This is my first fanfic so please don't be too hard on me. For the first one, it's assuming that the Kokiri would age if they left the Forest.

I have a very twisted sense of humor it seems.

THINGS NO ZELDA CHARACTER WOULD EVER DO

Saria walks out of Kokiri Forest long enough to go through puberty. She walks back in with some genuine assets. Mido sees her looking like that and drools until his body shrivels up. Saria pumps her arm and says in a calm voice "Cha Ching".

The Great Deku Tree tells Navi to go find Link. She says no, he says yes. They continue arguing until Navi gets fed up and decides to help Ghoma out with the curse.

If Navi did go to fetch Link, she bumps into the fence 6 times and reels around drunkenly. "…I shouldn't have had that many drinks last night." When she finally gets to his house, he gets mad and eats her for waking him up.

All the Kokiri are laughing at Mido because he looks like a doofus. He gets really upset, runs out of the forest, and dies. The Kokiri have a big party and roast his fairy in celebration.

Link is in the GDT and gets to Ghoma. He shrieks "YAY, a new pet!" and promptly slingshots Navi to her for a snack.

Princess Zelda is staring through the window in her courtyard when Ganondorf walks in. She falls to the ground, clutching her face, and screams loud enough for all of Hyrule to hear~ "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! MY EYES, MY EYEEEEEEEEEESS! THEY BURN!"

Ganondorf gets lonely in his big castle; so he invites all the evil creatures of Hyrule in for a rave and everyone gets drunk.

Ganondorf walks in to the Great Deku Tree's meadow and demands the Kokiri's Emerald. Eventually the GDT gets tired of the threats so he sucks Ganon in and eats him.

Link rescues Ruto from Jabu-Jabu's stomach. When they get out, he steals the Sapphire from her and pushes her back in, laughing evilly.

Link wakes up from his seven year sleep and Rauru starts talking to him about being the Hero of Time. Link rolls his eyes and sighs. "Do us a favor and shut up will you? I'm trying to sleep here."

Ganondorf shows up right after Zelda gives Link the Light Arrows. Link shoots him and says "problem solved."

King Zora begs Link to go rescue his daughter. Link replies "Get your fat carcass off the ground and get her yourself!"

Zora Link is in Mikau's room and the fat guy is apologizing for breaking the ladder. Link says in a low dangerous voice, "I don't think so". He slices the fat zora up and roasts him, whooping "Yay, fish for supper!"

All the characters pose for a picture. Ganondorf cheers like a two yr. old when it's been developed and he sees his face on it.

Sis helped me with the first. Genius, no?