure in the fact that I have to be an obnoxious, overbearing devil all the time. If only fans could see the real me…"

Beside her, the real Gyumao popped out of his costume and walked out. "Speak for yourself. I have to sit in that dumb prop for hours on end. They make the Gyumao in the show such a blasphemy!" The actual Gyumao was a young man only in his 30s. He was quite good-looking too, mind you. It's too bad he has to conceal his looks all the time.

Gyoukumen laughed. "Miss Minekura really should have considered how we would feel when she first created the anime series." Doku, Lirin, and Yaone walked into the room. "Not to mention that the director is so rude! He practically went nuts when I said last month that I got my…period…" retorted Yaone. Gyoukumen gave her a sympathetic look. "I know how you feel, dear…"

Gyumao cleared his throat loudly. "Ahem, as I was saying, none of the fans out there know that Lady Gyoukumen and I are truly sophisticated, kind people. They all see us as the evil, powerful enemies. I'm just some huge creature attached to wires! Not to mention that the prop is stuffy. I have to crouch there and not move, like in those mobile suits in…what's it called again…ah yes, Gundam Seed."

Lirin's eyes goggled. "You watch GS, Gyumao-sama?"

"Occasionally. It's my son who's obsessed with the darn show. It's okay I guess, but I spend all my money buying figurines for him. He never pays attention to me when I go filming on the set!"

Gyoukumen put her hand on his shoulder. "Ah well, you know children. At least we get paid big bucks to be the villains." She chuckled.

Lirin glared at the ceiling. "The stupid director said I should be paid less cause I'm a kid! Who's he to say that sort of friggin stuff anyways?" Gyoukumen frowned at Lirin. "Lirin-chan, no foul language!"

"That's not foul language! Yesterday, Kougaiji onii-chan swore at the director becau-.."

The youkai prince clamped his hand over Lirin's mouth. "What's wrong with you? I told you to be quiet!" He hissed.

Doku leaned towards Yaone. "Man, Kougaiji's POed about the director, huh?"

Yaone whispered back. "What's PO?"

Gyumao turned to them. "You should try to improve your whispering skills, Yaone. By the way, PO just means 'pissed off'."

"Gyumao, no foul language! I can't believe that you're doing this as well!"

"I swear, Lady Gyoukumen, you're just like my mother…"

Suddenly, Kougaiji blurted out, "Lirin has her period!" The little girl stared at her brother. "Onii-chan, what's wrong with you? I told you to be quiet!" Lirin copied what her brother said earlier. The prince merely smirked. "That's getting back for what you said about me swearing. Pretty good, huh guys?" He turned to the other 4 people, and was greatly ignored.

Doku snorted. "Lirin's puberty is only natural, Kougaiji. But I didn't expect you to be so childish." Yaone suppressed her laughter.

"I-I…because…I mean…you…she…" Kougaiji stuttered frantically, and his face flushed strawberry red. This sent Yaone exploding with laughter, along with tears streaming down her face. Meanwhile, Gyoukumen and Gyumao were still discussing why fans hated the two of them. Amongst the talking and bickering, a very enraged youkai came charging into the room.

"ALL OF THE SAIYUKI CAST IS TO MEET OUTSIDE HONTOU CASTLE! GET YOUR BUTTS MOVING NOW! TOO SLOW! TOO SLOW! HURRY UP, OR I'M SENDING IN SQUADRON 'A' TO CLEAR THIS ZONE!" With that, the youkai stormed out again.

Gyoukumen Koushu was shocked. "Why are people so rude these days?"

"It's only natural for that guy. The other youkai were saying that he was a troop leader in the military." Stated Doku.

"Well, I suggest we go before he starts yelling again. My ears are very sensitive, you know." Gyoukumen straightened up, and stalked out. The others followed after her. Gyumao muttered, "I need a coffee break, now. Could someone get me a cappuccino?"

Lirin piped up, "Drink your own saliva, Gyumao-sama! I do that when I'm really hungry, because Kougaiji-oniichan doesn't give me enough meatbuns!" -sweatdrop-

Gyoukumen swung the great doors open, and stepped out into the warm sunshine. Apparently, the rest of the Saiyuki cast was there already. The Ikkou was chatting away to Homura's group, and Dr. Ni was having a tug-o-war with the vicious youkai –

"GIMME MY BUNNY BACK! YOU FOUL LOWLIFE! THE BUNNY'S GONNA GET GERMS, YA NO!"

"GIVE THE DOLL TO ME NOW! EXACTLY HOW OLD ARE YOU, LITTLE MAN? HAND OVER THE STINKIN DOLL, SOLDIER, OR ELSE!" Kougaiji was hating that particular youkai more and more as each second ticked by.

"I love the fact that he gets killed off in the show. We could use a little less brutality in this world." Everyone else turned and nodded their heads in agreement. Seeing Gyoukumen, Homura walked up and kissed her hand gently. "It's a wonderful pleasure to see you again, Miss Koushu."

The said woman blushed. "We've only just met each other yesterday. You're quite the godly charmer, aren't you?" Off to the side, Rinrei called out, "You're such a PLAYER, Homura! Why do I even hang out with you?"

Next to her, Gojyo said, "I'm always free. You know that, pretty lady." He winked. Rinrei turned away to drool at the sight of Sanzo. 'Two perverts in this world are bad enough. One priest, however, is perfect. Good thing Homura can't actually read minds, or I'd be dead right now...'

Ah yes, it was a typical morning for the Saiyuki cast, and the day was just beginning…

Sekowari: I warned you -- very pointless work in here. Well, R/R if you like. It's the only sane thing you can do here. o.O