It was the end... OR WAS IT!

I was surrounded by a bright light and floating in a cloud of ethereal madness. "Am I in heaven?" I thought.
"Yes, you are," replied a kindly voice from all around me. It was Iluvatar.
"ZOMG! HOLY COW! WOW"
Suddenly, I heard a frown in the voice. "Umm... you're that half-elf named Frivolitie Dolte, aren't you"
"Half-balrog"
"What"
"Half-elf, half-balrog"
Iluvatar shuddered. I couldn't see him, but I could tell he did. "Oh no. I missed that; I must have been making popcorn when that happened"
"I'm the illegitimate daughter of Gothmog and Luthien Tinuviel. Can't you tell?" I grinned, and my eyes sparkled pulchritudinously.
Iluvatar emited a low moan. "I can see the family resemblance. On BOTH sides"
I was insulted. "Listen, Vatty, I can breathe fire and break down the gates of Utumno if I want to. And I'm really pretty. So shut your noise"
"Okay, that's it, we don't want your ilk here. I'm sending you to Utumno"
Suddenly, a voice came up from the fiery depths of Utumno. It was Morgoth! THE GREAT LORD OF EVIL! AND STUFF! And he was saying, "For heaven's sake, Eru, don't send your crap don't here. I've got enough problems, what with the Elves attacking and Gothmog being killed by Feanor"
"NOOOOOO!O! HE WAS MY FATHER!" I began to cry.
"That's it. I'm sick of you. Don't ever try to die and come back here again. Instead... just die... and don't go anywhere!" Iluvatar cried. And he sent me back to Middle Earth.