Chapter 8: Defining a Feeling

Granger had gone soft. Over the years I think I have given her too much credit. I always thought she was at least human, perhaps a girl if she was lucky. But now, well… now all my almost-nice-thoughts of Granger had gone completely out of the window. I mean, she was sobbing hysterically, weeping apologies, crying all over me. And what could I do? I couldn't push her away, or everything would be ruined and the Dark Lord would know about it in an instant. I sigh heavily; I wish I was anywhere else but here. But I'm not, and I have to make the best of the situation.

I pat Granger's back awkwardly and she seems to think this is an invitation to collapse into my chest. Ouff. Jesus girl! What the hell…?

She grabbed hold of my shirt (black of course, my customary color) and wrinkled the fabric with her balled fists as she continued to wail "Draco! I didn't know where you were. I thought you would have been killed for sure! How did you get away?" She was staring at me with her huge puffy eyes seeping their salty liquid.

I froze, thinking very quickly, "I'm not sure, it's all a blur. I'm just happy it's all over."

Granger suddenly frowned, staring at me incredulously, "You are an idiot to believe that Voldemort will stop trying to get you after one attempt."

"I was just been hopeful" I mutter in what I hoped was a hurt and confused voice. I detach myself from Granger and walk away from her and back towards the house, shouting back "I need to go to the Order of the Phoenix as soon as possible."

I walked straight through the front door and into Granger's house. I needed to keep walking, keep her from seeing my face. Or she would see how positively petrified I am. Coming face to face with the Dark Lord twice in two days wasn't exactly what I would call lucky. I would bet more on it being a curse. I couldn't believe that I was to be given the Dark Mark on Christmas. Great present I shall be receiving.

I run up the stairs and barricade myself in the bath room. I heard Granger call up to me "Draco? Where are you? Are you ok?"

"Leave me alone! I'm having a show – ARGGHHHHH!!!" My eyes froze on the mirror above the bathroom sink and stared, horrified, at the young man that stared right back at me. Oh my god, that's not me, is it? That's definitely not me! I don't look like that! My eyes were blackened and swollen, weeping slightly, my nose bumpy and crooked and my jaw was disfigured! It was a miracle I could still speak. Though as my scream of surprise continued, the voice that came from my lips didn't sound like mine at all. I drop to my knees to allow my eyes to escape the horrifying sight I had just seen.

There were pounding footsteps on the stairs and suddenly the door was open again, the lock obviously cheap and not even able to do it's only stupid job of locking! Granger stood in the doorway, breathing heavily and looking worried "What's happened?"

I stared at her, pale as a white bed sheet. Don't ask me where that came from but I reckon I was that pretty damn pale, "My face," I stutter, forcing myself to speak "It's ruined. I'm – I'm ugly!" I state in a horror stricken voice.

Granger stared at me with an amused smile "Draco, you're not –"

"Don't patronize me, Granger!" I whimpered. I turn to her desperately, with a sudden thought. I had the best witch at my disposal, and here I was crying. I opened my mouth hopefully, staring at her unwaveringly, though not asking her to do a thing. She needed to make the decision on her own, and if she chose not too I could fix my face in a snap. I was just amazing I hadn't thought of it before now, but then again it was supposed to inject some sympathy from Granger into our relationship. That is probably why I left it alone.

Granger held my gaze for a long moment as though reading my thoughts, then spoke "I can't, I don't turn seventeen until the nineteenth of September. I can't use magic."

I smile kindly at her, "I wasn't going to ask you to do it for me." I forced myself to say, while gloating on the inside. Get a hold of yourself Draco, you stupid prat! "I'll fix it up. It just came as a shock that's all. Now since I have to have a shower –"

Granger immediately went red in the face and froze on the spot "I uh – Right, I just was getting you a – uh – towel…"

I smile devilishly at her when I notice her faltering speech. My disfigured face forgotten for the moment, I lean lightly on the vanity, legs crossed at the ankle "Don't kid with me, Hermione." Time for some fun. The Dark Lord thinks I am going to fail. I think not! I hold her gaze whilst leaning down to her ear. Purposefully caressing the ear with my hot breath, I whispered "We both know you want to join me."

Granger flushed the deepest red I have ever seen on a human, mumbled something about retrieving a towel from the hall cupboard and dashed out the door. I laughed silently to myself, my eyes shining with glee. That reaction screamed nothing else but she likes me! I could have broken out in a dance, until something soft and fluffy hit me in the head. I turn and see Granger staring at me daringly "Have a nice shower, Draco."

Those last words stung. Probably because she had used my name, and I finally realized just how far I had come in just one day. Instantly forgetting my previous glee, I sigh as I start to undress, I better not do too well too quickly or else I will be lining up for the Dark Mark in just days. I smirk to myself as I pull my wand out of my discarded robes, staring at the shiny wood. I will have to fail on purpose so I can prolong the sensation of having flawless skin. I am not in anyway looking forward to it.

As I twirl my wand in my long, slender fingertips, pointing the tip at my face I think, why does everything always have to happen to Draco Malfoy?

I of course am a fantastic wizard, full marks for most of my subjects. Though surprisingly, it hadn't always been like that. In my second year I was forever letting Granger get the better of me with her stupid question answering and arm waving in class. It was frankly, very distracting! How is anyone supposed to get any work done with her talking during every god damn lesson, for the entire lesson? But as the years went on, and I was sharing fewer classes with Granger, my marks improved dramatically. So now, as I point my wand at my face, (I had turned seventeen in June, where was my present from you?) I didn't stumble over my thoughts, or even falter when I was performing the non-verbal spell on myself. I didn't even flinch when the spark of electric blue light hit my face and consumed every particle of bruised or damaged skin.

I sigh when the charm finally completed its task. I hadn't needed Granger at all, of course. Discarding my wand onto the pile of clothes on the floor, I slide into the warm water and let it wash away my thoughts of the approaching year with Granger.

The summer holidays drifted by, each day holding a significant change to how Granger felt about me and how she showed me these feelings. I had stopped advancing on her, enjoying it more when she came to me. Probably to the many eyes watching these little advances were nothing at all to get excited over at first, but I noticed the little changes. A smile here or there, forever attempting to be in the same room as me, and then when I believed things could not get any worse; I was in the kitchen one day, I was checking the odd invention called a refrigerator. (Of course I know how these things work, but does it have to be so big? All you need is a cooler room and some ice boxes. Perhaps a well placed freezing charm?) Then Granger came in. This was all well and good, having already become accustomed to her presence in every room I occupied. Anyway, it was on this very occasion I felt a body rub up against my own. No kidding. I had looked around and Granger was standing by the counter drinking milk from a glass a meter away from me. She didn't even look at me until she set the empty glass down and enquired "What's the matter, Draco?" She acted as though she had no idea what had occurred! I exited the kitchen as quick as possible and showered.

But as I started to get used to these advances, I believed these actions merited a compliment from me. To egg her on, I guess. However much it sickened me whenever she got too close. Yeah, I know. I never thought I would ever compliment the Mudblood Granger, or anyone else for that matter (compliments were usually directed at me of course) but the reaction my first mistaken compliment gained from Granger was worth every penny, (yes, only pennies). I believed I was onto something.

It was back in August, sunny, sweaty, annoying, fucking August. Oh alright, August isn't that bad, at least I don't think that now.

Grangers parents had been, apparently, well off in the financial department. Something about them having been dentists? Never heard of that occupation before. But the way she dresses you would think she was as worse off as the Weasleys! The baggy jeans, disgusting knee length sun dresses, box arse jeans (Ew.) and to top it off not being able to colour co-ordinate a single outfit. I mean, honestly! I'm a guy and know that a grey pleated granny skirt, and bright orange freakish hippy top does not go.

Her parents will had come through. Finally, I had thought. We were arguing about what she should spend it on. I enjoyed arguing with her, and I have a nagging feeling that she enjoys it now also. I mean, we have spent the better part of seven weeks arguing. I completely go off my nut at her, and Granger retorting angrily back with a small smile constantly twitching her lips upward. Her heart isn't in it at all but she does it for me. Ew. Sentimental rubbish. I have lost my love for arguing since then.

Anyway, this is what I remember of the argument:

"Why don't you stay out of my business, Draco? Anything with money automatically draws your attention doesn't it?" Granger snapped in her high pitch screech she acquired when ever she was about to show that stupid smile.

"It does not draw my attention," I said placidly, touching my money bag tied to my belt fondly, "I have enough thank you."

"Then I have enough clothing to last me until the end of summer! Stop with the nagging to go shopping! I know you are just itching to unveil your feminine side…" I threw her the darkest look I could muster "But honestly, I have enough clothing."

"Show me then."

Granger had looked at me as though I were out of my mind, "Show you?"

"Yes, show me. And I will be the judge of whether or not you need clothes. And if, what you are wearing, is anything to go by then I will rule against you." I looked her up and down at her obviously aged singlet (I noticed some large stains on the front, patchy yellow. Disgusting.) and her baggy denim shorts she had donned to survive the heat.

Several minutes of grueling argument later I found myself sprawled out on Granger's bed spread, awaiting her to reappear from changing in her adjoining bathroom.

I sighed wearily, as the sliding door opened to reveal Granger… in the same attire she had been wearing before. She shook her head stubbornly "I will not show you any of my clothes, Draco"

I smirk, "Because they are all awful?"

She glared at me, "They are not all awful! They are just a bit out dated that's all."

Thinking I should really start making a move on her, I rise seductively from the bed. I am a master at moving seductively.

I approached her slowly, holding her gaze. She stood there resolutely, obviously infuriated with my silence. Her hair was pulled up in a long pony tail that looked somewhat tamed but frizzed at the sides so it looked like her head was twice its actual size. But it had been the clothing had done it for me. The sight of Granger at the moment was about to have me running to the bathroom in a mad rush for the toilet bowl.

Pushing these thoughts aside as forcibly as I could, I stood before her and reached an arm around to the back of her head, pulling out the hair tie holding her hair up. She looked at me angrily "What did you do that –"

I held up a finger to shut her up and pulled out my wand, all the while thinking of the list I had conjured in my head a while back.

Step one for a getting-there attractive Granger: Fix the damn hair. Smooth is elegant. Bushy/frizzy is repulsive.

I step back after performing the charm and gesture to a mirror in shock. I had to get her to turn away from me. This slight change was enough for me to constrict my lungs and gasp for air from the amazing sight. True, it didn't do anything on the whole for her appearance, but her hair actually looked presentable, smoothed down to the scalp with not a fly away in sight. She had stepped front of the mirror and her jaw dropped, I just stood back attempting to grasp my emotions. Damn, if she actually had a chest she might actually be – What the hell am I thinking? I mask my emotions with a mild-interest expression.

She squealed in excitement and I immediately regretted my actions. If she is going to be squealing every time I make a change then I will stop. I had shaken my head of this thought and another one had come into my mind, and unfortunately I voiced my thoughts "You look beautiful." I slam my hands over my mouth. I did not just say that!

She looked at me and with a quick smile replied with a "Thank you, Draco." I then got up quickly and left the room, muttering I needed a nap. What in the world made me say that?! But it had worked, hadn't it? It was what someone in love would say to the recipient of said love. So from then on I was looking for reasons, anything to compliment her. Lie to her. See its affects. Laugh about it later. What else would I do?

Summer continued to fly by.

The nights were as hot as the days, and I was quickly getting sick of it. I watch the head of the flimsy electronic fan rotate slowly. Relief… aggravating heat… coolness… irritation. The fan was nothing compared to a simple cooling charm, but Granger has insisted countless of times in her annoying voice that I should limit my use of magic whilst staying at her house. Stuff it, I wave my wand at the fan and it immediately disappears (I sent the pathetic thing to Granger) I will do it anyway, who is she to tell me what to do!? I charmed myself cool… and laid back into the soft pillows of the spare bedroom, situated next to Granger's room. I fell into a deep sleep, my dreams thankfully devoid of Granger in horribly suggesting clothing, but just her hobbled and bent running into walls at Hogwarts just for my amusement. I must say, I wouldn't mind seeing that happen in reality… maybe if she is in love with me, she will do anything I ask of her. I sigh, the possibilities! My dream morphs into a scenario where Granger and the Mudblood lover, Weasley are repeatedly getting thrown into the Hogwarts Lake and drowned just for the scene to be repeated again and again. As I start to enjoy myself, watching their repeated dooms, the dream stops. And all goes black.

I woke up with a start when I heard a clap of thunder over head. I sighed loudly and turned over to attempt to fall back to sleep when I heard crying coming from the room opposite. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, I should really stop that infuriating noise or I will never get back to sleep.

I exit my room and walked to the last door in the hall. I opened it cautiously and see the darkened room, lightning lighting the room every now and again from the large window. The electronic fan I had flat out refused to use was standing in a corner, humming as it rotated its head slowly, blowing hot air around the room. A flash shows me the bed with a curled up something, shaking consistently. Though I would never approach someone crying in real life, because I don't care for such nonsense, I find my feet forcing my body to approach. I had no choice but approach the figure and kneel down beside the bed. The figure had their back to me, a slender shaking back, wearing their pajamas of black shorts and a pink singlet. A shapely neck was hidden beneath a mass of long sleek, dark brown hair, falling into ripples on the mattress. The legs attached to the slim and toned torso were long, smooth and bent at the knees to be held by slender arms and elegant hands and fingers. I stood up to find out who it was, when the figure sat up suddenly turning to face me. Her dark brown eyes shined in the flash of lightening that lit the room that instant, I saw the tears falling onto her awaiting cheeks. She stared at me blankly, and then her unusually lush, pink lips twitched upwards into a small, innocently sad smile. I found myself wanting to be near her, hold her, touch her, love her… then I realized that I hated the girl before me and she did not look like this! SHE WAS HERMIONE GRANGER!

"I'm sorry for waking you," she sniffed "I didn't mean for –"

I shut her up by handing her one of my satin handkerchiefs (I had many of these, and I can afford to loose hundreds of them and still have a generous stash). It was clean, apart from me using it to open doors and such. But she didn't seem to mind, she took the handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes hurriedly. I had to think things through, how could I be seeing these things? I can see beauty in Granger?

I spluttered for a moment, then found the words "It's ok, I was awake anyway." Pft, yeah right. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Granger sighed, and looked away from me just as another very loud rumble of thunder echoed around us. She swallowed deeply (I saw her slender neck constrict then relax) and replied "I miss them." She stated simply.

I stay quiet as she looked around her room, blinking repeatedly probably in the effort to hold back the tears. She then breathed in deeply and continued "Everything reminds me of them, everything." She hung her head and fiddled with the thin blanket she had been lying under, "I know I shouldn't dwell on something that I have no power over, but I can't help but wonder they died for a reason apart from been a parent of a muggle-born witch. There is something going on, I know it." She looked away from me, good thing too because my face had lost all its usual twinge of color and was as white as snow. She drew in a long shuddering breath and turned back to me, "More than anything though, I am angry at Ron and Harry. I thought they, at least, would have replied to my Owls. I've sent several letters and not one reply. Why do they think they can play with me like this? Searching for stupid Horcruxes could not possibly be more important than friendships." She let out a cold laugh I had never heard before. My skin tingles pleasantly. What the hell has got into me?

She looked at me with a maddening glint in her eye, which I liked, "Oh I am being a selfish bitch I know. But don't they care at all?"

I looked up at her, still kneeling on the ground and not trusting myself to move from my spot. Though it didn't stop my arms. I smiled at her, reaching a shaking hand to her newly smoothed hair and tucking a few loose strands behind her ear, slowly running my hand along her cheek. As my hand falls back to my lap I realize with horror what I had just done. Oh fuck, that wasn't forced whatsoever.

She smiled softly at me and I was compelled to say "I care." I rose from the ground, ignoring the voice in my head and forced her to stand also "Hermione, I will be here for you as long as you need me…" My neck bend low and I leaned downward. She didn't move, instead she allowed me to draw closer and closer for my first non-forced kiss with Granger. We barely brushed lips when a crack of thunder and a corresponding flash of lightning sounded. I jumped away from her, coming to my senses. Turning away from her abruptly, I exit the room.

Locking my room's door on entry, I throw myself onto my bed in a fit of confusion. What the god damn hell is going on here?! I do not have feelings for Hermione… I mean Granger. ARGH! I'm loosing my mind. I can't define this feeling. It's confusion. That's all. I am just starting to believe my fabulous acting a little too much.

I fall into a fitful sleep, unfortunately dreaming of a specific Mudblood catering to my every desire.