The Last Chapter . . .?
The scientists turned around to see a morbid-looking man in a neatly pressed suit holding a suitcase and straightening his tie. They knew him as the administrator. The G Man. Nick was the first to make the connection.
"You bastard! You did this!"
The G Man chuckled his strange chuckle and spoke in the voice of a snake.
"Yesssssssssss, bassssssssically. Thanksssssss to your intelligenssssssse in examining thossssssssse samplesssssss, you opened a portal to the over world, Xen, where thessssssssse creaturessssssssss came from. Thankssssssss to Freeman, it isssssss now in our control."
"Hmm," Nick thought, "I guess that asshole was good for something; helping the bad guys." When I talked to him, I wasssssssss offering a job. When I talked to misssssster Ssssshepard, I was detaining him. I have no such choice with you. You sssssssee, there are sssssimply too many of you to hire or imprisssssson. You know too much. I am afraid you musssssst be exterminated."
Nick laughed.
"Ha! You think YOU can kill us? Do you know what we've been through? You're nothing."
"Oh really, missssster Poodoo? Watch thissssss."
In a flash, the G Man was holding a rocket launcher.
"What? How did—" Nick was interrupted as The G Man loaded a rocket into the launcher.
"Goodbye, missssster Poodoo."
The G Man pointed the launcher at the grouping of scientists.
Without Nick needing to tell them to do so, the scientists ran out the door that they were feet away from, Biff still being carried by Sam. After exiting the building, they ran to the right, blocking the G Man's aim of them.
Barry stated the obvious.
"We don't have any ammo to use against him!"
The G Man walked out of the building and spotted them. Calmly, he raised the rocket launcher and fired. The men ran away from it, but the shockwave from the explosion blew them around the corner, away from the G Man again.
Nick pointed at Larry/Loretta and asked for the chainsaw.
Larry/Loretta whipped it out (the chainsaw, that is) and handed it to Nick.
"All right, thanks. Okay, you guys distract him. I'll run around back and saw him up."
Barry raised his hand.
"Question. Most of the sides of the building are built into the canyon. It is impossible to 'run around' it."
Nick shook his head and pointed at a section of the building.
"Look."
The scientists did, and saw a door just inches away from canyon wall.
"I'm going to go through there, come out the door, and cut that cocksucker's head off."
All the scientists nodded in agreement, except for Sam.
"How will we 'distract' him?"
Nick shrugged, and, with that, opened the door and ran into the building.
The G Man turned the corner and saw the clustering of old men.
"Where issssss missssster Poodoo?"
Just then, Nick jumped from behind the corner, chainsaw at ready.
He swung high, and the G Man's head came off, with no blood, strangely enough. The decapitated body fell to the floor inches away from its head. The suitcase was flung several feet away from both.
"Yes! Man, I wassss getting really tired of that guy'ssss sssspeech impediment. Ha! Man, I'm glad he's dead."
Suddenly, the arms on the body started moving, searching for its lost companion.
The scientists' reaction was unanimous.
"HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!"
The body reattached its head, stood up, and made another rocket launcher appear.
Biff, with his extensive knowledge of horror movies, shouted, "Go 'Evil Dead' on his ass!"
As the G Man reloaded the launcher, Nick asked, "What?"
Biff explained it to him as you would to a twelve year old. "In the Evil Dead movies, the only safe way to dispose of the undead was by dismembering them and then burying them! What I'm saying is, go Bruce Campbell on his ass!"
The G Man raised the rocket launcher again.
Nick brought down the chainsaw hard, slicing off the G Man's left arm. He brought it down again, slicing off his right arm. Then, with all of his strength, he re-decapitated the G Man. (Scene stolen from "Evil Dead 2" starring Bruce Campbell, 1988.)
The headless, armless body hopped around, kicking Nick while the head taunted him.
"Come on, you pansy!"
Nick recoiled.
"Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!"
"Yes I have."
"Look!"
"Its just a flesh wound. Come on then!"
(Lines stolen from "Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail" starring Michael Palin, Terry Jones, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, and Terry Gilliam, 1970-something. Duh.)
Ignoring the dumbass head, Nick lopped off the legs with one strong swing.
The humans dug a large hole, and kicked the pieces of the ex-administrator into the hole.
Biff scoffed. "Zombies! They're even worse than the bloody cats!" (Line stolen from "Conker's Bad Fur Day" for the Nintendo 64, 2001.)
They buried the son of a bitch, but, as they were about to leave, Sam noticed the suitcase.
"Hey," he said. "Wanna find out who wins the bet?"
Nick smiled. "Yeah, sure, why not?"
The scientists walked over to the suitcase and Nick picked it up. He moved over and placed it on a rock, away from the others. Noticing there was no lock of any kind, Nick opened it. A yellow light shone onto his face, much like the suitcase from "Pulp Fiction."
Barry began walking over to Nick when Nick suddenly raised a hand to him. "Stop. Don't come any closer."
Barry did.
"Well, what is it?"
Nick wiped the sweat from his forehead and took a deep breath.
"Well, it ain't a dildo."
THE END . . .?
If you have just finished reading this chapter, that means you are A) A Poodoo fan or B) A pothead. In any case, if you want me to write more, then review this chapter and tell me if I should. Otherwise, you'll never find out what's in the suitcase . . . . . . . . . . . .
The scientists turned around to see a morbid-looking man in a neatly pressed suit holding a suitcase and straightening his tie. They knew him as the administrator. The G Man. Nick was the first to make the connection.
"You bastard! You did this!"
The G Man chuckled his strange chuckle and spoke in the voice of a snake.
"Yesssssssssss, bassssssssically. Thanksssssss to your intelligenssssssse in examining thossssssssse samplesssssss, you opened a portal to the over world, Xen, where thessssssssse creaturessssssssss came from. Thankssssssss to Freeman, it isssssss now in our control."
"Hmm," Nick thought, "I guess that asshole was good for something; helping the bad guys." When I talked to him, I wasssssssss offering a job. When I talked to misssssster Ssssshepard, I was detaining him. I have no such choice with you. You sssssssee, there are sssssimply too many of you to hire or imprisssssson. You know too much. I am afraid you musssssst be exterminated."
Nick laughed.
"Ha! You think YOU can kill us? Do you know what we've been through? You're nothing."
"Oh really, missssster Poodoo? Watch thissssss."
In a flash, the G Man was holding a rocket launcher.
"What? How did—" Nick was interrupted as The G Man loaded a rocket into the launcher.
"Goodbye, missssster Poodoo."
The G Man pointed the launcher at the grouping of scientists.
Without Nick needing to tell them to do so, the scientists ran out the door that they were feet away from, Biff still being carried by Sam. After exiting the building, they ran to the right, blocking the G Man's aim of them.
Barry stated the obvious.
"We don't have any ammo to use against him!"
The G Man walked out of the building and spotted them. Calmly, he raised the rocket launcher and fired. The men ran away from it, but the shockwave from the explosion blew them around the corner, away from the G Man again.
Nick pointed at Larry/Loretta and asked for the chainsaw.
Larry/Loretta whipped it out (the chainsaw, that is) and handed it to Nick.
"All right, thanks. Okay, you guys distract him. I'll run around back and saw him up."
Barry raised his hand.
"Question. Most of the sides of the building are built into the canyon. It is impossible to 'run around' it."
Nick shook his head and pointed at a section of the building.
"Look."
The scientists did, and saw a door just inches away from canyon wall.
"I'm going to go through there, come out the door, and cut that cocksucker's head off."
All the scientists nodded in agreement, except for Sam.
"How will we 'distract' him?"
Nick shrugged, and, with that, opened the door and ran into the building.
The G Man turned the corner and saw the clustering of old men.
"Where issssss missssster Poodoo?"
Just then, Nick jumped from behind the corner, chainsaw at ready.
He swung high, and the G Man's head came off, with no blood, strangely enough. The decapitated body fell to the floor inches away from its head. The suitcase was flung several feet away from both.
"Yes! Man, I wassss getting really tired of that guy'ssss sssspeech impediment. Ha! Man, I'm glad he's dead."
Suddenly, the arms on the body started moving, searching for its lost companion.
The scientists' reaction was unanimous.
"HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!"
The body reattached its head, stood up, and made another rocket launcher appear.
Biff, with his extensive knowledge of horror movies, shouted, "Go 'Evil Dead' on his ass!"
As the G Man reloaded the launcher, Nick asked, "What?"
Biff explained it to him as you would to a twelve year old. "In the Evil Dead movies, the only safe way to dispose of the undead was by dismembering them and then burying them! What I'm saying is, go Bruce Campbell on his ass!"
The G Man raised the rocket launcher again.
Nick brought down the chainsaw hard, slicing off the G Man's left arm. He brought it down again, slicing off his right arm. Then, with all of his strength, he re-decapitated the G Man. (Scene stolen from "Evil Dead 2" starring Bruce Campbell, 1988.)
The headless, armless body hopped around, kicking Nick while the head taunted him.
"Come on, you pansy!"
Nick recoiled.
"Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!"
"Yes I have."
"Look!"
"Its just a flesh wound. Come on then!"
(Lines stolen from "Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail" starring Michael Palin, Terry Jones, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, and Terry Gilliam, 1970-something. Duh.)
Ignoring the dumbass head, Nick lopped off the legs with one strong swing.
The humans dug a large hole, and kicked the pieces of the ex-administrator into the hole.
Biff scoffed. "Zombies! They're even worse than the bloody cats!" (Line stolen from "Conker's Bad Fur Day" for the Nintendo 64, 2001.)
They buried the son of a bitch, but, as they were about to leave, Sam noticed the suitcase.
"Hey," he said. "Wanna find out who wins the bet?"
Nick smiled. "Yeah, sure, why not?"
The scientists walked over to the suitcase and Nick picked it up. He moved over and placed it on a rock, away from the others. Noticing there was no lock of any kind, Nick opened it. A yellow light shone onto his face, much like the suitcase from "Pulp Fiction."
Barry began walking over to Nick when Nick suddenly raised a hand to him. "Stop. Don't come any closer."
Barry did.
"Well, what is it?"
Nick wiped the sweat from his forehead and took a deep breath.
"Well, it ain't a dildo."
THE END . . .?
If you have just finished reading this chapter, that means you are A) A Poodoo fan or B) A pothead. In any case, if you want me to write more, then review this chapter and tell me if I should. Otherwise, you'll never find out what's in the suitcase . . . . . . . . . . . .