Everything is Circumstantial

Chapter 2

Nonsense

An ordinary day in Tokyo-3 is a relative thing. An ordinary day in most large and important cities involves hustle, bustle, high-powered business transactions, low-life pocket picking, car wrecks, school plays, soccer games, insider trading, and anything in between. In Tokyo-3, 'ordinary' routinely involves the near extinction of mankind, the psychological destruction of half the population, and property damage costing upwards of half of the prefecture's entire financial budget, putting a serious strain on the post-Impact economy of the devastated nation.

As such, saying that today was just an ordinary day without any of these things happening is a bit of a stretch. One could really say that, while it was a boring day, it was far from ordinary. And yet, it wasn't extraordinary. It was just different.

For one, a girl who's very existence seemed to hinge upon her being the best at everything she does, and as such led to constant displays of aggressive behavior, had just spent a full train ride asleep in the arms of a fellow pilot that was constantly threatening to overshadow her, while at the same time was prone to running away and apologizing for everything under the sun, both of which things she hated with a deep, deep passion.

Secondly, a boy who feared any and all human contact and had no knowledge of what to do in any situation involving said contact had just spent a half hour holding a girl who, while undoubtedly attractive, scared the hell out of him, verbally assaulted him on a regular basis, and possessed an attitude that constantly drove him insane.

There was definitely nothing ordinary about this scenario, and one Shinji Ikari knew it.

Earlier he had left the apartment after his red-haired companion drifted off to sleep on the living room couch while they were watching television. He did, after all, have a large list of errands to take care of, and only half a day to do it. A small, nagging portion of himself didn't want him to go, but, he knew these things needed to be done. So he had quietly slipped out the door into the afternoon sunlight, and headed back to the train station.

Previously he had forgotten to bring his music player, the S-DAT, which probably would've made the first trip a bit less boring, giving exception, of course, to their attempted mugging. This time he made sure to bring it, which was a lucky break, as it seemed that he had caught the midday lunch rush, and it was no small miracle that he'd managed to find a single open seat in any car. He hoped that it would clear up by the time he needed to go home; as it was, he could barely fit himself in the train, let alone a full load of laundry and various groceries.

All these people were making him nervous. And being who he was, it was no small surprise that some of the more knowledgeable passengers seemed anxious around him, as well. It just wasn't a situation he wanted to deal with, so he clicked on the tape that was almost a trademark and let it overpower the rest of the world for the next half hour.

The laundromat was just as empty as it had been earlier. After the crowd on the trains, Shinji had figured the rest of the city would be just as bad. I guess, it kinda seems like they're 'keeping holy the sabbath.' That's probably a smart thing; "God's in His heaven" after all. Making light of NERV's motto in such a way was a bit unnerving to the young man, and he immediately cut off his train of thought. Once the angels were gone, he'd never have to think about that place again; at least, so he hoped. I just need to do what I have to do, and that's that.

Actually, it was hard to stop thinking of that place, his father's legacy, as his entire life seemed to revolve around it. He pilots their Eva. He lives with his commander and one of his co-pilots. Hell, the very city in which he dwells is nothing more than facade for what Tokyo-3 really was, a NERV fortress. He ate, drank, and slept NERV, he felt, and while he hated this...

...it felt like the first definite mark he'd made on existence. His earlier life, which was starting to feel more and more like a previous life, rarely entered his mind. Not even the people he had lived with for almost his whole life ever seemed to cross his thoughts. I'm an ungrateful bastard, I guess.

Still, it was true. Who was he before NERV? He was nothing. And, after the angels, he would be nothing again, wouldn't he? It was possible, assuming he even lived that long. These thoughts disturbed him. Living for NERV, whether it was proof of existence or not; wouldn't that be no better than living only for Hell? When the only proof of your existence is your suffering?

In that light, going back to nothing seemed more and more like a perfect solution every day. You can't get hurt if you're not living. But, there really were too many people depending on him, he supposed, so that was pretty much out of the question. He deposited the dried clothing, which had cooled over an hour earlier, into a duffel bag and left.

It occurred to him then that it was very odd for the closest laundromat to Misato's apartment to be located over a half hour away. Granted, he never would've noticed this had their own washing machine been functional, but, they lived in a rather apartment-heavy district, so it would make perfect sense for there to be at least a few within walking distance. And the day would've cost him a lot less in the long run.

But, that was another problem in itself, wasn't it? In an awkward and, to him, honestly surprising attempt to ask Asuka out, thinly veiled as an excuse to kill time, he felt he had royally messed something up. A psychological drama? What the hell was I thinking? Our lives are already messed up enough as it is. He paused in his musing for a moment to grab a hand basket in the grocery store lobby.

The movie, though. The boy wondered what had caused her to run out of it the way she had. Especially considering how incredibly rare it was to see her expressing any serious emotion, so much so that she only seemed to let it out when she was asleep. At least, as far as he knew anyway. Maybe she talks about this kind of stuff with Mr. Kaji? She does love his company. Then again, he also figured Kaji wouldn't have picked that damn movie, either. Still, what was it? He couldn't remember what had been happening on-screen at that point, and since she wouldn't talk about it, it looked like he'd never know.

And then, what did he do after that? Run into the girl's bathroom. Just remembering that threatened to turn him as red as the tomatoes he was inspecting. Yet, he regretted jumping back out, too. At least then, maybe she would've hit me instead of that mirror, or something. It really had been a light injury at worst, almost to a mind-boggling extent considering how it looked, but, it had to have hurt. And yet she just looked at it almost vacantly.

Ah, nothing about this makes any sense to me. Why did all this happen? And then why would she first throw me around, and then lean up against me?

Man...I screwed up.

His thought process really didn't improve much on his way home. By the time he hit the train station again, he was about ready to just grab a ticket to Tokyo-2 and get the hell out of there. However, it did manage to distract him from how overburdened he was. And besides, that plan didn't really work out the previous times, either. And with Section-2's constant monitoring, despite the fallacy that had occurred earlier, he wouldn't get far even if he did muster the courage. Sure, his father would give him the usual options, but since that usually involved some form of reverse psychology in addition to parental neglect, Shinji always found himself right back inside Unit 01.

In a way, it really was just as pointless as his old life. Taking the easy way out never helped, but neither did persevering.

With that highly motivational thought in mind, he dropped the groceries on the table, slumped the duffel bag up against the bathroom door, and then wearily collapsed onto his bed, S-DAT running repeat.

She woke up, greeted by a stinging pain that she didn't quite comprehend the existence of, but then realized she was laying on her bandaged hand and quickly moved it out from underneath her. With that out of the way, she began to recall why she was out on the couch instead of in her bed. She took in her surroundings noting that it was still afternoon, and the apartment was as still as a morgue. She was alone, which, as she remembered, wasn't how it was earlier. "Oh, man, that idiot actually left me here and tried to go finish everything up by himself," she muttered, mostly to herself.

Today had been odd, to say the least. Everything had just...happened. And despite how naturally it all occurred, it didn't feel right at all. Nothing about today fit how she thought she should have been. Her reaction at the movie. That wasn't like me. What happened on the train. That wasn't ME!

...was it? No, that couldn't be it. She was the genius, prodigal daughter. The best Evangelion pilot in the world. She didn't need anyone, she would be fine all on her own. There was no reason why that movie should have bothered her. And she didn't need that spineless boy at all.

It was all his fault. It had to be. He's the one who insisted that she see that damn movie. He's the one who chased her into the bathroom. He's the one that made her look like a weak little girl. And he's the one who completely ignored her as he haphazardly tossed his belongings into the kitchen and stumbled to his room.

Someone needed to teach him a lesson. And so she decided that she would just have to be that person.

Clenching her fists, which she immediately regretted when her injured hand gave off a 'twang' of pain, she got up from her position on the rather comfortable couch and marched across the living room. It was getting close to nightfall, and a dreary lack of color was starting to filter into the apartment. It wasn't dark, but it certainly wasn't bright and colorful, either. The closer she got to Shinji's bedroom, the darker it got. It was amusingly metaphorical, but neither of the apartment's occupants were in the mood for a laugh.

Reaching his door, she briefly considered knocking, but decided if that she never bothered with that before, there's really no reason at all why she should start now. She slammed the door aside with as little tact as she could muster. Light flowed into the room; or, rather, slightly less darkness flowed in. Nevertheless, Shinji appeared to be unaffected, curled halfway into the fetal position and thumbing his S-DAT player.

She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do, she realized. Admittedly, beating him senseless would've been amusing, but she wasn't that much of a monster, even she knew that. She mulled things over for a bit, which was made easier by Shinji's complete lack of reaction.

"Idiot."

If she was expecting that to accomplish something, she would've been disappointed. It didn't appear to faze her much. She strode into the room until she seemed to tower over Shinji's bed and thus Shinji as well.

"Listen to me when I'm talking to you," she muttered, before kicking him roughly and adding in another call of "Idiot!"

It was hard for him to block that out. He probably would've taken out his earplugs if they hadn't been knocked out of his head in the process. "What the hell?"

"You're a spineless, pathetic, sniveling little coward. Don't you ever forget that." And then, as abruptly as she came, she left.

Shinji had sat up by then, sore in the back and mostly confused. After a moment, though, he sighed in defeat. "Yeah, just as I thought. I screwed up."

Misato hadn't expected that there'd actually be a meeting that day. Kaji had called her late last night, asking her to come see him that morning for reasons she still didn't know, but almost as soon as she'd left to do so, a call came through from the Geofront demanding her presence, and she found herself stuck there for the entirety of the day. It was only after sundown that they allowed her to leave, and by then all her calls to the stubbly jackass went unanswered.

She wasn't particularly happy with NERV or Kaji at the moment, having lost a rare day off on account of both of them.

She had to fumble with her keys for a bit before getting into her apartment, a small sign of her frustration. She'd mainly given her charges that list of errands to keep them busy, since she figured she could just pick up the slack later, but given how long her day had been, she dreaded having to go back out if everything wasn't done.

Her condition brightened a bit as she entered the kitchen, noticing the full bags of groceries. "Oh honeys, I'm home!" she called out, somewhat humorously, somewhat dryly. Nobody answered, but she was used to that by now. Either they weren't home, or they'd just locked themselves into their rooms like always.

On that note, she peeked into the hallway and found a bag full of clean laundry resting against the bathroom door. She'd forgotten what else she'd asked them to do, but Misato was happy that the big stuff was done, figuring that anything else probably wasn't worth worrying about.

Relieved, she retreated to the kitchen to make herself a well-earned meal. She settled on microwavable crap, because sweating over a 'well-earned meal' just didn't make any sense. She also pulled a well-earned Yebisu from out of the fridge and sat down for a well-earned drink while she waited for her well-earned processed meat-substitute to finish being bombarded with well-earned radiation.

She decided that repeating "well-earned" in her head constantly was getting annoying.

The microwave went 'ping' in it's usual discordant manner, and Misato went to retrieve her dinner. Tossing the box and wrapping into the trash, she caught a glimpse of two ticket stubs inside. Having herself not seen a movie in almost six months, she figured her two pilots must be getting along better than she thought. She'd have to give them hell about that tomorrow; it was just too much fun not too. It was like having little siblings to pick on.

Besides, if they got to have little dates, and she got to act like a big sister, it was all the better anyway. Something had to balance out the hell of their lives, or else, who knows, maybe they'd snap? With that, she made quick work of her dinner and accompanying beverage, left some food out for her little penguin friend, and retired to her own bedroom, dreading yet another day at NERV.

If he was a spineless little coward, he wouldn't be standing here right now, right? It was midnight, he was staring at Asuka's door, and he was mere inches away from knocking. Surely that meant something.

Shinji stood stock still for several moments before finally willing his knuckles into action.

Knock-knock-knock.

There was no answer. He pressed his ear up against the door to see if he could somehow hear better through the wood. He sat like this for just slightly past 'too long.'

Knock-knock-knock.

"What?" snapped the door. Shinji shrank away slightly. He hoped that he wouldn't have to talk to another door today, but at the same time, it would be so much less stressful than talking to the person behind it.

"...I'm not a coward," he said.

She didn't answer.

"I'm not a coward," he repeated, with slightly more vigor.

"Just shut up", she muttered. There was some rustling behind the door, but when it never opened, Shinji figured she must've just gone back to sleep.

He stood there for a while more, wondering what brought him out here in the first place. He was a coward, wasn't he? Then why stand here and deny it? Was he ashamed of it? He had to admit, receiving any kind words from her was always an impressive thing, and for her to have actually commented on him having a spine for once, earlier that day, seemed like something to be proud of.

So, was it pride then that had him out here, decrying her insults? Probably, but, he couldn't be sure. His thoughts were always too cyclical, too cynical to really determine much of anything. He returned to his bed, collapsed into it like he had done dozens of times before, and let his spiraling thoughts carry him away.

When morning came, he wasn't even sure if he'd slept.

AN: Two years. There's no reason why such a tiny and relatively progression-less chapter should have taken two years to write.

I'll admit it: I stopped writing. When I realized I could draw somewhat halfway decently, I just let writing fall by the wayside. Besides, in my group of friends we already had numerous excellent authors, what did it matter if I, the mediocre one, suddenly stopped? And to be honest, that still doesn't bother me. But I do miss writing at times, and so, here we are.

And I'll admit something else: I stopped reading fanfic a while back, as well as writing it. The only stories I've read since are either stories that I was already watching, or stories written by my wife. So, I think it was The 2nd Try finishing up over the last week that made me start thinking again. So here I am. I want to make these two pilots fall in love for some reason. But by god, I'm not gonna let it happen without truly being Evangelion. There's no sunshine and daisies. Then again, it's not all apocalypse and doom and gloom, either (Frankly, Shinji rejecting Instrumentality at the end of Evangelion is painfully, obviously supposed to show that we can all overcome our issues and we can all go on living). I feel that I at least understand Evangelion enough now to try and write again without basing my opinions and interperetations on everyone else's established schools of thought on the subject.

...er, with that, please tell me what sucks and what needs fixings, or, god willing, if I actually did something right. I crave constructive criticism, and I'm a grown man; I know the difference between "This sucks, and here's why, I hope you can improve on this" and "LOL I H8T YOU YOU SUCK,"

so please don't hold back.

Hell, I have no deluded fanbase to sic on you, anyway! Woo!