*Oh, for god's sake, please, stop it...*

My soul is a wall. Most of the time it's strong, and stands tall, made of iron, an iron that could still be standing a thousand years from it's date of origin.

But now...it was melting like salt in the wind.

"Damn you, Masaharu!! Don't you dare give me that line! What--I know he's your son, too, but I've got--I'VE GOT VISITATION RIGHTS OVER THE SUMMER!! ...You can reschedule...oh, yes you can."

*Stop it, Mom, please...stop it...stop yelling, it won't change things...stopitstopitstopit...*

Mom kept yelling down the phone to my father. My father kept throwing things back at her, making her more and more hysterical. And I just stood totally still, clenching my fists, my breathing coming in short, erratic gasps.

I hate it when she yells...especially when she yells at my father...and the reason they're yelling is me. I hate it. It makes me feel like crap. And it scares me. Yes, damn it all, it scares me!! I'm not as strong as I look! Thirteen years old and I'm still scared out of my mind when my parents scream like this. How pathetic am I.

It reminds me of ages ago, when they first filed for divorce...the yelling, the insults...things being thrown, Mom running out in tears, Dad slamming the door. I rememered TK and I sitting on my bed during those long days, clinging to each other, eyes wide and frightened.

Years later, I'm still sitting here with those same frightened eyes.

"Matt..." Tai whispered. He and I had been hanging out, playing my PSX, when the phone rang. I had my back to him, so I had no idea whether he was smirking at me or embarassed to be in the same room or what.

"Tai...why...do they do this?" I whispered, choking on the words. "Dad knows I'm with Mom this summer. Why can't he just reschedule whatever he wanted to do?"

"I don't know...my parents...well. You know. They're not separated..."

I rested my palm against the door, trying to steady my breathing and not cry. I was with my mother for this part of the summer. When the divorce was first given the go-ahead and stuff, it was agreed that I would spend the first half of the summer break with mom and TK, and TK would spend the next half with dad and I. It was the first week of my staying with Dad now. TK was out somewhere with Davis, Kari and Yolei...thank god he wasn't hearing this now.

"And Mom...she should just hang up...she knows Dad's just being a total prick...just...being--"

Another shout cut me off. "Do you want me to gain complete custody of both of them? Is that what you want? Because I'll do it...I will. Yes I--don't you put it past me, Masaharu."

I was trembling now, my eyes wide and terrified.

"Matt..c'mon, it's okay...you know she doesn't mean it. They're just blowing off steam. My parents say terrible things...Matt?"

I walked over to my window in a daze, my eyes totally glassy and my body disconnecting from its senses.

*No...don't cry now, Ishida...you have to be strong...Tai's probably feeling totally akward now, and he'll need you...*

"Matt? Are you okay?" Tai ran towards me, peering at my face. He must have finally seen how I felt, because his face seemed to fall and he put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, man..."

"I'm okay, Tai...honestly...I'm..."

And it was then that I began to cry. Huge, shameful sobs bursting out of me, making me angry that I was so weak and couldn't control myself. But once I started, it was impossible to stop, and it felt so good...to...just for a moment...let it out...three year's worth of tears. Damn it all! Tai can't see me crying...damn it...

Tai silently embraced me, pulling my body close to his and wrapping his arms around me protectively, stroking my hair and kissing my ear. I pressed my face into his neck and wept hysterically, hoping that Mom couldn't hear my crying.

"I'm sorry, I j--" I started to explain, but Tai shhhed in my ear.

"Quiet," he ordered. "It's okay. Matt, you don't have to explain to me."

"Why me..." I murmured through my tears. "What...why? Why does this have to happen to me? What's wrong with my parents? It's just..."

Tai looked at me, pulling back. "There's something else bothering you, isn't there?"

I felt like a complete child then. I pulled away and avoided his eyes. "No."

He took my chin in his hand and gently turned my face back to his. "Matt--what's up?"

I closed my eyes, fresh tears streaming down my face. "I miss Gabumon!" I cried, subsiding to wild sobs once again. "I want to go back there! I can't take this anymore! I don't want to BE here! I just can't TAKE IT!!"

The last two words were a wild scream, and I didn't care if Mom heard it. I just didn't care...I was tired, scared, hurt, homesick for the Digiworld and I missed Gabumon so much.

And there was nothing I could do about it except do the one thing I hated so much -- cry.