Behind The Scenes

By: supercsi4

Chapter 1 - Committed

SARA:

When the door shut behind Adam, I really thought I was going to die. I was alone in a locked room with a disturbed psycho off his meds. When he attacked me and we were on the ground, all I could think of was Grissom. How much I had regret and how much would he regret if I died right there.

Then when I looked up, Grissom was standing outside the door begging the guard to unlock the door. I had never seen him so scared. And the look in his eyes was all I needed as proof that he still cared about me, cared about me more then I could ever imagine. I thought he would break down the door himself if he could. But I did escape and ran out of there as fast as my terrified feet would carry me. Grissom tried to comfort me, but you know with Grissom, it is all words…or so I thought.

Later on, after we had finished the case and I let myself cry alone in the locker room, he came in. I was waiting for another lecture about letting cases get to me and that I would be alright and then my thoughts were cut off by Gil Grissom wrapping his arms around me. He hadn't said a word and that conveyed more to me then anything he could have said and I began sobbing into him.

After I got myself under control, he said he would take me home and I didn't bother to argue. I didn't want to upset this amazing breakthrough Grissom was performing right before my eyes. And it didn't stop there. We sat on my couch and talked for hours and it wasn't just me doing the talking. We both talked about everything, my past, his past, and yes…even us, our relationship. Exhaustion had overcome us both though and the next thing I knew I was waking up to those gorgeous blue eyes looking down to me. I thought I was dreaming and again, Grissom began throwing even more at me. "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" he asked and I didn't even have to think twice before agreeing. I couldn't thank him enough for everything he had done for me in the past 24 hours, but if I had it my way, I would get that chance tonight if our date went well.

And it went more then well, it was fantastic. Shy, quiet, self-conscious Grissom had disappeared. We were completely comfortable around each other, like we had gone out on hundreds of dates. The awkwardness didn't even return as we reached my front door. I knew I wanted him to come in and never leave and looking up at his face I knew he could read my mind…he always could. My 'no sex on the first date' rule went straight out the window. Though it shouldn't really apply to our relationship because it has been like foreplay for years. I didn't even try to causally invite him in for coffee with a hidden ulterior motive. Standing there I couldn't wait any longer and obviously he couldn't either. I still don't even remember making it into my bedroom, but I remember every single detail as soon as my back hit the bed. I have never loved anyone else but Grissom, and he showed me that night how much he had loved me too…several times in fact.

GRISSOM:

After Adam slit his own throat and Sara ran from the nurses' station, I stood frozen. God I wanted to run to her and hold her. I tried to talk to her, calm her down. I wanted to reach out and touch her with more then just words, but I couldn't will myself to do it. She told me about her mother and I thought she would break down like she did at her apartment, but she was determined to finish the case and I reluctantly let her. I can't say I didn't worry about her the entire length of the case though. And I never let her out of my sight again.

I found her in the locker room after we solved that sickening case of incest with a messed up kid and his even more messed up mother. She sat on the bench with her head hung and then I heard a sniffle…she was crying. I couldn't take it when Sara was crying and normally I would try and say something insightful and then distance myself as far as possible, but then the day's events flashed before my eyes. She could have been killed today. Sara Sidle could have died right in front of my eyes and she would have never known how I felt about her. What if the guard couldn't get the door unlocked? What if? What if she had died? I couldn't take it any longer. I stepped toward her and she jerked her head up to look at me, her eyes red from crying. I didn't say a word, for once, I let actions speak louder then words. I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my body and sobbed into my shoulder. We sat in silence for several minutes as I let her cry out everything she needed to release.

After she had calmed down, I softly rubbed my hand across her back trying to comfort her. "Come on…I'll take you home." The words I have said before but under completely different circumstances. She didn't argue, question, or even say a word. I held her hand and we left the lab. We sat on her couch and talked for hours, about the case, about the past, even about us. It was all emotionally exhausting, which was evident when we both fell asleep, Sara in my arms, together on her couch. I woke up in the morning, Sara snuggled close to me, my arms tightly around her body, and that was when I knew something had to change. I wanted to wake up like that every morning and I couldn't help but hate myself for missing out on so many mornings like this I could have already experienced.

I was lost in thought when she had also woken up and was staring hard into my eyes. "A penny for your thoughts," she said, still not moving from my side. I think we both knew that this was a landmark in our relationship and everything was about to change. "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" She just smiled and said, "I'd love to." She thanked me for everything and I left her apartment to head back to mine. I should really have been the one thanking her, for opening my eyes and finally allowing me to live my life.

We went out that night and dinner had gone better then I could have ever imagined. It wasn't awkward at all. I couldn't help but think of how it felt so right, like we had been out together hundreds of times. Walking her to her door, I knew I wouldn't be leaving her place that night and when she turned to me, I saw the same thoughts reflected in her own eyes. You would think two adults would have a little more control, but I had waited painfully long to touch her, kiss her, feel her and we barely had the door closed before clothes were coming off. I loved her so much and that night, I poured my heart into showing her just how much.