Sassy: Howdy!

Tom: This is something we wrote when we were attempting to clear through our writer's block for Truth or Dare: Furuba Style!

Angry Kitty: … But it didn't work.

Sassy: Yeah, we still have no idea what the hell to do.

Tom: SSH! THEY DON'T KNOW THAT! On a different topic, I'd like everyone to meet the newest edition to the CuteCrittersGang: Flipper!

Flipper: Hi! I actually helped with this!

Tom: For all the info on Flipper, visit our profile.

Angry Kitty: LET'S GET ON WITH IT!

Disclaimer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-No.

The Day Yuki Went Goth

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a prince. Many desired Prince Yuki, but the desire was particularly strong for Miss Motoko Minagawa. Every day, Miss Minagawa would get up, make sure her uniform was pressed, her shoes polished, her hair perfectly straight, and her make-up immaculate. She said goodbye to her mother-

"GET OFF MY BACK, YOU OLD HAG!"

"DON'T BE SO LOUD, YOU STUPID GIRL!"

-and scampered cheerfully off to school. Then, she would meet with two of Yuki's other suitors, Minami Kinoshita and Mio Yamagishi.

"Senpai!"

"Senpai!"

Motoko smiled at the other two girls. "Mio-san, Minami-san, good morning."

"You're here late, Senpai! You could've missed Prince Yuki."

Motoko sighed dreamily, "While that would've been a tragedy, I still have the honor to see Prince Yuki arrive."

After ten minutes or so, they arrive. Kyo Sohma, Tohru "The Witch" Honda, and finally-

Finally-

The world ground to a sudden halt. The students stopped talking, the birds ceased their chirping, cars skammed on their brakes (causing several accidents), and it seemed as if a red hue had splashed over the sky. The entire world froze for one, brief moment.

THE Prince Yuki was … was … GOTH!

His normally lustrous silver hair was black. Eyeliner an inch thick rimmed magnificent violet eyes. A thick, (shudder) STUDDED choker marred the silky perfection of his neck. Nails, which used to be unblemished, were now coated with black. Chains ran from the belt loops along his slim hips to his back pocket, attached to whatever was concealed there.

Yuki Sohma, the Prince, was GOTH.

Motoko, Mio, and Minami stared at this … abomination in utter horror.

When the information finally broke through the haze of stupidity-I mean, SHOCK, in Miss Motoko's mind, she did the only thing her body could imagine doing.

Slumping lifelessly to the ground, Motoko fainted.

While Miss Motoko was unconscious, word spread like wildfire through the school.

A line of smoke shot through the hallway. It paused long enough for bewildered students to see what it was. A cartoon roadrunner, looking unfamiliar due to the surrounding territory, uttered a short "Mee-mee!" and took off once more.

A short distance away, an irate cartoon coyote searched the hallway fruitlessly. He held up a wooden sign that read:

"WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT-"

He flipped the sign over so that the back could be read.

"-GODDAMN ROADRUNNER GO?"

Unfortunately, he got hit with a random falling anvil and was flattened to the ground. ACME really needs to take better care of its customers.

Meanwhile, the roadrunner sped into each classroom, delivering the news to devastated Prince Yuki Fan Club members. Within ten minutes, the Infirmary was full of unconscious girls, and the rest of the school was filled with the dismayed shrieking and crying of pathetic Fangirls.

The student council's benevolent members began gathering students to give motivational speeches and keep the peace.

"WE MUST RISE! RISE ABOVE THIS APOCALYPSE! Together we CAN WIN! JOIN US!" Manabe shouted, Kimi cheering at his side. The crowd that was gathering in front of them cheered as well. Off to the side, Naohito looked like he was trying not to vomit, and Machi was watching the proceedings apathetically.

... Well, they're being motivational, right?

"NO MORE TEACHERS, NO MORE BOOKS, NO MORE ICKY, NASTY COOKS!" They chanted, to the disgust of the three very ugly old women who served as cooks for the school, who happened to be in hearing range. They stomped out, and were promptly hit by a bus driven by a middle-aged drunk guy.

Don't drink and drive, kids! You'll hit ugly old ladies who can't cook worth crap.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!" One of the cook's souls, bound for hell, shouted.

Another read the previous line of the script and screeched, "Whoa, HELL?"

"Why Hell?" The third whined.

Next time, don't anger the NARRARATOR, BITCH! FEEL MY WRATH!

And they went to Hell, the end.

Anyways, the crowd began running amuck, tearing the place up and generally causing havoc.

Yuki glared at the group of insane students and placed two fingers to his temple. 'Must … suppress … kill-stupid-people-impulse. Killing is bad. Killing will get you arrested, and then some fat guy will try to molest you. Killing people stains your clothes, and you KNOW getting bloodstains out SUCKS.'

Calmer now, Yuki managed to walk away with his self-control intact.

Until some ASSHOLE tripped over a one-eyed, one-horned, blind purple people eater (which was happily chewing on the asshole's severed foot) and scuffed Yuki's shoes. HIS SHOES!

Then it was war.

IIIIIIIIIII

The birds began singing a sweet, lovely tune as Miss Minagawa sauntered gracefully past. She hummed along with their song, moving confidently towards her next class. She didn't attempt to catch Prince Yuki's eye, for he was still goth and in a grievous mood.

That, and he was muttering to himself and sporting several LARGE bloodstains on his clothes, but not a scratch was on him.

All of a sudden, the melodious singing of the birds was cut short. Miss Minagawa looked over her shoulder curiously and stooped dead.

The angry mob of students, HALF of which were MISSING, had set the tree that the birds had perched on aflame.

Horrified, she walked a little faster; convinced this was all a bad dream. (Ah … denial.)

"If only I was Cinderella," she mused, "and Yuki was my-OH MY GOD!"

Yuki had been leaning against the wall up ahead, and she could see why he was bloodstained. Several unrecognizable people were lying on the ground, bruised, broken, and bloody. (The "missing" half of the angry mob of students.)

"What are you looking at?" He asked coldly.

Gulping, eyes skittering nervously, she took off, running full speed to her next class. She disappeared rather quickly, chanting: "It's only a bad dream, it's only a bad dream, it's only a bad dream …"

Yuki rather calmly glanced at his watch, when he noticed a chip in his nail polish. He didn't, of course, notice the blood that marked his hand. "OH MY GOD, MY NAIL!" He whipped out black nail polish and got to work.

After his little "episode," he stalked back to class.

One of his peers tapped him tentatively, pointing to a spot on his cheek where there was a splotch of drying blood. "Yuki, you got … you got a little … nevermind."

Rolling his eyes, he dropped into his assigned seat next to Kyo, who snickered at him.

"SHUT UP BEFORE I EAT YOUR SOUL!" he yelled, making the class jump in fright. Kyo just started laughing harder.

"You watch WAY too many movies," Kyo muttered to him, still grinning, as the teacher passed out their most recent test.

Yuki glanced at his paper and flipped out. "WHAT?" he shrieked. "I GOT A B?"

Tohru gaped at him, "Are you serious?"

Yuki nodded, fussing with a lock of (black) hair.

"NO! NONONONO!" Tohru wailed. She got up and began stomping on the ground, throwing a royal bitch fit. "DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT!"

The other students watched her in horror. The Apocalyps really WAS at hand, if THE Tohru Honda was swearing and getting mad. They were DOOMED. Several students leapt out the window, landing in the pile of bodies Yuki had created.

After a few more minutes of swearing that could rival a sailor's Tohru tensed when she realized people were staring at her. Smoothing her hair and skirt, she sat down and blinked at them innocently.

"I was stung by a bee," she said sweetly.

But Kyo was not convinced. "Inside the classroom?"

"It followed me. It was a stalker bee!"

Thankfully (for certain ditzy, brown-haired girls with boy names), the sound of shattering glass drew the student's attention away from her. There was a heavy black ball rolling on the ground, with a pretty fuse attached to the en-OH CRAP!

About a quarter of the class managed to take cover, but the other three-quarters were blown to bits, to join the lunch ladies in hell.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" One of the souls shouted.

Another howled, "WHY?"

Because you ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME, random classroom people! Do NOT question the mighty powers of THE NARRARATOR, GOD OF THE STORY!

"That's sacrilege, you know," another soul called.

SHUT THE FUCK UP! FOR THAT, YOU CAN HANG OUT IN THE ROOM WITH THE SERIAL KILLERS, ASSWIPE!

Ahem. Tohru slumped out of the room, growling and muttering about, "Stupid mother fucker who thinks he's such hot shit."

Kyp brushed the debris from his hair and grinned broadly, thinking that this whole affair was turning out far better than he could've ever imagined.

Meanwhile, Miss Minagawa was in the counselor's office to discuss the recent developments in the school.

"-And there were a bunch of kids just lying there, all beat up! And to see THE PRINCE, not only goth but BLOODSTAINED-" she half-screamed hysterically.

"Uh-huh," the counselor said, looking out the window. When would this little bitch shut UP?

"Are you LISTENING TO ME?"

"NO! I really don't CARE if this Prince guy is goth, that friggin' mob is coming this way! I'm getting the hell out of here!"

And with that, he bolted, leaving a sputtering Motoko behind him.

And so ended the worst day of her pitiful, obsessive life. And now they would all live happily after …

… Or so she hoped.

IIIIIIIIIII

The next day, Yuki sat in class, completely back to normal. The mob, carrying pitchforks and torches, groaned when they saw him.

"Aw, this means the Apocalypse is over. Now we can't burn down the school!" one of them whined. They scattered, and things seemed to be back to normal. Even Motoko looked like she might come out of this incident mentally stable.

That is, until Tohru walked into class.

A red-and-yellow checkered skirt with black lace at the hems and a tight tank top with a ripped mesh long-sleeved shirt over it replaced her normal school uniform. She also wore knee-high leather boots, fingerless gloves, several fake piercings, thick purple eye shadow, and purple lipstick.

Tohru Honda had gone PUNK!

Kyo's triumphant laughter broke through the stunned silence.

"Oh yeah! Twice in a row, I'm on FIRE!"

You see, Prince Yuki had bet Sir Kyo that Miss Tohru could get an A on their next test, taken the week before. He studied with her and made sure she understood. But because of a cruel twist of fate, Miss Tohru failed.

Sir Kyo deviously made a bet with Miss Tohru about the same test, that Prince Yuki would get less than an A. She foolishly accepted. Prince Yuki, wrapped up in worry about his own bet, didn't concentrate, and thus got a B.

Sir Kyo forced Prince Yuki, a die-hard pretty-boy prep, to dress as a goth, and the wholesome (coughcoughyeahright) Miss Tohru to dress up like a punk.

Hope that explained things.

Tohru stomped up to Yuki and snarled, "Yuki! How could you get a B?"

"Me? How could you get an F?"

"I'm Tohru. I'm SUPPOSED to be stupid," she said, shoving the Fruits Basket script under his nose. "But you're supposed to be a prodigy!"

"Oh YEAH?" Yuki yelled, rising out of his seat. "Well, the dye BLEACHED my perfect, silky hair! Not it's WHITE and it has SPLIT ENDS!" He began fretting over his precious hair, which was only two shades lighter.

"Who gives a crap about your stupid hair?" Tohru cried, "It had split ends in the first place, AND it was ugly!"

Oh, yeah, you're sooo nice Tohru.

The class gasped.

"Ooh, burn."

"Oh, go cry to your mother like you always do. Your DEAD mother!"

Low blow, Yun-chan, low blow.

The class double-gasped at that.

"SUPER burn!"

Tohru was on him in an instant. It was an old fashion catfight, complete with scratching, hair pulling, and bitchy insults.

Motoko broke.

"I JUST CAN'T STAND LIFE ANYMORE!" she shrieked over the noise the other two were making, and leapt out the window.

Sadly, they were on the first floor, so she just got cut with glass and looked really stupid.

AND SO ENDS THE EPIC SAGA OF MISS MOTOKO MINAGAWA!

The moral of this story?

"DON'T MAKE BETS AGAINST CATS!" Tohru and Yuki screamed simultaneously, "THE FUCKERS ALWAYS WIN!"

So ... do I get paid now, or what?

THE END

Angry Kitty: Yeah …

Tom: What a train wreck that was.

Sassy: Well I thought it was funny!

Flipper: (ROFL)

Tom: Anyways, reviews are like chocolate: we love 'em and want to eat 'em.

Angry Kitty/Sassy: CHOCOLATE!

Flipper: Huh?