Okay. This just popped into my head, so I decided to write it. It is unbelievably random, and may cause rabid fangirl behavior. HELLSING IS NOT MINE!

Integra sat in her office, bent over desk, writing quietly. A few minutes later, a horribly fowl odor flooded the room. She groaned and put a hand over her nose. "Arucard, what do you want?" She asked her servant as he rose out of the floor in front of her desk.

"I just wanted to inform you that the mission you sent me on is complete." He said, a grin spreading over his face.

"Yes, I can see, and smell, that." She muttered behind her hand, gesturing to the fresh blood and bits of flesh hanging off of his already blood encrusted clothing. "You know, Arucard, before I could tell when you were coming and going from the differences in temperature and the way shadows changed abnormally. Now, however, that god awful smell leaking from your person alerts me to your presence each and every time. I think it might be best if you tried cleaning your clothes."

"I'm sorry that my odor offends you, Master, but it isn't a wise decision-" He was cut off as Integra started talking again. "No, Arucard, don't say another word. I order you to wash those filthy clothes. I mean, look at yourself. Or better yet, smell yourself. Its app- Is that a spleen?" She asked suddenly, pointing to a fleshy lump on Arucard's shoulder. He looked at it and plucked it off, inspecting it closely. "It most certainly is. I could've sworn I'd left all the big bits behind. Excellent eye, Master." He said, tossing it aside and against a wall, where it stuck nicely.

Integra cleared her throat. "That's it, Arucard. I draw the line when your clothes start bringing in body parts. Even Captain Bernadette has cleaner clothes, and he's French. Now you get downstairs to the washer and clean your clothes this instant."

"I see your point, Master, but I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"I said go, Arucard, now go."

"But Master, I should warn you-"

"Now, Servant."

"But Master…"

"That is an order, Arucard!"

With a sigh and not another word, Arucard exited via the floor. When he was gone, Integra removed her hand from her mouth.

A few minutes later, Integra heard a knock at her office door. Setting her paperwork to the side, she crossed the room and opened the door. Immediately closing it again. "Arucard! Get in here! There is a naked man outside my office door!" She shrieked. "I am already aware of that, Master." Arucard said, stepping through the door behind her and coming to stand a few feet in front of her. He was stark naked, not in the least bit embarrassed by his bare ivory body. "A-Aruca-c-card. Wha-what are you doing! Wh-Why are you n-naked! Put some clothes on now! Good God!" Integra stammered eyes wide, the color drained from her face.

"I did try to warn you Master. Those clothes you told me to wash are the only ones I own. So as not to walk around naked, I decided to come in here and ask to borrow a robe. I apologize for alarming you…Master…?" Arucard looked down at the floor. Integra was out cold, a small drop of blood hanging from one of her nostrils. "So, I suppose that's a no to the robe?"

Laughs shamelessly. God, I am a terrible, terrible person. Poor, poor Integra. I hoped this little thing was enjoyable, and I hope you will review. Oh, and I apologize to any French people who may have been offended by this fic.