A/N:
(sniff)
It's the end, you guys.
We've come to the last chapter.
Unless… I write this one for more…
So yeah. Thanks for reading. Haha.
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What the fucking hell, Ren?
Do you always have to do that?
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Oh, it's you. What the hell do you want?
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"I'm here to give you a check up,"
"Piss off, Hatori. No one cares."
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So, I've started to eat an apple a day.
Just so Hatori keeps away.
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"But if the doctor is cute, you can go screw the fruit!"
"Kana? What the hell are you saying?"
"I forgot…"
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Anyway, back to Ren.
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Did you know what she did?
I bet you do…N'T.
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"Hey Kyo?"
"What do you want, Ren?"
"Want to break the curse?"
"…"
"Because I have a special way!"
"My curse already broke,"
"…(angst)"
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What a bitch.
Trying to do to me what she did to Rin.
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How stupid does she think I am?
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"Very. You're a stupid cat,"
"FUCK OFF YUKI EVERYONE LIKES ME BETTER SO DIE."
"…"
"I got more reviews than you,"
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Haha.
I beat him.
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(takes out piece of paper from pocket)
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Let's see… here are all the things I did yesterday (Actually, I did them).
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In sex ed I had to put a condom on a dildo.
Like, what the fuck?
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"Safe sex, Mr. Sohma,"
"Practice makes perfect, SENSEI IDIOTH"
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I downloaded a song called Idioth.
It rocks.
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I wrote a story with me and Tohru in it.
Except they had… AUSTRALIAN NAMES GASP.
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It was for a national writing essay. To see who can write stories and who can't.
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"NO ONE CARES"
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I also jacked off in the laundry basket and got a few 'pop ups' in class.
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"Tell your pants it's rude to point!"
"I can't help it!"
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Girls just don't get it.
Guys can't help it when their pants pop up!
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I guess I can help it though.
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If I didn't always think naughty thoughts about people…
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Hey… what's that sound outside?
Aaaaah! I'm scared.
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"Master?"
"What is it Kyo?"
"There's a noise outside my window!"
"And you walked all the way over here to tell me that?"
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you check what it was?"
"…(gasp)"
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She's got a boyfriend now.
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"Who?"
"Kisa…"
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She used to be the happiest girl I knew.
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Damn that Hiro.
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"You don't have to worry for me, cousin Kyo."
"I don't? Oh, okay. Fuck ya then!"
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I hate Kisa.
Such an ungrateful whore.
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"Waaahaaa!"
"What Momiji?"
"Hiro said you have a bigger dick than me!"
"I do,"
"…"
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…Don't I?
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"I would bloody hope so,"
"Stop talking like a Londonese person, Haru."
"No,"
"YES"
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Why doesn't Haru like me anymore?
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"Akito likes you now. She's got a fetish for you,"
"SHUTUP!"
"Well, if you've ever read YOUR OWN MANGA DAMMIT you would know,"
"…Do they sell it at Walmart?"
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I saw Akito in Walmart.
It was shocking.
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"Hi Kyo! (mega smile)"
"…Hi?"
"HOW'S MY FAVOURITE PERSON?"
"I hate you,"
"Don't be that way! Teehee!"
"…(eye twitch)"
"I know you like it rough. Come back to my house."
"Ahh! (runs)"
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How traumatic.
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(shuffles feet)
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"What did you do wrong now, Kyo?"
"AKITO! Stop following me!"
"Stop PANIC!ing."
"…You idiot,"
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Akito's to blonde to see,
The love she has for me,
Isn't… um… wanted?
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"My hair is black,"
"And my hair is… ORANGE YAY"
"…"
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Why are SOME of the Sohma's hair challenged?
And why am I one of them?
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"What do you mean?"
"Look, Master, would you shut up so I can finish! Gawd!"
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Haru: He's got black and white hair. What a cow. Don't have a cow, maaan! Ha! And his eyes are grey.
Momiji: He's a freakish blondie. That's not right. The colour, I mean. I don't even know what colour his eyes are. I never look at them.
PRINCE RAT FACE: What the hell? His hair is like, grey. He's an old man. And he's a girly boy! His eyes are purple! Hahahaaaa! Loser.
Kisa: What a freak. Her hair is… gold? Can I sell it for cash! Sheesh. And her eyes are brown? What the hell.
GAY PERSON SNAKE THING: I don't want to comment…
Kyo, the Ultimate GOD! Of the Zodiac: My hair is… Orange. How. Freaking. Wicked. I don't even know what colour my eyes are. I should ask someone.
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"I still think that's because of the curse. Taking hair colour from your animal counterparts fur,"
"Master… would ya shut the fuck up!"
"…(shame)"
"That doesn't explain the whole hair and EYE'S thing!"
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Wait, come back Master.
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"What do you want?"
"Master, what colour are my eyes?"
"…Umm… I don't know how to describe it,"
"ASS"
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Does no body know?
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"I think your eyes are… CRIMSON."
"Shutup Authoress Girl! Just because you're a girl and can tell the difference between red, maroon, crimson and blood red!"
"Hey! Why don't you go die!"
"I think I might!"
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Well, at least I know what colour my eyes are.
Yay for me.
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Now. I have to go in search of some rape victims.
What can I find in Shigure's backyard?
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"Well, there's Tohru!"
"Where'd you come from, Kureno?"
"I don't know. An egg?"
"LAME ASS PUN"
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Hey, look. It's Tohru.
Just like Kureno said.
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"Hey Tohru,"
"Hi Kyo,"
"Wanna be my rape victim?"
"No,"
"TOO BAD! MUUUHAAHAHAHAAA!"
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Yep.
Maybe I should have put a sheet down or something.
Her back got cut up because of the ground.
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"Why's your back bleeding, Miss Honda! Blah blah blah did Kyo try and rape you again? Blah blah blah I am a stupid ass hole rat. Blah blah blah let me love you please. Blah blah blah I suck,"
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Stupid Yuki.
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Who else can I find outside?
Ah… the sun is so bright…
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Hey, is that Rin?
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"Rin!"
"…(turn)"
"Hi,"
"What do you want, cat?"
"…(rape)"
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And the best thing about it?
No one came to help her.
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Yay!
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Aww. I feel sad now…
Because…
It's time for me to go now.
So…
I thought I'd end with something special.
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I just thought I'd tell you a secret.
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Yuki didn't fuck yo mumma.
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I DID.