I know there are a thousand and one post finale stories already, but I really just needed the outlet. I've come to the conclusion that I'm in for the long haul with this show, so here is my bit of optimism. I struggled with this story (and actually, thinking of a title drove me crazy, so it may change) because some parts felt like they've already been done so many times already or didn't flow. And right now it seems similar to so many other stories, but this becomes more its own eventually. So I hope you enjoy! Hang in there JJ's, we'll make it to the bitter end somehow. Rating for later chapters.

For months, she had been numb. She had been numb to how Luke was treating her and she had been numb to how she was in return treating Luke. She'd gotten so used to being hurt and rejected that she had finally just shut herself off in order to avoid feeling anymore pain.

That morning, it ended. Something snapped and she was Lorelai once again. She was Lorelai with feelings and emotions again.

As she lay in bed with Christopher's arm draped around her, she suddenly realized what she had done. She suddenly realized what she had lost, how she'd been hurt, how she had acted and how unfair she herself had been.

The night before when she walked away from Luke, a part of her waiting for him to follow her, she'd felt numb. She hadn't felt the pain of losing Luke. When she went to Christopher and allowed herself to fall into bed with him, she felt numb. She hadn't felt the pain of betraying Luke. She hadn't felt the pain of betraying herself.

Then that morning suddenly she felt it all.

Christopher's arm around her triggered her wake up call. It wasn't right, it shouldn't be his arm around her. She shouldn't be in bed with him.

She realized how ridiculous the idea of Lorelai-and-Christopher really was. How it may sound like an ideal pairing, how on paper their story may seem like the story of two people who should be together, but when she was lying in bed with him, she realized how ridiculous it all was and how it didn't feel right at all.

Last night, she'd had sex with Christopher. And for the first time in her life she realized and had experienced the difference between having sex with someone and making love to someone. They weren't two words to describe the same action; they were actually two different actions that appeared somewhat the same. After sex with Christopher she was left feeling alone, except for the arm that crept over her side that morning. There was no smiling and laughing and teasing and cuddling. There were no lingering kisses, no soft kisses applied all over her face. There was no huskily whispered 'I love you' into her ear.

Because all of that was Luke. The man that loved her more than anything in the world did all of that. And that was her breaking point, when she realized what she'd given up, what she'd betrayed, what she knew she had now really assured that she would lose.

All the emotions she'd been fighting for months and then some, had suddenly caught up with her and before she knew what was happening, she was crying. Softly at first, hoping that Christopher wouldn't notice, but before she had a chance to process the change in the speed of her tears, she was sobbing, long, hard, and loud.

"Lorelai?" Christopher asked, sitting up, concerned.

"Sorry," she choked out through her sobs, embarrassed at her display, embarrassed for being in this situation at all. She quickly sat up as well, careful to keep the sheet tightly clutched around her body.

"What's the matter?" he asked quickly. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" she half-shouted, half wailed. "No, I'm not okay! I'm not hysterically sobbing because I'm okay!"

"Shh, Lor, calm down, okay?" Christopher tried to sooth her. He went to lay a hand on her shoulder but she quickly shrugged away from it, not wanting him to touch her at all anymore.

"I can't calm down!" she wailed though her tears. "Everything… just, everything. And what the hell did I do last night? How could you have let me do this?"

"Whoa, wait," Christopher said, suddenly getting defensive. "Last night you wanted this to happen."

"Last night I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown!" she reminded him. "I was already halfway to hysterical when I came here. I'm not surprised I did what I did last night, but I am surprised you didn't try to stop me from doing it."

"You were upset," Christopher agreed, "that's partially why I let it happen. You begged me to make you feel better."

"Oh God," she sniffled, her sobs quieting as she and rolled her eyes.

"And besides that, I didn't think you would take me rejecting you all that well in the state you were in."

"I may not have! I may have screamed at you and been hurt and gotten mad and been irritated at the moment, but this morning I would have thanked you. I would've thanked you for being a friend and not letting me do something stupid. Instead it's the other way around. I was appreciative last night and this morning I'm upset."

"Lorelai, come on, you said you wanted it to happen. I took that to mean you wanted it to happen. You could have changed your mind and stopped it at any time. All I have to go on is what you tell me, I can't read your mind."

"God, Christopher, just… I'm not asking you to read my mind; I'm asking you to have some common sense! To think twice about sleeping with a friend who's come to you on the verge of a nervous breakdown. To think twice about sleeping with someone who's just broken up with her fiancé of a year, who she's been with for two years, and been friends with for a decade. How could you possibly think sleeping with me was the right thing to do last night?"

"You wanted me to take your mind off of Luke!" Christopher suddenly exploded. "How should I know that you'd regret it in the morning? It's you and me, Lorelai, this is what we do. How was I supposed to know this time you didn't really want to do it? It's not like you cheated on Luke or anything, you broke up. If you had been with Luke I would have stopped you right away. But you weren't."

"Emotionally I was!" Lorelai exclaimed as she got up with the sheet securely wrapped around her. "And I still am, emotionally. But you're right. It's not all your fault." She grabbed her dress from the floor and headed towards the bathroom. "And I'm not just saying that. You really are right. I'm the one who did this. It just would have been nice if you hadn't helped."

The bathroom door slammed as she left Christopher in confusion.

There were a lot of things Lorelai hadn't really looked forward to in her life. Telling her parents she was pregnant with Rory. Giving birth. Going back to school to earn her business degree. Asking her parents for money for Chilton and Yale. Friday night dinners.

But on the drive back to Stars Hollow, she had never looked forward to anything less than the moment she was going to have to face Luke.

The drive seemed to last forever. She drove back in silence, afraid to put the radio on, afraid she'd suddenly be able to identify to songs about lost love and painful breakups and afraid that she wouldn't be able to identify with songs about happy endings and true love.

She'd forced herself to stop crying after one last round of tears in the Jeep after leaving Christopher's that morning. But to compensate for the outlet of crying, her stomach tied itself in knots and she felt sick. She kept thinking about what she had done; how she had walked away from Luke last night and proceeded to walk right to Christopher. How she had thought of going to Christopher and had indeed decided on the choice because she thought of how mad Luke would be, knowing she went to Christopher for comfort. How that would hurt him, just like he'd hurt her for all those months.

The problem was, she hadn't intended to hurt him this much. She'd lost control as soon as she walked through Christopher's door.

She pulled into her driveway and was barely out of the Jeep when Luke's voice cut in to her thoughts.

"Where have you been?" his voice was laced with concern. He stood on her stairs, peering at her in concern and confusion.

"Luke," she said softly.

"Lorelai, where were you last night?" he asked, noticing her dress was the same one she had been wearing the night before, the dress that was burned into his mind because he'd replayed the scene where she walked away from him over and over in his head all night. "I've been calling your cell phone over and over, and I came here looking for you last night, and this morning, and I checked the inn, and Rory didn't know…"

"Oh Luke," she said. "You don't want to know."

"You're okay, though, right?" he asked, concern written all over his face. "I was so afraid something had happened to you, especially after you walked off like you did last night, I was afraid maybe you'd been too upset to drive or something and I just… God, I was worried."

"Can you please just bottle that feeling? Remember it."

"What?" he frowned. "Bottle what feeling?"

"Right now, I want you to think about how it feels to care about me and be worried about where I am and what's happened to me. I want you to really relish it."

"What are you talking about?"

"In about five minutes, maybe less, you're not going to care anything about me and I just really want you to remember that there was a time when you did care. I'm just giving you a warning so you can really relish this last moment of loving me."

"Lorelai," he said firmly. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but if this is about last night, then… I want to work that out."

"Last night?" she asked, suddenly wondering if he already knew about Christopher. Then realization dawned on her. "When I wanted you to elope."

"It's just that I was so caught off guard and I wasn't expecting that from you at that moment. I hadn't even seen you in days! You were pulling away from me for some reason and I was more expecting you to come and break up with me before I was expecting you to come to me wanting to elope. You just disappeared and I was missing you and confused and then you showed up with that ultimatum and I was completely taken by surprise."

"That was wrong, I know," she admitted. " It wasn't fair to do that to you. But God, if you'd only known the night I had you would've understood where it came from, believe me."

"And everything you said, Lorelai, if I had known… I had no idea you were hurting so much, that I'd caused you to become so unsure of yourself and of us, and I know now and I want to fix it. I know I can't undo everything I've done but we can fix it from here on out. Everything you put out there last night, I heard you and I've been thinking about it, and I want to fix it."

Lorelai shook her head sadly. "No."

"No?"

"You're off the hook, Luke. I messed up last night. I messed up so badly that you're not going to have to fix anything because you're not going to want to have anything to do with me and I don't blame you."

"Why, what happened last night?" he asked, suddenly remembering his earlier question. "Where were you?"

"I was… Boston," she said softly.

"Boston," she heard him repeat, his voice tight and his posture suddenly stiff. "Christopher."

Lorelai nodded, ashamed, and it broke her heart that he immediately knew what was in Boston. Looking down at her feet, she confirmed his worst fear. "Yes. Christopher."

"You went to see Christopher last night?"

She nodded. "Yes, but Luke…I'm so sorry, Luke."

"Well?" Luke persisted, his voice raising slightly. "What happened with Christopher? You wouldn't be this apologetic for just going to see Christopher because you were upset, am I right?"

There was a long pause. "You're right," she finally admitted.

"Lorelai, can we stop beating around the goddamn bush? If you're telling me anything like what I think you're going tell me, then you're going to have to say it. If you're trying to tell me what I think you're trying to tell me you've done then you're not going to get away without looking me in the eye and telling me."

"I'm so sorry," she said again, as she finally looked up at Luke with tears in her eyes. "So, so sorry, you have no idea." Luke sighed and crossed his arms impatiently. "I slept with Christopher," she admitted in a meek voice.

There was a long moment of silence. "I can't believe you," Luke said, his voice eerily steady and calm. "I can't believe you would do this. You're serious, you're really telling me this happened last night? After everything between you and me and Christopher, you would do this? You know how I feel about him, Lorelai. You know! For you to do this to me… did I really hurt you that badly? Do you really hate me that much?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Luke, you have to know that. I didn't go there wanting it to happen. I was really upset last night and I just went to him looking for a friend, and things got out of control…"

"I should have known," Luke finally raised his voice. "I really should have known. All those times I felt threatened by him. All those times I didn't like him being around. All those times I felt like a jerk for not wanting him around you, for worrying that you'd go back to him, for feeling like a jerk because it seemed like I didn't trust you when I did… I was right after all."

"No, it's not like that," Lorelai pleaded as the tears finally escaped and rolled down her cheeks. "You weren't right! It wasn't like that at all–"

"Yes. It is. It's simple, Lorelai. There's you and there's me and there's Christopher and only one of us can get you and apparently it's Christopher. I was walking around like an idiot thinking that somehow I could stop the magnetic force that always causes you two to come back to each other. That's the pattern. You always gravitate right back to him. For some reason I thought that I was special or something and that you would break that pattern with Christopher because you were with me. What on Earth possessed me to think that I was so special that I could cause you to stop going back to him, I don't know."

"God, Luke, this is all one big mistake!" she wailed, and reached up to wipe at the tears on her cheek. "This isn't part of my go back to Christopher pattern, I broke that years ago. I don't want to be with him! I broke that stupid cycle."

"No, you didn't. Otherwise last night wouldn't have happened."

"Last night was different, it wasn't a part of that pattern!" she insisted.

"I really thought I had you," he said softly. "I thought that somehow, I was the lucky one. Out of all those guys out there, all the ones who wanted to be with you, all the ones who had been with you and failed… that I was the one lucky enough to actually get to be with you, for good. But it's not me. They all probably thought the same thing when they were with you. I'm just another one of the idiots that's had his heart stomped on by Lorelai Gilmore. And I guess unless you're Christopher, you don't get to be the lucky one."

"He's not the lucky one!" Lorelai insisted desperately. "You are, Luke. You're the one I want to be with. I'd choose you over anyone or anything."

"Right," he replied bitterly. "Showed that to me loud and clear by sleeping with Christopher last night."

"I'm sorry I did that. You have no idea how sorry. But Luke, I swear, it was mistake! You have to understand that I was a mess. I wasn't thinking straight, and you and I had just broken up–"

"Really, we had?" he interjected bitterly. "You walked away with the ring on."

Lorelai looked down at the ground, ashamed. "I know."

"So you walk away with your engagement ring on and somehow I'm supposed to understand that you were serious about me never marrying you if I didn't do it right then? I thought it was a stupid fight. I didn't think you meant never when you said now or never. You kept the goddamn ring!"

"Well you didn't come after me!" she shouted. "I was waiting for you to come after me and I just kept walking and you never came. When did you stop coming after me?"

"I was working!"

"I was dying inside! I was dying, and the fact that you were working was more important?"

"I was mad!" he added. "I was mad at you for hiding from me for days for whatever reason, and don't try and tell me you weren't, then showing up out of the blue demanding me to marry you right then."

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I am so, so, sorry. I'd take it all back in an instant if I could."

"Well unfortunately you can't."

"You just have to know how sorry I am," Lorelai pleaded. "You have every right to hate me, but when you walk away from me today, you have to know that I'm sorry and that I do love you and that I've never loved anyone but you. You have to know that, Luke, please."

"I have to go," he said, looking down at his feet to avoid Lorelai's gaze. "I'm sorry for how I treated you the past few months. I really am. I stayed up all night last night thinking about it, playing it all over in my head, noticing where I went wrong and feeling like crap because I'd hurt you so much and didn't even realize it, because I'd caused you to become the person you were last night… so sad and upset."

"Luke…"

"And the worst part? The worst part is that while I was lying there beating myself up, you were with him. I just can't believe it. You're not the person I thought you were if you could do this. I never would have thought you'd do something like this to me, or to anyone for that matter. Did you have the ring on?"

"What?"

"When you slept with him," Luke said. "Did you have the ring on?" he paused. "You know what, I don't want to know. I have to go."

"Luke, please," Lorelai said, and paused before continuing. "Is there any way we could ever…"

"I don't know," he cut her off, knowing what she was going to ask. "I don't think so. Not now. Not after the one thing that…" he trailed off. "I really have to go."

She nodded sadly and watched his form hurry off away from her house, what had almost been their house, staring after him long after he had disappeared from sight.

She couldn't even feel bad about what had happened, about the things he had said to her, because she knew he was right, and she knew that this was what she deserved after last night. And she couldn't help but think, over and over… strike three.

First there was Rory and Jess's accident and the resulting fight. It had been a sort of break up, even though they weren't together at the time. Then there was their break up last year.

And now, strike three.

If Luke didn't hate her and wasn't now removed from her life, he'd probably be proud of the baseball metaphor.

But Luke did hate her and he was removed from her life.

Three strikes and you're out.

tbc...