Author's note: Thank you, THANK YOU for the favorable response to this story! Happy reading!
Family Matters — A Gokusen Fanfiction
…I didn't mean it that way. Maybe it came out all wrong. I never meant to imply that I distrusted you. After all that you had done for me…for my friends, my classmates, I admit that there is no one else I could rely on with more confidence. I would have thought that you understood this…
From Shin Sawada written to his former teacher, Kumiko Yamaguchi, while muttering under his breath, "You would think she would know after I practically announced to everyone both at graduation and that time she was forced to resign that she was the one adult I did trust. Damn Yankumi's as clueless as ever."
Chapter Three: Confrontations
"Yankumi," he said, in that stoic voice she knew so well. He could have been talking about the weather, for all the emotion contained in his tone. The way he sounded, it could have just as easily been one of those times when he said her name during their time as teacher and student. He said her name as if years and events didn't separate them.
It was almost anticlimactic in a way.
When she entered her home that day, she had already been fighting a feeling of being out of sorts. She had been distracted that whole day in class. There was a nagging feeling that she couldn't quite pinpoint and she had almost been glad when the last bell had rung. Even her students had given her inquiring looks all day as well as a wide berth. To their minds, a distracted Yankumi was far more prone to slip into her Yakuza skin and they were careful not to let that Yankumi out against them.
This was why she had been more than a little apprehensive upon arriving at the unusually quiet house. While she understood that Wakamatsu was often busy with work, she had come to expect Tetsu or Minoru to greet her whenever she came home from school. Seeing her grandfather had relieved her mind. While she wasn't the most superstitious person out there, she would have to admit that part of her had been afraid that her restlessness might have been due to a premonition of something bad happening to her family. Seeing her grandfather relieved her mind not only because it assured her that he was alright, but it also let her know that the rest of the family was alright. Otherwise, her grandfather wouldn't have been sitting there calmly talking to…
"Sawada," she said again, unable to help herself. Unable to believe what her eyes were telling her. Attempting to hold herself steady, she clutched the rice paper door before her and looked back and forth between her grandfather and her former…student. He was her student.
"Shin arrived in Japan just this morning," her grandfather informed her helpfully as he stood up to give her a kiss of greeting on her cheek. His arms held her steady, something she was more than thankful for at that moment. "I'll leave you two alone to catch up," he told her, as she met his kind and gentle eyes with her panic-stricken ones.
"You don't have to," she said hurriedly. "I'm sure Sawada would like to have all of us welcome him back to the country." She looked meaningfully at her student's eyes. "He's been gone for so long and—"
"Kumiko," her grandfather interrupted, his voice low and somewhat reprimanding that she winced at the implied criticism. "I'll go see what Minoru and Tetsu have in terms of plans for tonight's dinner," he said, before giving her shoulders a firm squeeze and walking away.
Leaving her alone.
With Sawada.
Her student.
Feeling his pointed stare, she quickly straightened up and approached him as casually as she possibly could. "Sawada," she said again, meeting his eyes.
He grinned at her. And it was that same rare grin she knew from long ago. The same grin she had worked hard at drawing out as his teacher.
"Is that all you have to say after all these years?" he asked, almost nonchalantly, she would have said, were it not for the slight narrowing of his eyes.
She hated this.
If it had been any other student, she knew she would have flung herself at him in joy and given him the biggest hug a teacher could give to welcome him back home. She would have ruffled his hair and teased him about being late. She would have done something…something than just standing here and staring and being awkward.
Because this wasn't just any other student.
This was the boy who kept her secret when she first started to teach.
This was the boy who's always meant just a little bit more to her and her family during that year at Shirokin.
He's your student, she reminded herself, as she pasted a smile at her face. Maybe, maybe the thing to do would be to treat him as she would any other student. Because at this point, she was at a loss. Slowly, awkwardly, she stepped forward and wrapped him in her arms as she attempted to ruffle his hair.
He'd grown even taller, she thought, feeling his unresponsive body beneath her arms. "Welcome back, Sawada," she said softly, before she felt herself pushed away firmly by two strong hands.
"It won't work," he said steadily as he set her before him.
Looking up at him, she stared at the brooding eyes of old and asked innocently, "What do you mean?"
He let go of her arms, as if burned, before stepping back and watching her intently. "You know what I meant," he stated. He smiled ruefully. "Although it's just like you to pretend otherwise."
Giving him an indignant look, she stepped away and looked at him in askance. "I don't know what you mean," she reiterated slowly, lying through her teeth. What else did one say in this situation? She gestured towards the table to invite him to sit down. Looking up at him from her height left her feeling at a disadvantage at this stage.
He gave a deep, exasperated sigh before following up on her prompt.
She grinned. That sigh reminded her so much of the Sawada she knew way back then. She would recognize the mannerism anywhere.
Situating herself across him, she offered to top off his cup before pouring some of her own. "So," she began, wracking her brains for something intelligent to say. "How've you been?" She winced at the inanity of her words.
From the look she received, she could tell that he seemed to be admirably restraining himself from saying something else rather than the short, "I've been alright."
She nodded. "Things have been alright around here too," she told him. She grinned. "Can you believe that Uchiyama is now your brother-in-law?" she asked teasingly. "I bet you didn't see that one coming. Natsumi-chan was very disappointed that you didn't make it to the wedding last year, but I'm sure you've made it up to her." She tucked an imaginary strand of her hair behind her ear. "You must have seen her already. Isn't she great? She's been doing really well with the pregnancy—"
"Stop it," he muttered lowly, his lips hovering just above the sake cup as he peered at her from above its rim. "I told you before it won't work." He placed his cup gently down the table and looked at her steadily. "I didn't come here for small talk."
The hell? Then why did he come here? Surely it wasn't to—
"Then why have you come here?" she asked, her voice bordering on frustration. Without any sort of warning? At least, if she had known he was coming, she could have mentally prepared herself. She could have had a speech ready to deliver. Because while she knew perfectly well how to greet a former student, or an old friend, she was a little out of her depth on how to greet an old…she paused.
She couldn't quite make herself complete the thought.
He gave a mirthless laugh. Somehow, in all his dreams of this moment, in all the fantasies he'd had regarding coming back here and facing her, he had never imagined her looking quite so lost. He'd imagined her surprised and he'd imagined her angry. In his most optimistic and idealistic moments, he'd even imagined her happy to see him. After all, to him, it had been a given that he would come back. Eventually.
He had meant to come back sooner. When he left the day after his mother's funeral, he'd had every intention of coming back as soon as he possibly could. He had committed himself to two more months in the current volunteer program he had been working with. If he remembered correctly, he had been helping teach English to a group of young adults in a small South American village. As strange as it seemed, he had found himself slipping comfortably in the skin of an instructor. He had found himself enjoying his students who, granted, were not quite the delinquents that class 3-D was in his days.
And so he went back to teach, fully intending to return to Japan as soon as the school year ended. Except he didn't. He didn't come back that summer, or the summer after that, or the summer following. And now, over three years later, he stared at the woman who was in part responsible for keeping him away.
"I thought it would be best if we cleared the air," he replied somberly. "From what I hear, we were bound to see each other sooner or later." He noted her flushed cheeks.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, her eyes looking at him intently. "Yes, Natsumi-chan and I have become good friends over the years," she said carefully. "I'm surprised that she…she never mentioned you were coming home," she trailed off.
He smiled bitterly. Did she mean to hide it from him, her relationship with his father? He saw the careful way she watched his eyes and gauged his responses. Was she waiting for some sort of acknowledgment from him before broaching the subject? Could she even be…waiting for his approval?
He shuddered.
"That's because she didn't know about it until today," he replied abruptly. "It was…a surprise."
"Oh, it's a surprise alright," he could hear her mutter beneath her breath before she gave him a wide smile. "I bet she was ecstatic! She misses you, you know. I know she's told me several times that she was hoping you would be home when she delivered the baby." She paused for breath. "Speaking of which, how long do you plan on being here this time?" he heard the uncertainty in her voice.
"Actually," he began, making note to watch her reaction, "I've come home to stay."
"Heh?"
"I've come home to stay this time," he reiterated as he observed her eyes widen like saucers.
"You mean forever?" she asked blankly.
He gave a bitter laugh. "I'm not sure about forever, but definitely longer than a couple of days," he replied, aware of her growing agitation. Was she nervous about him being in town? Was she afraid that he might have some objections over her relationship with his father?
He grimaced at the acrid taste that thought brought to his mouth.
"That…that's…that's great, Sawada," she finally said softly. "I'm glad."
And for a moment, he let himself imagine that she really meant it. If it wasn't for the growing uneasiness he could see in her eyes, he might have actually been able to convince himself of it.
"I…I mean…Natsumi-chan must be over the moon!" she said somewhat awkwardly. "She's always complained about you living so far away. At one point she could barely keep up with the rate of your change of addresses!"
"Did you have that problem?" he asked abruptly, right before he silently reprimanded himself for being a masochist. He promised himself that he was not going to ask that particular question. After all, her silence all these years should have been answer enough. His mouth, however, seemed to have run away from him and had different agenda for this meeting.
"Heh?" she asked, her eyes looking guilty. "What problem?"
"Forget it," he muttered tersely, his pride momentarily overriding his need for answers. He looked away. Maybe he shouldn't have come here. At least not yet. Not this soon. Especially after talking to Natsumi. He stared at his sake.
He felt like slamming his head against a brick wall.
What the hell was he doing?
Didn't he come here to settle matters? Instead here he was at a loss for the words that would bring it all about in the open. Didn't he come here to find out from the horse's mouth, so to speak, if Natsumi's speculations were true? Instead, here he was afraid to ask the question for fear of the answer. And last but not the least, didn't he come here, fully intending to be able to look at her in the face and know, know, that his feelings for her were long dead? Instead, one look at her face was enough to leave him feeling like a school boy once more.
This was pathetic.
He was an adult.
And so were Yankumi and his father.
If there was something there (and Natsumi seemed certain that there was!), then he couldn't…just couldn't… concern himself with it. At least not until he figured himself out.
Not until he'd figured her out.
He needed answers and the person to give it to him was sitting right in front of him.
"Sawada," she said interrupting his thoughts.
He looked up at her, meeting her earnest gaze. "I thought we'd established a long time ago that it's 'Shin,'" he told her.
She blushed, averting her eyes and ending up looking down at the table. He watched as she worried her bottom lip.
"You do remember, don't you?" he said almost tauntingly. He didn't know why he was doing this. Something inside him just needed to push and prod at her.
"Sawada," she said again, more forcefully this time.
He gritted his teeth. Was she going to deny it? Pretend that nothing happened? "Kumiko," he returned deliberately. He watched her mouth open, then close, and open again then close. He could almost be proud of himself. He might just have rendered her speechless. Frustrated at his lack of progress, he stood up and ran his fingers through his hair.
While he didn't think this would be easy, he didn't think it was going to be like pulling teeth. He had expected her to have a lot to say. If anyone had anything to say, it had to be her. After all, hadn't he said his piece years ago? While she…she responded in silence.
He'd accepted that response then. He'd been stupid to do so, but there it was. Now, however, no oceans or continents or outdated forms of communication separated them. He could demand the answers he sought. And this time, this time around, he wouldn't accept anything less.
"Yankumi," he finally said, using the name she was used to, the name she no doubt preferred coming from him. "What the hell happened?"
More author's note: as always, I love hearing from people who've read and liked my story as well as people who are kind enough to constructively criticize.